Ichigo's been a man for about two weeks now, and he has a serious problem.
Oh, don't get him wrong. Things have been great – really great – up until now. No complaints. Renji's been awesome.
Everything's been smooth-sailing since Ichigo's birthday. He'd turned twenty two weeks back, and he'd been really excited about what that meant for his relationship with Renji. Now that he was of age, they'd moved forward and have been messing around and learning what they like, and everything's been great. Let him repeat again, great.
Thing is, they haven't had sex yet though. Well, not sex in the technical sense. Nothing's gone inside anyone's ass yet. Tonight was the night though. Ichigo felt like he'd been waiting for this day for ages. Here's the problem – after all this buildup and having it out of reach for so long, Ichigo was starting to suspect that over those three years, he'd had some unreasonable expectations, that the idea of what he'd been missing out on had been just some over-cooked fantasy of a horny teenager.
Now that it was actually happening and Renji was knuckles deep in his ass, Ichigo had come to the abrupt realization that abstaining as a teen and not doing any self-exploration or any experimenting, or even having some sort of open conversation with Renji about sex before now had been a complete and total mistake.
Let him explain the situation.
Things had progressed naturally. For all Ichigo's joking about wanting to use that day-planner and pencil Renji in for Friday evening, they hadn't picked a specific time. They hadn't set an expiration date on Ichigo's virginity or made a big deal about things, so Ichigo hadn't had any reason to count down the hours and get himself all worked up and nervous.
It had been a completely normal day. Renji had gone to work and Ichigo had wandered Seireitei until he'd found somewhere he could be useful, which hadn't taken long at all. He'd eaten lunch with Rukia after Renji sent him a message letting him know that he had a lieutenant's meeting and they couldn't hang until later. Once it was about five thirty, Ichigo had stopped by Renji's office to find him already gone, then met him at home, where they'd greeted each other, eaten something for dinner, and tried to play some mahjong in the front room.
Even though Renji's vacation time had been used up, their honeymoon phase wasn't over by a long shot, so playing mahjong inevitably derailed. One thing led to another and soon they'd been kissing enthusiastically and dragging each other to the bed.
Which is where Ichigo was now.
One thing Ichigo had noticed was that Renji was in a really good mood today despite Byakuya apparently saddling him with a bunch of extra responsibilities to be completed in the coming months. Anyway yeah, Renji's good mood - Ichigo could tell because of how he was humming a lot. He did that when he was feeling up.
Once they'd landed on the bed, Ichigo'd tried to begin the still-new routine of fighting each other's clothes off, but strangely that time, Renji had held his wrists down until Ichigo had gotten the idea and laid still. "Hey," Renji panted happily, grinning. "Hey Ichigo."
"What?"
"Wanna' try an' have sex?" Ichigo blinked a bit, still breathless from their previous kissing, but when the idea set in, he nodded enthusiastically, unable to fight off his own grin.
Practically bouncing from excitement at his agreement, Renji took all their clothes off and eagerly kissed Ichigo's exposed flesh as it appeared beneath his hands, and Ichigo lay on his back, avidly participating.
That is, until Renji had spread his legs open and rubbed his fingers eagerly beneath his balls, stroking down the crack of his ass. It was so sudden and surprising compared to all the other activities that they'd partaken of in the previous weeks that Ichigo nearly snapped his legs closed – which wouldn't have been good, because they would've grabbed Renji by the neck and mashed his head right into his groin. There was a time and place for that.
It was kind of ridiculous, considering 'want to try and have sex' obviously entailed doing that stuff, but all the same, it had caught him off guard. Renji might have been on to something when he'd said he had to warm Ichigo up to full-on sex, because suddenly, the act seemed much more daunting than it had a moment ago.
"Here, lemme' just- Yeah, that's better."
Before Ichigo could say anything, he yelped as Renji had hooked his hands under his knees and pushed his legs back and apart, and it was all Ichigo could do to not clap his hands down over himself. Luckily he fought the urge down before he did so. He didn't want Renji to think he was scared and stop. This didn't keep him from biting his lip and tossing his head to the side, face halfway in the blankets, one eye still free to peek down and watch Renji's eager expression suspiciously.
Ichigo jolted with a stuttered noise as Renji honest to god licked his lips before hunkering down onto his belly – Ichigo assumed it was to see what he was doing better. Ichigo let his legs come down a bit, placing the soles of his feet on the futon. Renji pried his legs further apart again when Ichigo moved his knees together.
"Ah fuck, look at you," Renji breathed.
Feeling alarmingly exposed and self-aware, embarrassed even, Ichigo picked his head up a little bit as Renji squirmed on the bed a little more and got comfortable on his front, his hands stroking Ichigo's backside and thighs lovingly, which was somewhat comforting. Ichigo had to admit that he was feeling sort of anxious now. He did like it when Renji spooked him a little, but this was toeing the line between sexy-spooky and the point where he got actually nervous. Like, nervous enough that his erection was going down.
He hadn't expected that kind of move from Renji. This kind of thing hasn't happened until now… Were they really doing it now? Feeling Renji's fingers around his asshole, pressing and prodding, stroking, Ichigo's chest convulsed on a gasp that couldn't get out - they're really doing it now.
Renji let out this low bone-rattling growl of a hum, clearly smiling, and Ichigo does a little bit too. Fuck, they're going to do it! They're really actually going to this time, finally. He almost doesn't know what to do, he's so crazy-happy and scared.
Excited, Ichigo's breath picked up, so heavy and quick that it escaped even his tight and seizing throat. Renji wet the skin with oil, sensuously rubbing it into his flesh and squeezing his backside greedily with his hands, his thumbs digging inbetween and circling his asshole. Ichigo must've made a noise finally, a surprised yelp or something, because Renji glanced up at him with a tentative smile.
