Chapter 8

Rachel strolled out of the Ralph Lauren building, tired, annoyed, and disheveled. As much 'fun' her work was thought out to be, there would always be days like this when she'd be stuck doing inventory all day with the only thought of counting down the minutes until the day ended. She could never have that passion others had for their jobs, even if fashion was her dream job. Especially days like today, she just wanted to go home and relax. Well actually, she just wanted to spend the rest of the day with him, but even that was now something she was unsure of.

3 months have passed since he'd awakened from his coma but its felt like years for her. Ever since she helped him remember some aspects of his past life, including his marriages and Ben, she couldn't stop thinking back to the past. Sometimes random items or words people say would remind her of the old times, specifically with Ross, when they had been dating or when he had been incredibly sweet and caring towards her. But then she'd return to reality and be reminded that this was not the same Ross she's grown to love but rather one that knew nothing of their past relationship and history, and that was beginning to leave her rather deep emotional scar.

She missed him dearly and it was becoming harder and harder for her to look at him and pretend like she didn't have any feeling for him. Her heart ached for the real him, her Ross, and after 3 months of waiting, the pain of having to hide her feelings was finally catching up to her.

Just thinking of him began to make her tear up and she had to discretely wipe a single tear from her eye as she crossed the street.

Be strong Rachel, be strong for him, she repeated in her head, although she's been saying that so many times in the past week she was beginning to doubt herself.

Why couldn't he just remember by now so they could live happily ever after? She wanted to kiss him, touch him, show him how much he meant to her in both words and feelings. She wanted to love him and for him to love her back, she wanted to be with him for the rest of her life and beyond. Together, Ross and Rachel, Rachel and Ross, forever.

And yet, fate always had a way of screwing her over and toying with her feelings. In making her suffer over and over again until she finally broke. And judging by the amount of pain she was beginning to feel each day, she was nearing that breaking point.

I just want him back, is that so much to ask for?

She knew she should have gone to church when she was younger.

Turning the corner of the block, she spotted the coffee house a few doors down and quietly recomposed herself. She was far too emotionally overwhelmed to have to deal with the questions from her friends, even if they knew exactly how she had been feeling lately. She just wanted to relax, forget about work and life's hardships, and spend the rest of her day with him. Whether it is talking all night or a movie, she didn't care. As long as she could be in his presence so that he could comfort her and care for her like only he can, she can forget about everything else… at least for today.

As she entered Central Perk she spotted her friends sitting around the table, staring at something over in the direction of the back of the coffee house.

"Hey you guys," she greeted, rounding the couch and placing her bag on the vacant chair. Nobody even bothered looking in her direction and all she got were some muttered 'hellos' and 'hi's'. She looked at them curiously, noticing the astonished looks on their faces.

"Ok, what are you all staring at that is so important?" she questioned, straining her neck to see what they were looking at. As if only now was her voice recognizable, Monica turned to her and her eyes widened.

"Rachel!" Monica exclaimed and quickly scampered off the couch to give her an unsuspecting hug, turning her away from the direction everyone was looking at. "H-how are you?" she asked awkwardly, blocking her field of view by waving her hand in front of her face.

"Not much Mon…" she started, trying to see around her waving hand. Why was she being so secretive? "What are you guys looking at?"

"Nothing, nothing at all. Right guys?" Monica turned to the others but got no response as they all continued to stare in the same direction. In that split second that she was distracted, she quickly moved Monica's hand away and was finally able to see what everyone else was seeing.

And what she saw made her eyes widen in panic.

"Noooooo!" she gasped, finally getting everyone else's attention as all their expressions turned into surprise and worry.

Sitting a couple tables down was none other than the man that had been on her mind all day, however he wasn't alone. At the table with him were three incredibly attractive women; two brunettes and a blonde, who were blatantly flirting with him. To make matters worse, the blonde was sitting extremely close to him and was even stroking his arm as they all listened to something he was saying.

