Hey there guys! This is Sasa and I just want to apologize for not updating. Life got the best of me and I just did not have time to write, so again, I am so very sorry (bows humbly). I was browsing my email and noticed that there were some reviews, so I decided to type up this chapter for you all! I will be deleting my other Inu Interviews since it isn't as popular as this one; I'll just make this one better! This one will mostly be for Inuyasha characters but I will bring in other characters at request. Now on with the chapter! Also, the story will no longer be in dialogue format due to the rules of the Fanfiction website. I will be writing it in first person. Have fun!
"So who wants to do the disclaimer today?" I asked as I walked into the kitchen and sat on the counter.
Miroku looked up from the bowl of cereal he was eating and said, "You know people have to eat there, right?"
I just stared at him and said, "If they're eating food off of the counter instead of a plate then there is something seriously wrong with them. Since you have so much to say this morning, do the disclaimer."
Miroku sighed, not willing to argue, "Sasa does not own the cast of Inuyasha, nor any special guests. We strictly belong to Rumiko Takahashi-sensei and other respective authors.
I clapped obnoxiously, "Very good son, I'm so proud of you!" I hopped off the counter and went into the living room where, surprisingly, everyone else was sitting around watching TV.
"What are you guys watching?" Nobody answered. "Hellooooo, I'm talking here!"
Inuyasha piped up, "Shhh! We're watching Love and Hip Hip: Atlanta!" My eyes widened and I quickly grabbed the remote, shutting the TV off. "Turn that off before you all go brain dead!"
"Awww, but I wanted to see the fight!" Shippo whined. I shook my head.
"Thine young eyes must not see such things for thy will go blind." I said. Inuyasha raised an eyebrow.
"Who are you supposed to be, Shakespeare?" "How do you know who Shakespeare is?"
"I read books, Sasa." Inuyasha rolled his eyes. I gasped in astonishment. "You can read?!" Inuyasha face-palmed.
"Anyway, we have some special guests today, so help me welcome them." The doorbell rang. "That must be them now!" I went to answer the door and standing on the doorstep was a skunk-haired kid with yellow eyes and two guns, a suit of armor, and a blonde midget.
"Who are you calling a midget?!" The blonde midget shouted. "Stop breaking the fourth wall and get in here, Edward!" I rubbed my temples. The three walked into the house and found places to sit around the TV with everyone else.
"Ok guys! Say hello to Edward and Alphonse Elric and Death the Kid! They are here per request of Hells-Willis-88 so be polite or you don't want to know what I'll do to you."
"Why does that kid have guns?" Sango asked. Death the Kid narrowed his yellow eyes.
"Excuse you, ma'am, but I am not a kid. I'm a teenager." he said.
"Then why is your name Death the Kid?" Kouga asked.
"Stop harassing our guests!" I yelled and hit Kouga over the head with a rolled up newspaper.
"Ow! Why'd you only hit me?!"
"Because you were the closest."
"Why is there a suit of armor in here?" Inuyasha asked, walking in with Sesshoumaru who was glaring at him.
"Why don't your parents love you?" I shot back. Everyone in the room 'ooohhhed'
"That was harsh." Death the Kid said.
"Leave Al alone! He's very sensitive about his armor, right Al?" I said.
Al clunked around nervously. "Uhh..yes? Yes I am!" Everyone except me, Death the Kid, Edward, and Sesshoumaru gasped. "It talked!"
"This is going to be a long day." I sighed and sat down next to Death the Kid.
"Can you tell me why I'm here again?" He asked me. I looked him up and down. "You're here because Hells-Willis-88 wanted you here, now shush." He rolled his eyes.
"Okay puppets, you have questions to answer! First is from JadeWolf: Sango, do you wish you had the subjugation beads for Miroku? "Yes Sango, inquiring minds want to know."
"Every day of my life." Sango said. Miroku was at her side in a second. "My dear Sango, no need for subjugation beads for I will willingly obey your every (sexual) command!" Sango promptly punched him in the stomach and he fell onto the floor.
"So violent." Ed and Al said in unison.
"Hahaha this is hilarious! Next, still from JadeWolf: Miroku, why the hell do you have to RUIN the best moments with Sango (aka some of the only chances you had to kiss her) by being a pervert and touching her ass?! Why?! You're sinking the ship that Kagome and I are captaining!
"Because he's a dumbass that's why." I chipped in.