"You nervous?"
Ichigo's tried to keep his breathing in check, as Renji's thumbs slowed where they rubbed lubricant against his opening, massaging the muscle insistently. "Maybe," he admitted, "but only a little..."
"It won't hurt," Renji offered as comfort. "I know what'm doin', it won't hurt."
Embarrassed that Renji felt that bad for him that he would try to assure him that nicely, Ichigo huffed, "Geez, I said just a little."
"Okay," Renji laughed, letting out an anticipatory breath, eyes flicking up to Ichigo's face. "You excited?" His grin widened when Ichigo nodded, panting and wriggling his toes at the prying motions of Renji's fingers. Ichigo hadn't expected it to be that sensitive there...
By that point, Ichigo's erection had almost completely died, and as he realized this, he pulled at his dick to try to get hard again, and was immediately dismayed when it wasn't catching, at all. Before he could dwell on this for more than a moment, Renji adjusted himself on the bed and wet his fingers again, getting ready- Ichigo's breath quickened in excitement, but his erection continued to flag nonetheless. Shit, not now, please not now...
"Coming in," Renji warned then with a smile, and Ichigo tensed up all over in anticipation, hands going down to hold onto Renji's forearms. "Woah, hey!... Don't wind up like that, just relax, just... just lay still. I promise you it's not gonna' hurt - just have trust."
Ichigo bit his lips and tried to relax and breathe, but it was hard to when he was so anxious. He managed not to jump as Renji pressed a wet finger against him and tested the resistance, but it was a close thing. "Oh," he breathed, swallowing hard as Renji pushed, trying to get inside him.
Forgetting everything else but focusing right where Renji was touching, it was as though his heart was right there, because that's where his pulse was the strongest. He was so hyper-focused in fact that he was surprised when Renji's pressing fingertip suddenly popped inside, and he immediately bit his lip at the firing of unfamiliar nerves.
Easing in – and it really did go in easy – Renji began working his finger slowly in and out, and this choked gasp of a noise escaped Ichigo before he cut it off. He hurled his head to the side again, his eyes clenched shut and his toes curling up a little. It felt like the chill of hearing a certain piece of music or seeing a particularly emotional scene in a movie, where it just build and builds and suddenly your scalp and back feel alive and awake, tingling and standing up with goosebumps – it was that feeling, except it didn't fade, it didn't stop; it kept going and going again and again every time Renji dragged his finger through his tight muscles.
"Okay?"
It took Ichigo a moment to understand language and still longer to realize that it was a question he was meant to answer, which he couldn't until Renji slowed to a crawling pace in concern. Even so, all Ichigo could get out was a response of, "Mhm," the voice barely coming through in his heavy breath. Renji seemed satisfied with that reply, because after a curious moment of meeting Ichigo's peeking eye, he continued fingering him.
Ichigo then went back to trying to get his lifeless dick to respond. He didn't want Renji to stop, he just had to… to get used to it, that's it. He pulled on his cock and squeezed it, holding it against his stomach, but he wasn't getting an erection. The resulting panic and distress sent that spark of arousal even further away, and soon his desperate tugs to his penis were so ineffective that he gave it up as pointless.
So yeah, there it is. The day is finally here. He's pushed for this and waited for ages, and now that it's time, his dick won't go up. Yeah. Big problem.
Shit, this was not working. Ichigo clenched his eyes shut and bit his cheek. Fuck, he couldn't focus on anything but Renji poking around in there. He felt kind of like he was in a doctor's office, under observation or something, with the way Renji was staring so intensely. He held his breath as Renji's finger twisted inside of him and rubbed insistently, causing this deep... itch. He nearly squirmed in outright discomfort, but he managed to hold still to avoid giving himself away.
It wasn't like it… hurt, it just…
Ichigo honestly didn't know how to classify the sensation. He couldn't even decide if it was pleasant or unpleasant. It felt similar to when Renji pressed down behind his balls with his thumb, which he'd done before while doing blowjob type activities, but this feeling was much more intense, and Ichigo assumed it was because he was touching the prostate from the inside rather than from a safer distance. Ichigo couldn't figure out if he liked it, and just lay there, sweating and gasping and trying to get into it.
Renji was having fun at least. Ichigo would occasionally lift his head, because he liked to see Renji down there, sweaty and watching what he was doing very intently, like he was mesmerized by his finger going in and out. His body heaved with lusty breaths, his back rising and falling where he lay against the bed. He'd occasionally press his hips into the blankets, humping the bed, but altogether he was the picture of calm concentration, like he was finally doing exactly what he'd been born to do and wouldn't be hurried about it. Even now, his hands were slow and sure, every movement was calculated and obviously savored to the last iota.
Ichigo loved to look at him, he loved to see him like that, his face flushed in excitement and his lips wet and pink from being licked and bitten. God, Ichigo felt hot all over just looking at him lying there, stretched out between his spread legs, his muscular shoulders splayed and tensing minutely with every motion of his hand. Ichigo swallowed dryly - it's disgusting how gorgeous Renji is.
Renji withdrew his finger for a moment, licking his lips eagerly and gazing at him with a certain hunger as he spread him open with his hands. Ichigo felt a sudden rush of blood to the head, leaving him nearly delirious with excitement. Shit, Renji's gonna' fuck him. All his teenaged fever dreams are about to come true.
Ichigo licked his lips. His palms sweat like they always seemed to around Renji and he pushed his hips out, closer to Renji, who groaned and went on with enthusiasm. He'd been so excited for this day to come. He was excited now. So why was he nervous all of a sudden? He's so fucking nervous that he can't get hard. He hadn't thought this would happen, fuck, this was embarrassing.
