Chapter 11

Bella's instinct was right, Paul was never too far away from her. Attempting to create some form of normality, he continued to follow his patrol routes, but when he finished he was in no mood to go home. He fell into a similar routine that he had when the Cullens still inhabited Forks, hiding in the shadows from everyone. Not even Jared could break through to him this time.

The days following her visit to Jacob's, he watched the dark marks along her knuckles lighten and that bruise darken on Bella's face, knowing exactly who gave it to her. Paul wanted to offer comfort but he couldn't bring himself to face her, his mind was a dark whirlpool of hatred. Feeling like he wasn't good enough for anyone. He spent more time as a wolf than man and whenever he had to deal with the new pups, his frustration would cause him to explode.

Once such explosion was triggered on the pack's monthly haircut day. Once a month, the boys would gather in Emily's kitchen to be shorn. Emily and Kim were armed with razors and comic books to prevent the boys from squirming. Embry, having already been seen to, was relaxing in the yard.

Paul and Sam leaned against the counter watching Kim lovingly trim Jared's locks. Sam smiled indulgently, while Paul squirmed. Being surrounded by the aura of loving imprints, reminded him of what he missed. The love of his family and the gaping hole of his own imprint.

In the other chair, Emily was struggling with Quil. He was like an impatient five-year-old, squirming away from the razor, uncharacteristically Emily swore. Causing Sam to laugh silently.

"For fuck's sake, Quil. I almost took your ear off."

"It would just grow back" he petulantly mumbled. "I don't see why we need haircuts anyway."

"You want your fur to get matted and shit?" Sam sounded like a patronising parent.

"Maybe." Quil's response was just like a disgruntled brat, in Paul's opinion.

"Sit still or I will alpha order you to." Sam noticed that Paul was shifting position, irritated and nearing the end of his very short tether.

Quil continued to mumble, but sat still. It wasn't enough for Paul. He rolled his head, stretching his neck. His movements were becoming increasingly lupine. The slightest thing would make him snap.

A tense silence fell in Emily's sunny kitchen but Quil didn't realise how close to the surface Paul's wolf was. Quil shifted impatiently and Emily grazed his neck.

Quil yelped and shot out of the chair causing Emily to fall against the counter with a soft gasp. Sam was instantly at her side, ensuring she was ok. Paul was snarling and dragged Quil outside, throwing him on the lawn. His wolf was caged and angry, aching for a release.

"Phase. Now." Paul's tone was terrifying. Quil was quaking, however, his tremors were not phase related. He stood up slowly facing Paul, with Embry hanging back behind him. After he made sure that Emily wasn't hurt, Sam strode out and positioned himself between the pair. His concerned eyes darting between both of them.

In his frustration, Paul roared and exploded into a wolf. He tore off into the woods, avoiding the eyes of his pack and their imprints. This was just one of many occurrences over the following weeks.

While Paul barely noticed the passage of time he did feel the anniversary arrive and pass. The date was burned in his memory. In his grief, Paul was lost, he didn't know where he was going or what he was doing. He grudgingly admitted to himself that his imprint to Bella kept him from totally losing it, she was the lighthouse in his storm but it still wasn't enough to bring him back. He did notice that Bella had been down to the cemetery with fresh flowers. She would drive to La Push every day, seeking him out before seeing Jacob. She would usually take the same trail to the beach and back but on the anniversary, she ventured back to the cemetery. Respectfully she didn't enter the sacred site, again, but she did follow a path into the woods and left a bouquet of white flowers next to a pummelled looking tree.

The floodgates that were rammed open by his forceful flashbacks when Quil and Embry joined the pack wouldn't close again.

Seasons were beginning to change in Washington, the weather shifting into aggressive winds and heavy rains. After a particularly stormy night, Paul was in one of his usual spots in the forest in Forks and as he watched, sheltered from the trees, he saw Bella. Seeing her lessened the weight on his heart.

