The days of work have never been that hard, mostly just looking over the files of new or graduating students. Filing out the proper paperwork so that some kids could do the Chunin Exans, it wasn't the same after being there for the kids in the classroom. He'd do guest talks to the class. Shino was happy he didn't have to teach classes anymore, not after all that happened, he was just lucky Iruka was lenient on him after attacking children but of course it wasn't him it was just this demon. Shino thought for a moment, he didn't know if he should be happy he still worked here, he didn't feel that same satisfaction like he would from standing in front of a class and speaking. Granted no one ever listened to him, Shino slumped back into the chair at that thought. He didn't know why he was ignored. Was it he was so much like a bug that no one gave him the time of day? Not many would worry about a fly on the ceiling, maybe he was like a fly? Always sticking around to the point no one cared…
He sniffed in at the thought, of course people cared. He looked up from his desk and saw all the other teachers at work, since he worked here he was never said hello to. It had been four years at the academy and no one said a word to him, only Iruka and Anko spoke to him. His stomach felt like it was knots much like his head. He needed to just back away and stop thinking so hard of things. But what about Kiba? He could beat himself up for thinking of Kiba again, at least today he'll go to Hinata's to see what she thought. It couldn't be what he felt for her, it was different. Plus, it was natural for a man to love a woman, it was supposed to happen. But this…this was not the right way to feel over someone. Feeling of killing them. He squeezed his eyes as tight as he could and tried to keep at his writing, but he couldn't help thinking of how he felt about Hinata.
He had this pull to her, like he wanted her but maybe not in that full sense. He would never want to make children with her…fact he didn't even know how that went down. His father never spoke of how he was made or anything of the matter of love. He was on his own when it came to this act. He knew that Naruto and Hinata consummated the marriage but that's all he knew from there. Next thing was she was with child. Shino felt like an idiot for being 34 and not knowing how things were done. But he knew one thing that he felt for Hinata he felt this pride in her, there was a warmth that came to him when he was around her.
Shino sat back into his chair again with hand under his chin, he did feel this surge when they kissed. It was foreign to him, but he knew what he felt for Hinata but what was this for Kiba? A surge to kill his friend and his…friend. Shino also noted how he didn't like Tamaki. He liked Hinata but not Tamaki.
The ways of human feelings were getting to much for him, he'd have to stop and think about this later. But work didn't seem to end fast enough, when it was a little to the end of school for the children, he pushed back all his papers and walked as fast as he could down the stairs. He went to his old classroom and waited. Himawari came out of the class with her notebooks and a smile. She loved being with her uncle Shino. Hinata had told the kids that Kiba and Shino were their uncles. Boruto saw through that at a young age, but Himawari still held onto the belief he was. She loved his insects and staying at his home to visit them all.
"Uncle Shino!" she ran up to him to give a hug around his waist. She was growing but not as fast as Hinata did at this age. She looked so much like her all but the marks on her cheeks. "I drew a picture at lunch today, wanna see?" He didn't have to answer she already pulled it from her books.
"It's tailless whip scorpion, like the one you have at home. I drew it for her so she can have a friend." She handed it to him, he smiled wide at it. It was remarkable for a child of her age but she always had a fascination of bugs, much to her father's disapproval.
"I know she will love it." Shino said grabbing her hand to walk home. It was Wednesday, and Hinata knew that was the day he'd come over. He'd never missed an opportunity to visit her. Himawari was so energetic, she pulled his hand to the various shops so she could look. He knew he had to get her home but there was no harm in a little window shopping. Until of course, Himawari broke from his hand to go into the toy shop.
"Himawari..." Shino was a little mad but he didn't want it to come out on the outside. He opened the door and went into follow, this store always had too many children in it, it was a bit annoying to say at the least. After school was the worst time to go in here but Himawari just bolted into the shop.
Shino looked around all the plush, that was usually where she was. And he did find her, leafing through the stuffed animals.
"Having kid problems?" Shino knew that voice, the stood straight up trying to seem taller to Kiba who stood with a smile on his face.
"I thought you weren't coming to this store anymore, because-"
"Nah, I'm here now. I wasn't allowed before after Akamaru destroyed the entire store playing with all the toys." Kiba smiled, the little girl stood up to give him a hug as well.
"What brings you to this kid Haven?" Kiba smiled and Shino pointed down with his head to Himawari who had gone back to looking through the toys.
Shino didn't have that killing feeling in his body, but his beetles were getting restless.
"Oh hey." Kiba got into his pocket and pulled out a white cloth. "You're probably going to be mad about this... But Momo sort of... Well"
Kiba opened the cloth and inside was a small black dot. A much flatter black dot. It was one of Shino's Kikai.
"I tried to stop that damn cat but it grabbed it off me and killed it. I'm sorry, Shino."
