January 21st, 2017
Chloe smiled, thinking that Maze had been insane suggesting a get-together at their condo. Of course, all precautions had been taken: Trixie was spending time at Dan's house for the weekend. Chloe thought the relationship odd between Maze and Amenadiel: a constant love and hate, on and off again relationship that show some emotional bonding, but more so just sexual due to dirty laundry resulting from soiled sheets.
It had started as an ordinary evening with Lucifer and Amenadiel cooking for the ladies in the kitchen and serving it with all the poshness of a five-star restaurant. Chloe took the opportunity to ask questions about Heaven and Hell, finding it mildly amusing that the three never found it unusual that she asked. Recently, her feelings for Lucifer had changed; subtly and slowly without her immediate notice.
After conferring with Lorne at Caritas, Josh in the Bathroom about the Grander Scheme of the Universe and Dr. McCoy about her paranormal medical findings, Chloe didn't know if she'd been caught in a mass delusion or if she were simply spiraling into insanity. Had she told anyone that her partner was Satan, a demon was her roommate, God was her handyman and heaven's eldest angel was her roommate's boinking buddy, she surely would've been recommended therapy.
Lucifer had brought Chloe her favorite drink: Tequila. No, Lucifer didn't bring just any generic version, be brought her the high end version that would've been a good portion of her weekly paycheck: Rey Sol Anejo. He had introduced her to the exclusive tequila one evening after shift at Lux and Chloe quickly love the flavor of spicy vanilla flavor with a hint of a caramel.
She watched after dinner how Amenadiel's inhibitions melted away with his imbibing of peach schnapps. Eventually he and Maze wandered away from dinner and Chloe knew she was alone in doing the dishes once she heard Maze's door slam shut. Being responsible, she cleared the dinner table and Lucifer, in his grandiose flamboyance, made it a point to remind her how he was helping her.
"Have you ever been in love, Lucifer?" Chloe asked, filling the new granite-composite sink with water.
"No, why ever would you ask such an odd question?" Lucifer looked at as if she'd grown a third eye, clearing his throat and looking for a new distraction.
"Why do you sleep with everyone?" Chloe looked at him with a forlorn look in her eyes. "Have you ever thought about settling down with just one person?"
"What and not share this with the world?" Lucifer motioned up and down himself. "I am God's gift after all, the Lightbringer and all that."
"Forget I asked," Chloe sniffed, feeling hot tears start to form behind her eyelids She sniffed once. "I figured as much."
"No, Darling, wait," he put a hand on her shoulder, his head leaning slightly to the side. "You're serious."
"Forget it."
"It's not about actually being God's gift. I was only joking."
"Why do you sleep with everyone, Lucifer?" Chloe couldn't find the courage to look him in the eye when she asked that question.
"I love sex, it's delightful….and, I suppose, it makes me feels as though I've found my home, but sometimes, I feel….empty."
Chloe didn't look at him, nodding once and wishing she hadn't drank so much damned tequila.
"Detective," Lucifer replied, giving her a quizzical look. "I think I tried filling an emptiness with sex that can't be filled, but I think I've learned what did it all the long and I just didn't realize it."
"I couldn't that way," Chloe hiccupped, pouring bleach into the rinse water. "Do you want to wash or dry?"
"Detective, you can't be serious?" he looked down at her. "Did you not hear what I said?"
"You eat here, you clean here," Chloe's stern voice gave him no room to get out of dishes. "Wash or dry?"
"Dry," he answered, picking up a yellow floral dishtowel. "That's not what I meant. Have you ever felt so empty and lonely, Detective, that you'd do anything to fill that void?"
"I understand," Chloe gave Lucifer a knowing glance. "For you, it's sex and for me it's work."
"Sex is much more fun, Detective," Lucifer gave a smug nod and wriggled his brows, silently daring her to disagree.
"Speak for yourself. Just because I'm lonely doesn't mean I don't go around treating my body like a bus station where everyone gets free use of it," Chloe dunked the dinner plates into the water while grabbing the scrub brush. "I don't know if I was born or chose to be this way, but I believe in monogamy and casual sex does nothing for me."
Lucifer felt the effects of the whiskey as he stood next to the Detective, knowing his favorite alcohol had affected his better judgment and his ability to speak clearly. He glanced over at his partner hard at work scrubbing one of the dinner plates. Lucifer couldn't recall when he'd last seen Chloe appear this relaxed, this beautiful, anytime during their association. Here eyes were wide and dark blue, innocent and sensuous all at once.
"Detective, being a bit judgmental much?" he asked, taking the plate from chlorinated rinse water and drying it by had with the yellow dishtowel. "What do you truly you think of me?"
"Hmm..," Chloe felt the tequila loosen her tongue. "Do you want me to be honest or be nice?
