Chapter Fifty-Two

The knock on the door roused Falion out of his sleep, the redguard waving the young girl he housed to return to bed as he approached the source, grumbling under his breath that it ought to have been a good reason that he'd been awoken. The five women who stood on the other side, two of which were vampires, seemed reason enough. "Divines," he uttered, rubbing his eyes to assure he wasn't just imaging things. "I see you found your friend."

"Aye," replied Mjoll, smiling apologetically, "Sorry for the hour, but our supernatural company couldn't visit during the day."

"Of course," he replied, stepping aside and gesturing rapidly, "Come in come in." They filed inside, Falion turning to Agni who watched from her bed. "Run to the inn and fetch Siulon and her assistant," he ordered, Angi giving a nod and dashing outside.

"Siulon?" Questioned Vex, terror filling Iona's face at the thought of seeing her mentor so soon.

"She assumed you would come here as soon as possible in the event you were successful, she wanted to be present at the ceremony and offered to help as needed," explained Falion, looking over them and frowning in confusion. "Where is Lydia?" Darkness crossed all but Serana's faces, Falion deflating with realization. "I see… I am sorry for your loss, she seemed a good woman."

"She survived her wounds," said Mjoll, Yosa'Min lowering her head, "She did not survive the battle following them."

"You have my condolences."

"Can you perform the ceremony?" Vex asked, anticipation rising up the women's bodies.

"Yes," he informed them with a nod, "I will need some time to prepare, three hours at most." Fallon turned to the two vampires in the room. "Which one am I curing, or do you expect both? I only agreed to curing the thane."

"Me," said Yosa'Min, stepping forward.

"I see," he said, looking at her squarely. "Who are you?"

"Yosa'Min."

"Not just your name," he said, the others frowning with confusion. "Who is Yosa'Min? What makes you different from other redguards or vampires or women? What makes you you?"

She frowned with thought, the answer not so simple to give as she'd have thought. "I'm the Dragonborn, laat Dovakiin in fact."

"There's more to you than prophecy and ancient power," he said, "think upon it well, if you are to truly return to the living world you must remember who you were. You must want this with every fiber of your being, or what will come of this will make daedra shudder in fear."

"My memories are all fuzzy though," said Yosa'Min with panic, fear creeping up her, "I don't-"

"Your journal," said Vex soothingly, "you kept with it every day almost, I'm sure it'll help you. Siulon thinks that memories can be unlocked if you present a truth too strong for the mind to warp." Serana and Yosa'Min gave her bewildered expressions but the imperial continued. "Read it, no one knew you better than yourself."

"Okay," she said, Vex pulling it out of her satchel and offering it to her. Yosa'Min took it gingerly, stepping away with her eyes lowered. The door shut behind her loudly, the others inside glancing about uncertainly.

Fallon however, knew exactly what to do and turned to Serana. "You are her sire I presume?"

"You are correct."

"Your eyes… Volkihar?"

"Also correct."

"I see…" Falion turned to the three mortal women next. "When the ceremony is performed, a spectral of Yosa'Min will appear. No matter what happens you cannot interfere."

"What do you mean?" Mjoll questioned.

"I will be summoning her soul from the plane of Oblivion it now dwells within. Molag Bal is master there, and does not appreciate it when we steal souls from him. I believe hers will be even more difficult as she is a Volkihar, descendants of the daedric prince himself." The redguard man gestured to Serana. "I suspect you're a Daughter of Coldharbour even?"

"Most astute."

"I am. Now when I perform the ceremony the spectral will appear and it may harm Yosa'Min directly, it is trying to stop her from breaking free. It cannot be harmed or killed, attempting to do so will only weaken Yosa'Min herself. So no matter how much you wish you can, do not assist her."

"Can it kill her?" Demanded Mjoll.

"Only if she truly did not wish to become mortal. Every last part of her must wish for this, if even for a fraction of a moment she might change her mind it is over."

"We better make sure this is what she wants," said Serana, "I'm not letting her die to your experimental magics."

