You say our love is like dynamite- well, it's no surprise.

. . .

A long time had passed since that night in Urahara's basement, where they'd made up from that huge fight they'd had. It'd been about a year and a half – in fact, seventeen months.

Seventeen months in which - despite having made up - Ichigo had undergone the worst torture imaginable. Seventeen months of waiting after that explosive kiss for something, anything to happen. Seventeen months of putting on this stupid act around each other, when they both knew what they really felt, because no, dating would be wrong or something. That might actually make sense, and they couldn't have that! No sense allowed! No, Ichigo had to fight this silent frustrating battle for seventeen months without making any headway whatsoever. Because Renji said so, that's why! No arguing, Ichigo!

He was so glad that ridiculous shit was over, because he literally didn't think he could survive a wait like that again. He didn't like to admit it, but Renji's stubbornness far outmatched his own, so waiting for Renji to break or run out of patience had been a bad strategy.

Thankfully though, fucking finally, after months of agony, Renji had admitted partial defeat - more like he was helpless to Ichigo's charms. Yeah right. Okay, really it was more like Ichigo had turned nineteen and Renji had felt slightly less creepy, enough so that he'd been persuaded into letting them date.

So yeah, after seventeen months of unadulterated suffering, they were officially 'together' again. And that was only because Ichigo had basically forced it out of him, tooth and nail. It hadn't been easy. He hadn't been able to tempt Renji because Renji didn't let his dick overrule his heart – so Ichigo had pulled out some dirty moves, namely, getting him right in the heartstrings. He was lucky Renji was a closet sap.

They'd been together for a little while now, and although Ichigo was happy about it - not to mention immensely relieved - he was still kind of bitter about being made to wait that long. He thought that it had been kind of stupid, considering they'd both known and openly admitted that they'd had these feelings for each other for like two years now - and Renji for longer, probably - and for all that time, Renji had refused to date him anyways.

Dumb. Stupid. Pointless. A waste of precious time. No? They weren't going to acknowledge that? Typical.

Anyway, fuck that, Renji had finally agreed – tentatively, on what he said was 'dating probation', whatever the fuck that meant. So basically, Ichigo was on really thin ice with it, but yeah, he had a boyfriend now. Good stuff.

Well, not exactly. He had a boyfriend, sure, but all his hopes that he'd finally get to do something about all the infuriatingly frustrating boners that were a byproduct of purposefully unfulfilled sexual desire, but no! Apparently, part of this 'probation' was that Renji still wouldn't so much as kiss him. Never mind that they've already kissed before a few times. Ichigo really thought he was going to go fucking mental. Nineteen years old can handle a goddamn kiss!

They'd even kissed when they'd gotten back together, so Ichigo doesn't know why Renji's doing take-backs now. There's really no point in asking though. They've had this argument like fifty times since they'd started dating again, but that was one of the annoying and wonderful things about Renji – the guy does not break. There was no cajoling, threatening, or tempting Renji to give in early, not successfully at any rate. For one, Ichigo wasn't that creative in thinking of ways he might seduce Renji, and for two, Renji had an incredible self-discipline. Something about a warrior's spirit that had been fostered by his senpai in Squad Eleven, able to withstand any earthly desire or suffering, or some Daoist stuff. What the fuck did Ikkaku know about the Dao De Jing anyways? Didn't it forbid the use of sharp objects as weapons? Whatever, those Kenpachi-Corps guys had never made sense anyways.

Anyway, in layman's terms, that warrior spirit shit basically meant no sex or anything until Renji either changed his mind or Ichigo turned twenty, and at the rate things were going, Ichigo would turn twenty long before Renji's resolve frayed.

It left Ichigo no option but to listen to Renji for once, which was absolutely infuriating, because he was wrong about this! He really was! Ichigo was old enough! Renji was just being dumb!

Well, maybe that was a bit harsh.

To be honest, Renji's been wonderful lately. Really, he has. He didn't avoid Ichigo anymore or pretend that he didn't like him; in fact, he was quite loving. He went out of his way to make sure that Ichigo had a ton of fun whenever they were out together, and gave him plenty of innocent physical affection, and even though they fought and teased like usual, Renji was just a complete looney bird over him. He was mad for Ichigo; even an oblivious dolt like him could see it.

