Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 20: Confessions and Catastrophes

After I poured my heart of to Sirius and ran up the stairs like a startled cat, there wasn't a lot I could do about the situation but hide in the dormitory.

Honestly, I don't know what came over me. I think I just panicked and everything that had been boiling inside me for the past six years just came out in the worst way possible. It was like watching myself drop something really precious and just looking it slowly bounce down who-knows how many flights of stairs as bit by bit it broke into pieces.

I snuggled into the covers on my four-poster and silently prayed that the events of today would just disappear, but when I opened my eyes the only thing I saw was Alice staring back at me. To be honest, I was hoping no one but Sirius and Remus heard the conversation, but Alice had a look that said something along the lines of "what in the name of Merlin just happened" and I realized that particular dream was out the window.

I kind of wished I had an answer for her.

But I don't.

"I think I may be slightly fucked," I said, making room for her to sit on the bed.

"I think 'slightly' might be a bit of an understatement," she agreed, taking the spot I had cleared for her. "What the ruddy hell was that?"

I groaned and flopped against the bed. "I lost my cool, really. I mean, I can't explain it. It just kind of, er, came out."

"I'll say," she laughed, "It's pure luck the whole bloody school didn't hear you. I mean, it came out of nowhere."

Well, to be fair, all that bottled up anger had to go somewhere. Unfortunately Sirius got to be the target.

"Did he say anything after I left?"

Alice shrugged. "I only popped upstairs to use the good loo and heard the tail end of your little speech."

"Damn," I muttered. I had been hoping that someone had heard the aftermath besides the two people directly involved in this mess of a crush.

"Just go down and have a chat with him, maybe he feels the same way," Alice suggested.

I sighed and sat up. "I doubt it. And besides, Marlene needs him right now."

She looked confused. "What do you mean 'right now'?"

Shit.

You know, I'm starting to think maybe I should take on Charity's nickname because 'Blabs' has slowly become the frontrunner in my list of bad qualities.

"Nothing. I just mean that you know, the baby, and... things..."

I guess I should have known Alice wasn't going to take that for an answer.

"Are you friends with her behind my back?" She gasped, looking hurt.

"Of course not," I replied, "Marlene's a twat. We just had a conversation this morning that made see her side of things. Kind of. I don't know. It'll go away don't worry about it."

Alice let out a long breath. "Well you've had quite the day, then. It's not even 4:30."

She didn't even know the half of it.

When dinner time rolled around I wasn't sure exactly what to do. I'd spent the rest of the day replaying the scene over and over in my head and the more I did the more I realized that there was no way in hell that Sirius and I could ever be together after that. And especially not after he found out that I knew about Marlene and didn't tell him. I wanted to blame her so badly, and every bone in my body was aching to just yell at her like she'd personally put the nail in my coffin, but I knew that while I was in deep shit myself, I was nowhere close to what she had to be going through.

I finally decided I only had a couple of options for my growling stomach:

1. Hide forever

2. Deal with my problems like the adult I'm supposed to be

3. Pretend all of that never happened

After much internal debate and a good five or six times to the door and back to my bed, I decided to go with number three and just hope that no one brought it up. I was wrong, of course, and when I walked into the common room people split like the red sea so there was a clear path to where all my friends (minus Sirius, thank Merlin) were standing.

For once, James was silent when I walked to meet them and we all stood awkwardly until I could finally think of something to say.

"Just for the record, I'm going to just imagine all of that nonsense never happened, and if you all could do the same, that'd be fantastic," I said firmly, hoping my little plan would work.

I looked at the blank faces of the friends I'd had this year, both new and old.

Alice, who'd been my best friend for so long. Lily, who was the conscience I so desperately need. Peter, who wasn't really anything but a good laugh and a friendly lunch partner. James, the thread that kept everyone in stitches and finally Remus. My fake-ex-boyfriend. My class partner. My tutor. What could I say about Remus that wouldn't put me in a deeper hole than I was already in?

Fortunately, I had no more time to think of something to say to any of my friends and James broke the silence.