"It is not experimental," he retorted haughtily, "it has been refined over a decade's worth of work from me alone, several other mages having made great strides to bring it to what it is now. It is dangerous yes but not experimental."

"Then why isn't it more well known? Why aren't vampires clamoring for resurrection?"

"It is within your nature to survive, and once you've been it for long you refuse the mere thought of a cure for it implies something is wrong with you. Even the humblest of vampires has the ego of a king when it comes to their nature."

Serana hissed lowly, stepping towards him in warning but Falion was undaunted. "If you fail, your punishment will not be swift."

"If I fail none of us will be around long to dwell on it," he replied simply, then turned to his arcane studies.

Curling her lips in a sneer, Serana stalked away to the far side of the shack, arms crossed as she leaned against the wood. The vampire had been fairly moody as they traveled to Morthal, refusing to leave her fledgling's side for even a moment. After spending a few hours arranging with Garan so that she might steal a day or two for Yosa'Min's departure they'd set off. They were fortunate that the remains of the Dawnguard had not come after them, instead seemingly good travel before them for once.

Vex kept her eyes on Serana, wary of her still, and the vampire met her gaze evenly. She wasn't sure she could be trusted, the vampire not leaving her sight for a second, a sinking feeling in the imperial's gut telling her she was up to something. Perhaps she was trying to sway Yosa'Min's mind last minute? She'd mentioned it to Mjoll on their way to Morthal, the nord agreeing she was uncertain what Serana was going to do, but suggested Serana truly meant what she'd said to Yosa'Min and simply didn't want to leave her side before she was going to be gone for a long while.

Whatever her reasoning, Vex was determined to find out. She joined Serana in the corner, the vampire arching a brow, and crossed her arms as well. "What will you do after she's been turned mortal?" Vex asked, not wasting time beating around the bush.

"Yosa doesn't define who I am," she replied flatly, "I'm still me… It'll just be lonelier."

"But what will you do?"

Serana looked at Vex without turning her head, a frown tugging at her lips. "Lead my clan, you heard my speech."

"And Yosa?"

Frown deepening, Serana fully addressed the imperial. "What do you want from me?"

Vex shrugged as non-confrontationally as she could. "The truth. I want to know if you're going to be a problem."

"I'm here for Yosa'Min, not you."

"Fine by me, I just need to know."

"What, you think I'm going to try to sway her back to the shadows?"

"Considering what Falion just said it does seem a possibility," replied Vex, "So?"

"No."

"Really?"

"Yosa is my friend, I will respect her decision even if I disagree with it," Serana growled flatly, "would you not?"

"I'd probably spend a bit longer trying to convince her otherwise," admitted Vex.

Silence fell between them for a long while, the pair uncertain what to say to the other. Vex didn't want to antagonize Serana, despite her confidence in combat she was sure ultimately the vampire would win. Serana, likewise, did not want to give Yosa'Min cause to distance herself from her after she'd been turned mortal once more. Finally, Serana broke the silence with an awkward cough. "So, who are you? Yosa'Min has only told me a little about you and the others. What kind of people is she going back to?"

Vex smirked in a manner that made Serana think she wasn't going to answer, until another shrug rolled off her shoulders. "I lead a guild of thieves. Mjoll is a vigilante that has tried to destroy said guild for years, and Iona is sworn to protect Yosa'Min with her life as her housecarl."

"I see, I take it you and Mjoll don't often get along then?"

The imperial gave an earnest laugh. "We've both tried to kill the other at least once or twice," she admitted.

"So she's returning to friends who want to kill each other?"

"Friends isn't really the word I would use to describe us, rivals perhaps, but now…" She trailed off as she looked at Mjoll, the nord talking with Iona in soft tones across the way. "I'm not too sure," Vex admitted with a sigh.

"Well whatever you are, don't hurt Yosa."

"She's not coming back for me," replied Vex evenly, "if you should be telling anyone that it's Mjoll."