She was helping her dad sweep dead leaves and branches off their garden walkway. Paul was embarrassed to see his t-shirt that had been abandoned the day Quil and Embry phased, blew into Bella's path. He thought it was stuffed into a tree but it must have been blown free. She picked it up, recognising it immediately. With an unexplainable expression, she held it gently. Charlie was standing away from her at the other side of the yard. He was oblivious, he was too busy examining the trees closest to the house for any dangerous branches.

Paul's wolf hummed happily as he saw her look around before taking a deep inhale of the material. It would still smell like him. Bella abandoned her chores and brought it inside. He could hear her retreat upstairs into her room. After a few minutes, she had returned to her tasks. Despite the way she treated his shirt, it didn't change anything for him.

Sam was irritated by Paul's attitude because he was so worried, Paul was tormenting himself and while that made life less pleasant in the pack mind, he couldn't comprehend how Paul was still functioning enough to patrol.

His brother was hurting but Sam couldn't break through the wall of suffering that Paul had created. He wouldn't allow Paul to go home to his father and the abuse but as they noticed Bella's blossoming friendship with Jacob, they finally managed to convince him to take afternoons off and relax at Emily's. There was always going to be a wolf watching Jacob, meaning Bella was being watched too. They were always going to be protected.

Surrounded by Bella's warmth, Jacob's phase slowed down. If Sam didn't know any better he would say it had halted, however, he still would continue to monitor the situation. Jake clearly still missed his two best friends, and they deeply missed him, but the two newest wolves still had issues controlling their tempers. The other day they both phased in a rage from an argument over the last muffin. If Jake was guaranteed to phase, Sam would have been prepared to risk it, but watching the Jacob's changes slow down made Sam uneasy. There was some envy among the wolf pack about this but the Council records didn't have any evidence of a phase being reversed, so the surveillance continued.

None of the wolves particularly approved of Jacob's project. It was revealed that he was rebuilding some derelict motorcycles in addition to his car. Bella proved essential to his mechanical schemes and would drive him around the county to retrieve random parts that just looked like twisted metal to her. In any case, her excitement about the project was helping Jacob recover from losing his friends. Paul didn't like Bella around those motorcycles, she looked too small and dainty to handle such powerful machines but more than anything watching Bella and Jacob filled him with a longing to return to his own garage to continue working on his old Harley. Knowing his old man, the bike was scrap metal already.

Sometimes, when he forced himself to leave Sam's place to jog, Paul would run past his father's house, looking in wistfully. It was once a bright and cheerful home with love shining out the windows, now when he looked at it, it looked empty and as ruined as his family. His superior wolf nose detected the pungent fog of whisky and cigarettes. Paul forced himself to continue running back towards Sam and Emily's place, avoiding the memories that threatened to choke him, again.

The blackness seemed all encompassing but he just couldn't feel a way out. The desolation in his heart terrified him and continued to worry his brothers.

Over the following weeks, the pack watched Bella and Jacob develop a strong friendship. They seemed to spend every day together, shifting easily between Forks and La Push. Occasionally Bella would cook for both fathers and Jacob in the Black's small house, she always ensured there were freezer sized portions. Billy was delighted to have decent food again and said as much to Sam whenever they had a meeting between the Pack and the Council. To an outsider, it may look like they were dating, but Bella always tried to set firm boundaries with Jake, he seemed to respect them. In an effort to remain responsible, Bella made them do homework or study for most of the weeknights and the weekends were theirs to work on the bikes. After several weeks, the end was in sight for Bella and Jacob's project. The bikes were almost done and now they were planning to learn how to ride.

The pack often watched Bella leave Jacob's covered in grease but grinning. Jacob was so happy, the pack wondered if the Council was wrong and Bella had managed to reverse the change. Paul couldn't stand to watch this, the jealousy and longing for Bella was agonising, even if it was his own doing by avoiding her. He spent more time phased alone, but when the rest of the pack were in wolf form, he would slink away as a man to do some repairs or repainting around Sam and Emily's.

