A/N:

*Sigh* Is it just me or is each week getting more and more tedious? It's all the same except the people around me are getting more and more unbearable. Good thing is I found my computer mouse.

This chapter there will be some major developments in one of the relationships still not smut. They are old enough to know what they want.

WARNING: This chapter will make you want to reach through the screen and pat one of them on the head and smack the other. Slight language and ooc-ness but hey I'm no pro.

Down the rabbit hole.

SSPOV

Remus shifts uncomfortably but I can't stop looking at him like he's grown a second head even though I had probably been doing it for the last five minutes. He had willingly let the one good thing in his life walk away. People that aren't creatures only envie them because of their ability to find their true mates. Me being one of them. "Who is it? The person you hate so much to deny them you and all your…" I pause almost giving the wolf a compliment " ,wolfish-ness." The sandy blonde man just shakes his head and sips at lukewarm tea. "I-I don't hate them. Quite the opposite really, although we get along a little more now a days. But I used to do such horrible things to them hell I almost killed them." Lupin sighs putting his tea back down on the chair side table.

I just keep staring at him like he's one of my particularly more ignorant students. I didn't look like a fish anymore which made my stare all that more intenss if Remus's shifty attitude indicated anything. The time ticked by and with each minute Remus seemed to unravel more and more until he was hunched over and looking at the floor like it was the most beautiful surface he had ever seen and like he needed to get his hands on something to capture it's beauty. After quite some time had passed by I spoke "Remus," I waited for a reasons and it soon came. "Ye?" it was cautious sounding and a little breathy like a student when I called on them in class. "You're an idiot." I rubbed the bridge of my nose. "Does that mean you're not going to help me?"

I sip at my own cool cup of tea. "Of course I'm not going to help you wolf. This is against everything I was taught to believe. And it just so happens that the spells and potions it would take to just get the bond a smidge less noticeable on your end, the dominant end I assume, are classified as not only dark by the ministry but also contain rare ingredients and sap magical energy like no other spells." the wolf blushes when I take notice of his dominance in the bond he shared with someone. Oh stop being so bitter, it only makes you more obvious. I sneered covering it with the cup.

"I'm sorry I asked then." Remus sighed looking more of a man than a scolded pup now that I had stopped studying him so intently. "I would like to ask again though, who is it that you deem so unfit to spend the rest of your life with?" I rephrased my question from not so long ago.

"I told you it's not like that." I could see something in Remus's face that pushed me further. "Isn't it though?" I set the ea down unable to stomach anymore of the cold liquid that only got stuck somewhere in my throat more and more I continued to think on who Lupin had cast away. No one deserves that. But you're happy that you have this little chance now aren't you? No! That's irrelevant I know I have no chance, I gave up a long time ago it's fine… it's fine.

I look out the window at the nice blue sky and warm sun. "No Severus it isn't. I just don't know how I can force someone who deserves so much more to tie themselves to me of all people." Remus gaze is strong on me and I look him in the eyes. They are screaming something that should be obvious but my own brain is refusing to understand it for it's own protection. There was something I was missing something I should know. Something he's trying to tell me whether he knows he did it or not, Remus pushes something behind my occlumency shields and shuts them back up forcing me to do legilimens on him.

It's a scene of the young Marauders. Or at least Sirius and Remus. Potter and the rat seemed to be off in the corner doing homework or just goofing off it was hard to tell. "Remus, I know he's a no good snake and everything but this is something you shouldn't do. It goes against nature! Snivellus isn't my favorite person but I wouldn't wish this upon him." Sirius whispers patting a hunched over Remus on the back. They looked like they did in fifth year, the same year everything went wrong with Lily and I joined the death eaters. Remus looked up at Sirius, he had bags under his eyes and they seemed to be red rimmed from crying. Remus whispers in a croak "I know…"

And I was back in the living room of the man that had just asked his assumed mate to help him block their bond. I stood in a haste stalking over to the door as quick as I could. I heard Remus shout my name I heard his heavy footfalls behind me. I only started into a run crossing paths with a few students who I only gave a sneer. I only had to turn a few corridors then I could break down without even my Slytherins finding me.

