Author's note: Thank you so much for the lovely reviews! They mean the world to me.

Chapter 53

It was past midnight. The moon that shined in the pitch black sky illuminated the room ominously. It was silent, and very peaceful. It was warm, but not stiflingly so. Despite it being a calm and nice night, the teenager just couldn't seem to stay asleep. Sleep came and went, and she found herself awake throughout the night several times. The peace that the night promised eluded her. When she did close her eyes, she could only see images of her parents, of the men that attacked her and of Daniel. A quiet whimper escaped her lips. Feeling restless, and desperate for relief, Lucy quietly got out of bed. Glancing over, she was surprised to see that Mycroft had taken her advice and had slept under the covers. Not wanting to bother him further with her troubles, she tiptoed to the ensuite bathroom. It was large, not to her surprise, and had a big shower and a classic rectangular bathtub. She walked over to the sink and looked into the mirror above it. Lucy winced, her own reflection seeming foreign to her. The face that stared back was tired, and still looking tear streaked. Her hand curled into a fist, digging her nails into her palms. Needing the release and calmness of the blade, she went searching around the bathroom for a spare razor. Feeling frustrated at having no such luck, she wandered quietly back out into the bedroom and made her way to the kitchen. She was desperate, the need to cut was burning her skin. In the kitchen, she looked for anything that could cause some damage. But she couldn't even find a knife. She groaned in anger, knowing that Mycroft had probably tried to hide most of the sharp object in his house. Trying to remain calm, she walked into the hall and immediately spotted a glinting knife. Well, it wasn't a knife, it was a letter opener that was place carefully by the door on a table. It would do. She just wanted to take the edge off. Maybe a few small cuts, nothing big. Just something to make her mind and the cravings stop for a bit. She felt giddy as she tentatively picked up the letter opener. Touching the tip, she was pleased to find that it was pretty sharp. Lucy sank to the floor with a soft bump, her back against the wall. She felt a little dizzy. Her chest felt a bit too tight.

Why did she feel so much anxiety?

Surely she shouldn't be feeling nervous or anxious about this? It was basically a routine to her. And yet, a bubble of uncertainly was stuck in her chest. Trying to stop her breathing from getting too out of control, she took two slow deep breaths in and out. Carefully, she rolled up her sleeves, huffing unhappily at how much skin was covered by the bandages. She had to roll her sleeves past her elbow to find spare space on her forearm. With a slightly shaking hand, she placed the tip of the knife to her skin.

"Lucy, please stop." She startled as she heard Mycroft Holmes' voice. The letter opener slipped in her grasp and she caught her skin slightly as she tried to regain her composure. The cut was only superficial and barely bled, but it was a cut she hadn't intended on making. She glanced over to see Mycroft watching her with caution, worry evident in his blue eyes. Her chest became tighter and tears filled her eyes. She couldn't breathe. Her body felt numb. Still keeping a firm grip on her letter opener, she put her head in her shaking hands. The older Holmes brother made a slow move towards her.

"No!" She screamed, causing him to immediately halt. "Leave me alone." She choked out. She gasped, trying to breathe, feeling herself go very lightheaded and dizzy. Mycroft held his hands up, showing he meant no harm.

"Lucy, calm down, it's okay." He said soothingly, starting to move closer again. "Please drop that."

"No." She couldn't let go of the one thing that made her feel sane again. He was a few steps away. Too close. Too close. She shook her head and scrambled to her feet. She knew she wasn't in a right mind at all. Her legs buckled as she stood up too quickly. She was panicking, unable to breathe properly. Her limbs had gone numb. She collapsed to the ground with a thud, causing Mycroft to instantly hurry to her side. He knelt beside her, holding her wrists.

"Get off of me!" She said with panic.

"Lucy stop struggling and calm down," He said firmly.

"I feel like I'm going to die." She felt the tears trail down.

"You are having a panic attack I believe." He corrected her. "So you need to slow your breathing down. Deep breaths in for four seconds and out for four seconds." Awkwardly, he tried to do the motion of breathing for her and she attempted to copy. Her limbs were shaking, but she felt she had more control over her breathing. Eventually, once she had stopped struggling and panicking as much, Mycroft let go of her wrists. He glanced over her arms, at the scars that littered the skin and the bandages that hid more. He put a hand on her knee.

"Please don't touch me." Lucy said shakily, trying her best to keep her voice steady through the tears.

"There's no need to be embarrassed." Mycroft murmured, apparently reading her mind. But he withdrew his hand anyway. "It's been a while since I had to do that." He said thoughtfully, breaking the tense silence.

"What?"