"After that stunt?" James yelled. "Elsa, darling, you'll never live that one down. 'I'm bloody in love with you' that's fantastic!" He laughed like he hadn't ever laughed before and there was nothing I could do but join him.

I suppose we looked like two absolute nutters, laughing our arses off while the rest of the common room was dead silent, but at this point in this fiasco of a year, I didn't care. If James was the only one willing to talk to me after this then well, I'd take what I could get.

Our joy didn't last long though because Lily chimed in with the news I'd known all day. "This terrible timing, too. I don't know if you've heard, but Marlene lost the baby," she said, sadly.

I made sure to wipe the smile off my face and acted surprised. "Really? That's absolutely awful."

Alice hit me on the shoulder. "Is that what you were talking about earlier? I knew something was up."

I didn't say anything and looked at Remus, who had been intently focused on the ground for the entire conversation.

"Can I have a word?" I asked. He looked up and nodded and we went to a more secluded corner of the common room.

"Listen, I know you heard all that with Sirius but honestly I was just trying not to say anything about Marlene and it just kind of slipped out," I said, silently praying he'd understand and things could go back to normal, although his name had come up quite a lot, and not just on the staircase this afternoon.

He paused before he said anything. "Did you really know about Marlene?"

I nodded. "It was chance, really. I found her crying in the loo. She told me everything so I stayed with her for a while. I mean, we may be sworn enemies and I'm not the most empathetic person to live, but I'm not heartless."

He didn't say anything to that.

Usually when I alert people to my flaws Remus jumps in with something reassuring.

I broke out the big guns.

"I care about you. I really do. It sounds stupid but you've been one of the best friends I've ever had and I feel really bad about all this. When I was yelling at Sirius I was saying things I thought I meant because I thought that maybe, just maybe, he'd drop everything and realize he loved me. But he doesn't, and I'm okay with that."

Remus made a move to speak up, but I stopped him.

"I don't want it to be weird between us because you know that Sirius told me that you actually liked me and I knew pretty much the whole time that this stopped being fake a long time ago."

After I said that something clicked. I don't know what it was, or why it happened, but a switch flipped and I realized what I wanted had been staring me in the face quite literally the whole year, and before I knew it I was pouring out my heart for the second time today to some boy who probably didn't feel quite the same.

"Remus, you've been there for me when I didn't deserve anyone to be there and asked for nothing in return. You go through hell and don't spend one minute complaining. And for some crazy reason, you and I just balance each other out. You've kept me grounded this entire year even though I treated you like absolute rubbish and it sounds stupid but I'm realizing now that I've been going in the wrong direction. And I guess there's no time like the present so here goes."

I took a deep breath. "Remus, I don't just care about you. I love y-"

I didn't get to finish my sentence before Remus grabbed me and gave me the best kiss I'd ever had. And the best part about it?

This time I knew it was real.

AN: So, much like I went out, I decided to come back in with a big shocker. And if I'm honest, I've had this Remus/Elsa thing in the back of my head for a long time and decided that trying to push Elsa towards Sirius to keep to what the original plan was was one of the biggest factors in me originally ditching this story. So until further notice, this is now a REMUS/OC story, but like I said, things rarely do go to plan.

Obviously it's been absolutely FOREVER since I updated and I do apologize. Life got the best of me and then I graduated and went to college and now I'm moving across the country and things have really changed. But as I was packing I decided to get a little nostalgic and open up my old laptop and lo and behold, was the draft of this story.

I think it goes without saying that some of the earlier chapters are not my finest writing and I really hope I've improved since then, but I'm going to leave them just as they are because for me at least, this really shows me how much I've grown as a writer and as a storyteller and I think having evidence of that is what will keep me going with this.

So if you're an old reader, welcome back, and if you're a new reader, hello! Either way, I can't wait to finish Elsa's journey with all of you and I'm so excited to be back into things.

XO

Val

PS: Sorry for the long AN, but I figured I'd explain the two year delay!