Renji snapped out of it, startling badly when Ichigo shuddered once, twice, and then sneezed wetly right against his face. "...!"
Ichigo reeled back, both hands over his mouth and nose, eyes wide, but Renji just sat there stunned, mouth agape and eyes blinking in shock.
"Sorry!" Ichigo yelped, clearly mortified.
Finally unfreezing, Renji wrinkled his nose at the sticky wet feeling and then wiped his face with a few tissues. That's what he got, wasn't it. That's what he fucking got. Renji stared at the floor and felt like there was ice in his gut. "No," he mumbled, too ashamed to look Ichigo in the eye, "it was my fault. I shouldn't have done what I did just now."
Ichigo watched as Renji stood up. "Renji-"
"Please," he rasped, throat tight with dread, "Try an' forgive me. I'll just-"
"N-!" Ichigo stuttered, "Hh…" He gaped at Renji as he retreated, and then just stared blankly for a moment, two, then put his head in his hands and exhaled heavily, his entire face ablaze.
Renji swallowed hard as he saw Ichigo move his fingers down, his eyes wide and flicking around, his hands still over his mouth and nose. Renji could see that his cheeks were red. Shit, he'd embarrassed him. Ichigo didn't know what to say to him, did he, he didn't know what to do.
Fuck, he's gonna' throw up. He's done this. Whatever happened now, he had no one to blame but himself.
"I'll go, I'll leave you alone," he promised hurriedly, stomach aching and eyes itching and burning.
"No," Ichigo said into his hands.
Gritting his teeth, Renji muttered, "Obviously I can't keep control a' myself-"
"Renji," Ichigo tried, and Renji shot him a hot look then, because he knew Ichigo, he knew what he was like – he knew Ichigo's kindness and the way he'd go above and beyond to keep from hurting a friend. He knew Ichigo was going to tell him not to go, he was going to forgive him, and he didn't deserve it, he's never deserved Ichigo's kindness. All he's done is fucking take advantage of it time and time again, and now he's crossed the line.
"I know you've known," Renji growled, glaring into Ichigo's eyes woefully, "and you've let me be your friend anyways – you always trusted me not to take advantage of that," he choked, screwing his face up in rage and self-disgust, "but now I can't trust myself."
"You can, I promise you can." Ichigo was looking at him with his eyebrows pushed together, mouth ajar, his expression almost one of fear and his voice stretched thin, cautious and soothing, as if to talk him down. "You, you don't have to go," he said slowly.
"I do. I have to get away from you."
"I'm telling you, you don't – not for me," Ichigo promised, sitting up more, moving onto his knees on the couch, scootching towards him slowly, as if afraid he'd bolt.
"Well if not for you, then for me," Renji snapped, voice raw. "I have to go."
"No." Ichigo shook his head. "No," he breathed.
Renji shuddered suddenly, his voice cracking. "Ichigo, it's too painful," he choked out, then swiped at his eyes and made to leave the room.
"Stop!" Ichigo yelped, coughing heavily into his fist after jolting up onto his knees and reaching a hand out over the couch, although Renji was much too far away from him to be physically stopped.
"…" Renji halted, but didn't turn around. He could hear Ichigo struggling to speak, breathing wetly as he gave several stuttering attempts at reasoning with him.
Finally he blurted, "Why can't you just say it?"
"I'm a coward," Renji shot back, because there's no point in lying now. Ichigo's already seen how cowardly and awful he is, and there's no point anymore. "I'm not strong enough."
"For what?"
"To lose you," he whispered. "Please," he begged, "Please just try and forget and I swear, I swear I won't ever touch you again. I'm sorry."
Ichigo tried to answer, but sneezed, and growled frustratedly at himself. "Renji," he said, repeating it when Renji didn't turn around. "Renji." Renji managed to turn and look at him, raising his eyes to Ichigo's face.
"You don't know what's gonna' happen," he said, nose running uncontrollably. Renji took a breath to speak, but the words were lost, and he ducked his head, turning to hide his eyes. "Just say it, Renji."
Renji shook, hands in balls, and he clenched his eyes shut. "I…! I like you!" he shouted, "so much!"
The beat of silence following the words was filled with so much relief that Renji felt like collapsing right there, but instead he blinked and froze where he stood when Ichigo breathily huffed, "Was that so hard?"
He whipped around to find Ichigo standing and staring at him, his nose dripping like a kid who doesn't know how to blow; he had eye crust and his face was flushed and sweaty, and Renji loved him, he loved him better than taiyaki, better than dogs, better than anything.
"I really like you!" he howled, and now that he's said it, he can't stop, he can't keep it in a second longer. "I've liked you for so long, I can't imagine not liking you! I can't move on because you're all I can think about – I'm crazy! You make me crazy! Just seeing your face-" He swallowed, "I feel like I'll explode!"
"Okay, I get it," Ichigo said, clearing his throat rather awkwardly as he ducked his head and blushed.
"I like you!"
"Yeah."
"I really like you!"
"Ahem." Ichigo dropped his gaze and wiped his nose. "Me too," he mumbled.
Renji let his breath rush out all at once, stared for a disbelieving moment, then eagerly moved in and reached out hesitantly to touch Ichigo's hand. "What? You didn't just say 'me too.'"