"Sherlock has had a few panic attacks before." Mycroft shrugged, but he didn't explain any further. They were silent as Lucy still tried to get a handle on controlling her breathing, coming down from the panic that once overwhelmed her. After a few moments, Mycroft looked at the letter opener that Lucy still held onto for dear life. "Can I have that please?"

"No." Lucy kept her voice steady, refusing to look at him. "You hid everything else. You don't trust me." She said bitterly, remembering how she couldn't find any knives.

"And I was right to." He said pointedly but gently. "I did not want to risk you hurting yourself. Unfortunately, I didn't really consider the letter opener." He looked guilty. Mycroft sighed and look at Lucy's eyes. "It's not that I do not trust you. I just did not want this to happen, especially after today." Lucy eventually looked up at him. He was sitting in front of her, probably uncomfortable, but he didn't seem to care. His eyes were filled with worry, and she was surprised to see that there was no trace of anger on his face.

"I know." Was all she said.

"Can I have it back then?" His voice was firmer, but still gentle.

"I can't…" Lucy bit her lip. Mycroft observed her, seeing a conflicting array of emotions flicker across her young face. She was looking intently at the weapon in her hand, and he could see the desire in her eyes. The need to use it. It pained him to see her this way. With a very tentative and deliberately slow hand, he reached to take her free hand, holding it in his own. He saw her tense, but relax as he gently ran his thumb over the back of her hand. Mycroft Holmes did not particularly like showing much emotion. But when it came to his family, he often found himself being far more emotional than he preferred. And Lucy was now family.

"Could you try to wait?" He asked.

"It doesn't feel like I can." She whispered, clutching tighter at the letter opener, her knuckles turning white. Mycroft felt a wave of sympathy. She reminded him so much of when Sherlock had his bad days, except she was slightly more willing to be with the older Holmes brother.

"Come on," he stood up, wincing from where he had awkwardly sat on the hard floor for so long. She looked up at him quizzically. "We're going to have some tea and put a film on." He explained, offering her a hand. She hesitated, but took his hand and got up slowly, pausing to shake off the dizzy feeling. Mycroft led her by the hand into the kitchen where he made them both tea before they sat on the sofa side by side in the living room, with Harry Potter on in the background.

"How come you woke up?" Lucy asked.

"I'm a light sleeper."

"I'm sorry, it's so late." Lucy looked very guilty at having woken him up so early.

"No matter." Mycroft reassured her, "I would rather be awake at this time to help you than be asleep while you hurt yourself." They were silent, drinking their tea and watching the film, although Mycroft was paying more attention to the teenager and how she was feeling. Eventually, he saw her place the letter opener on the table in front of them. The corners of his mouth twitched up in a smile.

"I'm not strong enough, Mycroft." She sighed. "I can't control the urges."

"You just have to take it one day at a time." He said softly. Suddenly, Lucy shuffled closer to him and leaned against his shoulder. He was hesitant but wrapped his arm around her in a hug.

"Sherlock would be impressed with how affectionate you are." Lucy said, trying to lighten the mood.

"I'd rather he did not know." Mycroft had raised an eyebrow. "I do not often show such… obvious forms of affection or the sort."

"Nah you're more the kidnap and threaten them type," Lucy smirked. "And care from a distance by rigging the flat with cameras."

"Well I do not think Sherlock would want a hug from me of all people." Mycroft huffed out a laugh.

"Thank you Mycroft." She whispered, feeling her eyes getting heavy. "And I know you hate me apologising but I am sorry for this."

"It's quite alright." Mycroft said. He let her fall asleep on him for the night, not wanting to disturb her by moving.

It was around 8 o'clock when Mycroft awoke. The time was far later than he usually awoke, but it had been a hectic night. Seeing that Lucy was still fast asleep, he gently manoeuvred her off of him so he could get up and lay her down on the sofa. He stretched, feeling his joints protest at how he had slept, but not caring about it too much. Mycroft made his way into the kitchen and set about making tea and breakfast. While he was waiting for the bread to toast, he texted Sherlock to keep him updated on how Lucy was, as per his request.

'Lucy had a bad night, but I stopped her from self-harming. -MH'

He immediately got a reply.

'Thank you. How is she now? -SH'

'Asleep, but I will ensure as well as I can that she will be okay. -MH'

'Good. We cannot find any trace of the killer. Keep her away from London. -SH'

Mycroft sighed, slightly angered that the boy had not been arrested yet. He had his surveillance keeping an eye out as well, but he just wanted the whole ordeal to be over and done with for Lucy's sake.

"Morning Mycroft." Lucy said sleepily as she shuffled into the kitchen.

"Good morning Lucy, how did you sleep?"

