Chapter Nineteen

It seemed ironic to Yosa'Min, that when she used to enjoy slipping into shadows and bathing in moonlight, she found herself yearning to feel the touch of the sun on her skin and it tickle not burn. She sighed, reaching out to the tendril of light that came shifting in through the thatch roof of the shack. Fingers stopped only an inch away, the golden rays setting her skin ablaze with heat already and she hadn't even touched them yet. They lingered there, as close as she dare touch the raw light that managed to slip in the thatch holes. Standing still as a statue with only her fingers moving back and forth as she debated touching it. Curiosity eventually won out, and she moved her palm into the rays, managing to hold it there for a few long moments before a sharp pain flooded her and she snatched it back and away with a hiss, holding her hand with a scowl.

"You shouldn't play with fire," Serana called from across the shack, leaning against the wall with arms crossed, "you're bound to get burned."

"But where's the fun in that?" Chuckled the redguard as she walked over to her sire, passing a laughable excuse for a dining set and kitchen. They'd found themselves a better quality home to hide out in compared to the swamp shack, but still it had its shortcomings such as the holes in the roof they'd have to carefully dodge. By the time they'd made it out of Redwater Den, it was only a few hours to sunrise. Serana hadn't even wanted to venture out for fear of her fledgling burning, but Yosa'Min had managed to convince her by promising that she knew of a place not far. They were somewhere near the Throat of the World, the tremendous mountain looming overhead like an overbearing father.

Serana gave Yosa'Min a laugh in return, the redguard now close enough for her to reach out and grab should she have wanted. "Let me see it," she said, holding her hand out. Frowning a bit, Yosa'Min pulled her jerkin shirt off, cringing in discomfort as her bandaged side was revealed and stretched. Serana took the shirt as it was handed to her and placed it on the leaning table to her side, Yosa'Min beginning to undo the wrapping with a pained expression. "Do you want me to do it?" Serana offered, and after a long few moments of debating the redguard gave in and nodded her head. Taking over, the nordic sire undid the bindings until a ghastly wound that looked burnt on the sides was revealed.

With her lips pulled into a frown, Serana moved towards where her satchel was resting on the wooden kitchen counter and rummaged about until she found one of the round pinkish bottles she'd brought along with them. "Here, drink some more blood," she said as she walked back. "Those vampires must have used some kind of special poison, because normally by now you should have healed, especially with the amounts of blood you've had, five bottles already."

Waiting until after she'd gulped down the contents of the bottle given before she responded, Yosa'Min frowned. "Well... When they were interrogating me they shoved me into the water repeatedly."

Serana paused, looking at her with worried eyes. "So you drank of the Bloodspring?"

A shrug came off the redguard's shoulders. "I didn't have much choice, that stuff was flooding down my throat, either swallow or drown really."

Shaking her head, Serana leaned back against the wall. "No wonder then. The Bloodspring has two side effects. You can use it to strengthen your powers as a whole, with no physical drawbacks, but only if you drink it from the Chalice, and with the blood of a powerful vampire mixed in. For those who drink it straight from its water, you do gain some benefits but also plenty of disabilities including that on our healing abilities. For now, until it wears off, you'll heal just as any mortal does but magic will not help either."

Grumbling, the redguard took the bandages off entirely, only her chest covered now, her toned body catching the eye of the nord swiftly. She crossed to the satchel and removed some fresh ones as the old bandages were already soiled through, and began to wrap herself up once more. Serana rolled her eyes and took over swiftly. "So what about mortals? I get the feeling that stuff was being fed to them somehow but why?" Yosa'Min asked, holding her arms up for the nord to work easier. Either out of politeness or some other reason, the sire's gaze was firmly rooted only on where her hands went and not anywhere else.

Serana tucked the end of the bandage in the folds between the others already wound around Yosa'Min's torso. "I found a journal that might explain a few things, Venarus Vulpin's. I've already skimmed though some of the pages."

"That's the bastard that interrogated me!" Snarled Yosa'Min, bearing her fangs at the thought of his imperial mug as she pulled the jerkin back on. Serana stepped back as she finished and nodded her head.

"Speaking of which... What did they do to you?" Yosa'Min blinked at how angry Serana sounded, though she couldn't quite figure out what at.

She scratched behind her head with one hand, and bounced from one foot to another. "A lot of things. I've been tortured before though so it wasn't entirely new. Vulpin liked to claw me and try to drown me, I don't know guess it was his kink or something. Either way he kept demanding I tell him what clan I'm from and who you were and stuff of that sort. My hands were tied behind my back, my feet were bound, and every snarky comeback I could think of was rewarded with another blow. He muttered on about how we must have come with the Chalice but I guess they hadn't searched you yet or something. What a bunch of idiots."