However, the most they'd done in ages now was hold hands, and Ichigo felt like he might explode. When Renji had first confessed back when he'd been seventeen, Ichigo had been so excited that someone liked him that he hadn't had any time to get frustrated like that. He'd been too busy being nervous and scared and happy, but now that it had sit for a year and a half, he's ready to rip his hair out. He was so horny, he wanted to fuck everything! Well not everything – Renji was the exclusive object of fantasy – but you get the point.

Seriously, if he and Renji didn't do it within the next few weeks, Ichigo thought he might literally die. You know, from dick injuries related to overmasturbating. It could happen!

I mean, he didn't want to complain, because his life was pretty awesome otherwise and he was sure somebody somewhere had a way worse problem than blueballs, but sometimes he didn't know what kept him going. It was only a few months longer, but it felt like a million years.

Ichigo exhaled and rubbed his brow. He and Renji were going on another date later. They didn't really call them dates, considering it was more like exploring and Renji showing Ichigo things about Seireitei, but they were totally dates.

He was sort of dreading it, since each time Renji made a real effort to get him to have a good time, and Ichigo fell further and further in- Well, nevermind what he fell in. The point was, Ichigo was always so mortified by the disgustingly sweet and heavy wave of affection these dates prompted, he was always so thoroughly charmed by his dorky asshole boyfriend, that he felt like if he didn't kiss him, he might just fucking lose his shit. However much of it was left.

Really though, having a super-sexy boyfriend and not being able to touch was one thing, but Ichigo's feelings... they'd built up so much over time that he almost didn't know what to do for helplessness. He wanted to kiss Renji. He saw his face and just wanted to kiss him. They've spent so long just getting to know each other now that Ichigo can't stand it. His feelings... His heart does the thing. The love thing. He hasn't said anything to Renji about it, because he knows that Renji still thinks that maybe this is a phase and Ichigo will grow out of it, or that he's not old enough to know how he feels, whether it's real and true. So Ichigo kept that inside too like everything else, and Renji kept that space between them. It sucked.

The no sex thing sucked too. Renji was so goddamn hot, sometimes Ichigo wanted to fucking kill something!

Seriously though, Ichigo was pretty sure that at this point, he and Renji both had so much frustration, sexual or otherwise, pent up, that when they finally do end up doing it, it's going to be the angriest roughest animal sex imaginable. At least that's what Grimmjow says. And yeah, he knows.

And yeah, he's still trying to fight Ichigo.

He couldn't complain. Part of the reason he and Renji were even dating now was because of Grimmjow's fucked-up yet weirdly effective advice. There had to be something to it, because nothing else had worked at all. He might have to fall back on it again if this date didn't end in at least one kiss.

He tried to look at the positives, but it was hard. They were dating now, there was that. But still no sex, no kissing. And it's hard. It's really really hard. Like on and off all day. Ichigo was pretty much half-insane by now, and still it was 'no sex, Ichigo, no messing around, and absolutely no making out!' Renji was still insisting mulishly that Ichigo be twenty before any of that was on the table. Ichigo didn't see why it had to be on the table. It could be in Renji's office, or you know, the bathhouse after-hours, or Ichigo's bed. All good options.

Ichigo didn't really see the point in waiting, since nineteen wasn't that far from twenty, but whenever he complained to Renji that a year didn't do much, Renji would just tell him something like 'shut up, I already feel like enough of a monster,' which, y'know, made Ichigo feel bad enough not to complain again for a few days. And yeah, basically this whole thing was just to make Renji feel like less of a dirty old man - which, let's be real here, Renji took a shower every day. He wasn't dirty.

Problem was, the poor guy just didn't believe that, and couldn't be convinced of such. God knows Ichigo's tried, but only to be told again that he just had to wait a little longer, just one more year, Ichigo, please. While it would seem a reasonable request, Ichigo's concern was that if Renji's guilt was this bad now, him turning twenty wouldn't do shit. However, he didn't say that out loud, because he had no proof, and didn't want to give Renji ideas. They already bickered quite enough without any new material.

Most of their arguments these days, if they didn't burn out quickly like usual, almost always devolved into the argument, and all ended up the same: Renji not budging, Ichigo pissed and sulky, and both of them really horny and practically despairing. Seriously, if Ichigo got another unfulfilled hard-on, he might actually cry.

