Butterflies

"Me? I'm nobody. I'm not skilled like Uchiha-san. I am not passionate like Haruno-san. I am not smart like Nara-san. I'm not as strong as Chouji-san. I'm not as collected as Aburame-san. Or as pretty as Yamanaka-san. I'm not as confident as Inuzuka-san. If anything, I'm like Hyuuga-san, socially awkward. Oh wait, no, she's just shy. The socially awkward one is me." OC! Team 7 remix!

Chapter 42 – Chouji: Questions and Answers

8-8

Three days. I've been stuck in this Kami-forsaken forest for three days, before we finally run into a team that has scroll we need. But, on the bright side, at least I know my training is paying off. I'm kind of the brawns on our team, after all.

At any rate, after Shika figured out we had to open the scrolls, and after Iruka-sensei shows up and gives us this long-winded talk about ways to train –yeah, like he'll even convince Shika to train harder– we're shown into the tower.

And the first thing I notice? Aya, but not like I've ever seen her before. Her eyes are wide, like she's surprised, but there's a hint of… madness too. Like whatever has her like this finally pushed her over the edge. And seeing as Kiba's the one caught in the crosshairs, I can guess what happened.

"Oi, Chouji… I'd stand back if I were you." Naruto warns me. I look to him, wondering what he even means. "Sis is out of chocolate, there's none for sale here, and Kiba's been bugging her since we got here for a date. Even though we've been warning him time and time again… that boy just never learns." Naruto sounds exasperated with Kiba. Not that I'm any better, really. I mean, didn't everyone warn him?

Then again… everyone's been telling me… never mind.

"I get that she's a bit harsher without chocolate, but…" I look to Aya again. She isn't just harsh, she isn't just upset. She looks psychotic right now. Literally psychotic.

"Chocolate withdrawal."

"…" That's a thing? Hmm. Maybe this is my chance to get to talk to her then. It's a good thing I decided to keep some chocolate on me, just in case I had to bargain for my life. So I reach into my jacket and take out my scroll, unsealing three bars of chocolate – white, milk and pure. When bargaining for one's own life, one should be prepared to offer a variety of choices other than death.

Hmm, she likes pure more. So let's start with that. I put the other two into my jacket, in a separate pocket than my scroll in case it melts, or something. I rip the paper a little, making sure I'm making all the right noises for her to notice. Then I start to unwrap the chocolate. Her ears perk up, and I smirk. Yup. I'm the same when I hear someone opening a bag of chips.

Aya's head turns to me, just her head. I'm half worried she'll break her own neck because her head's turning so far that her chin's almost past her shoulder. She sees the chocolate in my hand, but she doesn't move. I wave it around a little, wondering if she can smell the chocolate the same way I smell a freshly opened bag of chips.

"Hey, Aya. I hear you're running low. Care for a bite?" She's on the chocolate before I can blink, showing nothing but a bite mark so big I think she might choke on the chocolate now obviously in her mouth. "Tell you what. You take this, I'll take you." She doesn't even seem to care. She snatches the chocolate bar from my grip and takes another bit, happily munching away – and the psychotic look is completely gone too.

I nod, happy with the result. I scoop her up, bridal style. She still doesn't seem to care. She just takes another bite and munches away like the world could be burning around her and she wouldn't care.

"Kiba, we'll have to… talk about this another time." I say, giving the boy a wilting glare, not that he needs it. I think he might have peed his pants a little. At any rate, I turn to Naruto. "You know somewhere we can take her to get away from people?"

"Oh, chocolate-danna… you're so good to me. Why did you leave me, darling?" Aya REALLY loves her chocolate. I find myself smiling a little, wondering at the mystery now safely snuggling in my arms.

"Follow me." Naruto seems amused as well.

8-8

"Why'd you have chocolate on you?" Ino asks as we're walking to wherever Naruto's taking us.

"I was planning on talking to her, remember?" I point out. She motions for me to continue, obviously not seeing the connection. "Well, I wasn't sure if she'd want to kill me, so I brought peace offerings just in case."

"Hnn. So he can think." Sasuke intones. He looks at the bombshell I'm carrying –in more ways that one, it seems– and he looks… intrigued.