The vampire squinted across the way to the Lioness, lips pulled into a thin line. "Perhaps I shall then."

"She's going to be okay," Vex said softly, "I understand you're worried but she's not going to come back to pain. Mjoll seems honest in her affections, Iona is sworn to protect her and I have not suffered through all this only to hurt her afterwards."

"Let's hope not."

Vex lingered for some time, debating the threat Serana posed before deciding the vampire was being upfront with them. "I suppose you'll want to check in on her every now and then?" Vex asked in a far more relaxed tone.

"If she'll allow me."

"Maybe we'll see each other then."

Serana fixed Vex with a confused look, arching a brow as she tried to read into her words. "Perhaps," she said slowly, Vex smirking as she gave a small wave and started towards the door. Serana mulled on the implications, her mind distracted from Yosa'Min if only for a moment.

As Vex passed Mjoll and Iona, the golden haired nord grabbed her arm to stop her. "You should tell her," Mjoll said gently.

"Tell her what?" Asked Vex briskly, yanking her arm free.

"How you feel," Mjoll replied, "I don't know entirely what she wants to do once she's mortal again, but I'm pretty sure she wants to give her and I another shot. I don't want to fight with you over her again, but you deserve a chance too. None of this would be possible without you."

The imperial stared at her as if the Lioness had three heads, and gave an incredulous laugh. "Seriously?"

"Vex… I don't want to be your enemy anymore. I'm tired of it really, and neither of us will ever win without hurting Yosa so I think it's for the best."

"If you're against my guild then you're against me," evenly replied Vex.

"I don't know if I can do that anymore," Mjoll said with a sad note, "I'm going to end up killing myself trying honestly, and I need to be there for Yosa. Plus, I don't know how she'd feel about me going after the people who were her friends for so long." Vex blinked at her, shocked to a point where she struggled to even voice her thoughts. "I don't want her to feel torn anymore. I want her happy, and I truly think that I could be happy with her even if I never stop you and your thieves."

"You'd give up if you were with her?"

"Yes."

"What about Maven?"

"Well her I might try to straighten out, or at the very least her children, but I can't stop you," Mjoll gestured to the imperial, "Vex you did this, you saved Yosa. Iona, Lydia and I helped sure, but you were the one who started all this. I have no idea what she'll say but you should give it a chance."

"What if she-"

"Yosa can feel whatever she wants and I'll respect it."

The imperial blinked again, breath catching in her throat. She'd let those feelings settle to the side, telling herself that it was impossible, and in Yosa'Min's best interests that she just swallowed those emotions down. It had seemed like Mjoll was the best chance to get Yosa'Min to agree to being mortal, but perhaps there was something she could do too? "Okay," she said with a shaky breath, stepping away from Mjoll and nodding her head slowly. "Okay."

When Vex opened the door to the cold swamp she'd expected to find Yosa'Min reading her journal on the porch, not the redguard holding her face and uttering under her breath. "Yosa?" She asked carefully, approaching Yosa'Min slowly.

"I was so sad," she replied after a minute. "These things I've written, I was broken."

"That was then," Vex said, nerves flooding her body as she thought about Mjoll's words.

"But it wasn't." Anger laced her voice, burning eyes settling on some distant point rather than meeting Vex's warm amber gaze. "I've always been sad. Something has always been wrong, dragging me down, I can't recall a time I was ever not aching. Maybe something cheered me up for a while, meeting you and Mjoll, Lydia forgiving me, Vifla, but nothing stuck. Nothing lasted."

"Who's Vifla?" Vex asked with a furrowed brow.

"An old friend, or at least she was until I abandoned her."

Vex sat down besides Yosa'Min, trying to comfort her but not entirely sure anymore how. "You're a different person now Yosa, not just being a vampire and all."

"How do I know I'll be happy again? Maybe I can have some joy with Serana, I just- I don't know."