Whenever it was particularly bad and Ichigo just felt like moping all day with no one but his sore dick for company, he tried to be thankful for the small progress they'd made. Renji had agreed to date him finally, and he admittedly did do some of the boyfriend things. He smiled at Ichigo every time they met during the day, he sometimes teased him with cute lovey names to try and make him mad – which invariably worked – and they'd talk and talk and talk until one of them fell asleep. Ichigo had missed Renji so much over the months they'd been fighting and avoiding one another that it seemed like all they did these days was talk to make up for lost time.

Yes, Renji was a good boyfriend, always glad to see him, always happy to be with him and chat and have fun, but it seemed like there were limits everywhere. Ichigo often wondered how badly it would go down if he just grabbed Renji by the dick the next time he saw him. He'd once said as much – Renji had not been pleased.

Yeah, Ichigo's been kind of a shit to Renji. He'd started some... okay most of those arguments they've had, and out of spite, has been purposefully hard to woo. He might have deliberately been a dick on like their last five dates. He hasn't made things easy for the poor guy. Which is why despite dreading their outing, Ichigo planned to be extra nice this afternoon.

Renji of course wrecks all of that.

They were outside Seireitei somewhere Ichigo had never been before, but Renji seemed to know it. Rather than flash stepping straight there, Renji had suggested they walk, for old times' sake. Flustered, Ichigo had called him an old man and stormed off ahead, but eventually wordlessly thrust his hand out for Renji to take.

"So, where're we going again?"

"I told you, it's an old spot me an' Rukia used to go."

"Sounds kinda' lame."

"Well geez!" Renji shouted hotly, giving him an irritated look but not letting go of his hand. "I didn't say it was anything special, what the fuck do you want from me, huh?! Don't tell me that if I did something too nutso-romancey you wouldn't quit talkin'a' me for like, a whole year."

Ichigo didn't, which made Renji humph in a satisfied manner. He simply narrowed his eyes in response and muttered, "Romancey."

"Ah, shut up."

"I just wanna' know."

"Guuuhhh!" With his free hand, Renji pulled on his eye socket, groaning at the sky, as if asking it why - why was his boyfriend so unrelentingly impatient, nosy, and overly critical. Guiltless, Ichigo continued pestering annoyingly, 'where, where, where, where, fucking tell me where already, I can do this all day, where-' Finally, Renji cracked.

"It's just this abandoned farm, a'right? It's a fucking field, Ichigo, are you happy?" Not particularly with his tone, but Renji was giving him this uncertain sideglance, as if trying to ascertain whether Ichigo was disappointed with the choice of venue. Ichigo sort of smoothed his feathers as new curiosity arose.

"What're we gonna' do there?"

"Ichigo, oh my fucking-! You know what – that's it, I'm not telling you any more! You need ta' learn some goddamned patience! You've gotta' learn to wait an' see!" Renji was quiet for a few tense seconds, before bursting, "And why the hell are your hands always so clammy?! Fucking gross." He ripped his hand from Ichigo's and wiped it on his leg.

"It's not my fault," Ichigo hissed back, scowling. Renji snorted, wiping his hand a little more, but immediately offering it back out to lead him while they continued arguing.

"You'd better not be about to tell me it's my fault that your hands feel like rotten meat."

"...!" Ichigo took a breath, but didn't let it out, merely glaring petulantly as Renji raised an eyebrow with a knowing smirk.

"..."

"It just happens! I can't help it, okay?!"

"I'm that irresistible?" Renji teased, laughing lowly. "Aww, you nervous?"

"Fuck you, Renji, you're not fucking funny."

"Whatever, I'd love to prove you wrong in a million different ways, but we're already here, so…"

Ichigo looked around with his mouth open. He'd known from the beginning that Renji was bringing him out to the Rukongai. They'd taken to exploring whenever they went on a date, but they'd never come to a place like this. It really was just an ordinary field, but overgrown with flowers in the full bloom of early spring. Breathless at the wildly beautiful sight and the raw dirty lovely smell, Ichigo stood agog.

Renji eventually cleared his throat, but Ichigo still could not tear his eyes from the open plain. It was so pretty out here. Even though he'd promised himself earlier that he wouldn't be a little shit today - a promise he hadn't exactly honored thus far - he wouldn't have been able to complain about the scenery even if he had wanted to be an asshole. He'd never told Renji he liked flowers; how had he known?

"Thought we could get some drinks and chill out here." Ichigo finally drew out of his trance and agreed, and that's exactly what they did.

