Hey guys, Uncle WAAAGH! here.
So here is chapter 2 of Mean and Green
I would like to wish you guys a merry Christmas/ Hanukkah / Kwanzaa (or all of them if you are that kind of guy)
And have a Happy New Year!
"I'm Batman."
Unkle raised an eyebrow.
"Ya know, dat really doesn't help me out." Unkle pointed out.
"I'm not here to help you." Batman retorted, taking several steps forward. Unkle growled.
"So yoo aint a talka. Gud!" He snarled, and let out a battle cry, as he charged forward. He swung with his choppa, the blade of the axe screaming downward, intent on slicing the humies arm clean off. However, it instead landed between the serrated edges of Batman's gloves, that ran down from his wrist to his forearm. Before Unkle had a chance to react, Batman twisted his own arm, making the blade of the axe snap off of the handle. Unkle glanced at the wooden stick in his hand in shock, hearing the metal edge clatter to the ground.
"Well dats just-"
Batman lashed out with a violent kick to the gut, sending Unkle stumbling backwards. He tripped and fell with a whump on one of the disemboweled corpses. Several whooshing objects whistled towards him, and as a reaction, Unkle grabbed the corpse by the head, and used it as a barbaric, yet effective meat shield. Literally, as the black, bat shaped blades dug into the flesh of the body. He threw the corpse off of him, as he growled, firing off a whole clip of Slugga ammunition. Batman didn't even flinch, as nearly every single bullet missed the target, by a rather wide berth. Only one actually hit Batman, and the one bullet that did pinged off of Batman's chestplate, though it did make Batman stagger by the impact. Bulletproof.
"Huh." He mumbled, as he threw the slugga at Batman. This time, Batman rolled out of the way, as he threw more of the metal things at Unkle. Unkle let out a squeal, and ducked, though he hissed in pain, as one lodged itself right in his shoulder. He looked at it, and ripped it out. The black metal was now covered with a dark crimson, and Unkle threw it down in anger.
"Oh, yer gonna regret that." Unkle growled, as he looked to where Batman was. However, his eyes noted something rather critical, that his brain was quickly informed of. Batman wasn't there.
However, he quickly realized where he was, when Batman tackled him, pinning him to the ground. Unkle snarled, as he gave a wild uppercut at Batman. It appeared that he had not expected that, as he was sent skidding to the ground. Orks had far more strength than the average man, though obviously, this wasn't no average man.
"Who are you?" Batman demanded, as the two fighters circled each other.
"I'm an ork! And yer going to get yer ass kicked in a moment!" Unkle snarled.
"You're fighting style is wild and unpredictable. I doubt that will happen." Batman retorted. Unkle fumed, stamping his foot.
"You wot? I'll deck ya, yoo twat!" Unkle snarled, as they charged each other. Unkle lashed out with a wild swing to the stomach, that Batman partially dodged, so instead of his fist hitting his gut, it hit the side of his abdomen. Batman gasped in pain, as Unkle snatched him by the throat, and threw him like a ragdoll. Batman was thrown several feet away, though he did manage to do a flip mid air, and he landed on his feet.
"Show Off." Unkle spat, as he came forward again, swinging wildly. Batman ducked and weaved under his tirade of blows, and with his final punch, Batman grabbed his fist with an armored gauntlet. Unkle pushed harder with all of his strength. Batman struggled to keep Unkle from pushing him back, as with his other fist, he snatched one of Batman's pointy ears and yanked, ripping it off. It revealed another layer of metal and material. Batman snarled in anger, as he snatched Unkle by the throat with his free hand, and flipped him over, making Unkle fall right on his chin. He spat out a bloody tooth and snarled. He lashed out with a violent kick, and grinned with savage glee as he heard a grunt of pain from behind him, as well as several steps backwards
"Now yoo asked for it ya grot!" He shouted, as he reached into his coat, pulling out another shoota. Shoving a clip of ammunition into it, he released a full, wild burst of gunfire. This sent Batman running to cover. Unkle, seeing the black coated humie hide behind a pillar grinned wildly, and hooted. He stood up, letting out several more bursts of gunfire, letting out a cackle of savage glee.
