~ Daphne ~

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why I wait around for a response from him. I was doing fine before I met him, and then I was doing fine a few months after we had broken up. I was finally able to get my life back on track. I was done dealing the anxiety that came from being separated from my friends because he didn't like them. I was beginning to rebuild relationships that I thought were broken and could never be repaired. I was finally back to looking for the next guy that I could possibly see a future with. One full of happiness and hopefully a house with a family of my own.

Unfortunately, one small interaction is enough to bring me back down this stupid fucking rabbit hole that I have no business being stuck in. It's been four years. He had a chance to come back to me. But he told me no. He told me that he didn't want to be with a drunken bitch who celebrated her birthday just a little too hard. It wasn't my fault everyone was buying me drinks. They all knew I needed them.

I should be moved on and happy with someone else by now. Except here I am, waiting and hoping that I get a message from him every so often. Hoping that just once we could have an honest conversation.

Except that conversation has to be done face to face. There's no way just text messages back and forth would convey the exact feelings that still seemed to linger between us. It was a conversation that would most likely never happen because we were at different points in our lives.

He is living with his girlfriend and I am living with friends. He has moved on with his life and I am still basking in the glory of a time that has since past. He seems happy and I can feel my depression sinking back in.

Theo: I mean, I prefer the fun kind. But it's up you.

It's always up to me. I hate when he says that. If it were up to me, we'd still be together and he wouldn't be dating her. We would have an apartment of our very own and I'd have the most beautiful engagement ring on my left hand. We would finally be settling down and starting a family of our very own.

Happy for once.

Unfortunately, that's not the answer he wants to hear. He wants me to start some sexy banter back and forth, so that he's able to sleep at night when she goes to bed early and leaves him with a nasty case of blue balls. So of course, the logical answer is to seek out the assistance of your ex-girlfriend.

Makes me wonder when that became the acceptable thing to do to a person.