Ichigo swallowed and lay his head back, his whole body shaking, especially his clammy hands. Okay, keep calm. This was bearable. It didn't hurt. It wasn't like it was… bad. He didn't think Renji was going to go at him like a wild man and hurt him – Renji knew it was his first time. They don't have to stop just because Ichigo's having issues. It wasn't like he wasn't turned on either; he felt aroused, he really did! It just wasn't showing! He was excited beyond belief, his whole body flushed and slick with sweat, his breath heavy – everything was electrified, every nerve raw, fried, but his dick wouldn't go up anyways.
He grit his teeth hard as Renji spread his fingers apart inside him and massaged around the rim with his other hand. Ichigo flung an arm over his eyes and panted. Fucking hell.
You know, this was entirely his own fault. Never experimenting there on his own had been a huge mistake, and completely stupid. He hadn't known that this was how it would feel. It was… different than he'd imagined. It was like Renji was rubbing directly on a raw nerve, trying to drive him insane.
Ichigo held his dick and rubbed on it for a while longer, trying to get it interested. The thing is, it was kinda' obvious when a guy didn't have an erection, and Renji eventually noticed, as distracted as he was.
"You okay there?" Renji asked uncertainly, peeking his head up at him.
"Yeah, 'm fine," he grunted tightly, meeting Renji's eyes so that he wouldn't look like the fucking liar he was. Renji scrutinized him, but eventually his gaze kept trying to drag back to what he was doing. Ichigo didn't get what was so fucking fascinating about it, but Renji seemed really focused on it.
"You don't look fine," Renji finally noted suspiciously.
"Fuck you."
Renji seemed to shrug somewhat and really turned up the heat, going back to doing that thing where he twisted his hand palm-up and curled his index finger in repeatedly, and that fried-nerve aroused-but-not-in-the-erection-way feeling ramped up like crazy. Ichigo tried holding in this strangled noise, but failed, settling for throwing his arm back over his face and hopelessly pulling on his dick.
Finally Renji's fingers slowed and Ichigo let out a long sigh of relief, letting his tingling, trembling, sweating body relax, before catching himself. Shit, he's not supposed to sound relieved! He peeked an eye out at Renji to find him looking at him with narrowed eyes and his eyebrows doing that scrunching thing they did when Renji was thinking.
"Ichigo," he began, and Ichigo covered his eyes again because he knew this wasn't going to be good. "If you're concerned, I don't intend to thrust unreasonably hard," he promised sincerely, nodding to himself in satisfaction.
Throwing away all his attempts at acting chill to keep Renji from stopping or realizing his problem, Ichigo flung up his arms with a frustrated huff, then slapped his hands to his face and groaned, long and loud. This was so unfair. He doesn't believe in karma or Lady Luck or whatever, but they're probably laughing at him somewhere, y'know, if they're real, as if he's the butt of some huge cosmic joke.
"Guuuhh," he groaned, "What am I doing? "
Renji promptly pulled his fingers out and took one hand away from Ichigo's face to look into his pitiful eye. The moment he let it go, Ichigo clapped it back to his face, which made Renji sputter in confusion. "Hey," he mumbled, moving over Ichigo and kissing at his shoulder, his wrist, then his tightly-clamped hands, and his ear. Ichigo, somewhat mollified, was convinced in letting his fingers loosen somewhat, enough that he let his eyes peek through.
He glared out at Renji half-heartedly, although he didn't know why. He's sure Renji had been doing a good job. He was mad at himself more than anything really.
"Ichigo," Renji cooed guiltily, coaxing him out, which just made Ichigo feel embarrassed. Thankfully, Renji started teasing, which Ichigo could deal with a lot better than being treated like a scared baby. "'re you that nervous? Hey, I'm not an animal," Renji hummed with a smirk, "I'd go easy on you."
Peeking through his hands, Ichigo saw no point in pretending otherwise, and instead of exploding that no, he was definitely not nervous, how dare you- he merely stuck his lip out and dropped his eyes, ashamed of himself.
"You don't think I could?" Renji mumbled amusedly, tipping his forehead against Ichigo's knuckles and fluttering his eyes at him, flicking his eyelashes with his own. Ichigo put his hands down on the bed with a smack and closed his eyes in exasperation, shaking his head, his nose bumping Renji's as he did so.
"No." He rubbed his temple. "Yes. I dunno'. I don't know."
Renji moved up next him, leaning on his elbow and lying on his side. "Look," he said, hand mushing his mouth somewhat, "You're the one who wanted ta' do this so bad." Ichigo let his eyes drop to his stomach, fidgeting and digging dirt out from his thumbnail. Renji wasn't mad at him, was he?... "Did you change your mind?" Renji asked tentatively. Ichigo glanced to him uncertainly. He didn't seem upset.
"No," he said truthfully, letting out a long sigh. "I'm just really wound up." He gesticulated wildly, not able to meet Renji's eyes as he grimaced and tried not to blush. God, he's so embarrassed. All this time Renji's told him he's too young, he's too inexperienced, he's a kid, and for all that time Ichigo hadn't felt it – but he feels it now. He feels younger and further in over his head than he ever has.
"I don't wanna' stop – I swear I don't! I know there's nothing to be worried about! I just- I don't know why I'm freaking out now," he said, because he'd never been good at lying to Renji, even less so over the years. "I'm just wound up," he repeated.