Paul had just returned from a meeting between the Council and Pack. The pack was praised for their efforts in protecting the community. Not that there were any threats with the Cullens gone. As soon as Jacob was mentioned, Paul took his leave and made his way to Emily's, leaving the pack to finish the meeting.

That afternoon, Emily came home from the store, her arms laden with groceries to find Paul and his toolkit in her kitchen fixing cupboard doors that were fine to begin with. It was sadly a familiar sight.

"Paul…"

"These cupboard doors were loose. Could be dangerous." He answered in his now usual monotone. Emily set her groceries on a counter before reaching into the fridge for a bottle of water, Paul closed the cupboard door he was working on and silently went about putting groceries away. Emily chewed her lip pensively, trying to choose the best way to talk to him. Twisting the bottle in her hands, she watched him closely, Emily didn't know how to help Paul and it was eating her up inside.

"Paul…"

"Emily, please don't." He didn't turn away from the shelves he was stacking.

"I'm worried about you."

He sighed deeply but he still wouldn't look up, "I'm sorry to worry you."

"Not just me," she reminded him.

Paul nodded once but refused to say more. Once the groceries were away, he moved onto another cupboard door. Emily put her small hand on his arm, urging him with her eyes to talk to her. He shook his head and graced her with a small smile.

"You don't play fair, Em."

"How do you think I cope with you lot?"

Paul laughed once and sighed. He took a moment to compose himself, he had been holding this in for weeks but he felt a change in the air, he had to let this out.

"The day Quil and Embry phased, memories came out that I hid years ago. I lost it, realising some ugly truths about myself. I thought that pain would get better over the years, but it hasn't. I lashed out. God, I knew that the imprint worked both ways but I didn't think about it at the time. I beat the shit out of a tree, ripped my fists apart."

Emily gasped, feeling the warmth of tears fill her eyes. Paul continued, his voice cracked under the intense emotion he felt.

"She felt me, Em. She came all the way down here, came into a sacred tribal cemetery and just held me. I saw her little hands. They were bruised because of my selfishness. I'm meant to be what she needs, but that night she clung to me, comforting me."

"Sometimes we need to feel needed Paul." Emily spoke softly, getting a glimpse of Paul's pain left her feeling stunned and heartbroken.

"Maybe, but in any case, that girl is far too good for me. I can't hurt her anymore. Look, Em, I can't talk about this. I'm going to go build that tool shed now."

Before he could move away, Sam came bounding in.

"Paul, we just caught the scent of a leech. We need to move, now."

Paul leapt into action, running out the backdoor and phasing. Sam pressed a hard kiss into Emily's lips and followed Paul. Emily placed a hand to her racing heart as she watched the vast empty-looking forest. She picked up her cell phone to call Kim.

"Sweetie, you need to come around, the boys had to leave. It's an emergency."

The wolves raced in the direction of the scent.

There are two of them, Jared informed Sam as they ran. The forest shot past in blurs of green and brown.

Okay, guys. It's time to put the instincts passed down by our ancestors to effective use. Embry stay on the Rez and guard the imprints. Sam snarled.

Embry agreed and raced back in the direction of La Push to run a tight perimeter.

Let's go do what we're made for. Paul's menacing thoughts pulsed along the pack link.

The pack mind echoed with determination as they pursued the threat. As the target came in sight they saw they were following a dreadlocked male leech and a flame haired female.

Paul's wolf ached for this, he could finally put the darkness in his heart to use, defending his home and imprint.

His pack howled supportively around him.

A/N

Hello all!

This chapter was so hard to write, it was impossible to decide what bits to keep and what to take out. I hope you like it!

Poor Paul, but maybe he can get a bite of Laurent or Victoria to release that pent-up aggression. Or maybe not!

The big reveal about the pack and imprint is coming soon!

I have some university exams coming up so while I have the next five chapters planned, they may be a bit slower in coming out. Please bear with me for this!

Hope all is well where you are!