"I have never lied to you nor will I ever," his voice grew soft. "Truly, would I be such a bad boyfriend?"
"Boyfriend?" Chloe snorted. "You are joking, right?"
"No, Detective, as a matter of fact," Lucifer's indignation punctuated every word. "I'm not."
"Lucifer, you're a man-whore," Chloe scoffed, watching Lucifer's eyes grow wide with her bluntness. "You fuck anything with a pulse and you don't care. Diseases, unplanned pregnancy? Do you even think of the consequences? You've slept with everyone else in L.A."
"I can't father children and I can't catch a disease unless you're within 300 feet of me," he said, locking his gaze onto the dish he was currently drying. He placed the dish onto the drying rack. "And I haven't slept with everyone. I haven't slept with you, now have I, Detective?"
"And can't you call me Chloe just once?" Chloe's blunt question hinted anger in her tone. "Why can't you call me by my name, Chloe?"
"Because you're special and everyone calls you Chloe," Lucifer said softly. "I want to call you something no one else does."
"Sorry to disappoint, but that's my name," she sighed. "I'm just plain and boring Chloe Jane Decker."
"Chloe," Lucifer put the dishtowel aside, turning to her and catching her hands in his. "You are neither plain nor boring to me. You are so much more to me than I've thought possible, in ways that words fail to describe."
"You almost have me believing you care, Lucifer," she smirked. "As far as our so-called moment, I let my emotions get the best of me the other night, okay? I made a mistake. You and me, it's not happening."
"I do care, more than you imagine. How can I be worthy of you? How can I show you?"
"You don't have to be worthy of me," Chloe sighed. "You have to accept, Lucifer, that we are very different people with very different priorities. Monogamy being one."
Lucifer's dark eyes brightened as he watched Chloe washing the shot glasses. "Detec-, er, Chloe, you value a person who is always honest with you, that you can count upon, right?"
"Of course," she agreed.
"You said those things about me court," he continued, a slow smile coming to his face.
"Everything I said about you in court was absolutely true," Chloe's attention left the shot glass in her hand as she reached for a turquoise plate that once belonged to her grandmother. "You are a good partner and a friend, but it'll never be more than that."
"You said that you believe in monogamy," Lucifer said with a grin. "having a sexual relationship with only one partner at time. So, you thought about having sex with me?"
"Get over it, Lucifer!" Chloe glared at her partner, poking the scrub bush into his chest. "There will be no sex."
"What if I became monogamous?"
Chloe's favorite Fiestaware plate slipped from her hands and shattered into pieces and the tile floor. "What?"
"After Jana left the other night, I wondered how I could be what you need. I've had an epiphany: I'll be monogamous. For you, I'd do it if you'd have me."
"Lucifer, a person doesn't just give up a way of life on a whim."
"One can if that person lo-" Blue eyes darted in his direction. Lucifer cleared his throat and chose his words. "er, longs to make a change, Chloe."
"Easier said than done, Lucifer. Pardon me, if I'm more than skeptical."
"I know Detective Douche hurt you and you don't trust many people, but you've said you can let your guard down with me," Lucifer flashed her a perfect white smile. "If I don't shag anyone for a month, would you reconsider me and give me a chance?"
"Lucifer, you don't need to prove yourself to me," Chloe rolled her eyes. "And there's so much more to monogamy than keeping your dick inside your zipper. Monogamy is a sign that you care enough for another person to put aside sexual desire for others out of consideration for the person you're with. That just isn't you."
"Chloe Jane, what if it could be?" he asked His rich, deep baritone voice made Chloe shiver where she stood. "I want you to know what you mean to me and I'll do whatever it takes for you to know how special you are to me. Let me show you that I can be a good boyfriend. Give me a chance to prove myself to you."
"I-" she didn't know what to say at that point.
"I promise no intimate contact with anyone of either sex, not so much as a peck on the cheek," he solemnly held up his hand. "so help me Dad, except for you. You'll be the only one I kiss or touch in any fashion."
"You're serious, aren't you?" Chloe's eyes widened slightly.
"Quite," he declared. His eyes held a faint glow of crimson that Chloe recognized, wondering if it were her acceptance of that unspoken nature or part of her delusion.
"Lucifer, it's not your nature-"
"Free will, Detective, free will," he interrupted. "I'll will be as pure as the driven snow if only to earn your kiss. If I prove myself worthy to you as a good boyfriend, I ask only for a kiss in return."
Chloe studied those dark onyx eyes for a moment and say Lucifer's earnestness and sincerity. He never admitted it, but Chloe saw his proverbial heart on his sleeve. He'd never lied to her in all the time they'd worked together. She trusted Lucifer Morningstar with her life, her child, but not her heart. He'd shatter her in heart into a thousand shards just like the broken Fiestaware plate that lay in pieces on the floor.