Renji had listened quietly until he was finished, nodding at his concerns, but then leaned forward and kissed him soundly, slowly, that warm contented safe thing that always got Ichigo all wobbly. Sure enough, Ichigo's eyes slipped closed and he felt his muscles go loose and weak as they always did when Renji did that slow curl of his tongue under his. Ichigo sighed into his mouth and tried to let his fluttery heart settle.
"Then relax," Renji breathed lowly, tipping his forehead onto Ichigo's.
Ichigo scowled, his brow scrunching up, which pushed Renji back a few millimeters. "I'm trying, genius!" he yelped, whacking Renji on the arm. Renji snickered and backed up.
"No need to get pissy. I'll help," he said brightly, head popping up. Ichigo nodded, brow creasing as he let out a tight sigh. Okay. He can do this.
Ichigo held his shins, his feet flat on the bed and his heels pressed against his asscheeks. He tried his best not to feel like he was about to undergo alien probing, instead biting at his lips and making an honest attempt at relaxing.
Renji sucked and licked at the sensitive head of his dick to try and get him hard, working his fingers into his ass again, twisting and pressing them in deep. The conflicting firings of nerves left Ichigo in a fevered confused sweaty knot. Rubbing a comforting warm hand along Ichigo's leg and side, Renji took his clammy hand in his and leaned back down and focused on doing that repeated curling gesture within him, which had Ichigo squirming and gasping wildly.
Ichigo tried pulling on his penis some more with his free hand, sweating. His face felt hot, and just breathing was the greatest effort. He anxiously glanced up to see if Renji looked more confident about where things were headed. Renji had told the truth about it not hurting, and Ichigo was starting to think that maybe that was all he was going to get the first time around. Maybe he just has to bear through this time and he would start enjoying it with experience.
He almost wished Renji would give up and put it in already so they could get it over with. That was kind of a shitty attitude to have - he didn't want to get it over with, he'd been so excited for this day, he'd waited with such anticipation, such excitement, and he'd been so happy when Renji had finally agreed to let them do this- He didn't want it to play out this way, so he closed his eyes and tried his hardest to think sexy and arousing thoughts. He breathed deeper and touched himself and tried to enjoy Renji's best efforts to get a rise out of him.
Finally he opened his eyes breathlessly and looked to Renji, panting; this was hard work. Was he ready yet? Could they start?
"Hm," Renji noted, leaning back thoughtfully and taking his fingers out. "Wow, you're right." He put a hand to his chin. "This isn't working… Are you just not feelin' it?" Ichigo let his head flop back to the bed. He's feelin' somethin' alright.
"Not in the mood?" Renji continued, raising his eyebrows, rubbing his hands over his chest enticingly. "You don't like all a' this?" he joked, and where normally Ichigo would've at least snorted, now he just snarled in self-directed frustration.
"I fucking told you, I'm nervous as hell!" he snapped. "Don't make me say it again," he huffed, rubbing his hands against his forehead.
"Aw, don't be nervous, Ichigo," Renji said with a frown. "I'm gonna' be gentle. Honest, I am."
"I know, you said that! And you are! I can't help it!" Ichigo yelped, and Renji frowned more - and suddenly it spilled out. "I don't know what's gonna' happen!" He hadn't even really known he'd been holding that in until his deepest fears had passed his lips and were laid out for Renji to see and pity and ridicule - he immediately fell silent, throat closing.
Sure enough, Renji's brows pushed together in sympathy, but he didn't tease, and Ichigo didn't know why he'd thought he would have. Of course Renji would never tease about something that personal.
"You're not supposed to know on your first time," Renji soothed, using that deep, calm, and knowledgeable voice of his that Ichigo both hated and loved because of its one hundred percent success rate in settling him down. "It's supposed to be exciting."
"Well thanks!"
"You trust me, don't you? You know I won't let anything go wrong," he continued, refusing to match his hysterical volume.
"I said I can't help it!"
"Okay, okay, keep calm," Renji appeased, holding his hands up. "Try an' pretend we're just gonna' mess around like usual." Ichigo closed his eyes for a moment and let out a long slow breath, nodding as if to say 'yeah, okay.' Finally he opened his eyes back up, to which Renji looked at him expectantly.
"I can't."
Renji huffed, and ordered, "Imagine."
Ichigo closed his eyes again, but mumbled soon after, "I'm not good at imagining."
Renji sighed through his nose in frustration, but let it go. "Okay." With that, he lay back down between Ichigo's legs and kept trying, quite valiantly, but with no results. At that point, Ichigo was so discouraged that he could die.
Renji, bless him, just looked hopelessly confused despite his patience, which just made Ichigo feel even worse. He knew Renji was trying his best, it wasn't his fault. Ichigo was just a dumb-ass virgin who didn't work right. "This is all so not good on my ego," Renji muttered, scratching his head. "I've tried everything!" he added, baffled.
"Fuck your ego!" Ichigo gasped back, scowling.
Renji looked frustrated and saddened then. "Dang it," he mumbled, flopping down and picking at the bedding with his fingernail. "I wanted'a' do it," he complained pitifully, and Ichigo felt truly horrible, because he did too, he really did.
"We don't have to stop," Ichigo urged tiredly, "it doesn't hurt. Just put it inside."
Renji's head popped up, his expression angry and mortally offended. "There's no point if I can't pleasure you! Whadda' you think I am?!" He scowled at Ichigo accusingly, and then redirected it at Ichigo's dick. "C'mon!" he yelled, smacking Ichigo right on the flat of his cock, which got Ichigo's attention.
"Hey!" he squeaked, "Watch it!" He cupped the goods protectively, curling up and glaring at Renji. "What the hell was that for?!"
"Get hard!" Renji shouted, irritated.