"Where do Salonia and Stalf come in?"

"Was that their names?" Yosa'Min sniffed. "Well, they came bursting in while Vulpin was screeching on about how we've penetrated his compound and that we'll never have the Bloodspring -the usual crazy guy in a cave drama- and kill him. Just like that. At first, I thought that rescue had come because I recalled seeing them around the castle the small bit of time we were there..."

"But...?" Serana egged on.

Shaking her head, Yosa'Min continued. "But then they started talking about Vingalmo and Orthjolf... You know... your dad's advisors, before trying to kill me." Her arms were crossed and the frown had grown wider and more prominent. The implication hung in the air and Serana haughtily objected, arms crossed.

"My father might be conniving and brutal, but if he'd wanted me killed or the sort he'd have wanted to do it himself."

"And what of me? We've already established that if I even so much as upset him for a moment that I'm as dead as an altmer in the Palace of the Kings."

Serana's brow knitted in response. "What does Ysgramor have to do with any of this?"

"I-Nevermind," Yosa'Min gave up with a wave of her hand, deciding it not worth it to explain.

"Look, all I mean, is that my father likes the dramatics and the pomp, if he'd want to kill either of us he'd make it public before the court to teach them a lesson. He'd never send lackey assassins after us," Serana said, "they're highly unreliable anyways, as today would prove true. More likely Vingalmo and Orthjolf sent them themselves without my father's knowledge and hoped to either eliminate us or take the Chalice for themselves."

Yosa'Min's nose crinkled as she looked at where the spiked goblet rested in the nearby satchel, a solid lump rising above everything else within. "Is it really that important? Looks like something only the vain and ambitious carry around to boast on about their power and influence."

"You've got that part right," Serana replied, looking at the hidden Chalice as well. "But it's more than that. Like I said earlier, it makes the Bloodspring safe to drink from, and when you mix in the right vampire blood then it makes you tremendously powerful at a cost."

"I thought the only negatives were with drinking straight from it."

"Well no one says it, the cost is hardly noticeable after all, but you start to get... paranoid."

Yosa'Min bit her cheek, and then nodded her head. "I guess it makes sense. You say this thing makes you super strong, naturally you'd start to get jumpy at the thought of people wanting to take it." A shrug rolled off her shoulders and she seemed not to think much of it until she realized that Serana's mood had rapidly dropped. Her sire was clutching her sides and looking down at the wooden floor, silent and lost in thought. "It's done that to someone you know hasn't it?"

Serana nodded her head slowly. "Take a wild guess."

"Your parents?"

The nord vampire looked up, mouth pulled in a thin line as she responded, "You'd be correct. That's basically how everything between them started to fall apart. Father had it first, after it was found and filled he tried it without adding vampire blood. It nearly made him crazy for a week before its side effects wore off. During that time he'd run about the castle muttering things that were terrifying to the young girl I was and then executed about seven servants he believed were conspiring against him to steal it. He tried again after that week, forcing a lower vampire to pour their blood into it and the paranoia was more subtle but trust me Yosa... It was there."

Silence fell for only a short while, the fledgling suddenly realizing something and looked up at her sire with widened glowing eyes. "Serana... That spring water, is it going to mess with my head too?"

Instantly Serana was on her feet, pushing off the wall she'd started leaning against and put her left hand on Yosa'Min's shoulder. "It doesn't work like that. The Bloodspring raw is more physical than with the Chalice. You'll have a harder time healing, your vampiric features will be more exaggerated, you'll fatigue and thirst more, and you could get addicted if you have more."

"Jeez," balked Yosa'Min, "was there any benefit from drinking it?"

With a half chuckle, Serana dropped her hand. "Your nightvision and hunting techniques should be vastly improved."

"I've always been a good hunter," objected Yosa'Min.

"Not that kind of hunting Yosa."

"Oh... Right..." The redguard scratched behind her head, averting her gaze towards some suddenly interesting plank of wood. "Can we... uh... talk about that?" She dared to look back at her sire.

"I've been meaning to actually," Serana said, her arms crossing a bit again in a way that made the fledgling nervous, as if she could foresee the scolding about to come. "That red sash, do you still have it?"

The redguard rolled the sleeve of her pale, tattered jerkin up to reveal it tied around her bicep. "I managed to keep it on me, yeah. Why?" Instantly Serana flashed her hand out and grasped it, trying to remove it from Yosa'Min's arm who pulled back sharply, breaking free. "Hey! Watch it!" Eyes narrowed at each other, the redguard lowering her arm and pulling her sleeve down before Serana could try to grab it again. "What's the big idea?"

