Thanks all for the responses!
Chapter Eleven
Michonne hung up the phone, returned to her lawn chair and found Rick still up on Skype, having turned on his lantern, while patiently waiting for her to finish the call.
"Is everything alright?" He asked with concern.
"No. Mike's father died." Michonne sadly replied as she replayed in her mind what Mike had said, that he and his family had made the difficult decision to take his father off life support. She knew that this was a choice that might have to be made from the brief conversations she'd had with him over the past few weeks, but she was hoping by some miracle it wouldn't come to this. It was heartbreaking to hear, not only Mike's pain but the news that Mr. Thompson was gone. He was a good man, who was a rock for his family. He would undoubtedly be missed.
"I'm sorry to hear that." Rick uttered with sincerity. "Are you okay?" He then asked, feeling the sadness he saw in her eyes, wanting to be where she was, to hold her as she dealt with this news.
"Yeah. I'm okay." She sighed. "Mike… wants me to come to Philadelphia." She then revealed and watched in unease as Rick dropped his eyes.
"That's…understandable…Are you going?" He asked after a moment of silence, returning his eyes to her.
"I have to. He needs me." She replied, the guilt in her heart, strong in her voice. Rick again looked down speaking not a word of the conflict he was feeling inside. "You don't think I should go?" Michonne quietly asked, seeing the slight change in his demeanor.
"It doesn't matter what I think." He declared, giving her his eyes once more.
"But it does." She countered, conviction in her tone. "Your opinion matters to me." Her words stirred him with a quiet joy, encouraging him to confess his selfish thoughts. He didn't want her to go because a part of him feared what could happen if she went to Mike under such emotionally charged circumstances. It would be too easily to slip back into what was. However, he had no right to ask her not to go, to push his selfish fears onto her. They weren't together. They were just friends, and furthermore, she wanted to and need to do this. Moreover, though he'd filed for divorce, he wasn't completely free of Lori, and lastly he needed to trust what was in his heart. What he felt for her and what he knew she felt for him, and believe that her trip to Philadelphia would simply be her being a friend to Mike, during this trying time.
"You should go." Rick stated aloud. His response unexpected to Michonne, who in turn asked...
"Is that really what you want?"
"It is." He confirmed as he held her gaze, making her feel deeply content, amazed that despite what he felt for her and what was so obvious between them, he respected her choice and refused to make this situation with Mike about him. Her heart swelled with a tender warmth and again questioned why she was waiting to take their relationship to the next step. Michonne briefly looked down, ending their intense stare, then spoke…
"I should go. Get some sleep." She said with hesitance, really wanting to express what was in her heart, but knowing it was best she get some rest instead. Who knew what the next few days would be like with her planning to go to Philadelphia.
"Alright." Rick quietly acknowledged as he lightly nodded his head and looked away, barely keeping the disappointment out of his voice.
"I had a great time tonight." Michonne softly utterly, drawing his gaze back to her. "I'm looking forward to doing this again."
"We're doing this again?" Rick gently smiled.
"We are." She confirmed with subtle delight.
"This might not be the right time, with what's happened…and tell me if it isn't." Rick said, intriguing Michonne. "But it's only 40 minutes until sunrise…"
"Okay." She accepted with a small smile what he was asking, before he could state the question. Happiness grew on Rick's face, and the sadness somewhat abated in Michonne's heart, as they both turned their eyes to the eastern sky, relishing the beauty of the spectacular sunrise, and the bliss at sharing the moment, for the first time together.
Four days later Michonne had arrived in Philadelphia, still feeling conflicted about her decision to come. She knew that Mike needed her, and she felt that it was only right that she be there for him, considering their history and how she'd recently broken his heart. However, she didn't want to reopen the door that had been their romance, give him the impression that there was still a chance for them.
What's more, she was concerned about how his family would react to the woman who'd dumped their brother and son while their father (and husband) was deathly ill, showing up at the funeral. Ultimately, it had not been an issue. She'd arrived hours earlier, just in time enough to attend Mr. Thompson's wake and was stunned to learn that Mike had not told his family about their breakup. At the wake and the dinner that followed, numerous family members had mentioned her engagement to Mike. Some had even congratulated their impending nuptials.
She'd of course, not said a word because it just wasn't the time, not to mention, to speak the truth would only cause unnecessary drama. Nonetheless, things had gotten worse when Mike's mother had insisted she stay the night at the house, not taking no for an answer and stated that with her and Mike being engaged, they were practically married anyway. Thus there was no reason why she should be staying at a hotel.
