Dean woke with a pounding headache. In fact, his whole body ached. He groaned and opened his eyes, half expecting to find himself dying in a ditch somewhere.

He blinked a couple times, and the motel room came into focus.

Oh yeah...

He remembered now. He was gonna take the pills. Kill himself. Obviously he hadn't succeeded. He tried to sit up, and suddenly Sam was at his side, propping him up against some pillows.

"Take it easy," His brother said.

Dean studied Sam's face. Dark circles and red-rimmed eyes stood out. "What happened?" Dean mumbled. "You look like shit."

"Yeah, well, you don't look so hot either." Sam tried to smirk, but his lips just twitched. "What do you remember?"

"I uh, wrote a note, drank a few beers...the rest is a blank."

"You got yourself blackout drunk and I came home before you could..." Sam trailed off, looking away.

"Wait, so I didn't even take any pills?" Dean asked in disbelief. "Wow. I can't even kill myself right." He chuckled, hissing when it sent a spark of pain through the stitches in his side.

"Don't say that." Sam's voice broke.

"I'm sorry, kiddo."

"If you're so sorry, why'd you do it?" Ah, there it was. The anger masking the grief and pain.

"Everything's a little fuzzy right now..." Dean mumbled. "Could we do this later?"

Sam glared, but agreed. "Fine."

Throughout the day, Sam cared for Dean as best he could. Forcing him to stay hydrated, even got him to eat a few pieces of toast. His brother mostly just slept though. Sometimes that was the best thing to do for a hangover; sleep it off.

More than once, it crossed Sam's mind how...passive Dean was being about this whole thing. Normally he wouldn't let Sam mother-hen over him. That was his job, as the big brother. He figured it had something to do with feeling guilty for almost leaving Sam. And it probably didn't help that Dean was in serious pain.

Sometime after noon, while Dean was still sleeping, Sam's phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Sam,"

"Dad?!" His eyes widened. "Where the hell have you been? Are you okay?"

"I'm alright. Getting closer to finding the Demon." Their father paused. "What's going on with Dean?"

"So you are getting my messages." Sam huffed. "Why didn't you call when he was dying?"

"Because I knew you'd find a way to save him. And you did."

"Yeah, well...that created a whole different problem, apparently."

"What's happening? Are you sure he tried to kill himself? Maybe he just got a little reckless on a hunt. We're all guilty of that sometimes-"

"No, Dad. He did get reckless on a hunt, earned himself some stitches for that. Then we came back to the motel and he tried to swallow a bottle of pills the next day."

"Maybe he was just trying to take something for the pain."

"You're not hearing me, Dad! He wrote a suicide note. He locked himself in the bathroom. He got so drunk he could barely move, and I found him like that just as he was about to start downing the pills."

There was a shocked silence. "Christ." John finally said.

"Yeah."

"Why'd he do it?"

"Like I said in the message, he thinks he's slowing us down. That we'd be better off without him."

"Why the hell would he think that?"

"I don't know. He's been messed up ever since..."

"Since what?"

"I took him to a faith healer, and that's how we fixed his heart. But apparently the guy's wife had a Reaper on a leash...long story short, it was killing someone for every life it saved."

"Dean blames himself for someone dying in his place."

"Yeah. But it's more than that, I don't know why he thinks he's a burden."

John hesitated. "Well, he has been off his game since you left."

"What?"

"He's been getting sloppy. Reckless."

"Are you serious right now? Hell, you're probably the person who put this idea in his mind!"

"Don't try to pin it on me!"

"Hey, what's with all the yelling?" Dean grumbled, waking up. "Who's that on the phone?"

"Let me talk to him," John said, lowering his voice.

"Don't say anything stupid." Sam warned his father. He walked over to Dean. "It's Dad."

"Dad?!" Dean's eyes widened. "You called him?"

Sam just handed him the phone. He didn't miss how Dean's hands shook slightly as he put the phone up to his ear.

"Sir?"

Sam watched as Dean's body language changed. He bit his lip nervously, and there was a look of nervousness in his eyes.

"Dad, wait! You don't have to, I mean, what if you lose the trail?" Dean swallowed hard. "I-I understand. Yes sir." He hung up.

"Well, what did he say? Sam recognized the look of defeat and quiet obedience that usually followed one of John Winchester's orders.

"He's coming here."

Sam's eyes widened. "What?"

"Yeah, apparently he's only a couple hours away, the Demon's trail picks up a few towns over. He's been headed this direction anyway. Good timing I guess."

"Wow." Sam rubbed his temples, trying to keep his growing headache at bay.

"You should take a nap or somethin' til he gets here. He's gonna think I'm not taking care of you."

"Dean, I can take care of myself now."

"I know." He avoided his brother's gaze.

Realization crossed Sam's face. "He told you that, didn't he? He got mad at you for trying to check out; told you to stay alive 'cause you need to watch out for me."

"He knows me well." Dean confirmed.

"Unbelievable..." Sam shook his head. "You know, your life is more than just keeping me safe. You're a person too, Dean!"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Did he say anything..."

"Heartwarming? Anything that would make me believe I'm not just a waste of oxygen?" Dean gave a bitter laugh. "Naw, I almost wanna kill myself more. Put a bullet in my brain before I can see how disappointed he is in me."

Sam's face paled and he looked like he was gonna be sick.

"Aw, shit. I'm sorry, dude." Dean put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "I didn't mean it."

"Sure you didn't."

"Hey, I wanna shower and put on some real clothes before Dad gets here."

"Alright. Just give me a minute." Sam went into the bathroom and removed all the razors and anything else remotely sharp or dangerous.

"You finished baby-proofing?" Dean asked with annoyance.

Sam ignored him, and helped him over to the bathroom. "Don't lock the door. In fact, keep it cracked open a bit."

"Perv." Dean mumbled, but did as he was told.

After showering, Dean found himself cuffed to the bed as Sam took a 30 minute nap. He tried to convince his brother that he wasn't in immediate danger of offing himself, but Sam wasn't having it.

He stared at the ceiling and took deep breaths, trying to calm his pounding heart. He missed their dad, and definitely wanted to see him again. Just not under these circumstances. What would he say?

Maybe it was a good thing Sam cuffed him to the bed. His pistol was looking more and more inviting by the second...