How dare those SLUTS touch her man! That was her Ross, hers. If they wanted one, they could go out and find one but this one was hers. A wave of sadness passed through her body, mixing with her anger to create this emotion of both fiery rage and heartbroken pain.

She did not need this right now.

"Oh, we're so sorry honey," Monica tried to comfort, rubbing her shoulders. "This is why I tried to stop you from seeing this."

"H-how did he… when did he…" she stammered, the pain in her voice blatantly obvious.

"We don't know," Phoebe quipped, turning to her with a sympathetic look. "We got here and saw him with them already."

"And by them, you mean those incredibly hot ladies!" Joey added but looked away after meeting Monica's ice cold glare.

"Is-is he flirting with them?" she asked in disbelief as her sad eyes tried to look for his but his back was turned to them.

"Well he's definitely not just talking about the weather," Chandler joked, trying to lighten up the mood with his humour.

"But… but… but he's terrible at flirting!"

"I know right, it's so weird," Phoebe added and they all looked over just in time to see him whisper something to the girls, resulting in all three of them to giggle.

"Well he sure looks like he knows what he's doing," Monica commented but flinched at her comment when she saw Rachel's hurt look. They all turned to watch him as he continued to flirt with the three women.

"I got it," Chandler said suddenly, snapping his fingers, "I know who that is!"

"What? That's Ross! Otherwise we've been staring at some stranger for the past half an hour."

Chandler shook his head. "No, no, it's Ross, but a different Ross. Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to Ross Geller of 1987-1988."

Everyone just gave him a weird look. "You mean his first two years of college?" Monica asked.

"Exactly, none of you know this but when I first met him, Ross was a real ladies' man."

"Are you kidding? Ross? Our Ross?" Phoebe questioned with an amused look on her face.

"No, I'm serious. Girls used to be all over him back then. If anything, he was even popular for those two years. But then he met Carol and his flirting skills just disappeared like that and he became the college geek."

"Yeah right, I used to visit you guys all the time and not once have I seen him be all flirty with other girls," Monica pointed out.

"That's because you always came with Rachel," he reasoned, nodding to her who was secretly keeping a close on Ross at the other table. "The only times he wasn't 'Sir Flirts A Lot' was when he was studying or when Rachel was around."

"Huh, that's so weird. I can't believe Ross used to be good with women," Joey stated.

Chandler chuckled slightly, remembering something. "Hehe, actually…uh… his flirtation skills were one of the reasons why I actually became friends with him to begin with."

"Chandler!" Monica exclaimed, slapping his arm.

"What? Oh come on, I came from an all boys school! How else was I supposed to learn how to talk to girls?"

Suddenly loud laughter was heard and they turned to see it coming from the girls at Ross' table. He must have said something funny or done something humorous because it seemed like the three of them were scooting to be closer with him.

Rachel's eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh no! Look, she's got her hand on his thigh! No, no, no, I-I can't keep watching this! Go… go do something!"

"Ok!" Joey said almost immediately and started to get up but was stopped by Chandler who just shook his head. "Oh come on! There are three of them, there are three of us! Let's go get laid!"

"Joey!" she exclaimed, the pain of imagining Ross with some other women dug into her more.

"Sorry Rach but they're so hot!" And this time Chandler set him down and made him stop talking.

She pouted and she felt Monica gently rub her shoulders. "Oh, I'm sorry honey but we can't just go over there."

"Well I can't just stand here. If you don't do something then I will."

"No Rach, you can't-."

Monica tried to stop her by grabbing onto her arm but she got out of her grip. She began making her way over to his table, trying to recompose herself before she got there. Finally, she took a deep breath and put on a fake smile, sauntering over to him.

"Hey you," she interrupted him in a soft voice, rubbing his shoulders to get his attention. Before he could say anything, to add onto her little act, she bent down and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, slightly surprising him a bit.

"Hey Rach," he greeted as she slid down to hold onto his arm, slapping away the blonde's hand. He smiled at her with those large brown eyes and for a split second, she forgot what she was doing for a moment. "Oh sorry, where are my manners. Rachel, this is Tiffany, Kristen, and Britney."