"The longer you hold onto that the worse things will become. You can't be collecting things from your prey, you'll get attached and start to feel things you shouldn't, that'll make it harder than it should be. You don't collect things from your animal prey do you?"

"Pelts, antlers, tusks, teeth," Yosa'Min instantly listed with gritted teeth.

Serana shook her head and spoke with a curt hiss, "But those are from creatures that cannot truly think. You can safely mount those on walls or the sort and feel no remorse over it. You don't waste anything from the kill out of respect, but taking from the prey we hunt, is like taking trophies from conquests in the bedroom. It's vain." That word was like a slap in the redguard's face and she scowled fiercely.

"I don't want to forget her though!" Shouted Yosa'Min, her anger coming to a boil. "I don't want to forget the agony I caused her, I don't want to forget the look on her face or the way she felt dying in my arms because I was doing that to her! I've killed before Serana, I've killed so many that sometimes I look at my hands and see blood on them even when I've done all I can to only kill scum and lowlives but then I realize I'm one of them too!"

"No you're not!"

"But I am! And now I kill people in one of the worst ways they possibly could go, the slow, agonizing death of their life literally being taken from them. How can I not allow myself to remember so that their deaths aren't forgotten. Even the worst villains deserve remembrance."

"You can't torture yourself over doing what you must to survive Yosa, if you do it'll tear you to pieces," Serana lowered her voice, softening and stepping gingerly towards her fledgling that looked as if she was near to coming apart right then. "Like it is right now."

Yosa'Min ducked her head, looking at the floor. "Survival doesn't justify sin."

"Yosa..."

"I'm sorry Serana, but I can't just let this go," Yosa'Min said, "that bosmer might have been a bandit and undoubtably a bad person, but I can't stand on higher ground and judge her. I have no right and all I see around me is flatlands. What makes us better?" She challenged, "That we're the hunters and they're the prey? Not even a poacher would feel such a false sense of supremacy."

Shaking her head, Serana sighed. "Fine, keep the sash, but promise me this." Yosa'Min looked up, glowing orange eyes burning into the nord vampire. "You will not destroy yourself with guilt over doing what you must to live. It's just like hunting animals, you have to kill them to have food. We have to hunt people so that we don't go mad. If you don't drink blood, you'll become a monster, the very thing you are terrified of turning into."

Sullen, the fledgling stared right into Serana's eyes, lost in the burning warmth for a long time as she searched herself to see if it were even possible to let these feelings of guilt go. When she finally spoke, she was soft and quiet. "I'll do my best."

Lips a thin line, Serana nodded her head. "Good..." They were silent for a good while after that, standing there as the sun moved overhead and the sound of the day passing by filled their ears. Yosa'Min stepped back and crossed to where the bed was in the abandoned home and sat down at the edge. Serana lingered on the wall, wanting to say something more but she wasn't certain. Her fledgling obviously had entered her new life with a serious amount of baggage, and while she could see it slipping into the vampire before her from time to time she was determined to wash that sorrow away one way or another. Deciding that perhaps moving on and not pushing the topic was the best course of action, Serana walked over to her satchel and removed the journal she'd pinched from Redwater Den and walked over to the bed.

"This is the journal," she said, sitting besides Yosa'Min who turned silently so she could read the pages as well. "Vulpin was a vampire who'd been searching for the Bloodspring for some time it would seem. He managed to track it down and uncover it, I guess something happened while I was away that buried it."

"Does it explain what was up with the skooma and the mortals?"

"Aye. In the past few entries he talked about how the Bloodspring wasn't doing much good for himself and the other vampires he'd collected around him. But, for mortals it basically only made them get addicted with no benefits. Vulpin also mentioned that they were running low on a steady source of blood," said Serana.

A light flickered in the redguard's face, and she straightened up. "He was putting the Bloodspring water into skooma, they'd give it to mortals, and then feast off those who came?" Revulsion ran up her body and she shuddered. "That's one twisted plan." She paused for a moment before speaking again, "Do you think your father knew of this?"

"Well, Garan did mention that it had fallen into the hands of scum, but I doubt anyone knew exactly what type."

"But the Bloodspring is powerful, why wouldn't your father want it guarded even if he weren't to use it?" Yosa'Min shook her head. "That doesn't make any sense."

A frown had steadily been growing across Serana's face, and she dipped her head with a sigh. "I'm not sure, but... I've noticed that the castle isn't as full as it used to be. The halls felt emptier and those feasting in the main hall were less in number. It would seem that hard times have fallen the Volkihar clan and my father couldn't afford to spread those left in his court any thiner."