"Hey, Sasuke! Look what found me! Chocolate-danna is back in town!"

"Good to know. Did you notice who brought it?" Sasuke asks, smirking.

"Uh uh. I just remember losing it after Kiba said something… Jeez, I can't even remember the last time I was that far gone." Aya sounds amused. Hmm, I wonder what Kiba said then.

"Why don't you take a look." Sasuke suggests. Aya rolls her eyes, but looks up at me. There's confusion at first, almost as if she can't make sense of what she sees. Then, there's pain, a sense of loss, and finally a blank slate as her brain reboots. "I thought so. Do you want to talk to him alone?"

"No." She says, her tone once again icy. I gulp painfully, having feared as much.

"I'll put you down first." I say, moving slowly so she doesn't suddenly get overwhelmed or something. Once I'm confident her feet are firmly on the ground, I slowly let her go and stand back up to my full height. She doesn't back away from me though. She's just staring at me with that blank stare, and taking a bite of her chocolate now and again. "Remember when I asked you if we could talk?"

"Nn." She takes another bite.

"Can we talk now?" I ask carefully. We have a few days, after all.

"Nn." She takes another bite. I'm almost sure she didn't swallow from her last bite, so that must mean her taking a bite itself is a message.

"I know I messed up. I panicked, said stupid things, and I hurt you because of it." She takes another bite. Yeah… about what I figured. "I didn't try to make it right after that, because I know with you it's one strike and you're out. I struck out, hard." She takes a big bite. She's thinking about what I said that day.

I give her a second to relax a bit. I know she won't talk, but I really don't want to overwhelm her right now. She swallows, taking a normal sized bite.

"I don't know if my words will mean anything. But I'm sorry. I've been beating myself up ever since that day. I've been losing myself in my training, trying to drown out the guilt. And then the other day when I heard Lee asking you out…" She takes another bite, immediately followed by another. "It hurt." She takes a third bite, larger this time.

I wait again, trying to sort through my thoughts – not that it's helping. She swallows, taking another normal sized bite.

"I'll be honest with you. I don't know what I feel for you. I know I like you, a lot… but I don't know anything beyond that. It's not like I have anything to draw on." I really hope I'm not rambling right now. Kami-sama, if I start rambling someone's going to end up killing me. "I just know I get nervous around you. And I get so jealous when guys show you that kind of attention. And I keep getting this weird feeling in my tummy, like I ate too much." I'm rambling. Kami-sama, I'm glad I bought a REALLY big bar of chocolate.

She takes a small bite this time.

"When I saw you kiss Lee… something inside me broke. Then when you started lashing out at us… it…" I fight back the tears. I'm not crying in front of people. "I know I hurt you, Aya. I know I deserve this and more, so I'm not asking for another chance."

She swallows, but doesn't take another bite.

"All I need to know. Is if I'm the only one that can make this right for you. If I'm the only one that can heal the bruises I put on your heart." She blinks, but her gaze is still completely blank. "Because if Lee can, I'll walk away. I don't want to, but I don't have the right to ask you to turn him away like I did you."

She moves the chocolate to her lips, but all I can see is the look in her eyes. Tears are welling up, pain is once again plainly visible. She takes one bite. Then a second. A third soon follows.

"Idiot." She doesn't even cover her mouth as she says that. The first tear falls. I wipe it away, smoothing her cheek as I do. She doesn't stop me. "Moron." More tears fall, and even though I wipe them away as well, fresh ones fall almost instantly so it doesn't seem to matter. I carefully tug her into a hug, making sure to be gentle enough that if she fights me, even a little, she wouldn't budge. She doesn't fight me.

"Stupid." Her name calling continues, stopping only for her to take another bite. "Jerk."

"I know." I agree with her. She takes another bite.

"Heartless. Insensitive." She takes another bite. Only this time, she also kicks me in the shin. Hard. I don't make a noise, knowing I deserve it. "Idiot." She kicks me again, harder. "Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot." Her arms snake around me, holding me tight. It's almost as if she's afraid this isn't real, like I'll disappear if she uses the genjutsu-release.

