Boarding the Normandy, things were quiet amongst the crew. Shepard avoids all eye contact on her way to her cabin and when the doors on the elevator finally open to her cabin, her armor goes flying in all directions in the entry way. Kaidan's words flood every crevice in her being. Was he right? Did he have a point? Was she at fault here? Looking back at their adventures during the SR1 days, looking at the missions Hackett had them course and explore dealing with Cerberus, things look dicey on her end. The murder of Kahoku sticks in her mind the most. The man was captured, murdered by the hands of the husks trapped with him. Kaidan had a point. Her omni-tool lights up as she sits down on the foot of her bed, the address shows the Alliance.

Shepard,

I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you want down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk to me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?

Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you remember the night before Virmire? That night meant everything to me…maybe it meant as much to you. Us just talking, really breaking that barrier and becoming true friends. It was something I will never forget, knowing the real commander Shepard. But a lot has changed in the past two years and I can't just put that aside.

But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die—on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I can't bear to lose you again if you're still the women but also friend I remember. I know you'll find a way to stop those collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself.

When things have settled down a little…maybe…I don't know. Just take care.

Kaidan

Her hand shakes when closing the message. A heavy feeling on her heart and lungs. Guilt seeps itself in her soul. He was still the same soldier.

"I'm still the same woman…"

Her shoulders begin to slump as she peeks down at her hands, her already short fingernails need to be even shorter. Picking at her fingers, the AI's avatar makes its way into the room.

"Commander, the Illusive Man would like to speak with you as soon as you get a moment."

"I'll be down in a moment, EDI, thank you."

"Logging you out, Shepard."

Lifting her body up to stand, her legs carry her up the stairs and around her discarded gear. The comm room awaits her arrival.

The debrief was well…brief. He was straight to the point, gave her three more dossiers, and told her of the next part of their mission. Jane heads down to the crew quarters to start her post-mission rounds. Questions are bound to be abundant within the crew after witnessing the collectors so close. The main battery seemed the best place to start. Gardner gives her a smile as she walks past him at work, concocting something god probably won't even though. The doors were green so she let herself in.

"Hey Shepard."

"Hey Garrus. I'm not bugging you am I?"

"Not really, just finishing up some quick calibrations. I can work and talk."

"You sure?"

"Yes Shepard, I'm sure. Now, I can tell you have a load on your shoulders now talk to Doctor Vakarian. Lay it on me."

She giggles, a sound that warms his heart more than he would care to admit to anyone.

"Everything with Kaidan, his words are eating at me. It doesn't help me sent me a message not too long ago. He apologized for his behavior and gave me a look on why he feels the way he does and honestly, I can't disagree with him. Sure, he went about it like an ass but he still had a point."

"I know he did Shepard, I was there for some of those missions with Cerberus two years ago. I don't feel exactly right being here but sometimes going against the Alliance is needed, like us going to Illos."

"You also make a valid point."

"Went don't I?"

"No need to get smug."

His mandibles flicker in a smile as he continues to stare at his console.

"I guess I just need to remind myself this isn't permanent. The collectors need to be stopped and no one else is willing to do it."

"Exactly. You're like…what's that old vid humans used to reference? Ghost…something?"

"Ghostbusters?"

"That's the one! Thanks Jane."

"Glad to know my knowledge on old vids comes in handy sometimes."

"You enjoy old vids? Never knew that about you."

"You don't know a lot about me Vakarian. Maybe one of these nights I could show you some of my favorite horror vids from the 1900's."

"That should be interesting. I'm sure they'll have nothing on Fleet and Flotilla."

Jane's eyes widen in surprise.

"You actually like Fleet and Flotilla? I didn't expect you to be a romantic type."

"I guess we both don't know too much about each other, huh?"

"I guess not."

His talons continue to work and she looks down at her fingers, picking up where she left off in her cabin. Remembering her dossiers, a call to the pilot was needed.

"Hey Joker, how long will it take us to Illium?"

"ETA about 1 day, Commander. Set course?"

"Yup, we have more people to pick up."

"Sure thing."

Talons stop on the console and eyes look onto the commander.

"Looks as though we might have some time tonight if you care to hang out. I'm almost done here."

"After what happened today, that would be welcome."

"Where would you care to set up camp?

"Let's see, Kasumi claimed the lounge but the observation deck and my cabin are open."

His brow plates shift ever so slightly, something Shepard wouldn't have noticed unless she was really looking.

"Your cabin sounds fine, don't want to intrude on the rest of the crew who might want to relax in there."