"We never know if we'll be happy," Vex replied, "we have it and then it's gone in the blink of an eye, we drown in the sorrow and instead of thinking fondly of the good we miss it and make our pain all the worse. It's easier to stay in the ditch than pull yourself out of it."

"Listen to this," Yosa'Min said as she reopened the journal to a page she'd folded the edge of. "Not too sure why I do this," she read, "Vex doesn't want something to happen to us and no one ever know the truth like Gallus, but who would even care? Vex and my housecarls maybe, but they'd all move on. I'm forgettable, no one who sings praise of the Dragonborn truly knows me, it wouldn't matter if I vanished."

Vex grimaced, having never read the redguard's writings out of respect for her. It would've felt wrong to read it unless she was truly gone. "You were in a dark place."

"All over losing Mjoll?"

"I don't think that was just it, sure maybe the most recent blow but not all of it. Your brother was murdered, you'd made the only person who might be your friend your enemy, you were… you were lost."

"What's to keep that from happening again?"

"Mjoll and I aren't fighting each other anymore," Vex said with a half smile, Yosa'Min taken off-guard by the statement. "Mind you we were just moments from killing the other at the start of this whole ordeal but not anymore. So no stress there at least."

"Mjoll…" Yosa'Min covered her face, closing the journal. "I think she actually wants to try again."

"That's good isn't it?"

"It is I'm just… I'm afraid I'll hurt her again. I've hurt all of you." She looked at Vex between her fingers. "I'm so sorry."

Vex's heart quickened, her gaze shifting from the redguard to the night swamp around them. "Things happened," she replied, "they're in the past. You can choose who you want to be."

Yosa'Min dropped her hands. "I want to leave the Guild."

Her heart skipped a beat, Yosa'Min keenly aware of it, and Vex tried desperately to not seem against her. "You do?"

"I can't do it anymore."

"Why?"

"I did it when I was younger because I had no other choice, I either stole and hunted or my brother and I starved. But now… I have more wealth than I could ever spend, I don't need it. I'm just doing it to do it at this point, to have a purpose of some kind but it's not what I want."

"What purpose is that?"

"I'm not too sure," admitted Yosa'Min sadly, "But one that when I wake up in the morning I truly want to fulfill it. I know what I'm good at, but maybe there's another way I can use my skills. I want happiness, and love, and to make something of myself I can be proud of. I'm so tired of lies."

Vex dipped her head, staring at the tufts of dead grass poking out between drifts of snow. "I see."

"Serana and I traveled to the Soul Cairn," said Yosa'Min, "a place where souls trapped in gems go. I found my brother there, intact, not used like the rest of them. When he found out I was a vampire and a thief- Divines I never thought he could be so disappointed in me."

"He was like a father to you, wasn't he?" Asked Vex, Yosa'Min nodding. "So you want to do something he'd approve of?"

"Vastin has always been a guide for me, helping me figure out what to do. When he got hurt, I struggled, until I fell into this life. I'd always known he didn't like it, but he couldn't voice his opinion so thoroughly then. But now that I know, how can I continue? Once I save him will he be grateful but also hate me?"

Silence filled the air for a long while, Yosa'Min staring down at the journal, vulnerable and desperate. Vex watched, amber eyes taking in the sight, imagining holding her hands and kissing her, but it felt wrong. Just as before she could feel it deep down, she wasn't the one Yosa'Min was meant for. Fleeting, passionate, painful moments was all they had, and Vex knew neither of them needed that. She needed to move on, which meant letting Yosa'Min go.

"You could become a hunter," suggested Vex, "you do that anyways but I mean, completely. I'm sure Mjoll would love to help you with that."

Yosa'Min smiled a bit at the suggestion. "Yeah, I do owe her that hunting trip after all."

Vex's lips drew into a forced smile. "But it doesn't mean we can't be friends does it?" She asked. "Because I- I care for you Yosa, a lot."

The redguard's smile warmed, and she took one of Vex's hands, giving it a firm squeeze. "I know I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. Mjoll told me about all that you did." A blush came to Vex's cheeks. "I'm so sorry for what I said and did on that beach, I don't deserve a friend like you."

