Chapter 3: Sansa's Reflections.
It was crazy ! That can't be true. Sansa thought she was going out of her mind. Slowly. Everything started when she arrived at Castle Black. Running from Ramsay was like avoiding something worse than death sentence itself. She was tired and scared. But that moment when they saw each other it look liked the time has stopped. And then they hold each other in the tight embrace. And she was home. Later Sansa and her companions, Brienne and Podrick, got food and possibility to bath. After some time she found herself sitting in Jon's chambers. Drinking ale and talking. While remembering good times in Winterfell and agreeing that leaving home was the biggest mistake, something started nagging in her head. After six years she finally saw her half-brother. Not a young boy who left for Night Watch but a man grown. He was different. Jon's appearance changed in time: he was lean, even couple layers of clothes could not hide his muscles, hair put in small bun, visible scar of his left eye. A man of war. But not his manly appearance made her shiver and realize he is totally different person but the look in his eyes. Maybe she wasn't his friend and true sister while they were children. But she knew Jon, that little sullen and broody boy, gentle and observant, shy and sometimes angry. But never defeated, never without hope. And now in front of her was a truly dead man. Dead in his soul. She survived such things which nobody should endure. But not apathy, but anger boiled in her blood. She wanted to fight. She wanted to go home and reclaim what belonged to her (and Jon's!) family. But the man in front of her fought and lost. And his only desire was to go south to get warm. He was tired. Despite all that Sansa felt it is the first time she really sees him for what he is. A decent man.
The decision to retake Winterfell back to Starks was obvious but not easy one. The letter received from Ramsay helped to persuade Jon. It took some convincing from Sansa's side, finally she and Jon rallied for northern houses to support them in this fight. They had Stark name and no resources. Brienne, Podrick, Ser Davos and Tormund (with wildlings) were the only help in the beginning. They needed everything: money, men, supplies and etc. And there were people who remembered and wanted to help. It was months of hard work. The most memorable also most strange and awkward situation they encountered in Bear Isle. Little head of the House Mormont - Lady Lyanna Mormont - thanks Gods for Ser Davos - was a tiny scary bear! Somehow Ser Davos was able to find a way to talk with this child.
In the months of preparations Jon and Sansa was working together. Sometimes it was easy, sometimes it was hard. They talked, planned and review everything together. She was present in every meeting. And if some Lords had any doubts about women presenting in such matter, Jon even didn't let those people speak - she was Stark and she was his sister, she had every right to be here.
That was crazy and couldn't be true - she was falling in love with Jon Snow, her half - brother. One morning this revelation come to her while having breakfast in main camp's tent. Everybody was there - northern lords discussing strategies for coming battle, Ser Davos talking with young lady Lyanna, wildlings in the back shouting and laughing if there is only one day left to live and you want to get as much as possible from the time left, Tormund ravishing fried chicken and smirking and making eyes to Brienne (yep, that started in Castle Black) while her stoic bodyguard was blushing. Sansa was observing the scene in front of her and thinking that if Tormund would make one more step forward, fierce yet so innocent Brienne would definitely succumb to his charms. Need to mention that after some time during the trip from the Wall Brienne started appreciate Tormund. Well, it takes time to get used to such personality as Tormund Giantsbane. That precise moment she felt Jon looking at her from the opposite side of the table. His dark grey eyes on her. It look liked he was able to see her soul. But the moment passed and now he was talking again with Ser Davos and Lyanna about swords and practicing fight skills. He was gentle and patient with everybody. But rough when necessary. He took in mind everybodies needs would be that fighting men, women, or children. And he always find a time to be with her, to talk about nothing and share an ale. And little by little Sansa started noticing more. He was handsome. And she saw that. He was strong and she respected that. He was clever but sometimes stupidly honorably naive and she accepted that. Each passing day she was thinking more and more about him. During those months somehow, seven hells, her thoughts become lustful. She was in love with him. She loved him differently than she supposed to.
And that is the main reason why the Knights of Vale arrived to the battle if she is honest with herself. She couldn't let him to die. Now they were in Winterfell at last. Ramsey defeated. Jon is alive. And she is in Littlefinger's debt.
The first night after defeating Boltons and retaking Winterfell - retaking home - she let herself to cry as much as she could endure. Crying it is showing you are weak, isn't ? And she wanted to be strong. Sansa was really afraid if she will start cry in front of another person, she won't be able to gather herself again. But when you are alone in your childhood room, you can let all your emotions, despite how deep they are buried, to go out. It becomes easier.
His kiss that night surprised her. Sansa wasn't blind and saw how Jon steels looks at her. Pure desire in his eyes was burning. She also saw his struggle not to look at her like that. In the last conversations he even started calling her sister more often than usual. So when Sansa decided to retire from the feast Jon offered to accompany her to bedchambers she gladly agree. The walk was slow. And silent. She wanted to say something. To say that she is proud of him and very happy that Northern Lords decided to call him King in the North. Jon was suitable man for this position. But she could not formulate a sentence. All the time she felt his hand on the end of her back. The touch burned and a little distracted. Then he bent to kiss her goodnight, but somehow ended up kissing her as a man kisses his lady. That was so sweet and intoxicating. She never ever experienced such gentleness and passion at the same time. Well she never experienced a gentleness in the kiss. His hands wrapped around her thin waist and she leant into his strong frame. This was good. When Sansa was a young girl she dreamed about knight in shining armour, the one who saves her, later kisses her. Unexpectedly the knight she was dreaming about is her half-brother, bastard, King in The North. All those thoughts flied in her mind. This can't be happening. This is not good. Fast she broke the kiss and closed her bedchambers doors. She didn't sleep at all during the night, replaying the events of last days and especially the one which took place near her rooms doors.
Usually Sansa always knew what she wants. Lately she learned what she must do. But she didn't have any idea what to do with Jon. She clearly understood her feelings towards him. But that doesn't change fact that Jon is her half-brother. She wanted talk with him in the morning. But his only word "Sister" made her shiver. Maybe she was wrong - maybe he is only a lustful man. Like the rest of them.