The girls gave her a quick 'hello' and she responded by sending a dirty look that clearly read 'back off'. All three of them seemed to understand and the blonde that was right up next to him moved away to let her between them.

An awkward silence passed by as the three women looked extremely uncomfortable, obviously buying her act that she and Ross were together. One of the brunettes coughed and stood up, grabbing her jacket from her seat.

"Well it was nice talking with you Ross but we should get going."

"Yeah, it was nice talking to you too Kristen," he said and as the gentlemen he was, he helped the women with their jackets. She silently scowled at the blonde who had given him a thankful smile and she shyly looked away.

Still clinging onto his arm, she and Ross watched as the three women made their way to the door. One of them stopped, however, and gave him a slip of paper.

"If, uh, that doesn't work out then give me a call," Tiffany said, avoiding her death glare then quickly left the coffee house with the other two. Ross looked at the card and smiled, putting it in his pocket while she was trying extremely hard not to take the slip of paper and rip it in half.

"So Ross, who was that?" Monica asked when they rejoined the group.

"Oh, just some people I met when I came for some coffee," he said, grabbing his jacket. "They're really nice."

"And really hot!" Joey added, earning a glare from everyone.

Rachel cleared her throat to get his attention, not wanting to dwell on the subject for too long. "Hey, so do you want to catch a movie later?"

"Sorry Rach, I can't today. I already told the guys that I'd go to the Rangers' game with them," he said as Chandler and Joey fist bumped and her heart sunk. He was supposed to be the one to comfort her today but apparently nothing ever goes her way anymore.

Seeing her saddened look made him feel guilty and he gently lifted her chin to look her in the eyes. "Hey, listen if I knew you wanted to go see a movie then I wouldn't have agreed to going to the game. Tell you what; I'm all yours tomorrow if nothing else comes up."

At least she took comfort in knowing he'd rather spend time with her than with the other guys.

"W-well what about now?" she asked softly and he scrunched up his face.

"I'd love to but I'm meeting Mike at the gym in 10 minutes and I'm supposed to set him up on a date with Pheebs over here," he explained, turning to Phoebe who nodded to clarify.

"Hey, don't forget to pick up those groceries for me," Monica reminded him.

"I'll bring them by before we head out for the game."

"You know, I can get groceries for you," Chandler said but got laughter in return.

"You? Grocery shopping?" Monica laughed. "Do you remember what happened the last time I sent you out for groceries?"

Chandler took a moment to think about it and then the memory returned to him. He blushed slightly and nodded. "Good point. Ross, it's all yours."

Ross took a mocking bow and turned to head out but before he could, Rachel stopped him by grabbing his arm.

"Wait, what time are you going to get back?" she asked, wanting to know when she'd get to see him later. She desperately wanted to spend time with him.

"I'm not sure Rach, probably really late since the game starts at 9."

"Oh, ok…" Now she was really disappointed. She might not even get to see him again today.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," he looked at his watch and frowned after seeing the time. "I'll talk to you later ok?" He gave her a light kiss on her forehead before leaving the coffee house, her sad eyes following him until he disappeared past the crowd of people outside.

"See ya…" she whispered inaudibly and buried her face into her hands.

"Aw Rach, don't cry," Monica soothed, rubbing her shoulders. "Everything is going to be alright."

"No it won't!" she countered, tears threatening her eyes as she looked up at her friends. "I'm losing him already! He-he's got this whole other life now and… and I'm not part of it!"

"No, don't think like that Rach. Didn't you hear him say he'd spend the day with you tomorrow? You're not losing him."

"Ok, w-well what about the flirting? How can he be looking for someone already?" she whined. Now tears were really falling from her face. Normally she'd never act like this in public but she was too emotional to care.

Monica glanced at the other friends, sharing the same look as they did. They all shared the same thoughts and had talked about it a bit before she came, but they also knew she would not take it well.