"Stop lying to yourself," instantly snapped Vex, "you're a fantastic person."

"Who's made many mistakes, and hurt those she cared about."

"You can learn from those mistakes," reassured Vex firmly, "place it all behind you."

"What if I'm just a creature of habit, falling into destructive patterns that only hurt those around me?"

"Yosa now's your chance to be exactly who you want to be, to do whatever you want with your life. You're coming back from the dead in a way, resurrection sounds like a pretty good time to change things."

"What if those changes are even worse?"

"Then you tried." Vex stared at her, Yosa'Min giving a groan of frustration. "You really care for her, don't you?"

"Mjoll… When I think of her I can see myself besides her, happy, nothing weighing us down." A smile pulled at her lips, a faraway look to her eyes. But then it faded, shoulders slumping forward as she continued. "But it's just a dream, impossible to achieve after everything we've been through. I'll hurt her, I always do."

Vex looked to the side, slowly forcing the words to come out. "You ever hear that saying about love and letting it go?"

"The one about it coming back to you if it's meant to be?"

"Yeah that one," Vex said softly, eyes still on anything but Yosa'Min. She could remember sitting on a beach in the moonlight talking with the redguard, the fear and exhilaration.

"Vex?"

"It's complete shit," she said with conviction, "if you love something you don't just let it go, you fight for it. You give it everything you have, leave nothing up to chance, and pursue it with such fervor the bards will sing of your love. You can't let fear control you, you can't lose her again."

"She really loves me?"

"Yes," Vex said with conviction, "I've seen it in her eyes, and heard it in the way she talked of you. She loves you but was afraid to admit it, but it was there. She'd have given up long ago if she hadn't." Vex stared at Yosa'Min, examining her. "I can see you love her too."

"I- I do. I just don't want to hurt her again."

"You'll hurt her more if you run away."

The redguard gave a slow nod. "Okay," she said, voice rising in tempo as she spoke, "okay okay. I can do this."

"I know you can."

Yosa'Min smiled at her. "I'm so glad we became friends," she confessed, "so relieved you could forgive me."

"Well if I did she can too," laughed Vex, trying to shift the attention, "I'm the cold-hearted bitch after all."

"No, you're a secretly caring friend."

"Well not so secret, the entire Guild knows how I feel about you."

A thoughtful expression crossed Yosa'Min's face, staring off at some distant point before she sighed. "Why did you forgive me?"

"What?"

"Why? What did I do that made you decide I deserved forgiveness?"

Vex sighed heavily, as if she'd anticipated the question but never truly expected it. "Nothing." Yosa'Min frowned at her. "I didn't decide to forgive you because you'd done something, because you'd earned back my trust or anything. I did it for myself."

"I don't understand."

Running a hand through her hair, Vex shrugged. "Yosa I've been fighting my whole life," she said, looking up at the sky. "My parents died when I was young, I nearly died too. I can't even remember their faces anymore. If Karliah hadn't recruited me…"

"You've never really talked about your parents."

"Because what is there to say?" Another shrug, amber eyes lowered. "Even still being in the Guild wasn't easy. I had to struggle and work for everything, I earned my way to where I am now. Living like that, you grow… distant. Put up walls, keep people at an arm's length. When Mercer killed Gallus and framed Karliah I was heartbroken. Then I took that pain and hid behind it. No one was going to hurt me again, I was determined." Eyes fell upon the redguard. "Until you."

"Until me?"

"You hurt me Yosa. I thought I had a chance at some sort of happiness, I broke my own personal rule; never get attached. Brynjolf and Delvin used to be the closest people to me, joined same time as I after all. They're brothers, even if Delvin wants to have a roll." She shook her head in amusement and disgust. "But then I met you."