"Hoidin are ya? Dis'll teach ya!" He snarled, as he pulled out a stikkbomb from his coat, pulled the pin, and threw it. The pin twisted and turned in the air, and it clattered against the metal pillar, and it took a crucial second to realize what Unkle had done. He had thrown the wrong part of the grenade. He stopped for a moment, and tried to remember the instructions of how to throw a stikkbomb.
"Take da stikkbomb, then pull da pin… den wot… erm… frow both? Nah… dat dont sound roight. Err… Well, consider yer options Unkle, yoo have un part of da stikkbomb. So frow dat too den!" He said to himself, snapping his fingers in realization. Unkle threw the right part of the stikkbomb this time, but not far enough for him to be unscathed. The bomb exploded in a fiery inferno, dosing everything in shrapnel and metal bits. Unkle was flung back by the blast, and was sent skidding to the ground. He slowly pulled himself up, growling, as he looked at his arm. His left arm was peppered with metal shards, most an inch or two large. He clenched it, slowing the flow of blood that ran down his arm.
"Zog dat hurts." He mumbled. Batman emerged from the pillar, and Unkle noticed something. From what very little facial emotions he saw, he could see something that he did not expect, and the sentence that followed this confirmed his confusion.
"You need medical attention." Batman stated.
"Piss off yoo grot. I'm gettin outta here." Unkle mumbled, as finally, he pulled out the last item he had left in his coat. It was a large metal and plastic disc, nearly three feet wide. As he threw it to the ground, it let out a cough and wheeze, followed by oily black smoke, as the plate began to widen on the ground, turning ten feet wide.
"You're not going anywhere." Batman growled, as he approached menacingly. Then, the ground began to shake. Batman stopped moving, and Unkle grinned wildly.
"Sure I am. OH NIBBLA!" He shouted aloud, cupping his mouth with one of his hands. One of the walls to the laboratory were smashed open, sending pieces of metal and granite skittering to the ground. Nibbla let out a roar, as its green and yellow eyes settled on Batman. Its silent malice could be felt like a thick cloud of flies, buzzing and nibbling in the back of his brain.
"KILL HIM!" He ordered. Nibbla obeyed, as he straightened out his spine, and let out a roiling roar. A green bubble appeared from Nibbla's carapace, one that traveled up his throat, and finally, out from his mouth. The bubble of bioplasma was spewed out, making a beeline to where Batman stood. He rolled out of the way, as the caustic fluid detonated on contact with the floor, making blue lightning crackle around the zone of impact, as the bioplasma burned and dissolved the floor, making a small crater. Nibbla stomped forward, letting out a screech of anger. Batman took out a slugga from his hand, and fired. Instead of a bullet, a long, black line came out from the guns barrel. The black hook disappeared from sight, but Batman was dragged up into the air and was shot forward, and it was only then, Unkle realised the target. It wasn't Nibbla. It was him. Unkle ducked, and he felt Batman whoosh over him. He turned, and had his gun trained on Batman, when only then he realized the dozen cop cars that were parked outside. He knew he didn't have time. Better to run now, and come back for another go. He snatched the detonator from his pocket.
"Noice try! Nibbla! Get yer ass ova here! Were leavin!" He shouted. Nibbla obeyed, though somewhat hesitantly, as it stomped forward, stepping on the pad. Batman took something out of his belt, and threw it. Unkle barely noticed it, as he pressed the button. The tellyporta pad screeched and squealed, as it zapped the two away, and disappeared in a thin smoke. The pad was still there, but after a few seconds, it detonated like a bomb, sending shrapnel, toaster bits, two Iphones, and a Pop Tart wrapper flying.
/
Daisy's House
2:30 AM
/
Unkle rubbed his head, as Daisy yanked at another shard of shrapnel. Her face was contorted in disgust and queasiness, as she pulled the shard of metal out of his arm. He growled slightly, feeling blood pump out from his arm. She had long found about what he did in his free time, and despite her begging for him to cease such action, he unfortunately had no choice. The longer he stayed in one spot, the more likely he was to be found. And he wouldn't have that. However, this… Batman character, could be a serious problem for his plans.
"You should have seen a doctor." Daisy hissed, as she barely managed to stop herself from puking. Unkle twitched at the word of doctor.
"I dun need no Dok. I'm a healthy ork ya know." Unkle mumbled, stuttering slightly.