"Rachel, sweetie, I, uh… I think I speak for all of us when I say I think it's a good thing that Ross is looking for someone," Monica started, although she partially regretted saying that when Rachel's head shot up revealing her pained expression.

"What?" she asked in disbelief. How could they be ok with this?

"Hear me out ok? I think it's great that Ross is looking for someone because it means he's healing. Didn't you hear Chandler say that this is how he acted back in college? If that means his memories are returning then isn't that a good thing?"

"Monica's right Rach," Chandler said, jumping in. "Dating will help him heal and also to learn about relationships first-hand. Don't you remember the doctor saying that he'll need time to grow and experience everything again?"

"But what about me? Why can't he date me?" she questioned rhetorically, her eyes becoming glossy from the tears. "I'm available!"

"Oh, honey, you know that he can't jump into anything serious right away," Monica reasoned. "He needs to date other people and learn at his own pace."

"B-but what if he finds someone and falls in love with them? They'll go out and get married… and have kids… then-then he'll forget about me." She cried even harder, imagining it all happen in her head.

"Don't be ridiculous Rachel, he loves you!" Phoebe exclaimed. "You're lobsters remember? You're meant for each other!"

"Besides, he doesn't even know what love is," Joey pointed out but his comment only made her sob harder.

"So why does he have to date other people? I'll help him heal! I-I'll help him learn!" She just couldn't stand the thought of him with someone else.

"Rachel enough," Monica said sternly and caught her teary eyes. "If you love him and want him to heal, you have to let him date other people. We know it's tough honey, and we know how much it must hurt seeing him with someone else but this is for his own good. If you want to help him, you need to be his friend. Not someone who you want him to date."

She sniffled and looked down at the ground, letting a couple tears drop to the floor. She knew she was right, and she knew that she had to let him go. At least until he healed a little on his own. Even if she had to sit back and painfully watch as he dated someone else, she knew it was the right thing to do. She had to do it for him.

"Can you do that? Can you be his friend?" Monica asked softly.

She looked up, wiping away the tears and managed to nod weekly. "O-ok…"

Monica smiled and wrapped her in a much needed hug, allowing her to let out her last sobs into her shoulder. The others also came over to gently rub her back, reminding her she'd still have them when she needed.

"…I want him back…" She cried into Monica's shoulder as she gently stroked her hair.

"We know honey… we know."

…

Rachel sobbed silently and covered her mouth as the Old Yeller's owner was forced to shoot his beloved best friend, killing him and letting him go forever.

She knew how that felt, to love someone so much but have to let them go. The movie gave a perfect representation of how she felt at the moment; lost… destroyed… devastated… with no will power to want to go on after letting go, or in her case, not wanting to let go in the first place. It was a one-sided conflict with the right choice clear in mind, but her aching heart refusing to give in.

And so she cried, not only because of how sad the ending of Old Yeller was, but because she saw herself in the movie, letting go of the one person who mattered to her the most. Even if it was only temporarily, it still hurt.

Suddenly the front door opened and Ross walked in, a little surprised that she was still up but especially surprised to see tears streaking down her face.

"Hi," she whispered softly, still crying a little. He quickly hung up his jacket and rushed over to her, engulfing her in a hug that she's been wanting from him all day.

"Watching Old Yeller?" he asked, recognizing the ending scene of the movie.

She nodded silently and snuggled up to him, enjoying the feeling of his embrace with the only thought that soon, he'd be sharing this moment with someone else. Whoever that someone else was, she hoped they'd understand just how lucky they are going to be to be with someone like him.

The two of them continued to watch the ending scenes until the closing credits finally appeared. He gently stroked her hair and gave her a reassuring kiss on the head, releasing his arms that were around her.

"It's a sad movie isn't it?"

"Yeah…" she choked on her own word, knowing it was far more depressing for her. She decided to change the subject. "So how was the game?"

"Oh it was great! You should've seen it, the game was tied and they had to go into overtime. Leetch had the puck and he took it up to center ice when…" he paused, seeing the clueless look on her face and laughed. "… and you don't have a clue of what I'm talking about."