Miroku rose from the floor holding his stomach, "I honestly don't know...I mean, I'm the perverted character! It's what I do!"
"That was an awful explanation." I said. "I agree." Sango said, narrowing her eyes at Miroku.
"By the way she's looking at you, I would retract that statement." Death the Kid said.
"Yup." said Edward.
"I know what you need. An intervention." I said, putting on my glasses.
"I didn't know you wore glasses, Sasa!" Shippo jumped up and down. Gosh, he's so cute.
"Yes, yes I see. Now Miroku, I think that you are suffering from what we in the field of psychology call SAPS." I said, pulling out a clipboard and a ballpoint pen.
"SAPS?" chorused everyone in the room.
"Yes, SAPS. Stupid Ass Pervert Syndrome. It's very deadly."
Sango tried to stifle a laugh while Miroku looked horrified. "Deadly?" he asked, gulping.
I nodded my head. He's not the sharpest piece of the Shikon Jewel, now is he? "My studies show that one in every pervert suffering from SAPS will die before the age of 40 due to being beaten to death by a woman." I doodled some randomness on my clipboard to make it look like I was taking notes.
"Oh my goodness. I'm really sick aren't I?" he panicked, turning to look at the group who were all just staring at him like he was stupid. "I think I need to go to rehab, Sasa."
I took my glasses off, "Do what you need to do, my child. Just know that I'm not paying for it, so you'll have to get a job or something."
"How is a monk from feudal Japan supposed to get a job in the 21st century?" Kagome asked.
"Boris will get him some clothes and take him job hunting, problem solved. BORIS!" I yelled.
"Yes ma'am. Please come with me, sir." Boris appeared in the room and escorted Miroku out.
"I'm glad that he'll finally be getting the help that he so desperately needs. Now, on with the questions." I said, putting my glasses back on. "Shippo: I'm sorry to ask this but DO Fox Demons get taller? I'm sorry, I'm just so curious! "Yes, do tell, Shippo."
"You know, I'm not really sure. I guess we'll just have to wait until I grow up to see!" Shippo said.
"Yea...I'm not trying to be here that long." Inuyasha said.
"Be quiet, Inuyasha. Good answer, Shippo, good answer. Ignore Inuyasha, he's just a hater."
"I am NOT a hater and would you STOP talking in that horrible, fake accent?!" Inuyasha yelled, then added, "Where the hell did you get a pipe from?! Are you even old enough to be smoking that?"
"One, it's not a pipe, it's a vape, smart one, and yes, I am old enough. I'm almost 21." I blew out smoke from my vape.
"A vape-smoking fake psychologist...you can't make this stuff up." Kouga said.
"Quiet, wolf-boy! Next question, somebody read it, I'm in my zone." I said.
Sango sighed and picked up the laptop. "Sesshy: Why did you save/let Rin come along? Was it because of her adorable smile and kind manner even though you told her to go away (and not very nicely) as many fans seem to think? P.S. It's hilarious when someone calls Sesshomaru Fluffy, because that's my pet name for my boyfriend!
"I don't know who these 'fans' are, but I brought Rin along with me for ransom. Simple."
"Ransom? Wasn't her family killed? Sorry, Rin." I said.
"Yes...but-"
"AHA! Just admit it! You care about Rin! Come on, say it, the first step to getting better is admitting the truth. I've read the books." I blew out more vape-smoke.
"Maybe he plans to marry her when she's older." Death the Kid said.
"Ewww, you'd be a grandpa." I said.
"I'm a demon, you imbecile, I don't age." Sesshoumaru huffed in annoyance.
"So you're admitting you want to marry her?" Kagome said.
"No! I never said that! You're all twisting my words around!" he fumed.
"Yes, let it out, Lord Fluffy! Confess your love for Rin!" I shouted, standing up on my chair.
"You people have problems..." Ed mumbled.
"I ship it." Shippo said.
"How do you feel about all of this Rin?" Sango asked.
"Um, I..I..think Lord Sesshoumaru is very nice, but I'm a little too young to get married!" she blushed.
"AWWWW YOUNG, UNREQUITED LOVE!" I swooned.
"I hate all of you." Sesshoumaru said.
"Ok, moving on! Sango, keep it going. This is good for business."
"What business? You're not a psychologist!" Inuyasha shouted.
"You're just mad because you're not a main character." I said.
"THE SHOW IS NAMED AFTER ME!" he hollered.
