Recruiting the krogan before the convict was maybe one of the best ideas Shepard had in a hot minute. Seeing what he team was capable of was slightly refreshing in the sense of no lack of diversity. However, the lack of familiar faces did take a slight toll. After meeting with the Illusive Man and plotting a course to Horizon, that might change. The mention of Kaidan Alenko made Jane's hair stand on end slightly. Bless the armor she wore for not showing how she truly felt. The elevator ride to her cabin made that luck abundantly clear. Stripping her armor off and taking a hot shower helped ease her nerves but a trip down to the bridge may be in order. Joker turns his head when Jane's steps become closer to him and he motions to the co-pilot's chair.
"Well commander, this should be fun eh?"
"I see what you did there, Joker."
"You know I had to. So, how are ya feeling about seeing Kaidan again? I think the last you've seen of him was just before you were spaced."
"A little nervous to be honest. He's going to be more than pissed at our new colors but he can just shove a hockey stick right up his ass for all I care."
"He probably still has one up there from before. I think Garrus and the stick up his ass had an influence."
"At least with Garrus he's putting that stick to good use."
"Now, which one are we talking about?"
Shepard blushes slightly, wishing she kept her armor on.
"Kaidan might have been oblivious to you but I'm not. I know how to look at Garrus, then and now."
"Hey Shepard, you got a minute?"
"Sure thing, what's going on?"
"I just wanted to thank you Commander, for everything. I've been thinking about what you've said…about saving innocents, about Dr. Saelon…It's made me realize a lot about how I handle things and I think I can do better."
"Well, I'm glad you can see my point of view, Garrus."
"After this mess with Saren, I think I'll return to C-SEC and give that spectre recruitment another go. I want to make a difference, not just on my terms but what may actually be right for that circumstance."
"You've grown a lot during my time with you Garrus and it's been an honor having you on my squad."
"I'm honored that you're honored, Shepard. I consider you a good friend to me now."
"As do I. If you ever want to talk, let me know."
"Will do. But for now, I need to work on repairs on this damn thing yet again."
"Have I really been that obvious?"
"Maybe a little bit but to your defense, the alliance types aren't known for their romantic skills."
"ETA around three hours, commander."
"Thank you Joker, Shepard out."
Jane is still on the edge of her bed, feet ever so barely touching the floor. Legs feel of lead, heart is empty. On her lap lays a datapad with a half written letter to the family of Ashley. Guilt intertwines her body to the bed, movement seems suspended. Slender fingers begin to type away more condolences for the family. Loss was something familiar to her but expressing grief was still somewhat new. The door to her quarters open.
"Commander, do you have a moment?
Silence.
Footsteps clank onto the floor, stopping at the foot of her bed. She sinks down as a force sits next to her. It smells of freshly fallen rain back on earth. Her fingers stop typing as she looks over to who's keeping her company.
"I don't know how to finish something like this, Garrus. I feel like it's my fault."
"Nothing on Virmire was your fault, Shepard. Saren is who caused it to happen. You did the right thing."
"Are you sure about that? I let a friend die on my watch. On my own accord."
"She sacrificed herself for the galaxy and she would be kicking your ass right now if she saw you like this."
She chuckles and a hand rubs her shoulders and back. A slight hum can be heard from the turian, almost as though a cat was purring.
"You're right."
The words came out in a deep, heavy sigh. The last sentences were written and she signed the letter. She sends the document to the alliance to be shipping out to the oblivious about to learn an awful truth.
"Sometimes I wonder if this was the right career path for me. The hurt I cause the innocent can be…..it can be overwhelming."
The volume in her voice descends into a whisper. His subvocals begin to become louder.
"Jane, this was not your fault. You did everything you could and more. No one else would have even came close to doing what you did. Hell, you're the strongest person I know. Even seeing you now, my opinion doesn't change. I'm still honored to call you my commander and my friend."
She fully turns to face her friend, her eyes shining slightly red from shedding tears. She entangles him with her arms. Talons run up and down her back gently as she weeps into his cowl. Mandibles brush at parts of her hair.
A soft sniffle emits from her nose.
"Garrus, thank you."
Her lips gently graze one of his mandibles and she lowers her head once again. She feels at peace with her decisions. She feels confident in her abilities. She feels at home in his arms.
"I guess that explains you."
"Touché, Shepard. But still, I can tell having him back is making an impact on your mood. You feel more….at home?"
"Maybe you're right. Don't get me wrong, I've thought about it but what if I fuck up something good, ya know?"
"The great Commander Shepard is scared of one little turian?"
"He's like seven feet tall but I suppose to korgan he's little. And I guess I am."
"Well if it makes you feel any better, you have my blessing with whatever happens. I actually don't mind Garrus and he respects you as his CO and friend. However, I might have to break my arm at him if he tries anything funny."
"Turians having a sense of humor? Now that's funny."
"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! The collectors just escaped with the fucking colony!"
"Commander, there is little more you could have done."
EDI's voice chimes in over the communication channel but offers little help to shattered nerves.
"But there still was more!"
"My calculations prove those actions would have made no difference to the outcome."
"I STILL SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE. THOSE PEOPLE ARE GONE!"
Her knees buckle and she falls, fists beating at the grass under her. Blades torn from the soil cover her gloves.
"They should have been able to defend themselves instead of being useless sacks of meat."
"Grunt, now isn't the time."
The krogan huffs at the turian's comment. The lone survivor of the incident comes out of hiding, his eyes down on the commander.
"I can't believe you let those people get taken like that."
She brings herself back up, posture straight. Her breathing unsteady, Garrus lands a talon on her shoulder.
"Shepard, you did everything you could."
The man looks at the alien, eyes widen.
"Wait, I know that name.."
"The great commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy, savior of the Citadel. Consider yourself lucky, you're in the presence of a hero. And a ghost."
"You're the only one they didn't take, just shows how shit my luck is. I'm out of here."
Kaidan walks to the group, eyes hard on his former commander.
"So the rumors were true, you are back."
"I guess so. It's nice to see you again Alenko, how have you been?"
His brows furrow together, matching the intensity in his eyes.
"That's all you have to say? You've been gone for two damn years and now all of a sudden you're back? Were you even dead to begin with?"
"I was spaced during the attack on the Normandy and was in a coma since then. All I know is that Cerberus brought me back and-"
"So that rumor is also true…"
Garrus rises a brow.
"So you know what's been going on?"
"I was hoping the rumors were false but I see I hoped in vain. I can't believe you're working for a goddamn terrorist organization. You saw what they do first hand two years ago!"
"Kaidan, the collectors are abducting human colonies outside of citadel space. Cerberus brought me back to help solve whatever the hell is going on."
"I still don't buy their motives, Shepard. They could be controlling you or Garrus for that matter. What if they're working with the reapers?!"
"You're so focused on the ideal of Cerberus that you can't focus on the big picture. This is outside what the Alliance and the council can do."
"Even so, I would never work with terrorists. I'm Alliance first."
"No shit. Now if you excuse me, I need to report back to the Normandy. Duty calls."
The three of them turn around and head towards a shuttle awaiting their return. Sitting down, Shepard rips off her helmet and throws it at the wall. A loud huff escapes her nose as Grunt rolls his eyes.
"You should've put him in his place, Shepard."
Another huff.
"His ignorance just shows his weakness."
She bites her lip.
"I should've headbutt him before we left."
The krogan laughs.
"That's more like it."