"And a healthy ork needs a good dosage of metal and shrapnel to stay shipshape?" She retorted. Unkle sighed.
"Pull them out fasta would ya? Dis is getting embarrasin." Unkle said. She nodded, as she threw the shard to the ground. Five down… twelve more to go.
"I'm just surprised this didn't have to be amputated." She replied, as she began to pull at another piece of shrapnel.
"Nah. I always kum prepared." He replied, as he went through his bag, pulling out a green vial. Fightin Juice. It was nasty stuff, and was basically like drinking acid, but it did help in situations like this. He popped the cork, and heard it clatter to the ground, as he began to down it.
"What's that?" She asked in curiosity, as Unkle continued to down it.
"Nonoyerbusiness." Unkle retorted, though his speech was somewhat slurred and sounded distant, as he finished drinking the cocktail, and wiped his lips of green liquid. He let out a vile belch, and wiped his mouth. Daisy sighed.
"Obviously from where you come from, you didn't learn any manners." She mumbled, as she yanked out another shard. Unkle scratched the back of his neck.
"Manna? Nope, neva herd of it." Unkle replied. She sighed.
"Then I'll have to teach you." She replied. They were silent for a couple of minutes, as she continued the tedious process of yanking shrapnel from his arm. He looked out the window, seeing in the darkness that Nibbla was constructing some kind of hut from dead wood and rotten trees. Less of a hut, but more of a pile to be honest, but it still showed that Nibbla was smart. And sometimes, Unkle wondered who was really in control of one another. He shook his head, as finally, the last jagged shard was ripped out of his arm, and was discarded. Daisy then took a cloth bandage, and began to wrap it around his arm. Unkle raised an eyebrow.
"Dat needed?" He asked, slightly confused. She nodded her head.
"Yeah. I'm not washing your blood out of my couch." She replied.
"Roight. Gotcha." He mumbled. They sat on the couch, while Daisy reached for a small object, and pressed a button. A large box in front of them lit up.
"Da hell iz dat?" He asked.
"TV."
"TV?"
"Television."
Unkle sighed, getting up.
"Welp. Back to da garage fer me. Got sum fings I need ta build." He said. He left the room, as he traveled through the house, and eventually to the garage, or as he liked to call it, 'Da werkshop'. Inside was all of the junk, loot, and scrap he had managed to salvage, along with the tools needed. Nail Guns, Rivet Guns, Buzz Saws, Chain Saws, Jigsaws, really anything that had the word Saw in it (and yes, this did include a box of jigsaw puzzles, for spare parts). He turned on the light switch, bathing the room in golden light. He looked at the mountain of junk, and sighed.
Things were going to be hard. A lot harder without the blueprint, which he had so carelessly left behind. He just hoped that nothing of the damn piece of paper was left. It caused quite a lot of trouble, and the only reason he had never ripped it up prior was simply because Razgriz never really saw his masterpiece come to life as he imagined it. And he wanted to perfect it.
One thing he knew he needed though, was power. Sparky stuff. And a lot of it. He glanced at the map of Gotham that was knifed into the wall. He took a pencil, and drew an X over the location of where the S.T.A.R. lab was. That place had nothing good to loot, though he could perhaps hit it another day. He absently mindedly reached over to a box of Pop Tarts (Hot Fudge Flavor, he wasn't that much of a savage) and ripped open the wrapper, and crammed one in his mouth. Pop Tarts had become his favorite food while on earth, and it didn't help that the wrappers were pretty good components in the tellyporting mekanisim. He chewed it rather noisily, and grinned to himself, as he looked at his next location.
"Only so many gud places ta loot. If S.T.A.R's ain't good. Hmm…" He mumbled, rubbing his chin. Then, an idea popped into his head. He chuckled.
"Maybe yoo can just buy da parts instead of nicking em. Yeah! And were wuld be da best place to get teef?" He said aloud, as he looked over the map, and then smiled.
"Woi, go to da fanciest place in town, of course! Bruce Manor!" He grinned. He laughed some more, spewing pieces of wet toaster pastry all over the map, as he started to grab random items and gutted them, working on his new batch of inventions.