Was Lucifer capable of keeping such a promise? Did Lucifer have a heart human enough to break? Was he worth the risk of being hurt again? She counted on him for so much, but she'd never admit it aloud or he'd never let her hear the end of it. How she wanted to just lose her barriers and simply in Lucifer's love. More yet, how she longed to know if she could love him in return.
Chloe turned to Lucifer, looking ruggedly handsome with his five-o'-clock shadow, rolled up shirt sleeves and navy blue waistcoat.
"I'd like to find out if you can keep that promise, Lucifer," she gave him a smile. "Truly, I would. I'd be happy to be wrong and give you that kiss, it only it could be. I just don't see how, Lucifer."
"Chloe, oh my Chloe," he pulled her to him, touching his brow to hers, tucking a stray tendril of blonde behind one ear. "How I long to be what you need. Those lovers I had, I gave them empty pleasures and I took mine as well. If there is a better way to live, I want to live it with you."
***********
January 24th, 2017.
Lucifer walked along the beach where he had first landed and where he had commanded Maze to amputate his wings. This is where he staged their burning though he had them still conveniently locked away. What Amenadiel and Maze didn't know wouldn't hurt him. He stared out toward the ocean, remembering how it was the first sound that greeted him his first night on earth. He remembered the moonlight, the pain and the freedom of those first few moments on Earth.
Now, new pain stabbed him, slicing a part of him away from the rest of his being. First, it had been wings and, now, the realization that Chloe had been right all the long. He wasn't what she needed and he'd never be able to be good enough in her eyes for him to be in her life as more than partner and friend.
"Hey," her voice broke his melancholy reverie. "I've been looking for you everywhere. I tracked your phone's GPS."
"Well, here I am." he said with more cheerfulness that he felt.
"Well, we should wrap up the arrest report, and by that I mean paperwork, not some celebratory drink that you'll then turn into a moment. I had too much tequila the other night."
Lucifer chuckled at the painful reality of conversation, putting on his blazer to get away from the bittersweet pain of being next to Chloe. "Yes, and I do agree with you about that, actually. Not just the tequila, of course, but that I realized it would never work out between us."
"Really?"
"Indeed," Lucifer's looked over the ocean and back to his Detective. "So, from this point on, no more tequila or attempted moments. I'd be honored to simply continue working by your side, if you'll have me."
"I see," Chloe's brows furrowed with deep thought. "It's not like you to quit."
"No, Detective, I have quite, I've chosen to end my attempts at wooing you."
"Why now after all this time?" she asked.
"I've had an epiphany, of sorts. You deserve someone worthy of you and that isn't me."
"That's not what I've been saying, Lucifer," Chloe started.
"I know. It's what I'm saying. You.. deserve someone better because you, Detective, are selfless to a nauseating degree. You always put your daughter first, even though the ungrateful urchin does nothing to contribute to the rent." With hands shoved deep within his pockets, Lucifer reminded Chloe of a shy schoolboy.
Chloe couldn't her laugh at his sarcasm.
"You deserve someone worthy of that grace. Someone who knows that every crime scene breaks your heart, even though you'd never admit it. Someone who actually appreciates your impossibly boring middle name. Jane. More importantly, Detective, you deserve someone as good as you... because... well, you're special and I'm... I'm not worth it."
Lucifer had listened. She heard it his voice and saw it in his eyes. Humility, loss, pain. Love. For the first time in all the time, she'd known Lucifer, Chloe saw him put another person's needs before his own. Perhaps, he'd been doing that all the long.
Every lover of his interviewed had said three things: it was the best night of sex they'd ever had when they'd each been with Lucifer. Secondly, he had worshiped them, being creatively different with them and being attuned to their sexual needs. He'd taken great pride in giving them pleasure first before taking his own. He had honor, he'd said the other night his life had felt empty. The people of interest said he'd been generous. Lucifer had brought her burgers and fries, held her as she cried when he'd said such wonderful words about her father and became her strength when her world fell apart.
He had done that only for her. Emotional monogamy. Devotion in it's truest, purist form came from his heart. He just didn't realize it and neither had she until that moment on the beach.
Chloe made her decision. She trusted this man in her life and with her life a thousand times and more. He made her a better detective and, in the midst of all the Luciferness, had become her best friend. Chloe Decker wanted more.
"Yeah, you're probably right." Chloe stepped forward, hoping it wasn't too late. Reaching up on her tiptoes, she brought her lips to his softly, quickly and then pulled away. Her silent questions and hopes reflected in those blue eyes that mirrored the silver of the sea.
"Detective," there was a breathy quality to Lucifer's deep voice, its confidence lost and replaced by question and hope. Chloe said nothing as she threaded her fingers in the dark hair at the nape of his neck and they kissed. Citrus and cinnamon. Smoke and Silver.