"I never-"

"I know. Thing was you showed me I wasn't as tough as I'd thought. When you cheated on me I went someplace bad. It wasn't just that you'd done it, I mean sure it isn't nice to realize you're just another pretty blonde, but it was the fact that it even hurt me at all. I thought I could have some fun, casual, no strings… but then there were strings, I wanted something out of it. Still don't know what it was exactly, but it was something."

Yosa'Min straightened up. "I didn't cheat because she was prettier."

"Why?" Vex demanded with a strength that would have taken Yosa'Min by surprise if she hadn't seen Vex in combat. "What was it about her that drew you away from me?"

"I started hanging around her because I was trying to impress you," Yosa'Min admitted, "I thought if I could help the Guild out with its vigilante problem you'd like me more. I've never been very good about being honest, I was desperate for… something. I was lost. Meeting you has changed my life in such a drastic manner, I mean look at us now!" She gestured around them. "In a swamp waiting for a mage to finish preparations to turn me mortal again!"

Vex stood up, Yosa'Min following suit. "But why? Where did I fail?"

A sad smile dawned the redguard's face. "Nowhere. It wasn't you Vex, none of it. I was afraid and lost and a liar desperate for some happiness. I thought I could keep Mjoll off your back and you'd at the very least tolerate me more. But hanging around her so much… She was all the things I wanted to be or have. I fell in love."

"So why didn't you tell me immediately? Why did you-" Vex gritted her teeth, stopping herself short. She couldn't drive her away, she couldn't make her afraid to become mortal again. "So it wasn't me?"

Yosa'Min shook her head, frowning as she felt a stir of memories. She clung to them, refusing to let them escape her again. "I was... afraid. If Mjoll found out who I really was I'd lose her, if you found out I was falling for the enemy I'd lose you, maybe even my new found home. So… I did what I always have done and ran. Maybe not literally but I ran from the problem at least for as long as I could."

The imperial sighed heavily, looking back out to the swamp. She could see the moon reflecting on the waters and ice, shimmering beautifully. It felt so cold and distant, like she once was. "I forgave you because I realized that I would always hurt until I did. I had to accept what happened, and move on. All my life I reacted to what happened to me, I never really took control of it. I pretended I was deciding to do these things I did, but I was just going along with what life brought me and was harsh about it. Forgiving you… That was something I decided, no one made me do it but myself."

"I'm sorry I was such a piece of work."

Vex gave a half smile. "Yeah well, me too."

"Are we… are we okay?"

Vex nodded her head slowly. "Yeah… Are you okay?"

"I think so…" Yosa'Min looked at the journal, frowning. "I don't want to return to being that Yosa, she's… I'm not her anymore, I can feel it. Maybe it's for the best though, she was a bit of a bitch wasn't she?"

"I think she was just a bit lost..."

"Come on, you can say it."

"Well she did cheat on two women… with the other both times."

"Real piece of work," said Yosa'Min with a nod. "But I want to be mortal. I want to be someone Vastin can be proud of, someone worthy of Mjoll's love and your friendship. Someone that honor's Iona and Lydia's oath… That makes her sacrifice worth something. Someone who doesn't live every second sad or numb."

"You will be," smiled Vex, "now go on inside and let Falion know you're ready."

"Thanks Vex," said Yosa'Min, hugging the imperial for all she was. "For everything." Vex embraced her fully, something almost akin to peace settling inside her.

"That's what friends are for," Vex uttered, "they help each other out. Now let's go get you cured." With an agreeing nod, Yosa'Min picked up the journal and allowed Vex to lead her inside.

Falion looked up at them, a soft smile upon his face. "I am ready," he said, gesturing to where Siulon and Brelyna stood, the pair having not seen them slip by and enter the shack. "With Siulon's assistance we should be able to return your soul to your body, curing you of your vampirism. Are you prepared Yosa'Min?"

All eyes but the blind settled upon the redguard. "I am… Let's do this."

AN: So we're soon drawing to a close on Dawn, just two more chapters in fact. Thanks to everyone who's read this far as we finally reach the end of this massive story. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, especially Yosa and Vex'a scene. Thanks for reading!