Once the dust and expected nausea settled, the Weasley brothers looked up at the Addams house. They'd been expecting some ancient castle, but this place didn't seem so bad. The 'advice' Hermione had drilled into them was bouncing around Ron's head, while the twins were simply eager to explore.

Hermione had been quite clear: be careful were you walk, because the Addams' had many pets and they all had free reign of the house. There was Kounna of course, spiders, vultures, bats, a lion, a jaguar, an octopus, piranha, crocodiles, a gila monster, a hippopotamus… she wasn't completely sure of all the animals that might be living there, but she had made it clear that the family were animal lovers and wouldn't appreciate any of their dear pets being harmed in any way. That was a little hard to wrap their heads around: how could someone who killed and tormented people so easily be protective of animals?

Next she'd insisted they ask for a tour of the house and surrounding area before they set off alone to explore. It was always best to know when you were about to walk into a mine field or room of mirrors, and that had freaked them all out: she'd been most serious when talking about the mirrors. They weren't to look into any of them because, although she couldn't be sure, she suspected they had demons within.

Finally had been the general advice to only eat what they recognised, to never assume any noise was caused simply because the house was old, and if in doubt, duck!

The twins thought she was being rather silly, but when the ground shook from an explosion, which was followed by an annoyed roar, they decided she might be on to something.

They were greeted by Pugsley and Wednesday and the introductions were surprisingly polite and calm. Hermione had also mentioned something about the house being a war zone. Wednesday noticed their confusion.

"We have a greater evil that needs our attention right now." Well, that just created more confusion, but the Addams children shared a look of dark determination.

They were led into the main living room to find the parents playing badminton.

"Children!" Morticia cried and came to greet them all.

"Please, make yourselves at home." Gomez addressed their guests with a grin, one that was somewhere between being genuinely glad to have them here and knowing a funny secret they didn't. He summoned Lurch and offered them all a cigar, which they politely refused.

All in all, the Weasleys thought things were a lot saner than they'd been expecting.

They were wrong.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Ron asked with concern. Heri insisted that they use their time here constructively and was currently attempting to teach them how to throw knives… over their shoulder… using a mirror to aim.

"Of course it is." Wednesday assured as she tossed a dagger with little care and hit the bullseye.

"Shouldn't we at least move the baby?" Fred asked. He was getting more concerned as Heri threw a dagger and the blade was embedded in the handle of Wednesday's in another bullseye hit. Heri glanced down at his baby brother, who was giggling softly at the shiny metal above him. Pubert was lying on the floor directly beneath the dart board. A miss or rebound would surely kill the child.

"We're just spending quality time with him." Pugsley defended. His blade also landed dead centre and hit Heri's. The darker children held a breath of anticipation when it looked like Wednesday's was coming loose under the added weight, but scowled when it stayed put. "Make a throw." He told George, who was the only one that was even trying to aim. Instead of agreeing, he lowered the blade.

"I don't think… he can't even roll yet…"

"Go on!" Heri pushed. "If you don't practice you'll never get any better."

"Yeh, but I don't…"

"Do it!" Wednesday joined in and having the determined attention of all three was too much pressure for George and he quickly threw the knife over his shoulder.

The little girl's eyes were gleeful as the knife's trajectory dropped. Within a second a plume of fire exploded from the baby with such intensity that the knife was thrown off course. The part of the blade the fire had touched liquidized on contact and splashed down onto his face, dripping off and solidifying once it was on the ground. Pubert just shook his head as if he'd been splashed with water.

"Woah!" Was the collective reaction of the three brothers. The other children let out a huff of irritation.

"That was…" But Ron was at a loss for words.

"Avaler des couleuvres. Incredible." Pugsley spat out helpfully.

"Amazing." Wednesday joined in.

"Yes, yes, we all know how fantastic and brilliant and gifted Pubert is." Heri all but growled. "But he'll lose his intensity when his brain becomes conscious enough to take over responsibility for keeping him safe…" The guests couldn't believe they were witnessing Herido Addams being so, well, thin skinned. The twins were dying to crack jokes at his expense, but just about managed to stop themselves when they considered how bad that would be for their chances of making it through the day unscathed.

