Butterflies
"Me? I'm nobody. I'm not skilled like Uchiha-san. I am not passionate like Haruno-san. I am not smart like Nara-san. I'm not as strong as Chouji-san. I'm not as collected as Aburame-san. Or as pretty as Yamanaka-san. I'm not as confident as Inuzuka-san. If anything, I'm like Hyuuga-san, socially awkward. Oh wait, no, she's just shy. The socially awkward one is me." OC! Team 7 remix!
Interlude 2 – Some wounds never heal
8-8
There are things that happen in this world. Things that no man, woman or child should ever be subjected to; things that keep happening to a (in his opinion) very undeserving Sarutobi Hiruzen. He holds up his hand to stall whatever is about to be said. He opens a drawer and reaches into it, taking out a bottle marked as 'Nara Yoshino'. He takes two pills from that bottle and swallows them, washing them down with some tea.
"How can I help you, Yoshino-chan?" The fact that she is, once again, here with Kakashi... that's why he needed to take those extra strength painkillers; easing the inevitable headache coming his way.
"I'm here to set a deadline for Kakashi. He has one month to convince me he's capable of leading Team Seven, or I will make the change permanent." That... is unexpected.
"I'm not sure I understand." The Third admits.
"My objections are all about his attitude and actions. Things that can be fixed. Should he fix these things, my objections would no longer be valid." True... very true... but Hiruzen didn't think she'd be so understanding about this.
"I agree with you, Yoshino-chan. However, I must admit this is... odd, coming from you." The Nara matriarch snorts, unamused.
"Whether Kakashi wants to admit it or not, he wants this team. And... unfortunately, Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun still respect him... for some reason." She sounds annoyed by that. Ah, so she's willing to bend for their sakes, not Kakashi's. That's a lot more like the Yoshino the aged shinobi remembers.
"And Aya-chan?" The deal-breaker, would be Hiruzen's guess, but he has to be sure. And he's sure Kakashi needs to hear this as well.
"She's the reason I stepped in in the first place. What do you think I'm going to tell you?" Yoshino says sweetly... too sweetly.
"So you expect me to earn back the trust of someone with trust issues, who'd taken an almost instant dislike to me. And do this in under a month?" Kakashi asks. He's been on easier S-ranked missions!
"That's the deal." She nods seriously.
"That's also impossible." Kakashi counters.
"As you are now, it would be." She smiles warmly. "That's exactly why I'm offering you the deal. Mess up, and they're mine."
Kakashi snorts. "Like you won't keep hovering this threat over my head until all three of them are chuunin."
"Oh no... if you somehow do manage to win Aya's trust. She'd still come to me with everything. She'd still keep me up to date on everything you say, everything you do. So I could easily keep the threat going until they're jounin. Or Hokage, if Naruto's serious about pursuing it." Kakashi groans at her words. How sad that he knows she's right. Aya would happily kill him, if Yoshino asks her to... or even suggests it really.
"So why would you let me?"
"Because they need you." There isn't even a pause in there, there isn't even a moment's hesitation. Yoshino truly believes her words to be true. That throws the ex-Anbu Captain for a loop. They need him...? "Naruto wants to be Hokage. He'll need someone far stronger and more capable than me to take him the distance. Aya wants to be Anbu Captain by the time she's twenty. She'll need someone to show her the ropes and teach her to survive in that world. And Sasuke... Once he gets over himself, he'll need someone to teach him how to walk that razor's edge between depression and hatred."
Kakashi takes a moment to digest that. It sounds as if they need the Anbu Captain to train them, but the personality attached is the deal-breaker.
"You are capable of being exactly what all three of them need, for the sakes of their careers. It's the idiot, the staring-at-a-stone-dedicated-to-the-dead-while-ignoring-the-living moron... he's the one that needs to disappear. Do you understand?"
Kakashi nods, but he knows it to be a hopeless case. He could easily bribe Naruto and Sasuke with training. But Aya? You might as well ask him to gather dust from the moon.
