-173 Days : -21 Hours : -18 Minutes

Getting married… That-that is something I don't think I could explain.

The bubble of joy, excitement, nausea, stress and wonder never really pops. Not the morning where I was dressed into an Armani, navy three piece suit and pampered by Natasha, Tony and Clint; where I helped my son dress into his very first tux, tried to stop our dog from chewing his bow and asked Natasha not stab Tony with her heels, yet. Not while rushing into and organising travel to the courthouse with two excited seven year olds (Tony is worse than Clint), a German Shepard, an easily annoyed assassin and New York traffic. Not when I held my son's hand, following my best woman and best friend down the "aisle" of the small and cramped court room due to the many large teammates squeezed into normal suits rather than super ones. Certainly not when I saw my tear-jerkingly handsome fiancée in his grey-silver suit with a navy blue tie that matched mine and my tie to match his. It nearly did when I glanced at my family trying very hard to act normal, this included Steve in full uniform which James decided to veto for himself, while watching us make our vows, pinkie promising our love, lives and laughter to each other. It seemed impenetrable when I kissed my husband for the very first time, our son hugging our legs and our family cheering in the wings. This beautiful and magical bubble never even budged when my husband carried our son down the "aisle" with my hand clutched in his, our rings gliding over each other. I tried very hard to pop it myself, pulling faces at our mesh mash of wedding songs which included 'Secret Agent Man', 'Mr Roboto' and 'At Last'… my lonely days are gone… really Tony? It lasted through the reception at the Tower's many floors and right through the night where my amazing husband screwed me into the mattress and then I screwed him into the mattress and then we shared loving kisses until the sun rose and our son very lovingly jumped onto our torsos for family snuggles. Luckily, Max felt the bed was cramped enough without him added and we spent the day in bed watching movies.

The bubble hasn't really popped but just thinned enough for reality to seep in, allowing me to do my job and to enjoy having my husband and son right there with me; safe and happy.

We waited six months to get married and within those months of savouring our family and safety we realised how much better we are together, stronger and nothing would stand in our way; certainly not an adoption agency because I don't just pick up all my kids from alley ways; well I try not to.

I wasn't always an only child, my step brother certainly never acted like one and when we lost him it affected me more in later years than at the time. I don't want Clint's only memories of siblings and kinship like that to be crowded in fear and hate like mine was, until quite recently. James always said he wanted a big family, so why not?

-194 Days : -16 Hours : -08 Minutes

Three weeks after our wedding and the bubble is back.

Welcome to the family little Harlowe Annie Barnes-Coulson, James wanted Annie for his Mom and I chose Harlowe. I gazed at my baby girl wondrously as I crept quietly behind James, who was holding our precious bundle, with baby bag in tow into our apartment. We'd told Clint there was a surprise being delivered that we'd have to pick it up and we'd be back at the apartment for two o'clock to show him; telling Tony to keep his mouth shut and Natasha to have an extra eye out. The planning from the adoption agency allowed us to keep our full identities private from the mother of the child, also allowing her to be reassured by her child's future parents' backgrounds but not overly attached to us; in case of the press or, Odin forbid, she wanted her back. We both agreed that we didn't mind much on the age of our child but one younger than Clint would be preferable to keep him from reading into a new older sibling too much. Once I finally got the call last week about the baby girl with a green light, we set the date, allowing for extra time and check-ups before we could pick up our little girl.

She'd slept the whole road home from the hospital, only being born a few days would do that to you, I guess. Knowing we'd be bringing a new member home, Tony had been designing one of our guest rooms especially with the baby in mind and here it was all ready to go as James walked softly into the baby-blue and cream covered room with the jungle mural to the left by her crib. I set the bag down, about to find Clint to show him his new little sister when James quiet gasp stopped me.

"She's awake," James whispered in awe from his seat in the white-painted, wooden rocker.

"Hey there beautiful, welcome home," I greeted her, taking her little fingers in mine for a shake, causing James to chuckle and kiss my cheek.

"Daddy?" Clint's curious voice was laced with concern, as I spotted him in the doorway to the room, one that even he hadn't seen the inside of yet.

"Hey, ace, come here and see the surprise," I signalled him closer and he traipsed cautiously towards us, Harlowe just out of view until he reached my side.

"Say hello to your little sister, Clint. This is Harlowe…" James smiled at our son before lifting our daughter more into Clint's sight.

"I-Imma big brother?" Clint asked, bird-like eyes focused onto the tiny bundle in his Dad's arms.

"Yeah, bud, you are," I whispered, joy leaking from my smile. That was until Clint bolted from the room without a word.

"What happened?" James asked, worry cracking his features, making as to get up.

"No. Stay, I'll see what's wrong, you just hold her," I reassured him and left but not before placing a kiss to his lips and Harlowe's scrunched up forehead; as though she too knows there's something wrong with her brother.

"Clint? JARVIS, any sign of Clint?"

"In the tree trunk, Master Coulson,"

"Thank you," Looking for Clint in a tree house this big, never mind a tower this big, is always a difficult job so I can never be too grateful to have JARVIS on hand.

"Hey ace, what's wrong? You can always tell us what's wrong, you know that. We pinkie'd, remember?" I talked softly just like I had to Harlowe and James before, as I crouched by the hidden door to the tree trunk in Clint's room.

"I can't… I don't wanna…" I can just about make out the mumbles from inside the wooden compartment.

"Can't what, Clint? Do you wanna come out and sit with me and talk? You'll always be our little bird and we'll love you both equally. No one's being replaced, Clint," I hear some more shuffles and mumbles before the latch is unhooked and Clint scrabbles out, straight into my lap, head hidden in my chest.

"Not lil' anymore, m'big. A big brother, like Barney. Don wanna be Barney, Daddy. Don't wanna hurt Harlowe and make her tell me things about you n' Dad n' take her away from here. I don wanna!" Clint cries out, his voice hoarse from tears and my own throat constricts tightly as I clutch Clint closer, soothing him before I reply to the seven year olds painful thoughts.

"Clint, baby, you are not and never will be Barney. He went through a tough time just like you but nobody was there to help him out like your Dad and I did for you. He made you hurt and leave because he was jealous and doing a bad thing for selfish reasons. You tried to stop it and him, you were so amazing and we are so proud of you for trying to stop him like you did, protecting Tony and JARVIS and Dum-E and me; your family. You are going to be a fantastic big brother because you will protect and love your sister as much as you love me and your Dad and Max and Uncle Tony and everybody. Harlowe will be so lucky to have you and so are we. I pinkie promise that you will be the best big brother ever and I will help you make sure, how's that?" I held out my pinkie just like I did that fateful day, over a year ago now, and Clint took it more than willingly and trustfully than he did that day.

Clint followed, holding my hand tight as we made our way back into baby Harlowe's room, where James was nosing at her little downy tufts of brown hair like he did in the hospital hours before when he held her for the first time.

"Hey bud. You ready to hold her?" James smiled wide as Clint nodded enthusiastically and dropped my hand to take a seat on the stool in front of the rocker with his arms out, grinning.

"Okay, Clint you've got to be really careful because she's very small and delicate yet, so we'll help you make sure she snuggled all safe in your arms," I warned as Clint nodded his understanding once more.

I crouched next him on the stool as James bent forward, placing the little girl into Clint's arms, with mine under them to shift her if needed. James shared a smile with me as we watched our children interact for the very first time, our family feeling another bit more complete, even if we weren't finished quite yet.

"Hi lil' bug. I'm lil' bird but m'gonna keep you safe like a good big brother… I pinkie promise…"