Shino heard the true sadness in his voice at the death, maybe to him it wasn't anything but to Shino it hurt. It was Kimora, a little female that had hatched from her larvae stage just before he visited. She must have escaped his body in the rage he felt.
"Thank you for returning her." Shino took the cloth and folded it nicely into his pocket.
"What is it, Uncle Shino? Uncle Shino? Uncle Shino, what is it?" Himawari kept asking him, Kiba knew Shino could do so much before he got angry. Kiba tired to pull the girl away but she kept talking.
"Stop!" Shino yelled at her, he didn't mean it he just had some rough things to sort out. Himawari clutched onto Kiba, Shino knew he did wrong by getting angry at her. His facial expression changed and he crouched down to her.
"I'm sorry, Himawari..." He started but she hugged around his neck. Shino looked up at Kiba, they didn't need to day anything. Kiba just nodded and backed up.
Shino, with the girl around his neck, lifted her up to carry her. She had a little beetle stuffed toy in her hands, and Shino thought it best to get it for her. After paying for it, the three walked down the street in silence.
Kiba had left halfway through the walk home leaving the two the rest of the way. Himawari had gotten happier by the time they made it to the house. Shino couldn't wait to let her walk, she was getting too heavy for him to carry for these long times. Hinata was waiting for them in her yard. She was watering the flowers as the two stepped onto the path.
"Mommy!" Himawari said and she was placed down to the ground. "Look it what Uncle Shino got me today!" she showed the little blue and pink stuffed beetle in her mom's face, Hinata laughed along with her daughter as she went into the house. Hinata saw the look on her dear friend's face.
"What's wrong?" She came closer to him, he seemed rigid and stressed when she placed a hand on him. He placed his own hand on hers, it still felt like it had grips to it.
He didn't say anything just looked down. Until finally he spoke up, "I've been having alot of odd emotions, because to me they are not normal."
"Why don't you come in and we can talk?" she lead him to the door which was still open from Himawari going in. She lead him to the front room, it was quite a change from the original apartment they once had. This home was much better sized for a larger family.
He sat on the couch next to Hinata, her short hair leaned to the side when she cocked her head to look at him. He sat with his legs tight together and his hands in his lap. His bare feet felt the cold of the wood panel floor as he sat there. He knew she was waiting for him to speak first.
"It's not easy for me to say, because-"
"Just try your best." she said scooting closer to him.
"There are times I feel I want to kill Kiba." His flat tone made Hinata be caught off guard but she kept looking at him.
"We'll everyone has thought that when he annoys them." she giggled and smiled but Shino didn't smile.
"It's only when he's around others." He also knew others in this case meant that girlfriend. He turned to face Hinata, who was now a little more confused.
He just sighed. "I want to know what my problem is."
"Shino,there is no problem. I think... You just have problems figuring out emotions is all." she placed a hand on his cheek and he leaned into it.
"You know the basics of them. But I feel you don't know them all."
"All what do you mean-" his words were stopped by a small kiss on the cheek.
"How do you feel about that?" she asked, if this was her way of teaching him what emotions are this was the wrong way. He just sat there dumbfounded for a few seconds, his eyes moved back and forth trying to find something to describe it as. But found none.
"tell me what you feel about that." her voice sounded the same but more questioning.
"I...I feel... Wrong and confused." He said and she kept her stare on his covered eyes.
"and what do you feel about Kiba?"
He didn't know what she was getting at, "Angry. Very angry..."
She looked down and let out a sigh. "Shino, are you angry at him or Tamaki?"
"What does that mean?" he felt a little anger in him at that question. There was no doubt in his mind that he was angry at both of them... But he only felt it when she came in to the room. He felt it in the forest when he asked Kiba if he liked that girl. He felt it for years, he felt anger...
"My God..." He whispered, this new information was too much to handle. "I'm not mad at Kiba, I'm mad at her. But why? Why Hinata?"
"I don't know." it was just that, all she could say because in truth she didn't know why. "Maybe because she took your friendship away in your eyes."
Shino just nodded, that must have been it. It had to be. It was just because she took Kiba's attention away from him.
"It's called jealousy." Hinata stated plainly as could be. He was jealous of Tamaki for being with Kiba, he was jealous that she is spending more time with him then he was. Jealousy sure was awful, it made him a monster.
"I don't want to be Jealous." He said quietly, and she hugged on to him.
"It's just the way of life. We're all going to feel this way one time or another. It's natural. It shows you're human." She continued to hug onto him tightly.
Shows I'm human...Shino thought, it could be the large emotionless visor that covers his eyes that made him seem less like a human. A regular man. It could be the stone cold expression on his face. Maybe that's why Kiba wanted a real friend to share these real feelings with. And maybe that's why Shino was all alone.