Honestly, at this point, I'm thinking of quitting this story... Not many seem into it and I'm a bit lost at to how to get where I want to go, thus why updates are so slow.
Kel had a while before he was scheduled to work and knew that since Dixie was around, that if he was running late, she'd ensure he was covered. Thinking quickly about how to approach what happened today and the fact he wanted to make sure Johnny was doing as fine as possible after such a difficult morning, Kel figured it would be best to just be straight with him.
"Before I drop you back at the Stanleys, would it be okay if we went to your apartment and talked? I won't have time otherwise today," Doctor Brackett explained.
"Sure, I guess," John replied. "But can we grab some lunch first?"
Agreeing, the two picked a quiet dinner near Johnny's apartment. Although neither spoke as they ate, the silence wasn't awkward as both were processing what had happened at the police station. When both were finished, they spent the few minutes ride in silence. This time, John was nervous while Kelly was calm. Before Johnny got out, Kel put a hand on him to stop him.
"What's wrong?"
Looking away, then at his door briefly, Johnny stuttered, "Well, umm, not sure what the place looks like. Wasn't doing too good a couple days ago, you know, and umm, well..."
"I realize that," Brackett said softly. "That's one reason I wanted to you to come here today. It'll be easier to face things that happened here the sooner you confront them."
"I'd really rather not."
"I know, but you'll have to sooner or later."
Sighing, Johnny nodded and opened the door. Following him, Kel noted as they got closer, John slowed down a bit. As he took out the keys and unlocked the door, Johnny almost appeared to be bracing himself for an attack.
"it's going to be okay," Kel reassured him.
Nodding again, but still unable to speak, Johnny lets them into the apartment. Closing the door behind them, he walked slowly to the bathroom, needing to see if the horrors in his mind were true. Allowing him the space, but still close enough to reach John if need be, Kelly allowed him to face what he assumed was the worst part about being back in his place.
Turning the corner, Johnny began breathing more heavily, Man, I didn't think this would be so hard. Come on, just a few more steps. There. Now, turn on the light.
Staring into the bathroom, he was both relieved and confused, There's no blood. No blades. Wait, there's a bit of blood on the shower curtain. Why am I disappointed?
After giving him a few minutes, Kel asked, "What's going through your mind?"
Laughing slightly, John honestly told him, "I expected blood and there isn't. I kind of feel...cheated in a way. Disappointed. Relieved. Confused. Dumb, huh?"
"Not really," Dr. Brackett said as he indicated they should sit in the living room. "If you saw what you expected-the blood from when you hurt yourself- it would validate what happened. But the evidence is gone. So, I'm guessing you're relieved, but also feeling cheated that your feelings were erased."
Stunned, Johnny just looked at his friend and doctor. He knew no matter how much time he was given, there was no way he could have figured that out.
Smiling slightly, Kel moved on, "Why don't you tell me how you felt about this morning?"
Blinking at the change in subject, John answered quickly, "I felt good. Like really good. I felt as if I had some control for the first time in months."
"Good, I'm glad. But we still need to find ways to help you cope when you don't feel in control," Brackett pointed out, knowing Johnny may be trying to take an easy way out.
"I know," Johnny sighed. "I did decide it'd be probably good to let Roy know what's going on. I was kind of hoping you'd be able to help with that."
"Sure, we can do that whenever you'd like," Kel said, proud that he was at least thinking of taking a positive step forward. "Have you thought about keeping a journal to record how you're feeling and what's going on in your day to day life?"
Scoffing at that, he shook his head, "Too girlie."
Raising an eyebrow at him, Doctor Brackett gave him a look. John knew that look all too well, it was his: So what...this is for your own good.
'I can't get away with anything!' Johnny grouched to himself.
"Fine, II'll try it," he gave in, trying hard not to whine.
"So, when would you like to meet up with Roy?" Kel moved on, knowing better than to push that subject further.
"Never?" John gave the doc a half-grin.
"Sooner is better," simply stated Brackett.
"Fine," he huffed. "Today?"
Nodding, Kel and Johnny quickly worked out it would be best to see if Cap could be there as well. Figuring it'd be best to have the talk at the hospital, Doctor Brackett called Hank first and then Roy, setting up a meeting time a half-hour from now. Heading to the hospital, Kel tried to reassure Johnny that things would be fine, but to no avail. Giving up after a few minutes, he just let the silence stretch out, praying he wasn't wrong about how Roy would react or that he would be someone else Johnny could turn to during this time of crisis.