/
Mercy General Hospital
3:00 AM
/
"How is he?" Batman asked, glancing back at the wounded security guard, who was now in critical condition. However, even he realized their wasn't much they could do to save him. With his ligaments and muscles turned, along with several bullet wounds and savagely ruined legs. The surgeon shook his head.
"Half of his veins are ruined, he's losing more blood then we can give him, and some strange virus is in him. His organs are slowly shutting down… I'm afraid there's nothing we can do." He mumbled. Batman glanced back at the security guard, before he sighed.
"What's his name?" He asked in his trademark gravelly voice. The surgeon took a clipboard, and looked at it for a few moments.
"Jason Dragovich." The surgeon replied slowly. Batman slowly got up, and folded the Security Guard's hands over his chest, and left. His footsteps echoed throughout the halls. Not many people were here anyways, which he supposed was good. But one thing that Batman hated was that the Security Guard was the only survivor of the attack on S.T.A.R. labs. Forty seven dead, and as Batman took another step, he heard a heart monitor failing, a long and drawn out beep, it had become forty eight. He always hated when their was nothing he could do. As he left the hospital, a man closed his umbrella, shaking it of a light drizzle. Dozens of raindrops were scattered in the wind, floating away with a breeze.
"Batman." Police Chief Jim Gordon mumbled.
"Gordon." Batman replied grimly, before he paused. "Who was he?"
"Who?" Gordon asked, slightly confused.
"The culprit. The one who wrecked S.T.A.R. lab?" Gordon asked. He nodded.
"To be honest, I don't know." Gordon replied, taking off his glasses, and rubbing the water droplets off of the lenses. "But this incident isn't isolated. Found thirty bodies over in East End a few days ago. They were thugs, belonged to Black Mask. But they didn't deserve to die." Gordon said, before he paused again. "Well, not like that, anyways."
"Do you have any suspects? Their had to be plenty of DNA evidence at the crime scene." Batman stated. Gordon furrowed his eyebrows.
"Oh, there was plenty of DNA evidence alright. Except that it's not human." Gordon replied. Batman thought about this for a moment. Aliens did exist, and most of them did have superpowers to some degree, but this was different. He needed to know more about the 'ork'. But he didn't have time. He glanced down at his wrist, as a screen came up. His tracking device failed to attach to the ork and 'Nibbla', but he did at least get a picture of them. Of course, he would not rest until they were caught.
"Has anyone seen them before?" Batman demanded. Gordon let out an 'ehh' noise.
"One did. Officer Johnson Burrow mentioned something about film students and a scary animatronic. But, you won't get too much information out of him. He got killed in a car accident a week ago. Tragic stuff." Gordon stated. Batman grimaced. This wasn't good.
"So what do you think about this new loony?" Gordon asked, as he opened his umbrella again, brushing his hair out of his face. He didn't like the rain, it seemed.
"A mechanical genius it seems. The culprit built a teleportation device out of spare parts and garbage." Batman replied. Gordon raised an eyebrow.
"Maybe he can fix my sink." He snorted. Batman gave him a glare, before he continued.
"Stronger than the average human… tougher than one too. Doesn't seem to be that bright though." Batman added on. Gordon nodded.
"Well, I'll let my boys know that we got a new psycho on the streets." Gordon replied, as he raised one of his hands. A taxi pulled up, and Gordon started to walk away. How did he even get here in the first place? Batman watched the car drive away, and then made a mental note in his mind. He was going to have to visit The Iceberg Lounge. If anyone knew who these two were, then Penguin was his best bet.
/
Daisy's Mansion
The Next Day
/
Daisy slid the cake batter onto the pan. The gooey, chocolatey mix oozed itself out of the mixing bowl, and into the pan. Spreading it out with a spoon, she instinctively ducked underneath the quick bolt of electricity that was flung her way, as she slid the pan into the oven, and set the bake time for twenty minutes. She ducked underneath another bolt of golden lightning, as she went to the sink, and poured herself a glass of water. She edged her head to the side, as rivet was flung her way, and clattered into the sink. She drank the glass, and wiped her mouth, before she dodged another piece of metal being flung her way. Though she had protested against it, Unkle had taken his base of operations from the garage, to the kitchen. Of course, at first it had been annoying, but now it was predictable.