"Speaking of relationships, Sesshy: You and Kagura totally had a thing going on, right? *sprinkles magic truth dust on all characters" Now none of you can lie to me or any other reviewers!
"What's this sparkly stuff?" Shippo sneezed and everyone 'aww-ed' at how adorable he looked.
"Oh ho-ho-ho, this is going to be GREAT!" I rubbed my hands together.
Sesshoumaru sneezed causing truth dust to get all over his fluff and in his hair. "I did NOT have a thing with Kagura! That bitch is annoying!" he fussed.
"You weren't that great in bed either, asshole!" Kagura shouted from somewhere in the house.
Everyone gasped. "You LIED and you CHEATED on Rin! He defied the magic truth dust! Time to get my holy water." I said, getting up from my chair.
"I'm not lying! That bitch is lying! She doesn't have any truth dust on her!"
"She said that she sprinkled it on all characters, you can't fool me dog-breath." I said returning with a bottle of holy water. "NOW I MUST PURIFY THE DEMON!"
"How could she sprinkle it on all characters when all the characters aren't even in here!" Sesshoumaru yelled, his eyes beginning to glow red.
"IT HAS BEGUN! BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME I BANISH YOU TO HELL, DEMON!"
I poured the entire bottle of holy water on Sesshoumaru. He began screaming in pain, his clothes smoking.
"What are you doing to him, Sasa?!" Sango rushed over, looking worried.
"It's not holy water! It's BLEACH!" Sesshoumaru howled in pain and ran out of the room.
"Ooops, must've gotten the labels mixed up." I said, throwing the bottle over my shoulder.
"What the actual hell is going on..." Death the Kid said.
"Don't cuss, boy! Read the next review before I have to wash your mouth out with soap!"
"Better hope it's soap..." Inuyasha mumbled.
Kid grabbed the laptop and read the next question. "Ahem. It's from InuBunnygirl. First things first. locks Kagome in a soundproof closet, then dusts off hands. There we go! My question is for Inuyasha. Why do you still care about Kagome and Kikyo when neither are good enough for you? Kikyo has tried to kill you. AND Kagome is a control freak bitch who abuses the power of the Beads of Subjugation and desperately deserves some time over someone's knee, if you know what I mean!
I burst out laughing. "Damn, she just wrecked Kagome's entire life in one review. I like this girl."
"Shut up, Sasa! It's not Kikyo's fault she tried to kill me! She was possessed!"
"You're in a three-way abusive relationship with a dead woman and her reincarnation, Inuyasha. In no way, shape, or form is that healthy." I said. "Trust me, I've done the research."
"I'd like to hear the answer to this." Edward said. Al nodded.
"Well, Kikyo was my first love. No matter what she does to me I'll always love her." Inuyasha said.
"It's worse than I thought. Stockholm Syndrome." I took another hit of my vape.
"So what about Kagome? You know eventually you'll have to choose." Sango said.
"Does he really though, because they're like the same person or something." said Kouga.
"This is like a bad dating show. A really bad dating show." I said.
"InuBunnygirl has a point. Kagome is kind of a bitch, but Kikyo is a dead bitch and somehow that's worse, so if no other options presented themselves, I'd choose Kagome." said Inuyasha, folding his arms.
"That's not what she asked you, dumbass. You know what, we need to find you a real woman. Not a dead bitch or a living bitch. A real, live woman." I said rubbing my hands together again. "I'll make milions- I mean – find the perfect woman for you!"
"So who are you going to find that's willing to date an immature dog-demon bastard?" Kouga sneered.
"What was that you tail-biting fiend?!" Inuyasha glared at Kouga.
"Both of you shut up before I send you to the pound. Simple, a dating show. I'll find some desperate – I mean – lovely – young ladies that would be willing to get to know you, Inuyasha."
"I don't think Kagome will take nicely to that." Sango said.
"Screw Kagome, I'm the captain of this here ship." I said. "Give me that laptop. I'll post the ad online right now."
"Isn't online dating kind of danger-" Death the Kid started.
"Shush! This is going to be perfect and you will not ruin it!" I yelled.
"I think that's all the time we have today, everyone; if you know anyone that'd be willing to date Inuyasha, please respond to Sasa's ad." Sango said.
Next time we'll have Hells-Willis-88 joining us along with more characters from Soul Eater. Get your reviews in now to be apart of the next Inu Interviews! Bye bye now!