"Not at all," she responded and had to laugh as well. She had never been into sports and frankly, never understood them either.

A moment passed of comfortable silence; a silence only they could ever achieve together. The few seconds allowed her to recollect her thoughts and her mind drifted to the thing she desperately wanted to confront him about.

"S-so," she started nervously, playing with her fingers, "Monica tells me you're looking for a date."

"Yeah, here check it out." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of paper, tossing them all onto the apothecary table. She reached over to spread them out and her eyes widened when she saw how each little slip of paper contained a name of a girl followed by their number.

"D-did you get these all today?" she asked, astounded that he managed to get 7 numbers in one day. That even topped Joey's record.

He nodded. "It's funny, you go up to hold a normal conversation with someone and somewhere down the line, you're handed their number."

"That is funny!" She forced a laugh that didn't come out too well and quickly turned to the slips of paper, frowning at the number of girls that were interested in him. Seven girls. Seven! Each slip of paper was like a little bullet, piercing her heart and creating this huge gaping hole. "S-so are you planning on calling any of them?"

Ross just shrugged. "Eventually yes, but I'm not sure which one to choose."

"I-is there a reason for why you decided to start dating now?" She had to know, for her own sake.

"Well, I started wondering how it feels to be passionate with someone, you know. Like how Chandler and Monica are. I remember the concept of dating but I can never really pick out a certain memory of a date before so I thought I might try it out and give it a shot."

You can be passionate with me! She complained in her head but didn't dare say it in real life. Instead, she put on a fake smile. The others were right, he was healing, but she was still struggling to come to terms with the fact that he was going to date other people.

He needs you to be his friend, not someone you want him to date.

Monica's words rang true in her mind and she knew she had to let him go. She had to be his friend, not his lover. A friend. But nobody said this friend couldn't help him make decisions.

"Ok!" she exclaimed in a fake gleeful tone, startling him a bit. "If you're having trouble remembering stuff about dating then maybe I should help you out."

"You? Help me out?"

"Sure! I'm a girl. I've been on dates," she reasoned. "Trust me, I have experience dating people who you should date and shouldn't date."

"Really? So do you think you can help me out with these numbers?"

"Of course! What are… friends for?" she said, choking a little on the word 'friends'.

"Ok, wow, thanks Rach, what would I do without you?" And her heart sunk a bit, seeing how much trust he was putting into her. He picked up three slips and showed them to her. "Alright, well here are numbers of those three girls you met at the coffee house."

She immediately frowned. She did not like those girls at all, all flirtatious and touching with him. "And what do they do?" she questioned in a sour tone.

"They're models."

"Oh no, you don't want to date models. They're shallow and disrespectful and I hear most of them cheat on their boyfriends," she lied, sinking down to the stereotypes of these women. She grabbed the three numbers and ripped them in two, feeling surprisingly relieved after she did.

"Ok, well what about this one? She's a nurse," he said, handing her another number.

"Nooo, you don't want to date a nurse either. They're always on call and you never know when they might need to rush to the hospital for something."

"That's a bad thing?"

"Of course!" She turned to him and grabbed his hands. "Um… ok, imagine you're on a date with this nurse at this really fancy restaurant. Suddenly her cell phone goes off and she needs to go to the hospital for an emergency. Now you're stuck alone in the restaurant with no date and you're still forced to pay the bill. That's not a good relationship if you ask me."

His lips curled downwards and he handed her the number for her to rip up. 4 down, 3 to go.

"Alright, tell me about these last three," she suggested, holding up the last few slips of paper.

"Grocery clerk, company director, and I'm not sure what she does but she mentioned something about a night club."

"Nope, nope, and definitely not," she concluded, ripping them in two and dusting her hands off. She felt a wave of relief fill her body but she hardened up when she saw the attentive look on his face.

She hated playing Devil's Advocate. It made her feel shallow, judging people by their jobs before even meeting them. Truthfully, she just wasn't ready to give him up, not yet at least. It was selfish and inconsiderate but she couldn't do it. It was hard enough knowing she'd have to let him go soon, and she certainly didn't want him to leave her for some horny slut he met off the streets.