He was gutting a car engine that he had found in the dump with a massive knife and a wrench. He stabbed the 'knife' into the engine, and wrenched out oily chains and gears, as well as other bits of metal that she couldn't easily identify. Most of it was thrown directly into the recycling bin, though some parts was put in a small, yet slowly growing pile of mechanical bits, or as he called them 'gubbins'. It was a test of her patience to put up with his horrible habits of cleaning, but she was going to put an end to it, sooner or later.
"Dats it!" Unkle shouted in joy, holding up one part in complete happiness. She glanced back at him, as he rose up so quickly his chair was shoved out of the way. He ran out of the kitchen, and she could hear his footsteps echo throughout the house. She sighed, and decided to follow him, as bad of a choice as it seemed. A few minutes, as she entered the garage, she paused. Hanging on a rack and barbed hook was a large suit of armor. It hung there, lifeless. It seemed to be made of scrap metal, with rusty pieces of metal jutting out at random angles, along with several glass components that ran through the armor plates. A skull with two red axes was painted on the chestpiece and shoulder plates. Unkle was sitting on top of the hanging suit of metal, busy shoving components inside of the armor. Two small tesla prongs stuck out from the back, twisted and crooked, jutting out at an angle. But as Unkle shoved the final piece in, followed by the sound of wires being snipped. Blue crackles of electricity traced the armor's prongs, and it swam and ran through and on the armor pieces like hounds on a wounded deer. Unkle grinned, as he turned a quick switch, turning off the crackles of electricity. However, it turn, it gave him a quick zap, one that made him jerk in pain, and fall off of the armor, and fall into a pile of metal bits. Daisy cringed slightly, as a tidal wave of metal pieces washed over the granite floor. After he smoothed out his coat, he grinned, gesturing to the armor that hung on the hook.
"Daisy, may I present to ya, da Electric Arma!" He grinned, as he whacked the armor with his free hand, making the hook retract. The suit of armor fell to the floor, though it stood on its own.
"Dis babee is da pini… erm… well…" Unkle mumbled, as he bit his thumb, trying to think of something, eventually, he mumbled to himself, waving his hand to the suit.
"Ya know wot? Its just a beauty, and yoo shuld be admorinin it." Unkle said. Daisy raised an eyebrow.
"How did you make it?" She asked. He waved his hand.
"Bah, it wuz nuffin. Couple of toastas, burny fingies, Pop Tart's course, sum foil… sparky bits… shiny bits… yer car…" He said, as he continued to list random objects off like it was nothing.
"You did WHAT?!" Daisy shouted. Unkle's ears twitched at that.
"Err… nuffin." He said. Daisy fumed in anger, stomping outside. And their it was. What was left of her car.
It was once a Mercedes Benz. And now, all that was left was parts of the chassis, and three tires. Everything else was gone. Daisy's cheeks turned a shade of blood red, as she turned around, furious.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT COSTED US?" She screamed. Unkle scratched his head.
"A bukket of teef?" He suggested.
"TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND! THAT'S FIVE MOTHERFUCKING ZEROES!" She screamed. Unkle raised an eyebrow.
"Wow! Dats… dats a lot of zeroes!" He pointed out. Daisy groaned, pulling her hair, and falling to her knees.
"Oh my god… my parents are going to kill me!" She screamed aloud, pulling at her hair unconditionally. Unkle clearly looked worried, and he lifted his hat, and scratched his head.
"Look, if yer car wuz that important to ya, i'll get ya a new one. With FREE red paint!" He suggested. Daisy shot him a glare that made him take a step back.
"I don't want YOUR garbage. Hell, I would even be surprised if it worked." She growled. He clearly was offended by that.
"You wot? Orky techyology, is da best, most reliant pieces of wurk yoo'll eva see!" He proclaimed.
"Yeah, right." She hissed. He frowned.
"Foine. I'll buy ya da best trukk yoo eva saw!" He shouted. Then she grinned.
"Fine. If you want to stay here, you better have it here by tomorrow morning." She growled. He furrowed his eyebrows.
"If dats how its gunna be, den dats how its gunna be." He merely said.