"I'm bored with this. Let's play something else." The girl suggested.

On the day of Winter Solstice the Addams children went out together, Pubert strapped flat against Heri's back.

"We'll be gone all day, so do find something to amuse yourselves. You can play with the boggart or, oh Cleopatra would probably appreciate the company; she's on a diet so she's been so grouchy lately. Or watch a movie." Heri turned to leave but then remembered something. "There's a Christmas market not far from here, if you want to get something for your family. Have Lurch take you in the car. Oh, here." Heri looked around for a moment and then shrugged before opening a random nearby drawer. It was full of… dolls' heads, but underneath was a wad of American money which Heri gave to them.

The brothers decided to check out the market. It was an opportunity to experience muggle culture and they couldn't wait. They all thought they were doing very well interacting with the locals, but it took less than two hours before they all found themselves detained for 'psychological assessment' at the police station. They had been starting to panic, but as soon as they told an officer they were staying with the Addams family, the psychiatrist was cancelled and the Addams' called. The police already had the number.

Uncle Fester came to pick them up and the muggles seemed only too happy to see them leave. During the drive home, the twins struck up an enthusiastic conversation about pranking with the man and picked up many useful tips. Their real education began when they got back to the house. The more they learned the more the consequences for getting caught grew, but the man was apparently a pro and had that covered too. He promised he'd give them supplies for Christmas.

When evening came they were bolstered by the day's adventuring and they decided they were ready to explore the house alone.

They went from room to room and found nothing out of the ordinary. Well, nothing out of the ordinary for this house at least. It was already getting late when they discovered the place had its own ballroom, although it didn't appear to be used very often as the tables and fixtures were covered with dust sheets. Kounna joined them and slithered up to rest over George's shoulders.

"Oh, hey girl." He greeted while she ignored him to nuzzle her head into the warmth of his neck.

"Do you like scary movies?" a whispered voice permeated the room. All three children froze and tried to find who the voice was coming from, but all they saw were white sheets. One in the centre of the room rippled and billowed unnaturally – there was no breeze in this part of the house…

They slowly made their way towards it, dearly hoping it was just one of the Addams' kids playing a trick. Fred reached out a hand to remove the sheet when a louder voice suddenly rang out.

"Heeeere's Johnny!" They all jumped and Ron let out a less than manly squeal. Before they could react more another whisper echoed through the room, seeming to originate from the French doors this time.

"I see dead people." Ok, now they were starting to feel uncomfortable.

"Hey, Herido?" Ron called out hopefully. The answer didn't help them.

"Red Rum."

"Catch 'em, kill 'em." The voices seemed to be coming from everywhere.

"He'll appear behind you breathing down your neck."

"No one's gonna laugh at me, Mama."

"I will feast on your soul!" The three brothers had started to back out of the room quickly, but the statues had moved to block the exit.

"It's not the house that's haunted, it's your son." They had cowered together, but now Fred stepped forward.

"Ok, that made no sense at all. Who are you? Herido?" The Weasleys had of course never seen the muggle horror films that were so popular in this house.

"One, two, Freddy's coming for you." Now the voices seemed to be following them as they made their way across the room back to the French doors – they were getting desperate for any exit.

"Three, four, better lock your door."

"Shut up!" Ron cried as George rattled the door knob, even though the door wasn't budging at all.

"Five, six, grab your crucifix." They all looked at each other.

"Isn't that a muggle, Christian thing? The Addams' aren't Christians are they?" Fred asked, now even more confused. None of this made any sense and he didn't know how to make it stop.

A sheet flew quickly at the trio and they were temporarily blind as they scrapped to get it off.

"Seven, eight, gonna stay up late." They finally got the sheet off, but wished they hadn't as they were faced with a row of statues, only a few inches away from their faces, all cast in frozen screams of torment and agony. The lights went out and the air chilled.

"Nine, ten, never sleep again." The twins were freaking out now, but Ron closed his eyes and processed the room with his other senses. Ok, at first he'd closed his eyes in fright, but once he did he could hear the voice over his right shoulder. He could smell the same old house smell that existed everywhere in this house and he could smell his brothers, but nothing more… no one else was here.

