Author's note- thank you so much for all of your lovely reviews! They really mean a lot to me.

This story is almost 3 years old, and over 55000 views and 170 reviews later, I'm still surprised at all the lovely people who still want to read this. Thank you!

Obviously I own nothing.

Chapter 48

The beating of her heart must have been loud enough to hear all over London. It was almost painful how fast and hard it was drumming in her chest. The nearly seventeen year old felt paralysed, there was a sickness in her stomach and adrenaline coursing through her veins. The rather grim faces of John and Mary showed no obvious signs of significant emotion; John seemed angry but relatively neutral, whereas Mary was completely neutral, she simply smiled softly at the confused and shocked teenager. It was as though the world had stopped, one of those moments that you only see in films. It was not possible. But, it was Sherlock Holmes, of course it was possible. Several times now Lucy had opened her mouth to speak, before shutting it, having no words to express how she felt. Sherlock's smile eventually faltered. He glanced over her, observing a year and a half's worth of pain. He stopped smiling completely, realising how badly he had messed things up. The rage was visibly rising in Lucy, and Sherlock, deciding to try and calm the situation said:

"Lucy, I completely understand how you must be feeling right now and I want you to know that I am sorry but…"

"Stop." She snapped, not wanting to hear him speak any more. She took a very shaky breath, and fixed her gaze straight on the detective. "Do you have any idea what you have done?" She said in a low and dangerous tone. Before he had a chance to reply, she continued, "Do you realise how badly this all affected me and John? Or did you seriously not care?"

"Lucy," he quickly held a hand out to stop her from continuing. There was a pain in his eyes. "I never wanted to hurt anyone. I had to keep you and John safe." Lucy narrowed her eyes, glancing over at John, she was surprised to see his reaction. He was obviously pissed off at the consulting detective, but at the same time, she could see happiness in his once dull eyes, the sparkle had returned and she could see the love he had for his friend. The young girl felt conflicted. She was angry, no, more like enraged, and confused. But at the same time, she felt ecstatic, she was overjoyed that he was actually alive, that he was not a fraud (although she never doubted him). Lucy had no idea what to feel about the whole situation. The amount of times she had cut up her body because of the pain of her friend's death was almost too high to count, the amount of times she had wanted to do nothing more than commit suicide was devastating. In all honestly, Sherlock faking his own death had sent her down a dangerous spiral of self-destruction, and now all those endless nights of crying, all the times she had contemplated death, every single cut was all for nothing. She broke out of her thoughts by the sound of Sherlock's footsteps approaching her. The teenager looked up at the detective, tears filling her eyes.

"I didn't know what to do without you." Lucy murmured, her voice very quiet as tears threatened to fall. "I could get over my parent's 'death' but I could never get over yours. And I really don't think you realise the impact you have on everyone's lives. You don't realise how watching you fall to you supposed death ruined John, you don't realise how knowing one of the only people to ever care for me die destroyed me." Her voice started to rise in anger, the droplets of tears now cascading over the brim of her eyes, "You didn't even let us know you were okay! I don't care what you had to do, you should have just fucking said something!" She turned and punched the wall, leaving no dent in the solid structure, but creating pretty bad wounds on her knuckles.

"Lucy I couldn't, I had to destroy Moriarty's network. I couldn't leave you or John in danger." Sherlock's voice was soft, he had lost all the cockiness. "I'm honestly sorry, for putting you both through that." He stepped closer and held out his arms. Lucy shook her head.

"I'm going to my room," was all she said before leaving them all standing there.

"I should go after her," John sighed.

"I didn't want to hurt either of you." Sherlock mumbled.

"She knows that," John told him as Sherlock turned to face him and Mary. "It will just take time."

"I am sorry." Sherlock said, but he tried not to show as much emotion this time. John couldn't help but smirk.

"You still deserved that punch, but hey, it's good to have you back." John smiled over at Mary. He made to walk towards Lucy's room but he was stopped by Mary.

"Do you think it's a good idea to disturb her?" She asked, worried.

"Well god knows what she's doing in there so it's probably for the best."

"Has she gotten much worse?" Sherlock asked.

"I don't really know." John ran a hand over his face, "She rarely shows me, but I would guess that she's gotten a lot worse, yeah." He paused, "And I'm worried about her."

Lucy sat on her bed, staring into space. The moonlight shone through the curtains, providing a little illumination to the otherwise pitch black room. Angrily, she brushed away the tears that continually fell. She felt betrayed. Her mind was a rush of emotions and thoughts, and they weren't slowing down. A choked sob escaped from her lips. She reached towards where she kept her blade, and took it in her hand, turning it over and over again. She was about to put it to her wrist when there was a soft knock at her door. Sighing, she put it back in its hiding place and said for whoever was at the door to come in. John came in, turning on the light as he did, brightening up the room. He sat on the bed next to her, giving her smile.

"How are you doing?" He asked.

"As well as I could be." Lucy sighed. John Watson looked at the young girl, seeing how upset she was. He opened his arms and gave her a hug. They stayed there like that, neither really wanting to pull back. Her tears dripped onto his shirt, staining it slightly, but he didn't mind, he simply stroked her hair in comfort. He didn't push her into letting him treat her knuckles once he was happy she hadn't broken anything, he simply left some antiseptic cream on the side.

That night, Lucy insisted that she was okay enough for John and Mary to go back to Mary's house. She could see that neither wanted to leave her, but Lucy didn't want to be watched with worried eyes all the time. Sherlock had gone out, she didn't know where, but she was just glad to have the house to herself for a while. She didn't want to be alone with Sherlock yet.