The last couple days had been tough, so it was sort of nice that Renji had brought him out to the countryside, not that Ichigo would admit it. After lying under the pleasantly cloudy sky in a trampled down area of the thick fragrant plants and drinking some wine, he was feeling a lot better. Charmed even.

Damnit. He wanted to kiss Renji so bad. Dumb romantic idiot, bringing him out to a flower field where he and Rukia used to go, and then expecting him to just not kiss him! He can't make Ichigo remember every reason why he fell for him and then keep him away. It's just plain cruel.

They drank most of the sake between them – yes, Ichigo even had some – and talked about the past. Renji's arm ended up around him and their hands were together, fingers messily interlocked. Renji was almost sappy when he got drunk these days, and finally when Ichigo scoffed and made fun of something stupid he'd said, Renji dragged him down into the grass and laid his nose against Ichigo's forehead. Ichigo froze up all over, all his hair standing up, along with something else. Shit, of course Renji had to try and cuddle him now.

Ichigo again tried to be grateful for what he had rather than get frustrated with what he didn't have, and instead of screaming in despair that he was so fucking close to getting a kiss - c'mon, his lips were right there! - he just smiled and flopped his arm around Renji, despite his scorn for Renji's spoony demeanor not moments before.

Laughing, Renji muttered against his eyebrow, "Hah. You're a mystery, kid."

This being more than he could bear, Ichigo grabbed Renji around the back of the head with both hands, knowing that he would try to escape the moment he tried to- Yep, Renji pried them apart as Ichigo struggled to follow him despite the widening gap between them.

One hand at Ichigo's forehead, pushing him back by the hair and the other holding his shoulder, Renji held Ichigo back from mashing his lips onto his face. "Woah there." Ichigo puckered his lips out and continued fighting him, finally scowling when Renji began to laugh a little bit. Making a frustrated noise, he gave one last hard push against Renji's hand, sticking his face out towards Renji's, insistently making bird-lips. "Okay, okay."

He perked up a little bit when Renji tilted his head and leaned in towards him, and he immediately went lax against Renji's restraints and closed his eyes, puckering up, only to feel- he blinked his eyes back open in disbelief -a kiss to his nose.

Expression going stony and bleak, Ichigo let his weight drop and he fell back into the grass, despondent. Renji chuckled a bit and pet his hair, but Ichigo sulked and glared at him, brooding.

"Just cool your jets, kid," Renji hummed fondly, lying down with him and embracing him again, trying to snuggle back up like how they'd been before Ichigo had lost his chill.

He knew there was no point arguing over not getting a real kiss, but the name-calling was really starting to grate on his nerves. Although he knew it was a show of affection, it pricked and stung every time, like a constant reinforcement that Renji didn't see him as a boyfriend, not really. He didn't like being patronized like a child.

Ichigo grumbled and sat up, looking at Renji, who tried to hold onto him but eventually just let his arms fall back to the squashed grass with a thud. "Why don't you call me something else, huh?" he complained grumpily, raising an eyebrow. Renji looked up at him in confusion, hair askew. "Instead of kid," he clarified.

"Like what?"

"I dunno'." Ichigo shrugged, scratching at the back of his head. He thinks even some of the stupid things Renji sometimes calls him like 'baby' that piss him off like crazy would be better than 'kid,' which by contrast, he called him a lot. "Just not 'kid,'" he mumbled. "You're supposed to be my boyfriend, not my dad."

Renji didn't have anything to say to that, but his expression completely changed, from that of lingering amusement to a kind of skittish cagey thing. Instead of answering, he looked to the side and shifted kind of uncomfortably. Okay so, maybe that had been a step backwards. It certainly didn't bode well for the rest of their date. Crap, now Renji probably wouldn't even cuddle him anymore.

Ichigo groaned and lay back down, arms behind his head as if to look at the sky, but his eyes were stubbornly closed. Sure enough, there was no a careful inch or two of space between them, and Renji was quiet. He was only quiet when he was thinking sad shitty stuff. "Ugh, knock it off already." Renji hummed back, but it seemed… unsettled. "Stop."

"I'm not doing any- I mean, stop what?"

So fucking jumpy too. Ichigo hated when he got like this. It always meant a week of fights, unhappiness, and indigestion. Ichigo huffed and rolled to the side, leaning on one hand with a scowl, and scrutinized Renji with an annoyed eye. "You wanna' know your problem, Renji?"

"Bet I soon will."