He opened his mouth to speak when a voice shouted in his face, and he could feel the breath of it blow back his hair.

"Look at me, Damien! It's all for you." An invisible force gripped them all by the throat and slammed them to the ground.

"Ok, ok that's enough!" Screamed Ron. He was mostly running on terror, but he could just tell that there was no one else in the room with them. He looked around desperately even as he started to choke and spotted the shine of Kounna's scales still resting on George to his right. He reached out with a strength he didn't know he had and grabbed the snake, ripping it in two in one easy motion.

The pressure left them and the lights came back on. The room was as it was when they entered and the snake Ron had killed had disappeared.

"What the Hell?" George started, but was interrupted by Fred.

"Later, brother. Let's just get out of here!" A mad cackling chased them from the room.

It took a good half an hour of sitting in the kitchen, sipping what they hoped was just orange juice before they could see the funny side of what happened. The ghost – whoever it was – had got them good!

"Ok then." George started with a grin. "Shall we continue?" Ron's mouth dropped open at the mere suggestion.

"You're crazy! This whole house is probably full of scary, dangerous stuff like that! We could've died in there!" He cried as he stood to leave the room. "You two morons can do what you like, but I'm going to my room! Where it's safe!" And with that said he left.

"Well that was rude," Snickered George before they set off for more adventure.

The next few rooms were benign if not a little gloomy. As they passed through a music room they could only really marvel at the size of Heri's home. They loved the Burrow, of course, but this really was something else.

The last room they decided to check out opened to descending stairs and they felt a thrill of anticipation at what could be found in the Addams' basement.

"Heri, would you pass me that saw please?" The twins were sure that was Hermione's voice and crept up closer to peek into one of many rooms down a long corridor.

"The cleaver or electric carving knife is easier to work with?" Pugsley offered his advice, but Hermione shook her head. The spies looked into a large round room with all sorts of ancient runes and symbols painted on the walls, floor and ceiling. Within the room were Hermione and the Addams children and 5 bodies of young men.

"Well," Hermione started. "I read this thing about mutilations being a prime factor in quality of..."

"The extra effort is only applicable if the sacrifice was killed prior to preparation." Wednesday informed. "These ones are still alive, so any method will do, although I suppose a saw would contribute to the pain, right?" She looked across to Heri.

"You know it." He answered as he handed his friend the hacksaw. The twins gagged. Those people… those people that the children were cutting up were still alive?! They didn't look it.

"It's a shame you can't come over for Christmas." The oldest boy offered as he gored out eyes and handed them to his baby brother, who smacked them together happily, as though they were toys. The twins didn't know much about anything, but they didn't think a new-born baby should be playing with freshly harvested human eyes!

Their world seemed to be getting darker and darker and every time they thought they saw the funny side, something even worse would come along to chip away at their consciences. They had enjoyed flirting with the dark, but recently they felt like they were getting the VIP tour.

"I'd have loved to have joined you!" Hermione returned, giving an annoyed sigh when a femoral artery sprayed copious amounts of blood at her. She merely ran a bloody hand across her brow and went back to sawing. "But my parents insist I'm home for Christmas and I don't want to upset them."

"That's fair." Pugsley offered before he swung his axe down with a sickening crunch. "Nothing trumps family. At least you could make solstice." He gave Hermione a warm smile and the Weasleys saw the curious look on Herido's face.

Hermione blushed and looked down at the now severed leg.

"We don't need the leg, do we? Just the feet?" She asked with a little less composure than usual. "We could give Ronald these parts couldn't we? No point wasting meat." And they were reminded how they got to this point. They would have to do similar to what was happening in this room if they were going to support their little brother. And they would, they reaffirmed to themselves. Their romance with the dark had gone further than they'd planned, but they were where they were and might as well make the most of it, so they tried to kill their disgust and see benefits of… live human dissection… If nothing else, they reckoned the Addams' house elves could turn human leg into some kind of delicacy for Ron.

Still, it was strange to see their little grade conscious Slytherin outcast cutting someone up with such a lack of care.

They listened and watched on as she chatted to Herido about their potions assignment while removing the major organs of the man before her.

