Sorry.
Disclaimer: I do not own My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU or anything related to it.
Warning: Following passage may cause a trigger, viewer's discretion is advised.
They say that the worst things happen to the best of people; a rather depressing statement to say the least, though, not entirely false. Yet not entirely true either.
As Yuigahama makes her way home from the hospital, she was left with an air bubbliness that hasn't been present since… well, since her childhood to be completely honest. It was weird, once she thought about it; how something so traumatic would lead her to meeting someone she felt connected with. Sure both of them weren't friends by any means, nor did they really know anything about each other, but there seemed to be a mutual feeling of darkness between the two. Those few hours in that secluded room acted as a sort of safe haven for the two; a place where they could forget about their current problems.
But like with any sort of utopia, reality comes crashing down sooner or later.
As Yuigahama reaches her townhouse, that once bubbly nature of hers seems to fade away from the sheet sight of her home, the small and rather dark house was never a happy place for her. As she takes out her keys and opens the door the smell of stale beer assaults her nose and she instantly crinkles her nose, "I'm home." She calls out unenthusiastically.
From the small kitchen connected to the main hall, an older woman with a striking resemblance to her comes out to greet Yuigahama, "oh, Yui, you're home a bit later than usual; how was school?"
It was her mother, a confidant and probably the only person that Yuigahama truly felt comfortable with. "Oh, it was…" She trails off thinking back to her horrific first day, all the eyes, the whispers behind her back, the insults, "okay, I guess."
Circumventing her true feelings she puts on a false smile. Before anymore could be said another presence comes into the hallway as well, a large man who seemed to be a little tipsy, if his uncoordinated steps and slurred speech were anything to go by.
"Who s'at? Yui? Oh… welc'me home, I guess."
Her step-father, one she wasn't very too fond of. Though, mother's boyfriend would probably be a better way to put it. She never knew her biological father, nor did she really have an urge to either. She was told that he left her mother before she was even born, something that seems to be the trend for teen pregnancies. This particular man has been with her family for about three months now. Yuigahama held a deep respect for her mother, though at times, questioned her life choices. Yuigahama didn't have what you would call a 'sustained' childhood, she and her mother were alone for most of her life, though the occasional boyfriend would come into their lives and they'd have to move. From the constant moving and exposure to the struggles of poverty as well as domestic violence, among other things, it was safe to assume that Yuigahama had missed out on her childhood and grew up on a mentality akin to that of someone years ahead of her.
"Thank you, sir." A title in which she despised, but a title that beat 'father' or anything else that exhumed warmth or friendliness. With every new individual in her household, Yuigahama had to adjust to each of their tendencies and behaviours in order to create a more or less peaceful environment. A skill she developed through the years, I guess one could say, she was a 'people' kind of person. Being openly hostile or just causing friction in general would only cause more trouble not only for herself, but her mother as well. Not one to be proud of the fact, but another source of income did help their family.
"T'e hell you dye yer fair for 'nyway? You look-" a hiccup, "-ridiculous."
A flash of anger runs through her, "just felt like it I guess." She calmly responds.
"Tch, well, think you could get yer old man 'nother beer while yer at it?"
Yuigahama just simply nods as the man walks back to the living room. She enters the kitchen alongside her mother, as she opens the fridge and pops the cap off she turns to her mother, "need any help?"
Her mother, in return, just smiles, "I'll be fine, don't you have homework to do?"
Yuigahama just shrugs, "not really," she proceeds to hand the beer to her 'step-father' before returning to the kitchen and helped her mother prepare a meal. A thing she actually found comfort in, it was a rather mind-numbing process once the basics were known. During this time is when the two women were able to spend the most time together, usually catching each other up on their daily lives. The two older individuals didn't know about at the accident due to their work schedules, and Yuigahama didn't really see any reason to bring it up either.
"Did you happen to make any friends?" Her mother comments.
The obvious answer would have been 'no', that in fact the first day was a complete disaster; but she didn't need to know that right?
"One I guess, though we aren't really 'friends'; we talked for a bit though."
This just brings a smile to her mother's face, "that's great! What she like? Oh, don't tell me its a boy." At the mention of that, Yuigahama's mother face turns rather patronizing.
"It's not like that!"
"So it is a boy? Hoh~..." The older woman laughs and goes to cover her mouth, relishing in her child's embarrassment.
"Ughhh, mom."