"This is your only chance, Kakashi. If you want to be there for him... I suggest you take it." Yoshino hammers her message home.
"Would you help me to understand her?" If Yoshino didn't know any better, she might actually think he sounded vaguely desperate.
"If you cannot see through her mask, all the information I can give you is pointless. Use that supposed 'genius' brain of yours. Figure it out. And do not, under any circumstances attempt to enter her apartment without her permission. You'd only make her hate you more."
Kakashi nods. Making a mental note to nose around while she's with Yoshino. He'll just have to be overly cautious while doing so.
8-8
So this is why...
Getting into Aya's apartment was laughably easy. She has no skills in the sealing arts after all, so the civilian locks barely even slowed him down. The traps by the window were easy enough to spot from the inside, but he's really happy he didn't try to enter that way. She doesn't even have enough things to take too long to peruse it all. The books and scrolls were all noted for him to go over later, so he'd know how to help her.
It's this one book. An unmarked book. The cover shows its age, and the scuff marks show just how often the book has been used, how often it's been handled. That's what drew his attention in the first place. So when he takes the book, carefully handling it in case it's fragile. When he turns to the first page of said book.
So this is why...
It's a doodle. Not a drawing, because drawings are cleaner, nicer, prettier. Though he can easily identify the three people in the doodle, it's only because he knows them well enough. On the left, Namiki Satsuma, Aya's father. On the right, Namiki Miwako, Aya's mother. In the middle, sandwiched in a loving cocoon, is Aya herself. The three of them are smiling, happy... together. He also notices the smudges in the ink... evidence of tears that have bathed this doodle over the years.
He turns the page. Children playing, chibi-styled children. Her classmates. He recognises certain traits on each of them. The Akimichi boy, with the swirls on his cheeks. The Nara boy, with his pineapple like hairstyle. The Inuzuka, with a pup and the fang-like tattoos. They're all playing, other than two in the centre of the doodle. One with whisker-like markings on his face, the other with long hair and tears in her eyes. Aya... and Naruto... She hates being alone. It doesn't take the Lone Wolf long to decide why she does it. He'd kept people away for the same reason: no one close to you, no one can hurt you.
He turns the page again. His one visible eye widens in shock. Her apartment... well, mostly. It's missing her bed, her closet, her nightstand, her bookshelf and the curtain. But, it's easily recognizable as her apartment. The low table, the couch, the kitchen... there's also a futon where the bed currently stands. But... it's empty. No one's home... Kakashi understands what it means... an empty house. She hates coming back to an empty house.
Another page is turned. The apartment again, only this time, Aya's obviously training. She's holding her balled fists up in the air, standing on the balls of her feet. Muay Thai, he recognizes Miwako's signature fighting style. There're barely noticeable beads of sweat on the girl's forehead; she's been at it for a while. What strikes him as odd... is the vague outline of another person. All the doodles are inked in. No trace of a pencil being used at all. So whatever that outline is, it's done on purpose. Like someone's supposed to be... there... She wants someone to see her. To see her train... to teach her...
That realization almost knocks the air out of the Hatake. He still turns the page.
The fifth doodle. The only thought that comes to mind at all: depression. Three graves at the bottom of the doodle. Aya's in the middle, her parents' to either side. Their names carefully etched into the headstones, in the same style Kakashi recognises as actually being used on headstones. In the middle are treetops, butterflies, birds singing; there are even little notes to show the birds really are singing. And at the top... a ghostly, grown-up-looking Aya being embraced by her parents. There's a straight line drawn from her parent's ghostly figures, leading to carefully scribbled dialogue. Her father telling her how proud he is for all the lives she'd saved. Her mother telling her how proud she is for all the enemies she'd ended.
This is why... why she's so carefully alone. She plans on fulfilling her parents wishes, and dying on a mission. She doesn't want to build bonds, not just because they can hurt her... but because she'd hurt them.