"Don't you think you're being a little judgemental Rach? I mean, I met all those women and they all seemed like nice people," he pointed out and she winced slightly, hoping he didn't see through her white lies.

"People are always nice on their first impression," she tried to play off but his facial expression remained. She sighed and gave his hands a squeeze. "Honey, I just don't want to see you hurt. I want you to choose the right person for you; someone who will make you happy." And that wasn't a lie.

He smiled and gave her a hug. "I know you do Rach, I trust you."

A wave of guilt filled her body as his words made her feel worse about herself. He trusted her, yet here she was lying to his face because she wasn't willing to let him go. What kind of friend was that?

The kind that was in love.

…

A couple days later, Ross and Rachel walked into Allesandro's, having been invited to a special dinner by Monica who had insisted all of them to come. As they arrived, they asked for Monica Geller's table in which the waiter kindly directed them to a large table in the back near the kitchen.

The week had gone by as a struggle for Rachel as she had been forced to put on the act of the 'best friend' instead of the 'interested lover'. Each and every night, Ross would return with a couple phone numbers, each one drilling a hole into her already pained heart. She was jealous and had all the reason to be. All these women he met had no idea of how charming, and caring, and amazing, and sweet this guy was, and she was jealous of every single one of them. Truth be told, she still wasn't willing to let go of him yet and that certainly didn't help the internal conflict she was having with herself.

Earlier she had received a scolding from Monica after telling her what she had done, and though she had understood why she was doing this, she had also reminded her that if she loved him, she had to let him go. And knowing this, Rachel knew that she had to come to a decision soon.

"Guys! I'm so glad you could make it!"

Both of them turned to see Monica run over and pull them both into a large hug. Having come straight from the kitchen, she was dressed in all white with her large chef hat properly placed upon her head.

"We didn't have much of a choice, you left an extremely demanding message on the answering machine," Ross joked and earned a playful slap from his sister.

"Monica!" A loud whine was heard.

The three of them turned to the table where Joey was sitting with Phoebe and Chandler, rubbing his stomach with a desperate look on his face.

"You promised me food! I'm hungry!" he whined and Chandler rolled his eyes.

"Here, eat this," he said, handing him the flower from the middle of the table. Joey took one look at the flower, as if to inspect, until he finally shrugged and ripped of a pedal to place in his mouth.

"No! Don't eat that!" Monica yelled quickly and snatched the flower away from him, gently placing it back in its vase. She glared at both of them as Ross and Rachel took their seats, laughing along with Phoebe.

Suddenly a blonde waiter walked over, seeing that everyone had arrived and took out her notepad to record their orders. As she approached the table, she saw Ross and gave him a small smile which he returned, something that didn't go unnoticed by Rachel.

"Hi, my name is Mona and I'll be serving you all tonight," she introduced, passing around some menus. "As you may know, we have a special all-you-can-eat offer exclusively for today."

"Awesome!" Joey exclaimed, licking his lips as he scanned over the menu.

Monica rolled her eyes and turned to the waiter. "It's alright Mona; I'll take care of their food for today. If you can just get them some drinks then that'd be great."

"Sure no problem," Mona responded with a smile and Monica returned to the kitchen. "So what would you guys like to drink?"

"We're not sure, you guys up for some wine?" Ross asked and they all kind of shrugged. "Well I guess we'll have one of your best wines."

"Ok, then how about I bring you two bottles of the '74 Lafite?"

Ross raised an eyebrow. "The '74? How about the '75 instead."

Mona looked at him with a little admiration seeing how he caught onto her little attempt of selling the worse of the two wines. "Wow, you caught me. I'm impressed you know your wine so well."

Ross shrugged and smiled. "You know what they say, a gentlemen needs to know their wines."

"Hmm… so will that be two '75s for the gentlemen?"

"That would be great," he responded, leaning in a bit to whisper quietly. "Although if you still need someone to buy the '74, I'll pay for one and you can just dump it out in the back."