"I'm fucking trying, okay?!" Ichigo hollered back and spread his legs back open, giving Renji an almost desperate look. "Don't give up yet," he pleaded raspily, taking Renji's arm and trying to pull him back in. "I wanna' do it. Keep trying, please."
Ichigo was really lucky that Renji couldn't say no to him when he was naked and that he hated giving up, because Renji swallowed his protests and tried some more, and this time, it started working a little. By the end of Renji's best efforts, Ichigo was semi-hard and he was getting used to being fingered, even almost enjoying it.
"God," Renji muttered with a frown and an expression of immense concentration, tongue in the corner of his mouth. "I'm supposed to be amazing in bed – this's fucking embarrassing."
"That's my line!" Ichigo growled, because he's the one up here who can't get a boner. Renji stopped again then, sighing tiredly and giving Ichigo a contemplative look. "What?" Ichigo mumbled, "What, c'mon, don't stop now, it almost worked. Hurry, before it goes away!"
"It's not supposed'a be this difficult," Renji grumbled. "If it's this much of a struggle, something's wrong."
"Well sorry..."
Renji sighed, expression softening. "Really Ichigo, whatsa' matter?" he questioned, "You worried about pain? That I'll be too rough?" He gestured at Ichigo's dick then, exasperated. "What's it gonna' take? "
"Oh my god Renji, I told you- You know I haven't done this shit before. It's hard." Renji pointedly didn't say anything, but gave his penis a conspicuous glance. "Oh fuck you!" Ichigo howled, kicking him in the gut.
Renji's eyes went wide and Ichigo gave a satisfied smirk. 'That's what you get, you-'
"Wait, yeah," Renji coughed, pointing at him, not even mad about being kicked like that, which had Ichigo confused.
"What?"
"That's it. Duh!" Renji smacked himself on the forehead with the heel of his hand. "Obvious!"
"Huh? What is?" Ichigo asked, whatever answer Renji had stumbled on completely lost on him.
Renji grinned then, like he did every time he felt really proud of his own smarts. Ichigo immediately frowned suspiciously. "How about you do it this time instead?" he suggested. "You can - I'll let you."
Ichigo peeled himself out of the sweaty-patch he'd inhabited for the past twenty-five minutes and stared at him for a while with narrowed eyes. Finally, he muttered flatly, "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
"Probably," Renji replied, in a way that Ichigo felt was entirely too flippant and casual.
Ichigo sat up a little more, still scowling hesitantly. "… Really?"
"Yeah, go for it," he said nonchalantly.
Ichigo swallowed at the thought of it - it had never occurred to him that Renji might let him; he'd thought he'd have to fight him for it one day, but here he was saying that he'd just let him... To his grand surprise, his bloodflow turned on its head nearly immediately, and his dick twitched.
"Ah!" Renji gasped excitedly, eyes bright. "It worked!"
"Okay, okay, wait," Ichigo sputtered, pulling his knees towards his chest, cheeks hot as he waved his hands about, "Just so we're perfectly clear, you're saying that I can…" He paused there, trailing off, hoping that what he meant was obvious.
Renji, in a perfect deadpan, replied, "I'm saying, 'Ichigo, put your cock in my ass.'"
Mortified, Ichigo quickly blurted, "Okay, okay, that's clear enough! " waving his hands wildly. Face red, he glared down hotly at his cock, which was standing up like it hadn't given them both grief for the last half hour. 'Fine timing, douchebag.'
"Wow," Renji noted amusedly, grinning at his pink cheeks, "You're easily embarrassed," then threw himself onto the bed with a contented groan, resting on his side.
"I dunno'," Ichigo muttered, picking at his fingers and folding his legs, huffing at himself. "I just feel stupid. This is stupid." He rested his chin on his hand. "Seriously, sorry," he muttered, "This is probably really disappointing."
He flicked his eyes down to Renji, only to find him grinning at him dopily. "Nah." He leaned on his fist and grinned at Ichigo some more.
"What," Ichigo muttered, brow scrunching in embarrassment.
"Nothing."
"What!" he insisted, "What?!"
"You gonna' do it, or just 'what?'" Renji teased. Ichigo fiddled with his thumbs a bit more and chewed on his lip.
"You sure I can?" he finally mumbled uncertainly, although he couldn't deny that the idea had its appeal, lots and lots of appeal.
"Yeah." Renji grinned widely. "I'll be in your care," he said with joking formality, to which Ichigo replied all too seriously that he'd do his best. "Do your best," Renji repeated back encouragingly, snickering a little.
"Great, okay." Ichigo ducked his head. All of a sudden, it was really kind of hard to look at Renji, which Ichigo knew was completely stupid, but all the same, it was hard. They'd both been naked this entire time, but suddenly, Renji seemed very naked. Out of the corner of his eye, once he was done with his fit of blushing, Ichigo could see Renji eagerly roll onto his back, legs flat on the bed but with his thighs spread, one leg bent at the knee to widen his stance.
Ichigo, still biting his lips, crawled over to him and ran his hand up Renji's leg. Renji grinned up at him when Ichigo met his eyes almost shyly. "Not always," he said teasingly with a 'just this once' tone, and Ichigo ducked his head.
"Yeah."
"We'll try again," Renji assured, and Ichigo nodded hurriedly. "I'll do better by you next time."
"Yeah." He leaned back and knelt at Renji's side for a time, trailing his hands over his stomach and chest, his leg, his heart fluttering and his dick pulsing in excitement. "… Are you-"
"Ichigo, mother of fuck," Renji snorted, "Chill."
