Chapter 42

Steak

I was completely and without a doubt mad at myself. I didn't know how I would do it, how I would fight this urge to kill. One thing was for sure though, I wasn't going out into the forest again. Not until I had control over myself. And I was definitely not going anywhere near town.

"Shadow? Hey, are you alright?" Gazzy asked as he spotted me.

"Oh, hi Gazz, yea I'm fine. Just thinking." I responded.

"You sure?" he said, unsure.

"Yep, positive." I lied quickly.

"Okay… Do you wanna go fishing with me?"

"No thanks."

"We could catch some salamanders, there are loads of them."

"Did you mess with Nudges hair again?" I asked, seeing through his act.

"Maybe…"

'Chicken' I thought as I laughed at his reluctance, "Okay, I'll catch a salamander or two."

"Really?"

"Yep, unless you wanna go blow something up?"

"Star confiscated my explosives after the last instant." he sighed.

"Salamander catching it is." I laughed.

We walked over to the lake and Gazzy jumped right in. I tried that once, but the water doesn't appear to be there for me, Nova, and Star. So I walked in after him and sat cross legged under the water.

It felt the same as sitting on land. I miss being able to swim and stuff like that. Star was going onto the island tomorrow to ask the stars if there was some way I could feel the water. She personally hated getting wet and was 100% fine with this arrangement.

I had passed going to the island again, and Star no longer trusted Nova enough to let him on, so she was going alone.

At first I was going to go too, but I could see that she really wanted that time alone with the stars. So I told her I was going to pass and tried not to think about it so she wouldn't feel bad.

Gazzy jumped into the water again, trying to sink to the bottom so he could grab a salamander.

I pulled him the rest of the way down, as usual, and he caught one and swam back up.

I followed him out once I realized he hadn't come back down to return it to it's home.

"Gazzy? What are you going to do with that salamander?" I cautioned.

"Do you wanna pull a prank on Nudge?" he asked exitedly.

"Isn't she already mad enough at you for messing with her hair?" I pointed out, fighting a smile.

"So? She couldn't get any madder, might as well take my chance now."

"Fine." I allowed. Unable to fight back the grin any longer I walked back into the water, grabbed another salamander, and came back. "What's your plan?"

The prank was an overall success in my opinion. Even though she caught us halfway through it and chased us, well Gazzy, around the island for an hour. She was never able to catch me and was completly 100% annoyed about that.

I ran and leaped into the air, landing perfectly on a tree branch 50 feet from the ground and called down to Nudge, "You done chasing Gazzy around, or do you wanna skip dinner?"

"Coming!" she called after she and Gazzy had tumbled to the ground because of her pounce. She ruffled Gazzy's hair and started to run back to camp.

"Thanks Shadow!" Gazz breathed as we followed after Nudge, "The others would have just let her chase me and skip dinner."

"I was your partner in crime." I pointed out, "I felt bad for letting you take all the punishment. It's a good thing we are genetically engineered, I don't think you would have been able to run long enough otherwise."

He was laughing when we broke through the clearing. We crossed it and came into the next one, eager for food.

Today, much to my delight, was steak. Lots and lots of steak. It also made me anxious though. I wasn't sure if I could control myself if I got to into it. I would probably end up attacking the entire flock.

'You won't, I believe in you.' Star thought encouragingly.

'I know you do, but I don't' I sighed. 'I think I'll pass.'

'It won't help if you starve yourself.' she scolded.

'She has a point.' Nova agreed, probably trying to get on Star's good side.

Star scowled and stomped over to the table.

I laughed quietly and turned back towards the forest, 'I'd rather starve than risk hurting the flock.'

I picked my way through the undergrowth, heading nowhere in particular.

The cliff was always changing, always shifting. The only things that never changed were the lake, the island, the big clearing, now the little clearing, the landing platform thingy, and the bathroom cave. Other than that things changed frequently.

Any normal person would have gotten lost, we even did the first few days, but we were good at directions. Now, I had the best direction of any on in the pack, oops, I mean flock. I was tied with them in the air but on the ground, well, that was a different story.

I broke free and realized where I was, I guess my subconscious mind had been bringing me there the whole time. I was at the place where the flock normally took off. Sighing I sat down with my legs dangling over the edge of the cliff.

I heard footsteps approach me and sighed. I could tell it was Iggy by the way he walked and smelled.

"Not hungry?" he asked, sitting beside me.

"To be honest," I sighed, "I am extremely hungry."

"Than why did you leave?" he said, confused.

"I- I didn't think I could…" I paused, trying to figure out a way to explain, "control myself. I didn't want to hurt the flock."

"We both know you wouldn't hurt them." he whispered into my ear after he had pulled me into a hug.

"I- I don't know anymore." I said, my voice breaking in the middle.

"Shhh, it's alright, you won't hurt them." he assured me. It wasn't until then that I realised the tears streaming down my face. A sob rose to my throat and I curled into his chest.

I felt almost peaceful behind all of that sorrow, I knew everything would be okay as long as I had Iggy. Little did I know that that might not be so long.

(end of chapter 42)