Forget what was tomorrow Believe in yesterday chapter 4
Disclaimer: All the characters from FFVII belong to Square Enix.
Sin, The Monster, Eckart, and their history are my property
About reviews, wow thank you sooo much! Guys you are awesome~
So…
Katharsis137: I hope I don't ruin this, too
Shell: I'm sooo glad you like it… I was afraid no one would read it, truly. And, Yes, the new chapter is here!
AssassinLightnin: Whoa… this review was AMAZING! Oh boy… Didn't expect THAT! Thank you for showing me my mistakes and I am glad you like the story with Jenova destroying Sin's planet and stuff… i am kinda proud of it, too. And I love making cliffhangers, so be ready for the next one. Maybe in this chapter, maybe in next….
All right, guys, READ ON!
Eden gives you independence, washes you clear as the rain. You are the plant that blossoms in Eden's light, bathing in the surf, nurturing flow that gives you life. But once you try to run, fly away, break free at last, your yearning will lead you to the end, agony, painful destruction. Ever since I was born for the first time, many times I wanted to escape. Many people thought they can rid me of Eden and give me freedom. No. Freedom is not something you take for granted, you fight, you pay your price for it. You were never free if you never fought. With these thoughts I wander, explore and drain countless worlds, bringing pain and destruction.
I'm sorry.
I snap out of my nightmare, my clothes cling to my sweatened body, I feel so weak and tired…. The last thing I remembered was the empty box….
I stand up rapidly, my eyes widen at the thought that something happened… how did the head leave the box? Why did i even take it in the first place…. Memories of yesterday flash in my mind, as someone's voice drags me out of the worries.
„Watch out for Mother!"
I turn around. It's Kadaj… he's holding the box in his hands, carefully, he just caught it, I think. I try to recall, what just happened. What REALLY happened. Must've fallen asleep with the box on my knees…
„I'm sorry, Kadaj… didn't mean to do anything… wrong." I say.
He just gives me a dark glance, taking the box away from me, and now I'm sure that the creature trapped inside really is calling out to me. The empty box, it was just a dream… just a bad dream… She's still there. She's not giving up on me. Damn it, that may bring troubles, if we really are natural enemies, I am going the wrong wrong way.
I stagger on my feet, my vision slightly blurred. First symptoms of lack of Eden. It should be one pill for about three days not three pills a day… I sigh without saying a word. It will be hard to take care of four orphans now but I hope it will pay off someday. Maybe. Geez, I don't even know how their bodies react to Eden, If I have three addicts and a kid to babysit, and I don't find any Eden sources, I might kill myself right away as well. I hesitate… to drug or not to drug, that is the question! Or was it something other? My memories are so messed up I don't even know if I am quoting someone or saying my own words and thoughts.
I try to hang in here without Eden, if the physical pain becomes unbearable, I may take a pill or two. I am fine, as for now. At least, that's what I wanna believe, for now. Until I get to know this world better, then history will repeat, as always… I don't wanna think about it! Deep within my soul I still hope I'll run away from this, I'll settle down and… live! Like a normal person, die like a normal person. Without being reborn, at least not as a puppet that remembers every dark detail from her previous lives.
I walk into the bathroom, my thought soaring somewhere far away, I'm not even able to concentrate on the events…
„Whaa? Could you knock at least!?" a surprised voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I blink a few times, and take a step back, realizing, what just happened.
„Oh, Yazoo…" I step back, seeing him half naked, just with a towel wrapped around his waist, his long silver hair wet, droplets of water still clinging to his pale skin, cat eyes, staring at me, widened.
„I'm so sorry…" I say, probably blushing slightly. Why? I've seen, plenty of men…. Women, all the strange creatures I had to deal with during my fight for Eden. Then why am I reacting like this? Just to think of them is… no. We. Are. Enemies. I think, I try to persuade myself but then…. Oh damn, He then smiles so calmly, warmly, nicely… giving me a sign that everything's alright. Yes, Sin. It's fine.. you're fine…
„It's not a problem." Yazoo says „You saved us, after all, right?"
I saved them. I was a tool of salvation, not a tool of destruction. For once… I close my eyes, small smile crawling onto my lips.
„Yeah…" I laugh silently „ Well, I'll go check on your brothers now and I'll cook something for lunch, since it's a little late for breakfast…" I decide.
„Sure." I hear as an answer.
I walk out of the bathroom, already feeling that I need Eden and fast. No, I'll get over it, I'll do anything to be myself as long as I can, without Eden…. I can do it, step by step, i'll need it less. I won't get rid of it but…
The orphans need me. And I will need them. So I have to live…
I see Kadaj, he is rocking back and forth on the couch, hugging the box close to his chest. I don't know if the head really is inside, I think the thing isn't calling out to me anymore… was it even calling me at all? Maybe I was just high after taking so much Eden…. Yeah, that makes sense. In the end, I am a mere drug addict. Don't forget 'bout this fact, for it may lead to not-so-happy concequences.