"Okay, okay." He swallowed and then moved down between Renji's feet, settling forward on his elbows like Renji had when he was doing it to him. Then he reached out to touch between Renji's legs, one hand petting his dick in a calming manner, the other… well…
Hesitantly, he held out two fingers and stroked the soft skin beneath Renji's balls, rubbing a bit, and finally coming to rest above his asshole. He felt kind of indecent looking directly at it, which is stupid; it's just a normal butthole. Of course it is, why would he have expected anything else. Finger stalling just above it, he bit his lip and glanced up to Renji, who'd made himself comfortable, arms behind his head and raising an eyebrow at Ichigo with a smug grin. What, does he think he can't do it?!
Oh, he'll show you.
Pursing his lips, Ichigo settled further on his front and tried not to feel like a kid who'd been dared to touch something scary.
He squinted his eyes tightly, so he could only barely see what he was doing, and let his fingertip touch, to which he immediately opened his eyes again in wonder and ran his finger around the soft puckered skin. Forgetting the bulk of his nerves, fascination and curiosity taking over, Ichigo lined his hand up and testingly pressed against the little bump.
"Lube," Renji reminded almost boredly, the picture of unconcerned calm, letting Ichigo fumble around and explore. Ichigo snapped his hand back, head popping up.
"Right, right." Renji kicked the tube towards him with a laugh after he let Ichigo sweat and hunt for it for a full thirty seconds. Ichigo used some of the lubricant, slicking his fingers and Renji's backside, then lined a finger up, pressing tentatively again. He pushed more - and again.
He popped his head up. "It didn't go in," he reported.
"Push more."
Ichigo ducked back down and frowned as he pushed with his finger to the point where he thought it must be hurting. Just as he was about to ease back, his finger suddenly penetrated the slick ring of muscle. A bit surprised, Ichigo pulled back instinctively, and looked back to Renji, who just raised his eyebrow again, like he'd hardly felt it. Determined to try and learn, Ichigo pushed his finger back in, slowly, watching attentively.
It sunk in until it couldn't go any further, and Ichigo just let his finger rest inside for a moment, mouth ajar, eyes wide in wonder. It was silly, but he hadn't expected it to feel this alive on the inside. He'd vaguely imagined a warm passage, but this moved and pulsated, shifted with Renji's breath. Wow, it was so tight, and really hot. The firm walls of flesh and muscle squeezed and hugged, pulsing with Renji's heartbeat. Ichigo wiggled his finger experimentally, twisted it slowly, and then pulled it out.
He didn't know much of what to do other than to put it in and then back out, so he did that for a while until he felt unbearably amateur. Ichigo grimaced anxiously and looked back up to Renji for instruction. "Put another one in," Renji said, and his voice was level, which was a bit discouraging. Ichigo nodded his head, and eased the index finger of his other hand in, glancing back up. "Like, two at the same time, I mean."
"Okay." Feeling dumb, Ichigo nodded again and slowly tried to get two inside. It was a little harder than one, forcing the entrance to stretch, but soon they went in easier as the muscle relaxed. He tried doing what Renji had been doing, turning his hand around and aiming slightly up, pressing with the tips of his fingers as deep inside as he could. He tried to spread his fingers too, but it was a real test of strength with those tight walls bearing down around them.
At this point, Ichigo was breathing raggedly, and was so hard that it fucking hurt. He was kneeling and bent down between Renji's legs, because he was sure that if he lay on his front and let his dick press into the blankets, he might cum like that, and there was no way he was going to wreck the opportunity to put it inside. God, he can't remember ever being this hard. He and Renji were going to have sex, they were really gonna' do it - he was going to put it inside. Ichigo could hardly stand the anticipation.
"That okay?" he panted, and looked up at Renji for the first time in a while, and was encouraged by the reaction, his mouth hanging ajar. Renji was still resting his head on his arms, but his chest and neck were flushed – even his cheeks were rosey. He was damp with sweat, and was licking and biting his lips. His erection had gone down some to Ichigo's dismay, and was now only half-hard, but as Ichigo straightened up in concern, his finger slipping out, Renji gave a sultry hum, running his teeth along his lower lip with a groan, adjusting the placement of his back on the bed and pushing his ass out towards Ichigo.
"Yeah," Renji groaned, his voice pure sex, and it's a good thing Ichigo was sitting on his legs, because they went weak and wobbly. A fat drop of precum oozed out of his cock, and a shaky moan escaped. He's never been this turned on.
Pleased that Renji seemed to be enjoying his efforts - or at least making a good-faith impression of it - Ichigo eagerly crouched back down and tried some more, tentatively attempting that finger-curling thing that Renji had kept doing to him. After a little while longer of that, Renji grunted lowly, "Ready now."
Ichigo swallowed, throat having gone dry. "Yeah?" he breathed, frozen.
"Yep," Renji replied, popping the 'p' as he settled into the blankets a bit more, in anticipation maybe.
"Okay," Ichigo mumbled, straightening up and hesitantly moving forward. Renji moved his legs up so that his feet were flat on the bed, knees open. He was still only half-hard, but that didn't seem to concern him – he was clearly aroused, sweat beading on his brow, pupils dilated, his chest heaving. Ichigo knelt there and stared until Renji gave him an expectant look, at which Ichigo jolted and hurriedly scooted forward.
Looking down, Ichigo's vision swam for a moment, his pulse thundering in his ears. Shit, he's going to have sex. It's really happening. He took his cock in hand and moved forward that last little bit until his thighs were touching Renji's sides, wedging against his butt. He let Renji rest his legs around his hips, and then breathed raspily, "Okay, here I go." He bit his lip fiercely and watched his own movements anxiously as he leaned forward and let the slick head of his cock touch Renji's warm opening.