"Understandable. However, bring your own snacks if you want anything, I don't know what will and will not make you sick. Dying and well…vomit is not allowed in my cabin. Unless it's in my bathroom but only one of those are okay in there."

"I'm putting my money on the dying."

Finger-guns, smiles and winks abundant in his direction, she scoots back towards the door.

"How about you come up around…eh, 20:00? Unless it's past your bedtime."

"That's fine. If I catch you asleep when I get there, I'll make sure to tuck you in."

"Oh, ouch! My hip, Vakarian. You know not to upset an elderly woman."

A laugh bursts out of his chest, deep as it rumbles throughout the crevices of the battery. Her heavy heart from the day's earlier events are lifted and now in her throat. His laugh does strange things to her but the good kind of strange. She backs out of the room and the door shuts in front of her while his smile still shines in her direction. Walking back to the elevator, her heart refuses to calm down. Doors closed and button pressed, the path to her quarters are seems far too long as this sensation lingers.

After seeming like 87 years have passed, and picking up her gear out of the entry way, Jane finally realizes this sensation…

"Oh fuck….not now. Why out of all times do I get feelings?"

Her pieces are put down a shute to deck two for Jacob to sort out in the armory. Closing the small door, she faces her desk littered with datapads.

"Why couldn't Cerberus take away feelings when they rebuilt me?"

"That would not be possible, Commander. Mental states are near impossible to change in the way to describe but physical part of you can change."

"Thanks EDI…."

"You're welcome, Shepard. If you have any further questions, I'm here."

"I know, EDI."

"Logging you out."

Sighing heavy, the datapads on her desk begin to shape an organized lump of tech. Her terminal off and fish fed, a shower is in order. Showers always clear heads, there's no way one can't clear one now.

A strong but steady stream of hot water burst onto her person, beating down on her upper back as shampoo is being massaged into her scalp. She decided to be a little fancy and try out a new one from one of the Citadel shops she passed on her way to Kasumi. The scent of sandalwood infiltrates her nostrils as the lather cleans away her grit. Sadly, it doesn't seem to be washing away her thoughts. Rinsing out the suds, she grabs a cloth and starts scrubbing her skin. She notices that Cerberus' soap is a lot nicer than the bars the Alliance hands out. However, it still can't seem to scrub away what her brain is concocting. Why now of all times aren't showers working? Finishing her shower and grabbing a towel, she dries away the excess water. Rubbing the steam off the mirror, she eyes herself.

"Why now do you all of a sudden have feelings for that damned turian, soldier?"

A hairbrush untangles the knots in her hair, putting her bangs back into place.

"Sure he's been there for you since the beginning and grew up. He has actual experience now and is still one hell of a man on the field."

A towel wrapped around her body, she grabs a clean bra and pair of panties from her dresser.

"He actually listens and cares about you. He accepts you no matter what."

The band on the panties slightly snap against her hips as they rest in their place. Her breasts are adjusted slight due to the bra sticking to the remaining moisture on her skin.

"He believes in you, no matter what situation we're in."

She returns back to her drawers and grabs out a plain black shirt and pants.

"Maybe he's alright…"

She slips the shirt over her torso and buttons her pants into place.

"Or maybe I'm just thinking too much into this…"

She grabs out a small toiletry bag and begins to put on makeup. Filling in the sparse spots in her eyebrows and putting mascara on, it didn't feel like enough.

"Or maybe I'm just being silly."

Taking out eyeliner, drawing wings on her eyelids gives her that extra boost in her look. Lip balm in applied and she shifts out of place locks of hair back into where they're supposed to go.

"There we go, Jane. There we go."

Smoothing out the wrinkles in her shirt, she walks out of the still misty bathroom. The clock reads 19:10. Enough time to prepare her couch for her and the turian. Setting up her vid player, she searches for titles suitable for a movie night but too many are new releases.

"EDI?"

"Yes Commander?"

"Would you possibly have access to some older vids? Maybe ones from the 1980's?"

"Searching now…"

Knees begin to bounce gently in anticipation.

"I have found many, is there one in particular you would care to watch?"

"Nightmare on Elm Street?"

"Directed by Wes Craven?"

"That's the one!"

"Queued up for you Shepard."

"Thank you EDI, that will be all."

"You're welcome. Logging you out."

Snacks were most certainly in order.

AN:/ I think this might be my longest chapter yet, I wanted to cut it off before the movie night since the next chapter is just going to be all the fluff. My goal is to get type 2 diabetes with how sweet the fluff will be. But we will see.