Mona laughed and gave a thankful smile. "That's really thoughtful of you…"

"Ross."

"… Ross, thank you" she said and they both shared another smile. "I'll be back with your wines in just a moment" and she left with a wink as she headed back for the kitchen.

The whole time Rachel had stayed quiet against her will, seeing very well how they had been flirting. It had bothered her immensely and had stared at this so called 'Mona' for the longest time without being noticed. She had been tempted to jump in and interrupt their flirting session but Monica's words echoed through her head, forcing her to stay still. Even her friends at watched her expectantly, knowing how hard it must have been for her to see Mona so attracted to him like that. But then again, who could blame her? He was handsome, smart, and well-mannered. Who wouldn't want that in a man? She certainly knew she did.

As the night progressed, her jealousy grew every time Mona stopped to have a little conversation with him after bringing them their food. And with that jealousy grew the pain as she was forced to keep herself in check, eventually opting to down some wine to make the night pass by faster. At one point, she had caught him staring at her as she returned to the kitchen and her heart shattered right then and there. She remembered when he used to stare at her like that, like she was this unbelievably gorgeous woman that he couldn't believe he was looking at. Now she had to watch as he looked at Mona with this blatant attraction and if she hadn't been sitting right next to him, she would have for sure shed a tear by now.

It was torture for her. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, she wanted to yell and release the pain of seeing him flirt right in front of her eyes. She felt lost and depressed, seeing her worst nightmares come to life before her very eyes. At multiple times during the night, she desperately wanted to tell him the truth but the three sets of eyes that were watching her with careful concern forbid her from doing so. Eventually the night had caught up to her and she had excused herself to the bathroom before the waterworks started.

There, she splashed water over her face, mixing with the fresh tears that had begun to fall from her eyes. It was ruining her make-up but she didn't care. The only thing she did care about was the person she was desperately in love with just outside flirting with some other girl, completely oblivious to her secret feelings for him.

As she silently sobbed to herself, drowning in her own sorrow, she didn't even hear the door to the bathroom open. It was only until she felt a comforting hand on her shoulder that she noticed Phoebe standing next to her, looking in the mirror at her saddened face.

"Just let it out Rach, just let it out." She didn't see a point in giving the usual 'it'll be alright' because clearly, it wouldn't. And understanding Rachel's situation told her that right now, the truth was the hardest but also the only solution.

"I don't want to go back out there Pheebs," she cried softly, hugging her friend tightly.

"You have to. You know he'll worry and he'll come looking for you."

Of course he would. He was always so caring and considerate with her.

Forcing herself to regain composure, she wiped away the few tears still making their way down her cheek. She wiped her face with some nearby towels and after taking some deep breaths directed by Phoebe, she nodded and they head back out of the bathroom.

As she neared the table, she noticed Joey leaning back rubbing his stomach in pain and agony as he continued to stuff his mouth with some dessert he ordered. Next to him, Chandler encouraged him to continue eating, eyes widened at how much food he had eaten tonight. They all had made a mental note to take Joey to all-you-can-eats a lot less.

On the other side, Ross sat with the bill in hand, counting the number of bills and adding up the necessary tip needed. She was slightly relieved to see that Mona was nowhere around but it didn't make up for the torturous night she was forced to sit through.

Quietly, she returned to her seat, spotting a slice of cheesecake on her plate with a large strawberry on top. He must have ordered it for me, she thought but all it did was made her feel worse. He knew her so well that she didn't even have to ask for him to know what to order her.

"Hey, where'd you run off to?" he asked, catching her eye.

"Just the bathroom…" she replied in a shaky tone, playing with the spoon to her dessert. "Did you get this for me?"

"Yeah, I know you love cheesecake and Mona said it was included with the dinner."

She frowned at her name and poked the dessert. She was too upset, even for cheesecake.

"Rach, you gonna eat that?" Joey asked her and she pushed the plate towards him without a second thought.