That night, she had cut deeper than usual.

The next day was a bright day. Lucy woke up early in the morning, slightly blinded by the sunlight that snuck through the gap in her curtains. She got dressed, brushed her teeth and wandered through to the living room. At the sight of Sherlock Holmes, she stopped dead in her tracks. He was staring intently at his wall that appeared to be full of pictures and newspaper clippings. Sherlock stopped what he was doing and turned towards Lucy as he heard her enter.

"Lucy…" he looked concerned.

"No, it's alright," she held her hand up to silence him. "You apologised." Sherlock frowned at this, obviously confused. Lucy just shook her head, not wanting to continue the conversation. Lucy went over to the kitchen and got herself a glass of water, when she returned, Sherlock was sitting down in his chair.

"I missed you, you know." He admitted. She could see he hated to say it, hated to showing that kind of emotion. But his voice was solemn, and honest. "I do have a heart. But I had no choice but to jump from the rooftop that day. If there could have been another way, I would have chosen it."

Lucy nodded in understanding. She finished her water and put her glass in the sink before heading to her bedroom and picking up her keys and wallet.

"I'm going out for a bit," she said.

"Are you going to be alright on your own?" Sherlock asked, looking up at her.

"I've managed just fine before. I won't be back too late." She didn't wait for Sherlock to reply. Instead, she headed downstairs and out of the front door.

The teenager just wanted to get away from everything for a while. She spent around an hour taking a leisurely walk through Regent's park and into Camden. There were many stalls open at Camden market, offering a range of products. In particular, Lucy looked at the alternative clothes, liking the look of several band tops she saw. After a while of strolling around the market, she opted for going to Costa, where she purchased a latte. It was getting late by the time she even considered heading home. She really didn't want to be shut up inside with only her dark thoughts to comfort her. And she was scared to be near Sherlock. She didn't know how to feel anymore. She still loved him, but she was scared of losing him again, of him leaving her without a single thought. But she knew he wouldn't do it again, the teenager was just hurt from the past year and a half. With a sigh, she left the coffee shop and made her way through the busy streets of Camden. The sun was just beginning to set, painting the sky in brilliant colours of orange and yellow, with streaks of blue mixed in. Lucy checked her phone, surprised to find no missed texts or calls for once. She was glad, at least they realised she needed time alone to think things through.

Lucy had to swerve continuously to avoid bumping into anyone along the street. It was around the time that everyone started to finish work or go home after a long day of sightseeing. Being around such a large crowd made her heart beat fast, but she just focussed on heading towards the park. Out of nowhere, a man stepped into her path, causing her to walk into him by accident.

"I'm so sorry!" The young girl apologised.

"It's alright gorgeous," the older man murmured. Lucy, now feeling threatened, gave him a smile and walked around him to continue on her way. After several minutes of walking, she had reached and entered the park. Hearing footsteps on the gravel behind her, she turned to see who was there. Her heart raced as she saw the man she bumped into following her with two other men, all of which appeared to be late twenties or early thirties and around six foot with a muscular build. Feeling panic build up inside her, she quickly sent out a text to Sherlock, John and Lestrade,

'Help I'm being followed.'

Sherlock had been out at the station, talking to Lestrade. The DI was smiling, glad to have Sherlock back. He had asked how Lucy and John took it, but it was obvious that neither took it very well although Sherlock was happy they weren't as angry with him as they were when they first found out. They were just finishing up when they both felt their phones vibrate. Sherlock took on glance at his and looked at Lestrade with worry in his eyes.

"We need to go find her now." He practically yelled.

"I'm asking her where she is." Lestrade said, "Calm down Sherlock it will be alright." Sherlock was pacing up and down the room as he immediately phoned John to see if he had received a text. John said he had and was coming to the station to meet them. Sherlock texted his brother, putting him on surveillance and getting annoyed that Mycroft didn't know where she was. John arrived five minutes later, and by then, Lucy had not replied.

"She could be anywhere," John said, out of breath.

"She was last seen in Camden." Sherlock suddenly said, looking at his phone. "Mycroft's surveillance picked up footage of her being followed by three men. He doesn't know where she went from there." He paused. "She was probably going home by that point, most likely on foot, so she would have walked through the park but he would have picked up on her if she had entered back onto Baker Street." He turned his coat collar up, "She at Regent's Park somewhere, hurry." He shouted. All three of them piled into Lestrade's police car, Sherlock for once preferring to get in a police car than wait for a cab. The sirens were wailing and the car was going as fast as possible along the busy London roads, but they knew they had to get there quickly, or the consequences could be very bad.

Lucy started walking faster and faster, hearing the footsteps behind her match her quick pace. She glanced behind her again, seeing them closer than before. Having little other choice, she broke into a run.

"Hey now, why you running sweetie?" One of the men said mockingly. Overwhelming panic was flowing through her young body, despite all she got through before, she felt terrified now. She didn't want to be alone. She wanted Sherlock. She wanted her friend to save her, to help her.

The park was near deserted now that it was becoming late evening, leaving her far more vulnerable. Lucy knew she wasn't fast enough, she kept sprinting as fast as she could but her physique was nothing compared to the men pursuing her. After less than a minute, she felt strong hands on her arms and she was suddenly flung to the ground.

Her vision blurred, stars dancing in front of her eyes.

She felt their hands on her.

No one was around to help.

Author's note: I have an important question that I need feedback on. I wasn't sure how you guys would feel if I perhaps followed a rape scenario for a bit? Let me know in the reviews. I thought it gives me something else to write about.