Good and bad
This was totally different from the last time Jak had sat down on a couch.
For one thing, he wasn't restrained on the couch. For another, he wore jeans and a t-shirt. For yet another? He wasn't alone on it.
"How do you feel now?" The gentle voice of his therapist sounded form nearby and Jak sighed deeply as her fingers bit deep into his back muscles. Oddly, there was nothing sensual about the massage, just fingers easing pain and soreness away.
"Still worried, but very relaxed." Jak said softly as she continued her massage. "That is amazing."
"It was the least I could do, Mr. Collains." She replied and then her hands stopped. "Are you ready to try now?"
"I am still afraid, but you have been..." Jak trailed off, not sure what to say.
When the asari had arrived at the hospital that morning, Jak had flatly refused to let her work. The last time Jak had dealt with an asari, she had screamed when she had done whatever it was what she had done. He didn't remember much about it, he had been a mess at the time. Asari didn't frighten him, not really. But to humans, the unknown had always been something to fear.
Asari by their very nature defined 'alien' to humans because they were. They had two arms, two legs and a head like most of the known species in the Milky Way, but the fact that they looked more than a bit like human females made their differences even more jarring. The blue skin and tentacle like head coverings made had always mad Jak a little nervous. Some of his team had dealt with asari in various positions, some legitimate, some not and had always been clear that they were no more 'alien' than some humans were at times. They had thoughts, feelings and dream just like humans. Many of them were flawed, just like humans. He wasn't sure if he envied or pitied the fact that asari could live up to a thousand years. He wasn't sure he could handle such a thing himself, but then again, he wouldn't have to, would he?
This was only the second asari that Jak had dealt with closely and he still believed he had hurt the first one no matter what anyone said.
"You have nothing to fear from me." The asari had introduced herself as Illia, no last name. She rubbed his back again, a whisper soft touch on his t-shirt clad form. "Nothing at all. Your fear is understandable after what happened with Shayleena, but do not let it cloud you. You believe you hurt her, and in a way, you did." Jak tensed a little, but her fingers bit deep and he relaxed, almost against his will.
"Everyone says I didn't." Jak hadn't meant to whine that, but it came out that way. The fingers continued to probe and he hissed as they found yet another sore spot.
"It is complicated. You did and you didn't. She wasn't ready for the sheer pain you had experienced." Illia said gently. "We asari can share such things, but it helps when we are ready for them. I have read her reports. She wasn't ready. She blamed herself for causing you grief."
"What?" Jak asked through the haze of contentment that swam through him from her expert fingers.
"She came here wanting to help and she hurt you further." Illia sounded sad. "She did help, some. But she also caused pain and that hurt her just as badly as it hurt you. You did not cause her harm. If anything, she caused the harm to herself. It didn't stop her. She finished her residency and she is turning into a first class mental healer, but her experience with you has made her far more cautious about hurting her patients."
"She didn't hurt me." Jak managed to protested even as his muscles turned to putty.
"Yes, she did, Mr. Collains." Illia replied even as the fingers stopped their probing and were now easing him into a more comfortable position. "What we do is a sharing, not a taking. She shared your pain it did hurt her but you shared hers. It shocked you, piled on top of all the rest that you had endured. To inflict what happened to you on another was a horrible thought. It hurt you."
"I didn't..." Jak broke off as tears started to fall. "I tried..."
"I know." Illia's voice was so gentle now as her arms enfolded him. "You won't do that to me. I am not Shayleena. I know what you endured and while I do not have the same level of experience, I too know what it is to endure horrors. Such things mark you indelibly and you change as a result. You will never be the one who you were before. That is not always a bad thing though." She sounded pensive for a moment. "Are you ready?"
"Yes." Jak breathed and then he gasped as something happened and the universe seemed to open up around him. He could feel…
Jak was floating on a sea of bliss as the feeling continued. He was aware, on one level of the asari's face right next to his, her eyes open wide, but pure black. Of her hands clasped tightly around his. But the feelings, the... The music in her mind. No. It wasn't just music, it was songs. So many songs. But not from any human throat.
Hello Jak. Illia's voice was odd. It was not aloud, but it was clear as a bell inside Jak's mind. So gentle, so sad. But at the same time, so powerful and in control. How are you doing now? The songs are beautiful, are they not?
They are. Do I know you? Jak asked in a way he knew he was never going to be able to describe to anyone else. Lara told me to listen for songs.
We have never met. The asari said mildly. Lara was trying so hard to find a way to help you. But she couldn't, so she came to us. We didn't know where you were, so we followed her here. We were not sure what we could do, but if you can hear the songs, then you are on your way to recovery. We will aid you in your path. Soothing disharmony is what we are for.