I made breakfast, or lunch, whatever you call it, then left some of it on the table. Something made me want to go there, hug him, tell him that everything's gonna be alright. But it would be a lie, their mother was beheaded, they were alone in this world. As I can see, they even offered help to the citizens. Oh, right, I am the evildoer who drugs herself. And now everything's clear…
I go to Kathy's room, just to find her playing with a princess figurine and… Loz who plays with a Knight figuine with the girl. So cute and caring… I wish, I really wish I could be someone like them, so good… so peaceful…
„Lunch… or if you prefer, breakfast's ready" I say. They go to the kitchen/dining room. I glance at Kadaj, and soon I am sitting facing him and shove him some food down the table.
„You've gotta eat something, Kadaj…" I say.
He looks up at me, still cradling the box. I feel bad for him, he's just a helpless orphan, left alone in this world, with his brothers who don't really seem to care about him for now.
„Really. It'll make you feel better"
I gave him one more Eden pill in this meal, if he eats it, it'll help him. I take a quick glance at his stomach, blood is still seeping through the wounds. He is pale from the blood loss. If he doesn't recieve another dose of Eden, he'll die. And it's a matter of hours now.
„Please?"
He is still unsure. But I am glad to see him finally eating something. He'll get better, it will be alright. I want him to live…
Soon I find myself sitting next to him, embracing him, as he stares at the empty plate. I want to be close to him… To any of the triplets, I… I just feel it…
„Thanks" he says, his voice coarse.
I hug him in a friendly way, until he lifts the corner of his lips up a bit. I tell him that it's alright… but that worsens the situation.
„Jenova…" he says, holding the box „she is… was my Mother… They…. They took her away from us, even… even if she chose Sephiroth over the three of us"
„Sephiroth?" I ask. „ Yazoo mentioned his name… he is this… Older Brother?"
Kadaj glanced at me „If you mean the Older Brother that betrayed us, no. That's not Sephiroth. Sephiroth is Jenova's Firstborn"
„Oh" that's all I can say, yeah, just 'Oh'. I don't know what to say, yet words flow „So even if she had five children, she never treated any of you like… mother would treat her sons?"
„We… we didn't even get a chance to know her" Kadaj says in such a sad voice I can feel his pain „She… she just chose Sephiroth over us, and… and when we finally thought we got a chance to see her…" he lifted up the box a bit.
„I…. I don't know what to say. Oh, Kadaj…" I start swaying him in my arms, as he hides his face in my arm. I stroke his back, his hair, memorize his unique scent.
„You'll be okay, Kadaj… I'll take care of you, And Yazoo and Loz, too. You are not alone…"
He calms down, just to harshly push me away after a while. I hit the ground hard and look at him surprised. What the hell's wrong with him!?
„T-That's nice of you, but… I-I don't need your pity!" he stands up, cheeks tainted with blush. Well then…
I stand up and take another glance at him. It will be okay, Sin. Just give him time, yeah, give him time…
I take his empty plate to the kitchen, Yazoo, Loz and Kathy already finished their meal. I think they liked it.
„Okay" I say „I'll do the washing up"
I don't mind helping here, it feels actually good to be useful. I don't want my history to repeat, just to settle down and be finally free. If that could happen, it would be okay. I wonder, what may happen here, it's been just two days… As I wash the dishes, I forget about my worries, drift away with my thoughts, I'd like to say I dream, i dream about happiness, about freedom. Maybe it's not the time… but I want to know when it'll come. To be ready to fight, pay the price. Be finally free.
I want freedom, the very thought of it lifts my spirit up, makes me feel good, almost as if I was free already.
After the cleaning up, I go to Kathy's room, I can see she's playing with Loz. He must be a caring brother, to stand kids… I couln't do this. Take care, give food, sure, but playing with toys and stuff, not for me. I can see Loz shivering, his skin dried… I'll have to give him Eden in a few hours probably.
„Kathy… I'll be going for a walk, will you go with me. I also have to do the shopping, so your help would be appreciated. And you, Loz, rest up. You don't look really well. I'm sure some sleep will fix it though"
He nods and puts the toys away, then crawling under the bed sheets.
„Hey, your clothes are dirty!" Kathy says… „I know! Follow me, I'll give you nicer ones!"
She leads me to one room, and points at the wardrobe. I go there, to see what clothes are there Nice ones, most of them in pastel colors. Not my style, I'd rather look like a survivor, like someone… not nice and sweet.
Kathy picks one dress for me
„You'd look great in this one!"
I am not so sure about it. Yet she decides to 'force' me to wear it. I change in the bathroom and then Kathy wants to brush and comb my hair. I agree, during the „grooming time" Yazoo notices us.
„How nice…" he says teasingly, crossing his arms and tliting his head.
„Shut up"
Kathy finishes the braid she was making and makes sure it will be all right with her wristband, now, a ribbon in my hair.
„We'll be going…" I say.
As I take Kathy's hand. I announce that we're going out for a moment, I need to free myself of this Jenova thing's influence. For as I go out, I stop feeling it. So maybe yesterday it was not just the drug high. Kathy is walking by my side, so happy and carefree. As the child she is. I decide to take her to the church in the slums.