"I'm pretty full from the dinner," she lied to answer Ross' curious look but she could tell that he knew better.

"Rachel are you ok? You've been really quiet today."

She looked up into his worried eyes and couldn't help but feel her heart beat faster and faster. Damn him and his gorgeous eyes, and his caring attitude, and his everything. It was just making everything harder on her.

"I-I'm fine," she said, looking away. She could the tears building up again. Why was she so goddamn emotional?

"Rachel…"

"I said I'm fine, ok?" she responded with a little more force and he got the message.

She felt a wave of guilt when he shrugged and turned back to the bill. He did nothing wrong, he was just being the considerate man she fell in love with. He didn't deserve to be on the short end of her emotional trauma and she immediately regret snapping at him like that. She decided she'd apologize to him later once she could figure out an excuse for her odd behaviour. If only he knew what was bothering her so much…

"Hey! So how'd you guys find the dinner?"

Everyone turned their heads to Monica who happily strolled over and stood next to Ross.

"Really good," Joey answered and groaned afterwards. Chandler just rolled his eyes.

"It was great honey, thanks for inviting us," and she flashed a smile in response.

"Hey Mon," Ross said, getting her attention, "what do you think of Mona?"

"What do I think of her? Well, Mona's great and she's one of the nicest people I've met here. Why?"

"He's been flirting with her all dinner long," Phoebe answered but eyed Rachel cautiously in the corner of her eye.

"Oh, really?" Monica asked, also sending a look over to her.

"Yeah I mean, we got talking and we both have some similar interests," he shrugged. "Do you think I should ask her out?"

"I think that's a great idea," Monica answered, staring directly at her. Emotional pain was plastered all across her face and Monica gave her a soft look, although it also read 'you have to let him do this'.

"What do you think Rach?" he asked, turning to her and immediately, she felt the butterflies in her stomach. He was still giving her the last say.

This was it. This was where she finally had to let him go. Mona was a great girl and she had already seen the connection between them. And as much as it hurts and how torturous this night has been, she could tell he was really into Mona, as was she. She noticed her friends' sympathetic looks off to the side as they too understood what kind of decisions she had to make.

Looking at the ground, she nervously played with her hands until she finally peered up into his large brown eyes. She hoped he couldn't see how much this was hurting her as well as the sadness in her eyes. She loved him so much. It wasn't fair that she had to let him go.

"I… I think…"

She closed her eyes and held back the tear that she could feel was almost slipping away. This was so much harder than she thought it would be and this time, there was no one to provide comfort for her afterwards.

She gently reached over and grabbed his hands, giving them a small squeeze for her own self. She missed him already and she hadn't even let him go yet. She didn't want to lose him, but she knew that now was the time. Taking a deep breath, she looked directly into his deep brown eyes and prayed that she was making the right choice, not for her, but for him.

"…I think… she's great," she finally choked out and forced a weak smile onto her face.

"You really think so?" She nodded sadly and could feel her eyes begin to water.

He exhaled deeply and stood up. "Alright then, I'm going to ask her out."

"Go get 'em buddy," Chandler encouraged, although he sent her a sympathetic look too.

"Thanks guys, and thank you Rachel," he said, reaching down and pulling her into a quick hug. She gently wrapped her arms around his shoulders, trying to remember this moment as long as possible. She never knew when the next time she'd be able to share another moment like this with him.

As they broke, he fixed his shirt and began making his way over to the counter where Mona was talking with another waiter. All she could do was watch as the love of her life temporarily walked out of her life. She felt her heart shatter and the tears finally escape her eyes. A soft sob left her mouth and Monica sat down and gently rubbed her knees as her eyes followed his every move.

He was gone, she had let him go.

The pain of losing someone you as much as she did was unbearable.

And now, she had never felt emptier.

…

Author's Notes: Constructive feedback is appreciated! I may have announced the "climax" a tad bit early but I don't know, you can be the judge of that later. As for this specific plot line, it's also a bit more difficult to write so I hope you all enjoyed. Leave a review and I'll update as soon as I can. Thanks.