I do know Lara? Jak said slowly. From where?
That is her story, not mine. Illia was still so gentle, but he could feel her mind seeping through his, touching, twisting. It didn't feel bad, far from she was doing soothed jangling hurts he had no names for.I am here to help you. No more. No less.
Will I remember this? Jak asked, still basking in the music that surrounded him. It seemed to be penetrating him, soothing his hurts and easing every bit of him. Illia laughed and he bristled a little. Hey! He protested as something tickled his mind.
What good would it do if you didn't remember this, hmm? Illia asked, her tone wicked. You can tell anyone you want about me and the songs, but you know they won't believe you. Maybe someday, they will but right now?
Right now, I am a nutcase in an asylum. Jak said weakly. But… the songs… I don't know these songs. What did Lara mean when she said I had to remember them?
There are many songs, Jak Collains. Illia said softly. There are as many songs are there are singers. Just because you did not encounter our songs doesn't mean you didn't encounter any. But that is your path to recovery. Ask Lara, she truly wants to help you.
Why? Jak begged even as the music ebbed and he felt himself slowly fading. Or returning to reality.
"That is not my story to tell." Illia's voice sounded abnormally loud next to Jak's ear. "Even if it was? I don't know all of it but I know a little about her. She grew up in the Terminus systems, which is why no one has any record of her. Know that she does believe she owes you a debt. She is a good kid who has made some very bad choices. She wants to help and she can, if you let her."
She started massaging Jak's back again and he sighed deeply.
"It was different this time." Jak said through the haze of contentment.
"I would hope so." Illia snorted so dryly that Jak had to smile. "I am three times Shayleena's age and I have seen a lot of weird stuff. Your pain is bad, but I know that kind of pain." She sighed just as deeply as Jak had. "Better?"
Jak thought about that for a moment. Besides the bliss of the massage, he felt...calmer. Clearer. Cleaner than he had in a long time. He could feel the music fading in his mind and just the hint of other music. Different music. It faded as he focused on it. But all in all, her felt better than he had in years.
"Yes." Jak turned to look at the asari and she was watching him. "Thank you."
"You are a good man who was put through anyone's definition of hell, Jak Collains." Illia patted his arm as she sat up. Her face was a bit pensive now. "We cannot erase the trauma from your mind without destroying you completely. We have done what we can and we think you will be better. But it is likely that you will have flashbacks."
"Flashbacks I can handle, Ma'am." Jak sat up as well as Illia rose to her feet. "That was… Can I talk about this? The Alliance and the docs are going to want to know what you did."
"What I did cannot be duplicated by anyone else. Not even another asari. The songs are not mine, they come from others who can sometimes work through me." Illia said quietly. "Feel free to tell them that. I am sure they will have questions. Everyone does. I just hope they have more sense than to try the rigorous methods. I got enough of that from others, thank you very much."
"Well… I can't explain what you did." Jak said with a nod. "But I do feel a lot better. Thank you."
"We eased your mental trauma." Illia took his hand in hers. "The physical hurts have healed as well as they will. I try not to pry into my patients' lives, but I felt a possibility in your mind. Nothing more." She said quickly as Jak tensed. "Your memories are yours. Not mine. I have a very strict taskmistress when it comes to others' mental privacy." She grinned as Jak stared at her. "I can't say more, but believe me when I say you do not want to get on her bad side. She doesn't hurt me, but by the goddess, sometimes, I wish she would!"
"So you are not like regular asari?" Jak asked carefully.
"No." Illia rose and straightened her garment. "Something both terrible and wonderful happened to me. I was changed as a result. There will always be those who must know everything and I refuse to be anyone's pawn again."
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Jak asked as he rose as well.
"Get better. Live well." Illia surprised him when she opened her arms. He wasn't normally a huggy type of person, but with her? He made an allowance. He stiffened as she whispered into his ear. "Ask Lara to sing."
She gave him a squeeze and was gone.
Jak stared at the door and then down at himself. He felt a lot better, less conflicted about everything. Part of that had been the massage, he knew. Which had been the reason Illia had done it in the first place. But the rest…
The door opened and Jak smiled as Lara poked her head in, her eyes worried.
"Hey Lara." Jak said as he sat back on the couch. "I am sorry I didn't believe you. You did know me." Lara's eyes went huge and she stared in the direction the asari -or whatever she was- had gone. "She um… she helped."
Lara's face lit up and Jak patted the couch beside himself. Lara all but ran to it to sit beside him, her eyes on his face. He smiled at her and she smiled back a bit hesitantly.
