*A week later with Hashirama*
'Finally we return to the compound. I don't want to kill anymore and that was just my first mission! I feel terrible, so dirty. I'm so sorry. I won't be able to forgive me. I hope I don't meet my family when I return. I don't want to face anybody right now', thinks Hashirama as they near the Senju compound. "When we return, we'll have to report to Butsuma-sama. That means that you'll have to come with us because the team always reports together, understood Hashirama?", Shikaku addresses his young charge. Hashirama looks at him and nods. Shikaku nearly sighs of all the things that could have happened, it had to be that! Especially bothers Shikaku the fact that Hashiramas eyes now hold that shadow in them – there is no innocent child in front of him, it's a shinobi who killed several times and knows that he'll have to do it again. A child who got confronted with the uncensored cruel life of a shinobi…
After a short knock at the door Shikaku and his team enter the study of their leader. "Butsuma-sama" they say as they bow. "Ah, Shikaku! Give me a short version of the events of your mission" "To put it plainly, it was a total disaster! The mission itself wasn't that bad. However, we got ambushed by a scout team of the Uchiha. They seemed to be informed that our heir would be on this mission. We could kill them all but Jura died. I've got him sealed inside a storage scroll. Anyway, Hashirama fought amazingly good considering that this was his first mission. Main focus obviously laid with him as they knew him to be the heir. He nearly died but save himself by using the jutsu Nayuki-hime taught him", Shikaku reports dutifully. Butsuma looks at his soon who's facing the floor the whole time. 'He's avoiding contact.' "I want a written report by tomorrow and Shikaku arrange the burial for our fallen comrade. Great work. You're dismissed"
As soon as Shikaku dismissed them too, Hashirama runs back to his home. He doesn't bother to greet his mother and brothers – no he's in no mood to do that. Hot tears run down his face and guilt surfaces robbing him of his breath. He runs into his rooms and locks the door. He wants to be left alone. The memory of the mission haunts him. He let Jura die. He let Jury sacrifice himself for him. He still sees Jura jumping in front to the Uchiha shinobi who tried to kill Hashirama from behind while he was distracted. The blade ran threw him like he was butter. Jura died only to protect him. Another single child she doesn't have any siblings to console her. He feels terrible like trash. 'How could I let that happen? I stole Juras chance to see his daughter grow up and his daughter is now an orphan! I'm a monster' He buries his head in his knees and cries alone. He cries until he has no tear left to shed and falls asleep.
Nayuki hears Hashirama enter the house and gets up to greet him. To her surprise the boy immediately heads for his bedroom. 'What happened out there? Why are you avoiding contact to us Hashirama?', Nayuki thinks as she tries to make sense. After a minute or two she feels like an idiot. 'Of course! Something must have gone wrong on his mission!' Silently she heads for Hashiramas room where she can hear her boy hiccupping. She tries to open the door only to find out that he locked it. Sadly she looks at the door and decides to give him time. 'He will come to us when he's ready to talk about it. Oh Hashirama, what happened to you out there my lovely boy?'
In the evening Hashirama still hasn't come out of his room. Butsuma wants to drag the boy down for dinner but Nayuki can convince him to let the boy alone for now. Tobirama can feel the tense situation and decides to not ask about it. He knows it has something to do with Hashirama seeing as his brother doesn't bother to show up for his meal. Kawarama as suspected doesn't notice any of this with his baby senses. He giggles and blabbers like always.
The next morning Nayuki goes up to Hashiramas room again only to be denied entrance again. She knows that she can't let this go on and decides to question Shikaku about the events on their mission. She makes her way over to get the answers she needs if she wants to help Hashirama with whatever he's fighting at the moment. At Shikakus house she knocks and is let in without a single question. She waits in the living room for a short time before Shikaku turns up. "Nayuki-hime, what can I do for you?", he questions her already guessing what this is about. "Thank you for your time, Shikaku. I know you only returned from your mission yesterday but I need you to tell me what happened on your mission. Hashirama has locked himself in his room and won't get out! I don't know what to do because I don't even know what is bothering him. Please, you have to tell me" "Well, it was like this …"
On her way back Nayuki is horrified. She knows now why Hashirama isolated himself but knows that she can't allow him to go on like this. He has to tell her about the event that stirred so much guilt in his little child heart. 'Oh my baby, I feel so bad for letting you go on this mission. Please, let me in to talk, please' In front of his door she halts for a moment before trying to open the door again. This time, however, the door isn't locked anymore. She silently opens the door and peeks inside. Hashirama is lying on his futon crying and whimpering even in his sleep. She walks over and takes his head into her lap. Carefully she moves her fingers through his thick hair. It seems to soothe the sleeping boy a bit. The boy stirs and wakes. He looks at his mother figure in shock before his eyes flicker to the door and back to her again. "I was worried, Hash. Please, don't lock yourself up like that. You can always talk to me you know…" Tears fill his eyes as he tells her, "I-I'm a monster. I let one of my comrades die to survive myself. I such a coward…" "No, Jura wanted for you to be save. You didn't let Jura die. He decided to save you, even though he knew he'd pay with his life and was willing to lay it down if it protects you… You should see him as a hero and get yourself together! You dishonor his memory by stating shit like that. You should feel grateful and live to let his death not be in vain." "Do you really think so? But what about his daughter?", Hashirama asks her uncertain. "Hai, I do, his daughter is going to live with her aunt and now come on. I think you didn't get to eat since you came back did you?" "No", he answers as he wipes away his tears and smiles at her a tiny smile.