I was deep in the dungeons when I finally let myself slide down the wall and let all the bitterness out. I could feel tears that burned run down the side of my nose and off the edge acrossed my lips and down my chin. They tasted salty and came in numbers like non before not even when Lily died. I just kept crying and crying then when the tears wouldn't come anymore I laughed myself hoarse. Lupin was an idiot. I big stupid…. Man who had just rounded the corner to my hiding spot. How did he find me? "You should know better than to run from a wolf this close to the full moon, Severus." Remus whispered in the damp dark corridor, he crossed the distance between us and squatted in front of me.

He reached out to me and I flinched away. Lupin didn't stop there though instead he grabbedd me by the back of my head and dried my tears with the pad of his thumb leaving his warm hand to rest on my cold cheek. "I'm sorry," He whispers pulling me against my will closer to him. Remus is wrapped around me his scent comforting and the heat he gave off welcome. "You should be idiot." I pull at his arm struggling to get out from the hold he had me in. Don't get me wrong I needed it more than the wolf knew but he doesn't want me so what is the point in me getting more attached to him than needed? "Shh Severus don't just… just let me hold you for a little okay?" I stilled letting Remus's presence wash over me and calm me. Fuck it.

I might as well be holding onto him like he was the only thing keeping me grounded and in reality, but just to be clear or just to make myself feel better, he was holding onto me just as intently. "Idiot," I whisper. "I know I am. I shouldn't asked you for help in this. It was wrong of me." Remus just didn't get it did he? I pushed him by the shoulder trying to look him in the eye. I succeed only because he lets me push him this time.

"You really are a fool?" I shake my head letting dark hairs field my vision even more with darkness. I needed all the courage to say this and if it meant not looking the infuriating wolf in the eye so be it. "I have had a crush on you since third year you infuriating wolf! Why would you think I am a mess only because you asked me to help you block a mate bond between us? I love you and have loved you in silence since before the first war and now you want to destroy the one and only shot I have!? I've tried so hard Remus, I've tried to stop but then you do something so so…..reckless and infuriating that I can't stop looking at you! You act so sweet to everyone and I can't help but want that beside me, in my corner as I face all the people who think I have been put on this earth only to teach them a subject," I sigh and shudder as I feel a fresh wave of tears hit me "You've made me an absolute mess wolf a mess, and now I learn you've been running with your tail between your legs."

I wipe at my running eyes and nose with the long sleave of my cloak not caring if I got the remnants of some potion ingredient in my eye. "And the worst of it all is you didn't even know I was foolishly trying to keep the sweetness you gave me bottled up close to my inner self so when the wars finally came and went I wouldn't be so alone, even if I would have died the last things I would have thought about would have been the small things, the brief interactions we have shared after leaving Hogwarts and all the times in between." I'm not sure why I'm admitting all this things now in a dark and cold part of the dungeons but if I had to blame it on anything it would be my emotional instability while being surrounded by nothing but Remus's sent and heat as I cry.

Even if I just end up broken and embarrassed I need to reiterate to him how royally he fucked up. I use my forearms as a makeshift shield crossing them in an x shape. "I won't bring this up again if you're really intent on destroying the connection between us b-but please just understand that this goes deeper than you thought, you idiot wolf." my voice breaks and I lean against the wall more than Remus trying to escape yet bring his heat with me.

The wolf tries to pull me closer but I resist in a futile attempt to stay detached. He lowers my arms in between our chests lifting my chin so he can see my face and I can see his. Remus searches my eyes for sincerity and I search his for disgust. He finds what he's looking for and leans his face closer to mine. I can't find any hint of the dangerous emotion in his slightly glowing amber eyes so I take the leap and meet him halfway. We kiss wrapped up in one another's presence sprawled out in a corner of the lower parts of the castle turned school. He's warm and sweet but still firm and commanding. I'm still a mess from my break down, I taste salty tears that were fresh and it was hard to tell if they were mine or his. My cold and thin lips instantly became warm and full of passion. Remus licks at my bottom lip and I let him into my mouth to explore as we run our tongues together. I closed my eyes at some point but when the kiss is over and we both surface for oxygen they couldn't have been more open or full of hope and a small bit of fear. I don't fear the wolf like I once had but instead I feared his rejection.

"You are right Severus. I am an idiot." Remus hugs me close carding his fingers through my hair. I let out a shaky breath and cling to him probably more than I should have considering the problem the kiss had stirred that not even stiff potions' robes could hide. "Now that I know I can have you I won't let you go." Remus whispers.