"How many were there when you were locked away?"

"Nearly fifty," Serana replied, "ranging from the highest and most trusted advisors to my father's soldiers and servants. There's also a lot of rubble about the place, I think a whole tower might be gone even."

Yosa'Min was silent again, uncertain, and then cleared her throat. "Do you think Vingalmo or Orthjolf knew of the skooma?" She suggested, "Perhaps they even had a hand in it and sent a letter of our coming?"

"It's possible, but knowing them they probably just ordered their lackeys to follow us and take the prize for themselves," Serana reasoned, "from there they could either use it themselves to try to overthrow my father, or give it to him and gain favor with him. Besides, Vingalmo was never one to be bothered with lesser vampires."

The redguard swiftly held up a hand. "Wait, there might be a plot to overthrow your father, and you don't seem at all bothered by it."

Hardened burning eyes flickered to the Dragonborn. "I may be my father's daughter, but that doesn't mean I harbor much love for him. He did things to me... forced me into things I never would have wanted. I am loyal to my father because of who he is, not my feelings for him." There was something about the way she spoke that sent a shiver down Yosa'Min's spine, rawness and anger that generally didn't slip past the vampire's composure as she played the role of a sire. It excited the redguard almost as much as it worried her.

"I understand, but, still Serana he is your father."

"It's the way of life in the vampiric court Yosa. Everyone but a few want the throne, and are willing to claw and bite their way to the top. How do you think my father became Lord in the first place?"

Wishing she could take it back, the redguard timidly spoke, "You said he sacrificed a thousand mortals and... offered your mother and you... in some form..." She swallowed dryly, "Dare I ask what?"

There was a terribly long moment of silence between them, Serana looking at the cover of the journal that at some point been closed, her body stiff as ice. She clenched her jaw, terribly debating it, and then looked the redguard straight in the eye. "It was... degrading..." Her words ached with fresh pain, "Molag Bal isn't called the Prince of Domination for nothing. The ritual requires we... offer ourselves... on his summoning day and only a few of us... survive. Those who do become Daughters of Coldharbour, named for the very domain that monster commands."

"Wait... he..." Yosa'Min could hardly bring the word to her lips, looking at the vampire before her suddenly in a new light.

"Yes," tightly said Serana, closing her eyes and looking at the ground, slouching with shame almost.

A hiss rang out as the redguard reeled, hands balling into fists. "That bastard!" She shouted, glaring at the air about them as if daring Molag Bal to appear before them then and now. "That sick, twisted scum of Nirn!"

"Yosa..." Serana softly said as the redguard started to pace about angrily. The reaction was far stronger than she could have ever imagined, taking Serana so offguard she wasn't certain what to do. It might have been better to let the redguard pace about mad until she'd accepted it, or perhaps just stay her frantic movement herself.

"I mean, that's just wrong! I've nearly been- but your own father offering you to a daedra for power?" Yosa'Min turned and looked at Serana, stopping her pacing just long enough. "Serana if you father ever tries to do anything like that again, even so much as put a scratch on you, I will make him pay."

Serana was on her feet then, grasping Yosa'Min by the sides of her shoulders. "Yosa, calm down. It was a long time ago, and it will never happen again."

"Time doesn't right wrongs, what he did to you, both of them, is unforgivable!" She shook her head passionately. "He gave his own wife and daughter to a daedra? To escape death and gain power? I'm sorry Serana but that is the sickest thing I have ever heard."

"I know, and I'm not saying it's okay either. But... I've learned to accept it... mostly."

Burning eyes bore into one another, Serana seeing the conflict and fury filling the redguard while the fledgling could see all the hurt the conversation had brought up in her sire. Yosa'Min moved her hands up and took Serana's in her own. "Serana," she said, the anger gone and replaced with determination and conviction that shook the nord to her core. "I promise that so long as I am your fledgling, I will never let anyone harm you again."

"It's my job to protect you," Serana said, her words coming out almost in a stammer. The redguard's display was sending rushes of warmth almost throughout her body. "Remember?"

"And it's my job to serve you," Yosa'Min agreed, "and one such way is to protect you. What happened was not right, and perhaps you're mostly at peace with it but it is something that for me is unforgivable."

"No, that it isn't," agreed Serana, staring into the shorter redguard's hardened gaze. Everything about her was setting her body alight in ways she hadn't felt in a very long time.

"Your father may be the Lord of the Volkihar clan," said Yosa'Min, "but you will forever be my Lady, and I will serve only you."

AN: Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed that dialogue heavy chapter! Don't forget to review, because I'd love to hear what you're thinking.