Another page turned. Then another. Happy doodles. It seems only the first five are depressing. The others are all... happy. Lively. And... there's a lot of the Akimichi boy. A lot of dancing, music being played. She seems to like the theatre, Kakashi recognizes a few of the plays she'd doodled scenes from.
One doodle in particular stands out though. Aya and the Akimichi boy dancing, surrounded by butterflies. Kakashi sees the love in the girl's eyes, as she gazes at the boy. But he's smiling and looking at the butterflies instead. How odd... that she'd drawn it like this. She wants him to be happy, just not with her. All the while admitting, even if only to herself, that she could only ever be happy if she's with him. She doesn't just like the boy... she loves him. So much that she can't consider being with him while she's not planning on living long enough to grow old with him.
Eventually, Kakashi comes to the last doodle. Yoshino has a strict look on her face, hands on her hips and shouting: Focus! Naruto is in the Muay Thai stance? And Aya is playing a flute? She plans on teaching him Muay Thai. She... doesn't wake up every morning for herself. She wakes up because someone needs her to...
She needs to be needed.
Kakashi briefly wonders if Aya even knows how much she speaks through her doodles. How much her heart bleeds into the ink.
He carefully puts the book back into its rightful place, almost hidden between the other books. He then carefully, VERY CAREFULLY, makes his way out of the little apartment. He locks the door the same way, refusing to leave any trace he'd been there at all.
8-8
Kakashi understands. He finally understands. Yoshino sees through people, their masks, their carefully constructed public persona. So, as Kakashi masks his presence, as he studies Naruto and Aya, he tries to do the same. He tries to see them as they are, not as they present themselves to be.
Naruto... Minato-sensei's legacy... isn't the happy-go-lucky idiot the village sees, that he shows the world. Sure, Kakashi knew the boy was ignored, and sometimes even abused; often emotionally, but if the person is drunk enough, physically. But... studying him, he sees the little things he'd always missed. The longing when Yoshino interacts with her son. The joy whenever Aya encourages him. The annoyance when Sasuke finally shows up, showing off his newly unlocked Sharingan. The protectiveness whenever Sasuke strays too close to Aya. The hope when Aya interacts with Ino.
Kakashi sees so much more than he ever thought was there.
Aya, on the other hand is... more predictable now. She's distant if she can help it, but the second someone shows they need something, she doesn't hesitate. If Naruto loses focus, she smacks him. If Naruto seems sad, she smiles at him. If the Yamanaka girl needs to chat, she listens. If the Akimichi boy seems troubled, she touches him. If the Nara looks unwilling when he needs to do something, she smacks him; which happens a lot. Kakashi can only guess that hitting is easier than saying things.
And Sasuke. He's... more complex than Kakashi'd hoped. He knows about the avenger thing, but... if you look close enough? There's a longing in his eyes whenever Aya and Naruto interact. No matter the interaction, no matter the reason for it, that barely noticeable longing is there. Does Sasuke think those two could understand him? All three are orphans. Aya'd lost her parents after truly getting to know them. The circumstances are different, but... Sasuke seems to think he could be understood. And he needs that.
Nara Yoshino... what are you not capable of?
As Kakashi leaves, he wonders. Could these three... no. He refuses to think that! And yet... he can't help but wonder anyway. Could those three really worm their way into his heart? Naruto... Kakashi was mostly focused on him as a means to repay Minato-sensei, to thank him for saving him from himself. But... if Kakashi's really honest? He can see...
He can see himself playing the father figure... just like Minato-sensei had done for him. "Twenty-eight days left." Kakashi says to himself, en route to a café for an early lunch. "Make it count."
8-8
End Interlude 2
8-8
A/N: Sorry if this is a bit depressing. I kind of wanted to highlight Kakashi's inner turmoil, and why he's such an emotionally constipated idiot.
So anyway! I won't update for a few days again. I need to focus on Broken's next chapter. I hope you guys are enjoying the story ^_^