DIPPER POV

"Why do you have to leave? Can't you stay?"

I chuckled at my girlfriend, as she nestled her head on my shoulder and latched her arms around one of my own even tighter than before. We were lying on a blanket, a few yards away from my car. I was looking up at the stars, searching for constellations and planets, while she was staring at my profile; waiting for my answer.

"I have to leave, because my family's there and I want to see them before I leave for college and reconnect with an old frie- I mean, some old friends," I said, I turned to her as she looked at me skeptically. I felt my heart skip a beat at my mishap.

Of course, I wanted to see my Grunkles; it's been months. But, they weren't the ultimate reason why I wanted to go back. In fact, it was only one person. That one person was the reason why I brought my girlfriend here in the first place, so I could break up with her.

"But why do you have to visit some people with a visit you'll forget, when you can stay with me and make something worth remembering?" She said suggestively, as she scooted closer and began nuzzling my neck. I rolled my eyes in annoyance and sat up, breaking the contact and surprising her. I clasped my hands together, and looked down at the tattoos, which trailed up both my arms, from my exposed wrists to my covered shoulders. Faint flashbacks flooded my brain. She sat up, seemingly dejected, and saw me staring at the symbols; seizing an opportunity, yet again. She began tracing her manicured nails over the various designs that were on my toned arms. Pursing her lips as she had her face linger quite close to mine.

"Dips, you still never told me why you got them…" she stated, innocent-like in order to arouse my affection for her. I nearly winced at the alleged 'pet-name' she gladly bestowed upon me that made me irritated. I sighed and rubbed my face with my hand, careful not to reveal my birthmark from under my bangs; a secret I've never told her in the total nine months we've dated.

"They're just some symbols that I connected with from learning some stuff in Gravity Falls, Perdita," I responded, quite vaguely. I turned to see an unpleased face, she obviously hoped I would spill and pour out some poetic shit about the insecurities and complexness of my life and how the designs symbolize, in some mythology, the completeness she gives me.

"Well… Who's so important there?" She asked, attempting again for me to open up my undying, and nonexistent, love for her.

"My great-uncles, Stan and Ford. Mabel's and my friends: Grenda, Candy, Soos, his wife Melody, Wendy, Robbie," I paused and swallowed.

"… And my friend, Pacifica."

I said her name softly, and emphasized 'friend'. It was a reminder for all the time I wasted and how I never made the attempt to take a step farther. I emphasized 'friend' for myself, not for my girlfriend; who thinks it said it to comfort her and assure her, I won't do anything rash. I wanted to laugh out loud because of how fast I would run. Perdita's great, but she isn't Pacifica. She doesn't have a contagious smile with eyes that light up and crinkle at the corners. She doesn't have blue eyes that transition from a calming sky to a raging sea. She doesn't have an aura where you feel everything's okay and life is bright. She doesn't have a laugh that's loud, but at the same time; natural and makes you smile and automatically feel warm. She doesn't have life experiences where you feel safe to open up, because you know she understands. She doesn't have a heart larger than her own body. She isn't Pacifica. She has a small smile; hazel eyes that aren't emotive; an aura where you want to leave, but feel obligated to stay; a forced laugh that makes you uncomfortable; an easy life with no complications or adventure. She has a heart as big as her fist, just like everyone else. She's…ordinary.

"Dips!" I felt a hand shaking me.

"Dipper!" I shook my head to exit my thoughts.

"Oh, sorry. I, uh… zoned out."

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"Of course you did." She mumbled, not knowing I could hear her.

"I'm sorry?" I asked her, leaning back with my arms supporting me as I stretched out my legs. She huffed and adjusted herself, so she sat next to my legs and faced me.

"It's just… Why is it whenever you bring up your 'friend'," she used finger quotations, "you just shut me out? What is it about her that makes it so difficult for you to concentrate on me? What's so special about 'Lil' Miss Gravity Falls'? What's she got that I don't? Is she an ex of yours that turned to a friend? What's so special about her, Dipper?" She rambled on, waving her arms, absolutely frustrated with my infatuation with Pacifica. When she finished, I couldn't help but smile at all the good things I could say about her.

"Well, Perdita, for starter's… her actual name is Pacifica Northwest, not 'Lil' Miss Gravity Falls'; despite the fact she did win that pageant for three consecutive years until Mabel finally stopped pressing her when we were fifteen. I met her when I was twelve and we went through some tough times together. She works for my great-uncles and want's to work in technical theatre. She's a natural blonde, surprisingly, with… amazing blue eyes and is five foot four. Not to mention, she looks fucking hot as hell in lake-foam gr-" I paused for a moment, and blood rushed to my face as I realized what I was saying. Without a word, I rose to my feet and crossed my arms. My face was on fire from blushing; I just admitted I was attracted to Pacifica. Before I could properly dump my girlfriend. Now, I was just pissed with myself; pissed that I could be pushed into that corner.

"Happy now?" I demanded, my jaw was set and I felt utterly embarrassed.

There was no answer. She sat dumbfounded on the blanket, staring forward. I don't blame her either, as far as she knew, I was hers. When I never belonged to her, and when I never loved her. Without hesitaftion, I turned on my heel and walked to my Volkswagen Golf, unlocking the car and slamming the door behind me. I didn't drive off; I just put my seatbelt on, and waited for Perdita to come with the blanket.

About ten minutes later, she came with the blanket rolled under her arm. She silently sat in the passenger seat and set the blanket near her feet. I backed up and drive her home. The remaining fifteen minutes was tense, awkward silence, with her taking small glances at me, as I kept a stone face and focused on the road.

Once I drove up to her driveway, I parked the car and patiently waited for her to get out. I heard her take a shaky breath.

"How long?" she whispered, putting her hand on the handle.

I didn't face her, nor did I answer.

"How long have you had feelings for her?" she pleaded.

I swallowed and opened my mouth.

"For the past five years." I responded, almost robotically.

There was a slight inhale, then the unlatching and opening of the door. I didn't flinch when she slammed the door, and I left her driveway before she could reach her front door.

Barely a minute after her house was out of view, I let out a long breath I never knew I was holding and felt a thousand bricks lift off my chest: I was finally free.