„Why are you taking me here?" she asks
„I thought it would be good to have some rest, and besides… I've always loved churches. They fill me with peace"
Kathy hesitated ant took a step back. I turned around and then bent down to face her. I was curious, what made her hesitate. I wanted to help her, calm her down, for this is what I came to the church for.
„No one ever showed me how to pray…" She says, as if she was ashamed of that.
„Hey… I wasn't thought how to pray, as well. You don't have to pray in the church if you don't want to. You can just enjoy the silence, the peace. It is time for you to be alone with me, and your thoughts. Even if you don't want to, or don't know how to pray, it's allright. So, shall we go there? We may visit another parts of town, later"
Kathy then answers, that she always wanted how to pray yet no one ever showed her how to. So I say the dumbest thing I can come up with. That we'll figure out her prayer together. A monster like me shouldn't be even allowed to say the word „prayer".
Yet still we walk into the church. It is a little bit devastated, actually they are ruins of a church. That calms me down, even more. That's what places of cult deserve. To fall in ruin, not disappear, not stand in glory. Or maybe I'm just weird. I tell Kathy to think what she dreams of, what makes her feel good, what she needs and what is she grateful for. I call these four thoughts „the pillars of the first prayer". Then I show her, that some people want to kneel while praying, even though it is not so important.
„Usually, when you pray, you hold your hands like this… in some parts of the world there's also 'namaste' when you don't hold your hands together like here but the inner parts of your hands are touching one another tightly"
I know because I saw many relligions, heard many prayers.
Kathy stands still by me and prays. I could hear her whispers if I concentrated but this is her prayer and hers alone.
I go a step away, to see the flower that bloomed near the small pool of water. As I touch the water's surface, I can see ripples forming, yet the water hurts me. I hiss silently, seeing not beautiful mark left on the inner part of my palm. Some part of skin is a little bit darker and also, different in touch. It looked as if I spilled some kind of… maybe not acid but at least something very very hot on this hand. Hot oil maybe… I won't think of it now, well, a scar is a scar.
I put my hands together as if i wanted to pray, yet my mind… is somewhere else. I think of my lives, about prayers, if I prayed, even for myself, would The Monster hear it?
A deep male voice snaps me out of my thoughts.
„A-Aerith!?"
I turn around to see the blond swordsman standing in front of the church. I wonder, what'll happen next. He looks shocked! I can hear a voice calling.
„Cloud? What's wrong?"
The swordsman then runs to me, whole endless palletes of emotions painted on his face. Love, happines, disbelief, sorrow, anxiety…. Can't count them!
„Whaa… ah… you're not her." He says, disappointed „Of course not… Aerith is dead…"
„I'm sorry" I say, I don't know why.
„There's nothing to feel sorry for. By the way… I'm Cloud. Cloud Strife."
„Sin."
We shake hands in a polite manner. He then asks about Kathy.
„Oh… she is an orphan I take care of"
„Y-you take care of orphans? M-me, too!" he exclaims happily.
I laugh, genuinely.
„That's not a popular hobby, is it?"
Then a dark haired girl with a little girl by her side walks into the church. I ignore them, it's my time with a new… friend? Wait… Kadaj called him „brother". I'll need to check one thing.
„To you have any siblings, Cloud?"
„No. I am an only child. Why you ask?"
I shake my head, playing wit some stray hair.
„Just my curiosity"
„Okay, my turn… Where are you from? I mean, where were you born?|
That's a hard question, in fact. He won't know my story, not now… Please. So, he probably lied to me about no siblings, since I believe the silver haired men.
„Banora" I answer quickly, that's one name I actually remembered written somewhere here. I hope I didn't say anything stupid.
„Oh… is that so, fine." He then stared at me „Y-your eyes!" he gasped. „How'd you… I-I don't think women were in SOLDIER… Eh, how should I know, I ever really was one"
I take one step back… is this even going somewhere?
„Well, I wasn't in military either. But I have some experience with fighting, also soldiers, war… awful things. I don't like war… I prefer flowers. Like this one here."
He laughs, he's got a nice laugh.
„Well… I can see you have the same eyes as SOLDIERs, infused with Mako energy"
I am silent, as he does something… at least weird. Holding me up, he whispers „I'm the one who is sorry, you just… remind me so much of her" he then kisses me, his lips yearning, laying bittersweet promises on mine, I want to push him away yet I can't do a thing. So we kiss inthe middle of church's ruins, Kathy prays, dark haired girl with a child by her side are watching us. Time stops.
„Unsweetened tea" he says, probably about the tase of my lips „With a faint tase of mako"
Mako, mako… maybe that's what Eden is called here! I'm a fool for not thinking about it. If those SOLDIER have Eden… I have to become a SOLDIER!
I want to ask him more questions but then feel hellish pain… i can't speak or breathe, I'm paralyzed… I trip and feel I'm falling. The pool of water that hurt me is just behind my back.