After what seemed like an eternity everyone had finished whatever it was they were doing and the twins froze as Heri turned to look directly at them.

"Unfortunately, the actual ritual disallows for spectators, but maybe you could join us next year?"

"Erm,"

"Yeah,"

"Sure"

"See you guys…

"tomorrow." With that they left, knowing that whatever revulsion they felt, they still looked forward to being in that room next year.

Christmas Day came and went with similar secret goings-on, but was otherwise like any normal Christmas. Well, if normal presents consisted of medieval weaponry and bat caves in Nairobi, family games had the potential to kill you and the day ending with dancing and frivolity and hauntingly ominous music being played throughout the night keeping the Weasleys awake…

Heri had explained the ghost they encountered was just Cousin Creep who loved having fun with muggle comedies. Their introduction to the immense world of muggle entertainment was not a pleasant one.

As time passed, the Weasleys were growing more and more concerned for the tiny baby. They snuck closer to a door to listen to what was happing inside. They were doing a lot of that this week. There were just too many interesting things going on.

"Hold him still!" Pugsley shouted. A thwump and whistling sound was heard, followed by small giggle and gurgle.

"I'm trying!" Wednesday cried. Another snap and crash.

"You moved him on purpose!" Their friend accused.

"I did not, he tried to burn me."

"Not enough!"

"Well then you hold him!" Something that sounded suspiciously like a baby being thrown between them made the twins wonder whether they should intervene.

"I don't want him!" Another throw. Another giggle.

"Maybe we can teach him to swim! I don't think the fish have been fed yet." The oldest boy suggested.

Before anyone could respond Morticia's voice rang like a bell up the stairs.

"Children, what are you doing?"

"Playing." They all chorused together in innocent tones that were fooling no one.

A few seconds later the women came into view.

"Ah, our lovely guests, just who I was looking for." The door opened to reveal all four Addams children; Heri had ended up holding the baby. "Children, our good friend Dr Lecter will be coming to visit tomorrow night to pick up Ronald." Heri looked away in thought as she gave details. He'd been the one who'd volunteered the doctor to help Ron, but he hoped they could just send the boy to him.

"Let's go play outside." Heri said and passed Pubert to George as Wednesday let out a chilling laugh.

What followed was an epic battle between the three Addams'. The only thing the Weasleys could figure was that they had given up trying to kill the baby and decided to kill each other instead,

Heri's Forearm Machete got tangled in Pugsley's Manriki Chain and the older boy yanked his brother forward into the path of his stun gun, but Heri was used to electrical overload and was just about able to summon and bring down his katana, which forced Pugsley to push him away before his levitating sledgehammer could connect with Heri's skull.

That was too close and the twins couldn't decide whether this was the best thing they'd ever seen or if they were going to throw up from nerves.

Pugsley jumped away just in time to avoid Wednesday's axe and while the older brother had her focus Heri took the opportunity to aim a nasty cutting spell at her neck, only he realised he'd stepped on a mine on his back foot and had to spin and spring away – leaping much higher than a human should be able to – avoiding the blast but letting his siblings be thrown back by the shockwave. All the children landed on their feet. It wasn't for nothing that Grandmamma had taught them ballet when they were little!

As soon as they landed they were all back in position to strike and began circling one another.

The guest's attention was momentarily drawn away when Uncle Fester appeared on the scene.

"Sloppy." He bemoaned. "Kids today can be so spoilt." And with that said he hoisted up and fired a grenade launcher into the middle of them. None of them had been looking in Fester's direction, but they all jumped away and easily cleared the area before the grenade detonated.

"Think fast!" Came the cry from Gomez at he lunged at his brother with an open palm that sent an unknown force toward Fester, who dropped flat to the floor to avoid it and then returned something similar.

Ron looked over to see Heri swing his katana at Pugsley and miss by a margin that wasn't even visible from his position.

"Mr Addams!" He tried to raise an alarm. "Your children…" Gomez cut him off, turning to him with a smile.

"I know! Why should they get to have all the fun?"

"And how!" Fester added as he went to rugby tackle Gomez.

"So what was that about? Earlier?" Fred asked at the dinner table.

"What do you mean?" Heri asked.

"He means when we were playing outside." Pugsley offered.

