Author's Note: Just saw Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2. You know that that means. If you don't want spoilers see the movie before reading this. You have been warned.
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"Does your father have a penis?" Drax asked.
"Dude!" Peter made a face.
"Drax!" Gamora said. "That is not appropriate."
"What? How could he impregnate Peter's mother without a penis? If he were a planet he would squish her."
"Actually," Ego replied. "I do have a penis."
"Hah! I knew it! Thank you."
"It's a pretty nice one too."
"Perhaps, but not as nice as mine."
"Dude! That is not cool!"
"What? I have an excellent penis. My beloved mate would always say that when I was trying to impregnate her it would fill her uterus and cause it to stretch."
"Really?" Mantis asked curiously.
"Do you want to compare them?" Ego asked.
"Yes, I would! I am sure mine will be proven superior!" Drax began to unzip.
"DUDE! Stop! No one wants to see this!"
Mantis raised her hand. "Actually, I would like very much to see Drax's penis."
"Thank you! Even if you are repulsive it pleases me to hear a woman say that."
"You're welcome!"
Drax pulled out his penis for everyone to see.
Then Ego did the same.
Drax, Peter, Gamora, and Mantis all stared wide eyed.
Draz nodded. "I see, you truly are a god to have such a penis." He turned to Quil. "Your mother must have been very brave to let such a thing enter and impregnate her."
Peter immediately bent over and started to vomit.