The idea of doing so was "ridiculous" and "unacceptable". The woman had declared. Michonne had not even given a response, but excused herself to the restroom, then found somewhere to be alone. It had taken a few minutes, but she'd finally discovered a place that was free of guests and family who'd attended the dinner. There was a balcony on the backside of the house that overlooked the large flower gardens on the east side of the property. Michonne walked out onto the vast terrace, letting the cool air surround her, trying to figure out how she was going to manage the situation, feeling guilty at her anger over what had happened. She was supposed to be here providing support to Mike, not projecting a lie. She mused with chagrin, when she heard the door open behind her.
"I'm sorry. I've put you in this position." Mike said into the quiet, after he came to stand at her side. "With all that's going on I just haven't had an opportunity to tell the family about our breakup."
"They didn't see me for over a month, and they still thought we were together?" Michonne skeptically asked, looking his way.
"I told them that you were tied down with work." Mike cautiously confessed, confirming what she'd suspected all along.
"So you didn't just lie by omission when you were asked why I wasn't here, you perpetuated that lie by implying that we were still together?" She then queried unable to hide her frustration.
"Chonne…"
"I can't do this." She said, then moved to leave the balcony.
"Do what?" Mike questioned, blocking her path.
"I can't keep up this lie." She replied. "I cannot stay here tonight."
"What are you saying? You're going to leave?"
"Yes. I'm going back to the hotel."
"Do I repulse you that much, that you can't stay one night in the same room with your former fiancé, the man up until a few weeks ago you shared a home?" Mike retorted.
"I'm not repulsed by you. I'm…frustrated about this lie." Michonne strongly conveyed. "I didn't come here for this."
"Did you think I asked you here just as a friend, because I only needed your comfort?" Mike stiffly countered. "For the past few weeks I was giving you space, trying to remove some of the pressure that my proposal caused." He said, shocking Michonne with his revelation. "But... my father's death… put things in perspective, made me realize that I could no longer wait. I needed to work this out with you right now…"
"Mike…"
"I love you." He continued with conviction, interrupting her response. "And I know that we can work through this."
"Mike…" Michonne sighed, then hesitated, feeling their break up all over again – the hurt, causing her to struggle with her response. "Mike…" She began again. "I understand your father's death, changing you…making you want to hold on to those you…care about most." She sadly, cautiously stated feeling terribly guilty. "But, we can't…I can't."
"You can't what?"
"I can't be with you."
"Then why did you come here?" Mike questioned, harshness rising in his tone.
"Because you asked me too." Michonne fiercely replied. "Because I care…."
"You didn't fly nearly 800 miles because you care." He accused.You love me.
"As a friend, not as a lover." She firmly corrected.
"I don't believe you." He denied.
"Mike..."
"You can't tell me that for four years you only loved me as a friend." He interjected.
"It doesn't matter what was. What matters is what is." Michonne strongly countered.
"And what is Chonne?"
"I'm won't do this again."
"And what is that? Tell me you don't love me, reject me?" He asserted with agony and ire.
"Mike you're hurting, grie..."
"Don't tell me what I feel!" He nearly roared, angst in his voice. "I am not blinded by grief, I'm lucid right now, more lucid than I've ever been in my life, and I want the truth. Why did you walk away from us?"
"I said I'm not doing this anymore." Michonne firmly stood her ground, looking him in the eyes, even as she struggled with the guilt she felt at hurting him again. "I'm leaving." She said. "If you still…want me at the funeral tomorrow. I'll be here."
"Whoever he is or whatever it is, it won't last." Mike declared, again stepping into her path and unknowingly unnerving Michonne, making her think of her relationship with Rick Grimes. "It'll come and go, and when it's over, you'll see what we had. You'll see that you won't find anyone that can offer you what you need like I can." He emotionally claimed. "And when you see that you'll come back to me." Michonne swallowed back the emotions that his words seemed to stir - fear, guilt and pain and steadily held his gaze of confidence and woe.
"Let me know about tomorrow." She stated with strength. "I'm here, as a friend, if you need me." She offered once more, then stepped passed Mike and left the balcony.
King County, Georgia
"You leaving already." Deputy Sims asked as he walked into the locker room of the Sheriff's Department.
"It's Tuesday." Rick said as he his slipped on his shirt, reminding the deputy that he always had a short shift on Tuesdays.
"Oh yeah, you got counseling today." The deputy deduced.