"I didn't mean to fall asleep on the sofa," she sighed, but smiled, "But I slept better than before."

Mycroft served them tea and breakfast. He had to almost force the teenager to eat just one slice of toast with a meagre spreading of butter. She was struggling. He knew that she didn't tend to eat much when she was stressed, anxious or nervous. He didn't force her to eat too much, just enough to keep her strength up. Afterwards, Lucy went to have a shower leaving Mycroft time to get changed into a shirt and trousers. He was reading his book in the living room when she came in, all fresh and dressed.

"What would you like to do today?" Mycroft asked, looking up from his book.

"Have you heard from Sherlock?" She ignored his question. The older Holmes brother sighed and put down his book.

"I have," he started as she sat down beside him on the sofa, "They are yet to be able to track the killer." He saw Lucy's face fall. Mycroft continued: "Scotland Yard's finest are doing their best, as are my people. Do not fret, I'm sure he will be found soon." She nodded, biting at her lip.

"Can we go out somewhere?" She asked nervously.

"We cannot go to London, it isn't safe." Mycroft informed her. "At least, right now it is not advisable." He paused, in thought. "We could always go somewhere outside of London? What is it you wished to do?"

"Umm," Lucy jiggled her leg anxiously. "I'm honestly not sure. I just don't think I can deal with being stuck inside all day." Mycroft nodded his head in understanding.

"We could always go to a park?" He suggested. He obviously was not the sort to frequent such places, but he wanted to make a small effort to accommodate the teenager.

"Yeah that might be nice."

An hour later, they found themselves in the back of Mycroft's posh black car. His personal driver was taking them just outside of London to a local country park. Another man was sat in the front of the car next to the driver. Mycroft informed Lucy that he was just for protection should anything go wrong, not that this eased her worries though.

The country park seemed endless. The green grassy fields seeming to go on and on with no signs of stopping. Trees outline the edges, leading into thick clumps of wooded areas. At the entrance was a children's playground, several young kids were screaming, running around and having fun. Lucy and Mycroft walked for a while, following the concrete path as it winded its way along the fields and through the long grass. For the most part they stayed quiet, neither needing to speak. Mycroft looked slightly out of place in his fancy suit, but he obviously didn't care, instead, both him and the teenager were just enjoying the rare sunshine of England that beamed down upon them. Now and then, they would see other people, sometimes couples and sometimes people with their dogs, but they were mostly on their own.

"Do you think they will find Daniel soon?" Lucy suddenly asked as they stopped to sit down at one of the benches for a break.

"I am sure he will be apprehended shortly." Mycroft said. "Please stop worrying about him, he can do you no more harm."

"I know," Lucy ran a hand through her hair, "But it still shook me up. I mean, he had no reason to do what he did. He just said it was fun."

"There are some very twisted people in this world unfortunately."

"And I seem to have the luck of meeting them all." She laughed.

The trip to the park had seemed really simple, but to Lucy, it meant a lot. It was a moment of quiet to spend with someone she liked even though it felt like the world was falling down around her. For most of the day, she hadn't felt the urge to destroy her own skin, which made a nice changed for once. But she found that her appetite was really lacking, much to Mycroft's concern. He tried to get her to eat even a little bit of toast for dinner when they got back to his home, but she found that the thought of food made her stomach turn.

"You need to eat something; you've barely had anything all day." Mycroft raised his eyebrows as she declined any food he could think of offering.

"I can't." She shook her head. "The thought of eating is making me feel sick." Mycroft seemed uncertain, but didn't force the issue too much, after all, she had been eating fairly well beforehand so he didn't see any need to overly worry.

"Oh, I do have something for you though." He said as he grabbed a file from the side. He handed it over to her. Lucy opened it up curiously.

"Lucy Holmes." She said, shocked.

"Yes your new name."

"I didn't expect…" She bit her lip in disbelief.

"I can always change it again if you would prefer…"

"No!" She stopped him after seeing his face look suddenly uncertain. "I just didn't expect to have yours and Sherlock's last name."

"Well, it was what sprung to mind considering you live with my brother." Mycroft said as he sat down opposite her at the kitchen table. "If you want the specifics, you are mine and Sherlock's orphaned cousin and we have agreed to take custody."

"Thank you," Lucy said, feeling overwhelmed. "Feels like I'm almost part of the family."

"You are part of the family." Mycroft corrected her. "Just wait until you meet mine and Sherlock's parents. They should be coming down once this case is resolved."

That night, they hadn't heard from Sherlock, other than him sending a text letting them know that they thought they were getting closer to catching him. But it didn't matter, Lucy was just glad to be safe, for now at least.