Disclaimer: Kuroko no Basuke is not mine.

Summary: Kuroko drives back down the mountain, almost murders his friends, and pisses off the insurance company. (But Akashi owns the insurance company, so it's okay.) Sequel to Highway to Hell.

Author's Note: A while ago, I wrote a story called Highway to Hell and an anonymous commenter on AO3 named blacky suggested I write a sequel about the way back. This is that.

The Way Down

This is the best birthday present ever, Kuroko thought as he almost murdered his friends.

He yanked the wheel to the left and just barely avoided the fragile-looking fence separating the road and a very steep drop off the mountain. He could hear Aomine (the big baby) sobbing about "Oh my god!" and "What did I do to deserve this!" Kise was suspiciously quiet. A quick glance at the mirror confirmed that Kise was being strangled by Aomine's Arms of Steel. Kuroko contemplated slowing down for them, then remembered that this was his birthday present and he was not going to give up his birthday present for some fools too weak to handle a little roadtrip.

... Akashi was right, being selfish felt amazing.

He stepped on the gas pedal.

Behind him, Midorima whimpered and started praying to Oha-Asa.

"I am glad you asked for this as your birthday present," Akashi said nonchalantly from shotgun. "I never knew that a drive up and down a mountain could be so... relaxing."

"FUCKING RELAXING I'M GONNA KILL THE BOTH OF YOU FOR PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS I SWEAR TO—!"

"Please shut your mouth, Aomine-kun. You are ruining my birthday present."

"Mine-chin has no consideration," Murasakibara mumbled. Kuroko glanced at the mirror again to see his purple-haired friend rubbing his eyes.

"Ah, Atsushi, how was your nap?"

"Relaxing. I wish Mine-chin would shut up though. So annoying."

"I'LL SHOW YOU ANNOYING YOU BIG—EYES ON THE ROOOAAAD!"

Kuroko looked back and noted that they were about to crash through the fence and off the mountain and it was too late to do anything about it.

Aomine screamed.

Midorima fainted.

Kise was crying. "Even though you killed us all, Kurokocchi, I still love you!"

And they burst through the fence and shot off the cliff.

For a few glorious seconds, the minivan flew in the air, without a care in the world.

Then gravity took hold and plunged it down to earth.

Aomine kept screaming, "OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD—!"

Kuroko contemplated throwing his left shoe at Aomine to shut him up.

Then the car crashed to the ground, right side up, at the bottom of the mountain. The tires were destroyed, the windows were shattered, and the insurance company was probably going to be pissed, but, miraculously, everyone was still alive.

Kuroko turned to Akashi. "Thank you, Akashi-kun. That was an excellent birthday present."

Aomine quietly died in the backseat.