He pressed, chest rising and falling with shallow breaths, and then pressed again – it didn't go in.
Cut to the raw nerve, Ichigo was an inch from wailing in despair that he'd gotten this far only for it not to go in – but then Renji gave him the same look he'd given him when he'd tried putting his finger in and then given up early. "Keep goin'," Renji said, huffing a laugh through his nose, "You won't hurt me, Ichigo." Ichigo nodded, swallowed, and pushed harder, holding his dick straight, and it was the hardest thing he's ever done to not just cum against Renji's asshole.
Finally, his mouth fell open in a gasp as the inflamed sensitive head finally began to penetrate, and then went inside, breaching Renji's warm muscles.
Ichigo hunched slightly, his head dropping between his shoulders and his jaw opening. He'd meant to go in slow, he really had, but he couldn't help it suddenly, his mind going blank but for the implicit command that he rut. He pushed inside more, pressing his hips down and onto Renji's rear, forcing the rest of his dick down his slick hot passage. Oh fuck, it's good, he's so good- Ichigo loved him, he loves this, this is where he always wants to be, Renji- Renji-
Ichigo almost came right away, holding desperately to Renji's waist and breathing raggedly. He held his lower body absolutely still, trying to hold off the crushing weight of the tide. Even thinking about orgasming might put it over-
"Did that hurt? Did- did I hurt you?" he somehow gasped, realizing he'd lost control of himself for a minute there. He can't let go of Renji's hips, using his grip to hold him still and simultaneously press forward against him harder, but he is able to lovingly rub his thumbs against Renji's tummy. Ah, he can't see. Ichigo blinked, blinded by tears. There was too much saliva in his mouth. He can't do anything but hold onto Renji's sides and try not to move, try not to cum.
"No?" There's a sound of movement, probably Renji lifting his head, and damnit, his voice sounded completely normal. Ichigo just panted for a minute, and every time he thinks he's got it under control finally, he thinks about it again, he's inside Renji, they're having sex- and then his dick twitches and takes him near orgasm again. It's unbearable and amazing and Ichigo didn't think he'd fully appreciated life until right now with every inch of his flesh burning in the most exquisite pain.
He dug his fingers into Renji hard, biting his lip viciously. God, this is-
"I told you - you won't hurt me. ... Hey, c'mon, start," Renji urged, apparently confused by his long pause, because he wiggled his hips impatiently. Ichigo just seized him, mouth open, his vision blackening out of existence as his entire core tightened up, forcing him to curl forward. He gasped, then came like he'd never cum before.
It was quiet for a long moment as Ichigo panted like a beached fish. Finally, when he felt like he was back in his body again, corporeal, he heard the stunned words, "Did you just-" and a tidal wave of humiliation crashed over him.
Somebody fucking kill him.
"Pfffsh!" Renji sputtered, and Ichigo curled up a little more, because his laughter sent jolts of raw pleasure through his sensitive cock. "Did you cum?!" Renji started laughing a little bit incredulously, and every time he did, his insides moved around him torturously.
Ichigo gasped that he was sorry and stayed inside, still heaving for breath and trying to hold Renji still. "Oh-" he stuttered, gritting his teeth to try to keep it in, but he couldn't, "Ohhhh."
Renji laughed some more, practically cutting Ichigo's vision to white and driving him to tears. "You came before even moving," he teased through a snort, still in disbelief.
"Shut uuuup!" Ichigo finally howled with what little breath he had, still pressing his hips tightly to Renji's.
Eventually, after a long while of Renji laughing lowly, Ichigo pulled out, and if the humiliation of it wasn't enough, seeing the wet trail following his exit, a single gleaming string connecting them as he moved back clumsily was. He scowled as Renji laughed at him, his face red and head hanging in shame. He was so fucking embarrassed, god, he doesn't think anything more embarrassing has ever happened to him in his entire life.
Unable to stand it, he dove onto the bed next to Renji, knees curled under him as he shoved his head down and held the back of his neck beneath clasped fingers. He wanted to die.
"Aww," Renji hummed, trying to stop himself from laughing to try to get Ichigo to come out, but not completely concealing his amusement. "Aw, c'mon. Don't hide." Renji kissed on his back and neck to coax him out, and eventually Ichigo picked his head up, just a little. "I'm flattered, really," Renji said, grinning from ear to ear, at which Ichigo just let his head flop back down, growling.
"Aw, no, no, I'll be nice," Renji promised, "Come back out." He kissed on Ichigo's ear, his cheek, and Ichigo peeked out a little, face still flushed, but he wants to die a little bit less.
Renji got closer to him, nudging his legs and moving against him, and he nuzzled his face against Ichigo's until he stopped wallowing and returned his embrace. "Sorry," Ichigo mumbled, feeling horribly ashamed. Renji must regret taking him to bed now. All those things he'd said about him being too young, just a kid, far too inexperienced - Ichigo had proved them all right. He must've disappointed Renji so horribly...
"'M sorry..."
"Ichigo," Renji merely hummed against his cheek, snuggling his face into his head. "Ichigo, d'you think I didn't expect that?"
Feeling his heart plummet into his stomach, Ichigo found he couldn't breathe for a moment, his fingers digging into Renji's arms - for a moment, his emotions still wallowing in the depths of shame, he felt as though he could cry. "What?" he breathed.
"I mean, you did surprise me shooting off right away like that, but I did figure it wouldn't take long," Renji continued, but his voice was warm and indulgent; sweet, even. He didn't sound like he was being mean... quite the opposite, in fact. He sounded absolutely endeared to him, and he was holding him so nicely, so lovingly... Ichigo peeked an eye towards Renji's to find him smiling. "That's how it goes, though - it's a first time."
