Chapter 6

Tweek came home much earlier than I expected – right as I was taking a hit from my bong to try and get my mind off things. I quickly exhaled and stashed it in the closet.

I felt both relief and growing anxiety when he went into the bathroom and didn't come out for nearly twenty minutes. The weed made me more paranoid. I made coffee to try and sober up. I stuffed the pizza box further into the garbage can as I returned to the bedroom, where Tweek was now standing naked, looking in the closet for something to wear.

Suddenly full of impossibly more paranoia, I gave him the coffee to distract him. He didn't meet my eye, but he looked caught, guilty even. I shrugged it off as he sat down on the bed. I tossed him his favourite pair of jeans and his favourite buttoned green shirt. "So how was school?" I choked out awkwardly into the closet.

Tweek flinched in surprise, but caught both pieces of clothing. "It was okay," he said, starting to get dressed - slower than usual. At this point, I was sure he was high; he'd passed my test by catching the clothes, but even I could recite the alphabet backwards when I was smashed. I was pretty sure, regardless, that he was high. But what was I supposed to do, just ask him?

We sat in silence a few more moments before Tweek took the coffee, clothed, to his writing desk and lit up a cigarette. He started writing, and only returned one-word answers when I tried to talk to him. He kept writing and writing until the wee hours of the night, and that's how he managed to slip by me the whole night.

But I managed to stay awake until nearly one am when he crawled into bed next to me, reeking of smoke. I'd had a lot of time to think about what to say, but I ended up blurting out: "Are you sober?"

He rolled over and despite the darkness, I felt his eyes on me. "No." He said without hesitation. And he wrapped his arm around my stomach and leaned into me. "Can we fight tomorrow?"

I swallowed my fear and said, "Yeah." He thanked me and wrapped his leg around mine. I had to fight myself not to be aroused when he slid a hand up my bare torso and pressed his leg against my inner thigh. I wasn't sure why I was resisting; I still had Kenny on my brain, I supposed.

Tweek didn't get the hint and continued, kissing my neck and shoulder and fuck, Kenny was out of my head surprisingly fast. I'd only ever fucked three people – and I barely counted Kyle, really, since we were only fifteen and drunk – but they couldn't be more different. That's why I fucked Kenny. He was something different.

But Tweek was irresistible. Where Kenny is demanding and dominant, Tweek is submissive and shy. All excellent sexual qualities, but they're mutually exclusive in just one person.

As soon as he felt me giving in, it was a lost cause to put him off of sex – not that I'm necessarily complaining, but I couldn't shake a sense of immeasurable guilt the entire time.

He fell asleep right after, and I was left lying awake, thinking about him and our procrastinated fight that would unfold tomorrow. It always amused me that the first time we really met, all the way back in elementary school, was to fight. It interested me that the only way for people as different as we were to meet was to make us fight.

I fell into a dreamless sleep.

Tweek was up before me the next morning, writing yet again, coffee to his right, overflowing ashtray to the left. "Hey," I said, yawning and leaning against the wall.

"Morning," he said, finally leaning back and looking at me. "Look, I – I fucked up, but I'm not gonna... Everyone relapses, right?"

"I haven't," I said before I could restrain myself, because, hadn't I really? Sure, I haven't been drinking, instead I cheated on him. Shame shot down my spine once more.

Tweek looked at his papers for a moment before saying, "I won't do it again."

Again, seemingly unable to control my word vomit: "That's what you said last time."

I wanted to slap myself when I saw his face, previously stiff and sure with resolve, fall into a look of guilt and uncertainty.

"T-Tweek, I didn't mean it like that. I just don't want there to be a next time."

This worked. "Yeah, I know," he said quietly. Our eyes met, and for some reason, my first thought was, "I can't cheat on him again." It wasn't from anywhere philosophical or emotional, but out of nowhere. I was still numb, empty, guilty. I wasn't even sure I could live up to such a resolve.

We kissed and put it behind us after I gave him a stern lecture about the dangers of intravenous drugs, and after making sure that Tweek didn't have any more drugs in the house, we sat down and watched TV. He was right beside me, but I felt a mile away. It was a while before I noticed that I didn't even know what show we were watching.

I had a night shift that night, so just as Tweek left for an evening class, I too got ready to leave. I couldn't think straight, though, and briefly contemplated calling in sick.

Especially knowing that I still had to face Kenny at work, maybe even today. I showered and left, and when I arrived, I found that yes, in fact, I have zero luck. Kenny started at six. That left me two hours to dread seeing him.

I was in the midst of an exceptionally hard shift, having been tipped little and yelled at a lot, when I returned from a run to see Kenny's car in the lot – a half-hour early.

I didn't have time to be surprised or anxious, because the second I stepped through the back door of the pizzeria, Kenny pulled me by the shirt into the employee washroom and shut the door.

"What - " I didn't get a chance to find out what, as Kenny cut me off by kissing me. I would've (and undoubtedly should've) pushed him away if I wasn't surprised by the taste of his mouth, a curious combination of mint, chocolate, and cinnamon. He pushed me agaisnt the bathroom door, both his hands gripping my arms just above the elbow.

I finally put a stop to it, not wanting this to go any further than it already had. "No, stop, Kenny." He let me go and gave me a confused look. "I - We have to stop. We can't - we're not doing this again, okay?"

"Why not? Monogamy is just a capitalist construction, Craig, it isn't real in nature -"

"Well it is to me," I interrupted, reaching for the door.

Kenny snorted. "Man, I thought you were different."

"What?"

"I just - I thought you were smarter than all that. Tweek's a smart guy, but even he buys into the whole "society" thing. I've been over it for a while, and I thought you were too. That's all." The fact that he'd said it without a hint of irony or condescention made me turn around. Just like how I liked Kenny for being different from the mainstream, he liked me for the same reason.

I struggled to come up with a counterargument that would both affirm my "different-ness" as well as justify being with Tweek. "I - Just because we made society up doesn't mean it's not real, at least for some people. Tweek is as good as a person can be without being like us, without being cynical. He's the only thing that keeps me connected to the world, Kenny. Two people like us can't be together, we'd kill each other with pessimism. Tweek's a philosopher, a scholar, and what are you? Just some hipster trying to be edgy about how much he hates everything."

Kenny was trying not to look hurt by my last statement, but I didn't take it back. It might've hurt, but it was true. I left the bathroom and went to pick up my next delivery.

Though I initially felt somewhat self-satisfied, by the time I got in my car, I felt a swirl of emotions and a twinge of regret for what I'd said. I played back the exchange in my mind ten times during the drive.

Throughout the rest of my shift, I didn't see Kenny except in passing to collect deliveries. I found myself wondering if there were some truth to what he'd said about Tweek "buying into" society. While it was absolutely true that he was not a mainstream person, Tweek did have naive tendancies. But it was that that I loved about him, his innocence. It's why I went to such lengths to try and get him sober.

But, like I'd known all along, Kenny offered something Tweek never could, the deep connection between two cynics who see the world the same way.

When I got home, Tweek was sitting on the couch. "Craig," he said as soon as I was through the door. "Kenny told me everything."

My heart fell through my stomach.