Rick didn't bother to ask how the man knew he went to counseling on Tuesdays. It was a small town and a small sheriff's department, and as a result, secrets rarely stayed secret. That's why he'd insisted he and Lori do the counseling an hour and a half away, in Macon. It wasn't ideal, but at least the town wouldn't get an earful about their personal business unless one of them was doing the telling. Rick had agreed to go to counseling mainly due to his lawyer's recommendation. The man had stated, it could only help matters, make things less contentious with the divorce. Though he could see a difference in Carl due to his individual counseling, the counseling he and Lori were receiving was ultimately a waste of time. Nevertheless, he'd continue on, complete the counseling time he'd agreed upon – 6 weeks. He only had two more weeks until he'd fulfill his obligation and once complete, he'd demand that Lori stop these games and give him the divorce.
"So how's it going? Any closer to getting the wife to give you that divorce?" The young man nosily asked, disrupting Rick's thoughts.
"Weren't you due on patrol 10 minutes ago?" Rick questioned the rookie deputy, who responded with a looked of "busted" all over his face. "Best get to it then." He ordered and the young deputy quickly obeyed. Rick watched the young man make a quick exit, leaving him alone in the locker room. He then closed his locker and moved to send Michonne a text. He'd be unavailable most of the evening and wanted to touch base before he got going, but stopped when he heard a familiar voice behind him.
"So it's true? You're back with Lori?" Rick turned to face the man who until a few weeks ago had been one of his closest friends.
"Is that all you got to say after weeks of avoiding me?" Rick retorted.
"I haven't been avoiding you." Shane snapped back.
"Oh but you have. A sudden change to night shift, unexplained emergencies out of town, trainings which you never do." Rick pointed out. "I guess you couldn't face me after the shit you pulled with Lori."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Shane angrily questioned.
"You really gonna do this? Act like you don't know what I'm talking about." Rick stiffly replied. "Lori told me about the little incident at the house." He continued when his former friend remained mum, his eyes aflame with fury and his arms locked across his chest. "How you came on to her."
"Came on to her?" Shane scoffed.
"How long have you been itching to make that move? Since college? Since Lori and I married?" Rick question with piqued curiosity. "I knew you wanted her since the moment I introduced you. But I ignored it. After all, it's not uncommon for a man to admire his friend's girlfriend or wife, but to go after her…"
"You were never the man she needed you to be." Shane charged. "You never gave her the attention she deserved. If it wasn't some exam, or game, it was your work. Even when she was pregnant with Carl you couldn't stop running after criminals long enough to help her through the pregnancy."
"That's a dam lie!" Rick vehemently denied.
"Where were you when Lori went into labor? Or when Carl had his first baseball game? Where were you when he needed a ride to practice? Or to perfect his swing?" Shane bitterly threw in Rick's face. "I've been more of a husband to Lori and a father to Carl than you've ever been." He claimed.
"Is that what you think? That all this time my family has been yours?" Rick furiously asked. "You think driving Lori to the hospital and helping Carl with his game makes you a husband to my ex and a father to my son?!"
"I've done a hell of a lot more than that and you know it."
"At times you've been of help." Rick admitted. "But have you put food on their table? Paid their bills? Kept a roof over their heads? Lived with them day in and day out, dealing with the good and bad from both of them?! He posed with fire. Yeah, you've done some thangs, but you don't know shit about being a husband and father."
"You think so?" Shane retorted his voice shaking with wrath. "Well then you should ask Lori and Car..."
"I don't need to ask." Rick cut Shane off but was shaken by what looked like rage spiking in his eyes, making Rick sadly realize his deep envy towards him and thus caused him to question the validity of their friendship. "My relationship with MY son tells me all I need to know." He fearlessly continued. "And as far as Lori goes, why don't you ask her whose stalling our divorce?"
"She already told me what you're doing." Shane fumed.
"Then you should know that I'm done with the I don't care that you want her." Rick severely countered. "I care… about our friendship." He then stated, struggling to be more calm, to appeal to what he hoped was still some semblance of friendship between them. "That we had a mutual respect for each other, that certain lines would never be crossed. That our friendship would never be broken by a woman." He said and saw a glimpse of amity in Shane's eyes but his indignant response said different…
"You don't deserve them."
"And you do?"
"I'm what they need, what you've never been to them." Shane declared with ire.
"Maybe to Lori." Rick responded with controlled vexation. "Maybe ya'll can have something, but no matter what you have with her, you'll never be a father to my son. "You'll never replace me with Carl." He said as he held Shane's stare, long and hard, conveying that Carl was off limits. Then grabbed his stuff and walked away, failing to hear the response that seethed under Shane's breath -"We'll see."