"Get the wax out of your ears, you monkey-brain!"
Renji gasped. There was no way...
Feeling as though he were dreaming, he reached his hand out to Ichigo's slowly, and watched dazedly as Ichigo opened his hand to accept his and hold it. Ichigo stepped towards him with a hint of trepidation in his eyes, as if he felt brave for doing so, but then did nothing else, just holding his hand in a clammy grip. "... I," he tried, but then he just swallowed hard and put his arms around Ichigo and hugged him.
Ichigo rested his feverish head against his, returning the embrace around Renji's waist, hands linking at the small of his back. Renji squeezed him, not wanting to let go – 'Am I dreaming? I... I'm holding Ichigo,' he thought in disbelief.
"Shut up and do it right this time, butthead," Ichigo said stuffily, and Renji felt a swoop in his gut.
He looked down into Ichigo's eyes as they went to kiss each other. So excited and happy he could barely breathe, Renji leaned in – then blinked when Ichigo pulled back suddenly with a hand to his nose.
"Ehh-" he huffed, inhaling sporadically as a sneeze built, but then finally settled, still holding his hand there cautiously.
He sighed then. "It's gone." Renji laughed out loud and then seized Ichigo in his arms and kissed him full on the mouth, humming contentedly.
When they broke apart, he held Ichigo close, snuggling his head against his neck and whispering again, "I like you." He kissed at his ear, still hardly believing that he could, that he was able to have Ichigo in his arms. "I like you so much," he told him.
"I like you back," Ichigo mumbled almost shyly in his rattley sick voice, his hands gripping the back of Renji's shirt.
"Aww baby," Renji breathed, tipping his head up and kissing him again, pouring a flood of passion into it, everything his heart had built up by keeping silent. Ichigo kissed back and lifted a hand to cup the back of Renji's head, and Renji sighed against his lips.
Sick as he was, Ichigo was very short of breath, unable to breathe through his nose easily and being forced to sniff frequently and take gasps through his mouth against Renji's lips. Ichigo broke them apart and held a hand to his nose and sniffed hard, but Renji didn't release him, holding him against him, unwilling to break their embrace. "Sorry," Ichigo muttered, sniffing again, "sorry'm so gross."
Renji brushed it off, because hell if he was going to let a bit of snot get in the way of kissing the one he loved – fuck, he'd gotten to kiss his great love, he'd resigned himself to never being able to do that, to never being able to hold him like this. "No, it's…"
He pulled back himself then, half turned, and sneezed into his elbow, the force of it bringing tears to his eyes.
One second passed… two… 'Shit.'
"I thought you couldn't get sick," Ichigo teased smugly, "or are you just an idiot?!" He gave a triumphant little laugh, falling into a fit of wheezing coughs and laughter at the look on Renji's face.
He was lucky Renji wouldn't hit a sick man, but he still swatted him on the hair a bit. "Shut up!" he hollered, "I'm not sick." He scowled. "Someone's just talking about me!" he insisted.
"Like who?" Ichigo demanded flatly with a sarcastic look that quickly became more amused, his smile lighting up his face, and Renji knew he'd never love like this again.
"Everybody!"
Ichigo rolling his eyes. "You're ridiculous," he sighed, and walked away to the couch, settling down on it.
Renji followed to rebut that statement, falling easily into the usual swing of their arguments, but he sneezed twice more and glared as the cats came to cuddle Ichigo. "It's your damn cats," he blamed.
Ichigo scratched his brown cat under the chin and cooed, "Don't listen to him, he's just jealous," then shot him a pointed side-eye. Renji scowled and glared at them.
"So what if I am?!"
Ichigo tried not to smile and failed badly, peeking at him over the couch. "So there's room on this side."
Renji pursed his lips and made a show of thinking about it, but in the end the offer was too attractive and he leapt over the couch into the space reserved for him – he's a weak man with a heart far too strong to control.
Ichigo sneezed badly. "That better've missed my hair, Ichigo."
"It did," he said innocently, and Renji felt at his head hurriedly, relieved to find it dry. "Weren't you making me soup? 'M hungry now."
"Oh right! One sec'."
"Kay'," Ichigo croaked, smacking his lips together and wiping his eye. Renji smiled down at him and kissed him on his pink nose. He never would've thought a guy like him would get to have something so great. Perhaps he'd been wrong all along.
Later as Renji sat on the floor watching TV, resting his head back on Ichigo's leg while Ichigo happily ate his soup, he leaned back and called, "Hey, Ichigo."
"What?"
"They do get together, don't they."
Ichigo frowned and stuck another mouthful of soup in his mouth. He stared at Renji like he was mental. "Who?"
"Never mind." Renji grinned wildly and lay his head on Ichigo's stomach. "Doesn't matter." Ichigo snorted.
"I don't understand what goes on in that red head."
"Well a lotta' stuff goes off," he teased, wiggling his eyebrows.
To his surprise, it didn't send Ichigo into a fit of blushes. Instead he just calmly and unconcernedly replied, "You're sick, Renji," wiping the grin off his face.
"You-!" Renji sputtered, "I told you, I'm not the one who's sick!"
"Sounds like it to me."
"But-"
"Definitely need a few days in bed."
"…!"