A/N: I'm so sorry for how long this took!

Warning! This chapter has some references and harsh language!

My parents were already asleep and I sat in the living room accent chair, next to the couch. My arms were crossed and I had a scowl on my face as I stared at the clock across the room, on the wall from me. It was 11:38 and my mind was racing through all of the probable things to yell at Dipper when he came home from his date with Perdita. Well, that's the name she officially has, but I prefer Per-diva. Or just, 'that bitch'. Either one works fine with me. Candy, my girlfriend, prefers 'tramp' while Grenda says 'lagoon' because of how shallow she is. Dipper claims that even though she is desperate, shallow and only wants Dipper because puberty has been kind to him, she doesn't deserve such name-calling. He's such a gentleman, but also, he's an idiot. Sighing, I wondered what would be the best way to scold him for missing out on Pacifica's big night and how to get him to contact her. Knowing him, he'd call, because his logic states it's more meaningful, but it take him forever to work up the courage and audacity to actually do it since it was Pacifica. To be fair, I knew about his crush on her from the very beginning. And since I'm such a good sister, I didn't tell her, despite the fact she was my best friend. Even when she told me half a year ago she liked him, during Christmas break!

My leg bounced up and own impatiently as my fingers twirled my long bangs. My brown hair was styled so it was short in the back, long in the front and my bangs were side-swept, with a deep red streak, and grew past my jawline.

Suddenly the front door unlocked and swung open, revealing a tall, toned eighteen year old with tattoos trailing down his arms. His hair was dark brown, wavy and had bangs covering his forehead, in order to hide his birthmark in the shape of the Big Dipper constellation. As soon as he closed the door, he leaned against it and let out a sigh of relief that was familiar from whenever his dates ended. But this one was much more dragged out and it ended with him wearing a small smile. I thought I heard him mutter "finally."

I cleared my throat to get his attention.

His brown eyes widened a bit when he noticed me sitting the chair with my arms crossed, wearing a disappointed look on my face.

"About damn time, Dipper!" I nearly yelled. He rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms. He looked tired, probably from fooling around with 'that bitch'.

"What is it, Mabel?" He asked rubbing his eyes with his hand, then scratching his chin. Did he always have scruff?

"It is eleven-forty at night. And you said you'd be back by ten." I reasoned. My Face Time call with Pacifica ended at around 10:30 and I was hoping Dipper would be home to talk with her and embarrass himself, or vice versa.

"Yes, I know. It was dark out, and Perdita was being… difficult," He finished by waving his hand in the air and had his face return to his hand.

"What happened?" I demanded.

"We were having dinner and she was just taking forever. Later, she ran into some friends when we were leaving, and that took a solid fifteen to twenty minutes. Then we went to that park and – wait, why do you care?" He looked at me, I turned my head not to face him, "Did something happen when I was gone?"

He walked over and sat on the couch, leaning forward with curiosity.

I huffed, frustrated that he didn't finish his story and that he was that ridiculous to deal with Perdita.

"Yes! And, unfortunately, you missed it while you were screwing that bitch in the park's woods," I gave him a pointed look.

He looked at me, completely frazzled for a moment.

"You think that I- that we? Oh, fuck no, Mabel! I broke up with her! Why the hell would I waste my time banging her? The only person that I'd be remotely interested in doing that with is, " he froze, and turned scarlet, "is- well you fucking know who it is!"

He whisper-shouted the last sentence with a severe look and tense jaw.

My insides suddenly felt warm and fuzzy when I fully realized what he said. I broke up with her. It was about literally about time. Now he was available! I could feel a sinister smile spread on my face while the matchmaker wheels turned in my head. He was available…

"Well, first of all, good for you; didn't know you had it in you. Second, It just so happens the important news you missed involved 'you fucking know who,'" his blush deepened if the were possible and I saw his Adam's Apple bob up and down, "or…Pacifica," I added with a casual shrug.

"Oh," he said quietly. His eyes lowered as he looked off to the side to avoid my triumphant smile.

"What… happened?" If it weren't for his voice crack, I would've thought he had it pulled together.

"You have to ask her and find out," I stated, matter-of-factly. Dipper raised his head in alarm.

"What?!" he jumped off the couch, in front of me, "No! Mabel, that's not fair! You know I can't do that!"

His hands were spread apart. I shrugged and stood up from sitting down.

"You're the one who said calling someone was more meaningful and, I dare say, intimate, than texting. You brought this on yourself,"

"That's not what I'm talking about," he looked at me worriedly, as if he was recalling a bad memory from talking with Pacifica on the phone.

Which, I knew to be true.

"Not my problem. Just… try not to get a boner this time." I patted him on his shoulder and walked up the flight of stairs that led to my room, which was next to Dipper's.

I tried not to laugh at his dumbfounded reaction, but couldn't help but smile on my way upstairs.

I was in bed my 11:47 and I could hear Dipper's door open and shut.

It wasn't until 12:01 his pacing stopped… and I swear I heard him clear his throat.

About damn time.

I woke up at 12:09 at the sound of his voice from the other side of the wall.

"Seriously?! Damn it, Pacifica! Again?!"

I never laughed so hard to sleep. I couldn't wait for him to see her. Because, puberty has, indeed, been kind to her. Thank God, I have a girlfriend, not a dick.

A/N: Ok, yes Mabel is bi. She is in a happy relationship with Candy. I just wanted them to be together because they are so cute! This chapter was just *sigh* so fun and funny. I love Mabel so much. She's just... my spirit animal.