"Why-" Ichigo wondered then, brow scrunching, "Why did you let me, if you knew I was just gonna' wreck the whole thing?"
"Hey, hey, not wreck it," Renji scolded mildly, "I let you 'cause I wanted you ta' enjoy yourself - an' you clearly did," he chuckled. "Maybe a little too much, but that's not the point."
"What is?" Ichigo muttered, feeling a little less like he was going to begin to weep from disgrace.
Renji nosed at his face to turn it up to his, and then guided their mouths together. Ichigo closed his eyes and kissed him back. "Point is we did it," Renji mumbled against his lips, smiling gleefully and holding them together.
"Kind of," Ichigo mumbled back, still very very embarrassed, but he did share some of Renji's excitement. They... they had done it, hadn't they. It didn't seem so scary now with the first time over with, although he knows he won't be able to live tonight's humiliation down for a long time - but all the same, they had done it, they'd joined, even if just for a moment.
Ichigo sighed and closed his eyes, digging his brow into Renji's forehead. Ah, why had he had to go and finish so soon? Renji must think he's such a idiot - this must prove right all Renji's thoughts that he was too young to possibly-
"Don't worry," Renji hummed, kissing his frowning mouth. "It's not like it'll be the only time. You can try again. And me," he said determinedly, squeezing one side of Ichigo's bottom. "Next time I'll make sure to satisfy you."
Ichigo swallowed and nodded, and it was then he noticed that Renji was still hard, his erection hot and trapped between their bellies. "Oh, sorry, uh..." He tried to push himself up on his arms, awkwardly looking down and mumbling, "Do you want me to- Uhh… What should I...?"
Renji smiled, his arms still wrapped around him. Ichigo let Renji roll him over onto his back, and then further so that he was facing away, his back resting against Renji's chest as he came up behind him. Ichigo's eyes involuntarily closed, feeling their bodies touch from shoulders to toes like that. Renji fit his chin against Ichigo's shoulder, nestling their heads together. His erection was hard and hot, pulsating where it pressed firmly against his bottom.
"What're you gonna' do?" Ichigo wondered as Renji pushed up onto one elbow above him. He leaned down to kiss him on the lips, taking Ichigo's upper thigh and pulling it back against him for a moment to grind their bodies together. "Ah-mmh," Ichigo's eyes shut as Renji slid an arm under his neck and turned his face up for a deep kiss, running their tongues together until his mouth felt numb.
Breaking the kiss, his lips wet and glistening, Renji gazed down at him, hair surrounding his face, his eyes glittering, deep and dark. "Cross your legs," he murmured, then suckled at Ichigo's lower lip, moving steadily down to bite at his chin and then lick a path down his neck, then back up to his ear, kissing and nipping at it.
Ichigo could remember hearing someone joke that he had Renji wrapped around his little finger, but he vaguely thought that it was Renji who could get him to do anything he wanted, pull him in and tempt him and coax him enough that he would wait for anything, do anything he wanted, if only Renji would talk to him like that, dark and low, with that rasp to his voice.
Although he was still quite worn out from his previous orgasm, Ichigo's heart still began to pound in excitement and trepidation, and that dark sultry command had him going weak all over. He clumsily fumbled to rearrange, resting one ankle on top of the other. Renji was keeping their faces so close that his slow heavy breathing was all Ichigo could hear and focus on, an endless rhythm. A feverish palm took his leg in hand and adjusted it slightly, and Ichigo peeked behind him as Renji moved back from him a bit and spat into his palm.
"You're not going to - you won't put it in," Ichigo said tentatively, making it come out as a question. Renji moved in, pressing them together, one long length of skin, and Ichigo's breath caught.
"Shhh," he hushed gently, and Ichigo's eyes drifted closed, his breath coming in small puffs. Renji's cock slipped between Ichigo's thighs, right against his ass. "Can I do this?"
Ichigo managed to nod, and let Renji snake his arms around his chest to hold him against him. He let his own hands rest atop his, holding Renji's wrists. It was so hot, Renji's erection crushed there between his legs. Reaching one hand up to turn his face back up to his, Renji coaxed him into a kiss as he rocked forward.
Renji was soon thrusting on him and humming into his mouth, holding them so close together that he hardly had room to move against him to force his dick through the tight space. Ichigo could hear himself moaning softly with each smack of Renji's hips against his back.
Not... not so scary. It was actually really nice, having him this close, glued together from head to toe. That was what Renji was doing, wasn't it, showing him how he'd love him, once they did it - he was showing him how he'd do it to him.
"Ahh, Renji," Ichigo tried, feeling Renji's cock drag against his balls, and he suddenly felt quite hot inside, his lower abdomen tingling unfamiliarly. "Nhhh."
Wrapping his arms tightly around him, Renji came with a heavy grunt, continuing to thrust firmly through his orgasm, but eventually slowing and kissing at his shoulder, the breath from his nose tickling his skin. Ichigo looked down, panting, to the sight of Renji's warm cum rolling down his thigh and wetting the blankets. Renji pried himself off of him and then let Ichigo roll onto his back so they could lay together. He set his head on top of Ichigo's, holding him close, with his hips carefully curled back.
Ichigo closed his eyes and let out a long sigh, and felt much better. Really, his first time hadn't turned out so bad after all. Even with blowing it so quick like that, he felt very grown up, laying there with Renji, covered in sweat from their exertions and holding each other lovingly. He'd had sex - well... sort of...
As if able to read his thoughts, after five minutes of flirting with sleep, Renji mumbled into his hair, "Premature ejaculator."
"Oh my fucking god, will you shut your mouth?!"