/
Bruce Manor
11:30 PM
"Oh shush Nibbla! Dis Bruce Wayne twat wont even know wot happened to him." Unkle grumbled, as the two slowly walked through the woods surrounding the mansion, looking for an opening. The serene woods provided as an effective source of cover, hiding the pair from any speculative eyes. However, Nibbla didn't seem to like this one bit, as with every step he took, he crushed rock, leaves, and dirt, making more noise than desirable. The two continued walking, as they headed in the general direction of the manor. He only hoped that he managed to loot enough stuff in order to keep his place in Daisy's house. It seemed that other Humies weren't so kind to aliens.
The Batman was another issue. It seemed that he was everywhere. While he was watching the news yesterday, he noticed that the Batman came out only at night. So it was a grave risk to go out looting in the night, but he knew that the cloak of darkness was the only real way he could actually go out into the city. And even then, he usually kept to himself, and kept his operations rather discrete.
"Roight. Dis place is gud." He mumbled, as he threw his duffel bag to the floor. Metal parts spewed out, as well as several car batteries and jumper cables. He unwrapped the power tools chained to Nibbla's carapace, as he began to make the tellyporta entrance. This was an insurance policy, if things went out of hand. The distance between Daisy's Mansion and Wayne Manor was too far for a normal tellyporta pad, and he did not yet have the tools to make one that could reach such a distance. As so, this was as far as it was going to go.
Unkle slipped on his goggles, and powered up a welder, as he began to fuse the components shut, every now and then taking a wad of gum and chewing it, and then spitting it on a particularly weak part of the Tellyporta. It took ten minutes to make the tellyporta pad, and as he connected the car batteries to each other, and linked them to the capacitor on the pad, golden lightning shot out, coursing through the red and blue wires. The pad began to shake violently. Unkle grinned, as he adjusted his hat, and took the spare car battery, and attached the spare cables to himself, grasping the claws on the tesla prongs.
"Roight Nibbla. Put yer best game face on. Toime fer an Break n Entry." Unkle proclaimed aloud, as he flicked the switch. He screamed in pain, as the electricity coursed through the batteries and into his armor. However, Unkle was slowly being cooked by the cables. Finally, he reached for the cables and detached them. He fell to the floor, twitching and jittering, as the electricity retreated back into the prongs. At the press of a button inside of the armored suit, the electricity would have been released, and cooked anyone in arms length.
"Note… note ta self… be OUT of da arma when yer fuelin it…" He mumbled in pain. He slowly got up, and shook his limbs, working out the sparks of electricity that jumped and danced through his nervous system. He primed his shoota, shoving in a batch of ammunition, as he began to walk to the Manor, which was now in sight.
"Ya see Nibbla? Dis is excitin, yoo know. Gets da blood rushin frew dose blue lines in yer body, ya know?" He asked, glancing up at Nibbla. Nibbla of course did not respond, but let out a low grumble as a response.
"Hm. Doo yoo even have blue lines?" He asked, as he glanced at Nibbla's paper white skin. Nibbla let out a growl. Unkle snorted.
"Foine. If yer gonna be such a grouch bout it." He replied firmly, as the two soon came across a small stone wall, that blocked their path for entry.
"Smash." Unkle commanded. Nibbla spared him a glance. Unkle sighed.
"Please?" He added on. Nibbla then obeyed, as he simply walked through the wall. Unkle grunted.
"Since when did ya need an invitation?" He demanded, as he followed Nibbla through the hole in the wall, as they finally reached the mansion. As Nibbla walked through a wall of the house, neither of them noticed the silent alarm going off, alerting a certain someone to their presence.
"Roight Nibbla, yoo stay here. I'm gunna have meself a look." Unkle commanded. Nibbla obeyed, as it turned its back to Unkle, and began prowling along the front lawn of the manor, looking for something to snack on. Unkle smiled slightly, as he began to look through the mansion, taking things of interest.
"Oh Nibbla. Yer so luvable." He mumbled to himself. Several minutes later, Unkle came across an old grandfather clock, that seemed to have been broken. It severely irked him that it was broken, but was ancient in design, and was showed so proudly. He shook his head. He simply wouldn't stand for this. He began to rip at the grandfather clock in order to get into the pieces inside, when suddenly, he noticed something. The black hole behind the clock. He began to pull it away, as it revealed a secret entrance.
"Sweeet." Unkle grinned.