"You think way too much. You obsess and guilt. I know it's supposed to be admirable that you care that much about how the stuff you do affects others, but the truth is, it's super annoying," Ichigo said bluntly, making Renji snort and roll his eyes. "So just stop, okay? It's really really annoying," he repeated, in case that part didn't get through. He rolled closer and pinched Renji on the nose, hard. "Stop being a wet blanket. Relax. Stop thinking and relax." He held Renji's nostrils closed for a few seconds longer, flicking his eyes up to Renji's.

"Are you relaxed?"

Nasally, and with a deadpan expression that made the change in voice that much more comical, Renji flatly intoned, "You're just tryin'a' get laid, you little shit."

Ichigo released his nose and watched Renji rub it. Not denying the perceptive statement, Ichigo set his head down on his upper arm, letting his hand rest atop his hair and play with it. He quirked his lip a bit at Renji, and only half-teasingly said, "You make it sound like it wouldn't matter who it was."

Renji looked at him for a long time and smiled. Ichigo smiled back, and the heart-love-thing seemed bigger than ever, more powerful than anything he could ever hope to control. His mom had always told him to follow his heart, but he didn't know how he could trust that thing when it could so easily overpower him; it was so much stronger than he was. At the same time, even though it was scary, it was somehow freeing, because with his feelings so strong and him so weak, there was no point in even fighting it. It was too hopeless. He'd accepted his fate. He's got it bad, so so bad for this guy.

Renji, having gotten too good at reading Ichigo's face, crumbled like a melty cookie, his eyebrows scrunching together and a hand coming to cup Ichigo's cheek.

"Just a couple more months," he muttered almost desperately, sounding like he fucking hated himself for it, like he wanted to kiss Ichigo too. "Don't think about it. Try and just enjoy the here and now. Try an' be happy with just this." Which means 'no kissing still, Ichigo. You're not gonna' win this thing.'

"You're a stubborn asshole, aren't you," Ichigo whispered frustratedly, but begrudgingly smiled, because it was one of the wonderful things about Renji, and despite all the trouble it was causing him and 'them,' he probably wouldn't change it, given the choice - because he's just as melty and sappy and disgusting as Renji is. It's the dumb heart thing. Renji's too loveable - Ichigo's helplessly weak for it.

Renji nuzzled his forehead onto Ichigo's, grinning like a dork. Ichigo held his breath, his eyes widening in response to the close proximity of Renji's mouth to his, the brush of their faces together sending a thrill up his spine and standing up all the hair on his back. Ah fuck, did Renji have any earthly idea what he did to Ichigo, to his heart? Did he know how hard it was to not lunge for him, to seize him, to nab him in his arms and keep him there forever? Was it a tenth as hard for Renji to be so close and not finally touch as it was for Ichigo?

Maybe that's why he'd laughed earlier when Ichigo had tried to kiss him. Maybe it was just cute to him or something. Did he think it was funny? Did he think it was funny when he blushed, when his heart pounded, when he got all stuttery and stupid? Was it just an amusement to him, or did Renji feel this crazy, powerful, magnetic fire too?

Fuck, he was hard again and his hands were sweating. He couldn't actually help it, he just got way too excited from the tiniest things and his palms got all clammy. He doesn't know how Renji has such great self-control while he was swooning all over the place for him. Maybe Renji was right about him being sort of kind of a kid, a little. Ichigo would at least admit that it was new to him, wanting somebody. Maybe that's why he was feeling this so hard.

Ichigo closed his eyes and leaned into it with an awkward swallow, letting their noses brush together, his lips resting on Renji's cheek. He sighed a long wistful sigh that turned into a groan, one that summed up all the frustrations of a teenager who was perpetually this-fucking-close to getting laid with the hottest man living, which caused Renji to snicker.

"Shut up laughing," Ichigo grouched. "You're such a dick."

"'m patient," Renji teased with a mock-serious voice, pressing his nose against Ichigo's, his eyes boring into his as if daring him to not laugh. "You should try it sometime."

"Pff'!" Ichigo couldn't take it. He tried to hold it in, but it burst out of his tightly pressed lips, face scrunching up in an uncontrollable smile. Renji laughed back and they rolled over and beat on each other, and soon were childishly chasing and tackling each other around the field.

This was it. This was what kept him going. Fucking stupid-ass heart-thing.

. . .

Too young to fall in love - run for the hills!