"Oh well we were just playing."

"So, you do that a lot?" George asked, wondering how on Earth they had survived for so long if this was a regular occurrence.

"Of course." Wednesday answered. "Don't you play with your brothers?"

"I guess, but…"

"Not like that." Ron finished for his brother as he happily scooped another mouthful of stew into his mouth. The Addams' had catered to his new diet every day he'd been here, and he'd enjoyed every meal very much. Eating people was much easier when it didn't look like people. They say that nothing ever tastes as good as your mother's cooking, but god-damn it this did.

Dr Lecter was a suave man of European origin who was courteous and charming, but scared Ron if for no other reason than it seemed Heri wanted to avoid the man at all cost. Anyone who creeped out Herido Addams was cause for concern.

"Ah, Herido! I was hoping to have a chance to speak with you before you left." Heri paused for only a second before turning to greet the doctor with perfect manners.

"Doctor, it's good to see you again." He half was way across the hallway, attempting to make a getaway with his siblings, sans the baby, and the twins. "I hear you're working with the Feds now?"

"Yes, it's very educational." Hannibal answered and Heri wanted to laugh. America's most famous uncaught serial killer working with the people trying to catch him? Heri was sure that was very useful. "I wish you'd reconsider coming to therapy."

"Ha!" Heri gave a good natured laugh. "I'm afraid you're already far too insightful." The doctor returned the laugh and with every word exchanged the twins were wondering whether they should be leaving their baby brother with this man.

"And are you still hiding?" Heri looked like he wanted to protest, but Hannibal continued. "Is the mask of mediocrity beginning to feel so comfortable?" Heri just smiled that smile of his, the one that made you want to run.

"There is nothing mediocre about me, and anything that's hidden is hidden for good reason. And how is your mask serving you?" The twins really didn't know what on Earth was going on here, but they were still relieved when Pugsley interrupted.

"Forgive us, Dr Lecter, but we're just on our way out to a rave." They were? That was news to the twins. And Wednesday was with them, she was only nine years old for crying out loud.

"Oh, then don't let me keep you. Enjoy your evening all." And with that the Addams children returned their goodbyes and made for the door.

"What was that about?" Fred couldn't stop himself from asking.

"Nothing. Let's go." But Wednesday was always happy to help:

"Heri can't match the good doctor's mind games yet." She whispered gleefully. The twins decided they needed to change subject before they started ruminating once again that they were leaving their brother in his care,

"Do your parents know you we're going to a rave?" George asked.

"Maybe. I don't know. Why?" Heri answered as he pulled on his cloak.

"Well I thought the rave scene was kinda intense. Don't you think your parents should know where you are at least?" Fred asked incredulously. Heri huffed loudly. He was starting to get annoyed with his friends – the ones he usually relied on to lighten his mood, not kill it. He was about to show his ire, when Wednesday interrupted.

Fine, if it'll make you feel better…" She said like she was being massively put out by this detour. Heri was intrigued when he suddenly realised that she'd interfered on their behalf and hadn't been anywhere near as hostile to them as she was to everyone else. He wondered if it was that she was intrigued by them like he was or if she had a crush. He hoped it was the latter, because he could have so much fun with that.

They made their way to the conservatory where Mrs Addams was trimming her rose bushes.

"Mother, we're heading over to Washington for a rave." Pugsley informed. The matriarch merely turned to them for a moment.

"Have fun, dears." She said and then returned her attention to the roses. She knew the reason they were heading out was so that Herido could avoid the attention of their favourite psychiatrist, but it was the holidays, so she saw no reason to deny the children their fun.

When the children returned home a few days later, the twins no longer felt like children and they weren't sure they'd ever be able to look their mother in the eye again… but it had been one Hell of a trip!

Their musical education continued on New Year's Eve, when the whole family attended a Slipknot concert followed by a concert by their State's finest philharmonic orchestra.

By the time it was announced that school would be starting on the usual date, they were beginning to question their own sanity.

A snap shot of the Weasleys time staying with Heri.

Avaler des couleuvres – swallow grass snakes: basically means being so insulted that you can't even reply.

Thank you for reading and reviewing! xxxx