"Those were not the songs you were talking about, were they?" Jak asked softly. Lara shook her head. "Figured. Would have been too easy." Lara smiled at him and he tousled her hair. She batted at his hands, but it was play and both knew it. Jak sobered slightly. "Lara, you feel you owe me?" Lara nodded quickly, her face a question. "But you won't say why."
It wasn't a question, but Lara shook her head anyway. Jak looked at her and then looked away.
"Whatever Illia did, I can think clearly again. I hope it lasts. The colony where I was captured wants to put up a memorial." Jak said quietly. Lara stiffened and then her small arms surrounded him. "For Christi and the team. I… The Alliance wants me to go. I think I may need this. Some closure might help. Then they will likely retire me. Medical disability is looking more and more like my future."
Lara looked at him, her eyes shining. Then she nodded a little. She slumped, her face desolate.
"You blame yourself for what happened to me, don't you?" Jak asked. Lara would not meet his gaze. "Lara, it wasn't you. You were not one of the slavers." Lara stared at him, and then she was crying. She shook her head as she opened her mouth, but of course, no sound came out.
"Lara, Lara, easy." Jak wasn't cut out for this comforting thing. He knew more than his share about emotions now after his various stays in psychiatric facilities, but he wasn't an expert by any stretch of the imagination. She was sobbing as he held her gently. She was trying to talk and her face was getting redder and redder as she couldn't make her voice work. "Lara, calm down. Don't make me get the doc."
Lara slumped in his arms, tears falling freely.
"Lieutenant?" Janice's voice sounded form the door and Jak looked up to see the head nurse looking at him. She glanced at Lara and her expression changed to sorrow.
"I am better." Jak said slowly as Lara cried in his arms. "Whatever Illia did, it helped. Can't really define it." He held up a hand at arm's length and sighed as it started to shake. "But my motor control is still the pits. I think Lara hoped I would be miraculously cured." Lara nodded in his arms, still crying. "It wasn't going to happen that way, Lara."
"How do you feel?" Janice asked, stepping closer to where Lara was still crying into Jak's chest.
"Better. Cleaner." Jak said slowly. "Brighter if that makes any sense at all." Janice smiled and nodded. "The Alliance wants me to go back to Terra Nova. They built a memorial there and want to dedicate it."
"No one will force you to do anything, Lieutenant." Janice sat on Lara's other side and took her hands in the nurse's own.
"I have to give up the uniform." Jak said quietly. 'I am a drain on Alliance resources as I am and I can work for myself now." Lara and Janice both looked at him and he shook his head. "Maybe not flying or other such work, but I can." He snorted. "All else fails, I can write fiction."
"Hey!" Janice snickered at Lara's stunned look. "Don't scare the kid, Lieutenant. We may all know you are nuts, but there are limits to what we can medicate away." Lara stared from Jak to Janice and back, her face a study.
"I don't know what my future holds, Janice, but I know it isn't here." Jak said sadly. "I treasure the time I had here. The peace you all gave me." Lara stared at him eyes suddenly huge. "But that leaves Lara at loose ends, doesn't it?" Janice looked confused and Jak shook his had. "Miss Illia said that Lara did know me. Indeed, she followed me here."
"She did?" Janice looked at Lara, her eyes appraising. Lara would not meet them. "Lara? Did you really?" She asked. Lara slumped and nodded a little. "Oh dear. That explains a few things, but opens up some serious cans of worms." Lara winced and Janice sighed deeply. "Lara, honey. It isn't bad. You needed the help too. Still do. We are hoping to get you to talk."
Lara wouldn't meet Janice's eyes and the younger girl was shaking her head. She looked at Jak and her eyes were pleading.
"Lara I don't know what to do." Jak admitted. "I am not a responsible sort. No sane judge would ever give me custody of you. And even if I could find one crazy enough to do that? I don't know how I will provide for myself, let alone you too."
Lara looked up at him, her eyes bleak. But then she tensed. Jak and Janice both looked at her as she suddenly went totally, completely still.
"Lara honey?" Janice asked, worried by the girl's sudden change. "What is wrong?"
Jak was stunned as Lara rose to her feet and seemed to place herself between the door and the couch where Jak and Janice both sat. The door opened, but instead of a person… a small object flew in. A flashbang grenade! He knew the type! It was Alliance issue! He had seen his team use similar ones in hostage rescue situations. Even as he turned his head and shut his eyes tight, he knew it was too late.
Jak was stunned by the grenade but managed to catch Lara as she flew backwards into his arms. That was when Janice hit him. The impact threw him to the floor. He stared up at her as she… she was wearing a gas mask! What the hell?
"Sleep tight. Everything will be okay." Janice said as something in her hand went hiss. Jak fell asleep on seeing white and orange armor bustling close.
It wasn't Alliance armor.