"I know. I'm the worst kind of idiot there is." I agree with her. "But…" Oh, Kami-sama… Chouji, she's already emotionally fragile right now. Please don't push her over the edge. "I could be your idiot… if you want me to be."

She holds me even tighter, almost to the point of it being painful. Kami-sama, I'm not making any sense. At all. Somehow, nothing ever seems to make sense when Aya's involved. Everything just ends up being one big, gigantic mess of things that make no sense at all.

I mean, she could be plotting a million different ways to cut me open. And even if I were skilled enough to stop her, I'm too close to hope I'd even notice in time.

The chocolate drops to the floor, and she doesn't even seem to care. I push her back carefully. Her eyes meet mine. Only these aren't the same eyes from a minute ago. These are the eyes from back then… when we kissed. Soft, gentle, vulnerable. Only now, there's almost a lining of hope as well. Her eyes are so expressive when she's like this.

"Do you want that? For me to be your idiot?" I ask her, my voice barely more than a whisper, as if I'm telling her a secret. I smooth her cheek again, grateful she isn't crying anymore.

Her arms snake upwards, around the back of my neck. She pulls me towards her, gently. She tips-toes, trying to come up to meet me. Her eyes are half-lidded again.

We kiss. A soft, gentle kiss. She backs up a little, her eyes studying me for a moment. We kiss again, only this time her kiss is wanting, needy. It's as if I'm her chocolate and she's been suffering from withdrawal for months. Years.

I hold her, wrapped tightly in my arms. I taste her lips over and over again. Her scent fills me up, almost to the point of overflowing. The broken pieces inside me don't ache. The funny feeling in my tummy is gone. Somehow her warmth fixed it.

She ends the kiss(es/ing), pushing me back a bit again. I open my eyes, finding that same look. That longing. That vulnerability.

She shakes her head, no. "I don't want another idiot. I have plenty of brothers." Her gaze never wavers from mine. "If you want anything at all from me… you'll have to grow up, Peter Pan." She smiles, soft, warm, welcoming and completely disarming. "When you find your way out of Neverland. Look me up?"

8-8

I'm just sitting here. Confused. Completely and totally confused. Peter Pan? Neverland? I turn to Ino, hoping she understands. "Peter Pan?"

"Novel. It's about a boy that never grew up. He can fly with happy thoughts and pixie dust, lives in Neverland with a bunch of lost boys that don't grow up either. Fairy named Tinkerbell. Pirates."

"Okay… So how does that relate to me? I'm growing a little every day. And I'm turning thirteen soon, just like she is."

"'Growing old' and 'growing up' aren't the same. She's trying to tell you that she loves you, but you need to stop being such a child." I blink. I don't understand. "Look at Aya's life, Chouji. She's the breadwinner of her family. People depend on her, and they need to be able to continue depending on her. She's treating Naruto's family as her own as well. Taking care of them, providing for them. And… she may be thirteen, but she acts like she's in her twenties, if not her thirties. She's kind of had to. I mean, who'd catch her if she falls?"

I nod, thinking about that. What's that even like? Having people depend on you financially? Knowing that if you die on a mission, you don't just hurt people emotionally, but socially, financially… to know that if you don't take enough missions, your family won't eat? To have to plan so far ahead that even if the missions dry up, that you'll still have enough to survive the 'drought'.

I can't even begin to answer that. I've never even had a pet to take care of. Sure, I take care of those around me, but… not on that scale. They never had to depend on me. If I suddenly disappear for a few weeks, people will notice but their worlds won't stop because of it.

I mean… even if I look at my income from the missions we take. I mostly just blow it off on food. It's not like my parents need the extra money, and they still give me more if I ask. Regularly, actually.

…

Wow. I really am just a child.

8-8

End Chapter 42

8-8

A/N: Sometimes, in order to solve the problem, you need to first realise what the problem is. Realization is always the first step. From there... well, we'll just have to wait and see. Just an FYI, btw. Aya ate most of that bar of chocolate dealing with Chouji. And Kiba's still 'on the loose'. Now she has to deal with Lee as well when his team shows up, and... well, let's just say chocolate only lasts so long when she's stressed.