Due to her family's 'circumstances', even her mother knew how much of an outcast Yuigahama was. Not one to have the chance to develop her social skills as a kids, much less create any meaningful bonds; the one thing her mother desperately wanted was to create a sense of security for her only child. She may have made a few mistakes in the past, but she was trying her hardest to make it up to her.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
For hours, the steady rhythm of the clock was the only thing keeping Hikigaya company; left alone with his thoughts and his thoughts alone, that rather dark feeling was once again fermenting in the pit of his stomach. Flashes of anger, self-loathing, and eventual emptiness are emotions that seemed to cycle throughout his being. With each cycle his state of mind descended even deeper into the abyss, his painkillers wearing off some time ago; but he didn't mind. The pain that he was feeling acted as a sort of escape, something to focus his mind on. It was an agonizing pain, no doubt, but he still refused to take any more painkillers, relishing in this newfound pain. It sure as hell beat the mental torment that was going through his head at the moment.
Tick.
With each passing minute, the sound of clock boomed in his head, a rather uncomfortable feeling adding onto his already pounding headache. All of this, just because he wasn't careful while driving; why even bother driving in the first place? What was the point? Wouldn't walking or even biking of been a more logical option? Idiot. That was he was, why even bother? He calmly looks down, inspecting himself, than he slightly raise his arms, he looks at his right, then to his left; an agonizing feat if he were being completely honest. All the medical equipment hooked up to him, were they even necessary?
Tock.
If he just pulled them out, would he be fine? They were rather uncomfortable. Would he be dead? Even so, would it matter? These thoughts skimmed his mind. Maybe he was meant to die, was that it? He looks to the heart-beat monitor and hears the mechanical compression of the air filter hooked up to his face. He raises his arms to touch it, without this his breathing would become erratic, he'd struggle to breathe normally and in his current condition could prove to be fatal. He knew this, even so, maybe it was for the best? If he was to be stuck in this god-forsaken room for the rest of his life, wouldn't it be better to just… end it?
Tick.
Obviously his injuries were serious, but nowhere near fatal, he'd be out of the hospital in about a week or two, fully functioning legs and everything. But at this time a certain darkness had hooked itself onto Hikigaya's psyche he couldn't help but drive himself into a corner, almost like self-flagellation and if anything, that was proving to be more fatal than his injuries.
Tock.
That damn clock. Was it here to simply mock him? With every minute passing, he felt as if his time on this earth was slowing wisping away.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
What was her name? Yuigahama? That one strange girl, the one who came to visit unannounced, who was she? Was she even real or just a figment of his imagination? Was it an angel to take him away, but failed to do so when he called her back? His hands slowly lower themselves from his oxygen mask; maybe she came to give himself a reason to live. A reason to live, huh? Why would he need something like that? He has reason enough, his family, his sister, himself. With that newfound light, the darkness in his mind began to recede and heavy ticking of the clock resumed without much of a hindrance.
"Yuigahama." He tones out in that guttural and disfigured version of his voice, not only from the injuries but the from the equipment blocking his speech. She had mentioned that she went to the same school, he had to thank her; yes. That was it, he had to thank once he got out of here, until then he couldn't possibly die, not before that at least. He lets loose all the tension of his body and his arms drop limply to his sides, suddenly he felt very tired.
A few hours pass before a knock was heard from Hikigaya's door. Roused from his short rest, he tries to sit up a bit, but instantly pain like he's never experienced before shoots through him. The sheer amount of it causes his head to spin and he wheezes from the effort it took; why the hell was he hurting so much? Then it dawned on him, the painkillers, he refused to take anymore dosages and it was starting to affect him. From that, his heart-rate spiked and the all the medical equipment went into a frenzy. The doors suddenly burst open with doctors, nurses and… his family?
"Wait, what's going?! Is my son okay?!" A woman frantically shouts.
"Please, ma'am, we need you and your family to wait outside, nurse! What's seems to be the problem?"
After a few minutes of chaos everything returned to normal, relatively speaking. Hikigaya was forced to take more painkillers, even if he refused. He still found a bit of solace in the pain that he was in, though from the pleadings of his family, namely his sister, he reluctantly agreed.
"How're you feeling, Hachiman?" An older woman who was quite short in glasses goes to take his hand from the bedside, both his parents had recently got off work and could finally visit him.
"Okay, all things considered." All members present give him a skeptical look once they hear his voice.
"I'm so glad you're okay." His mother sighs out, his father just gives a stern nod, but you could see the pain in his eyes as well. As for his sister, she was the furthest away looking on with a hopeless face seemingly about to cry at any given moment.
"How's the car..?" He struggles to say.
Both of his parents scoff, "that should be the least of our worries, we're just glad you're okay."
"But, the cost-" He tries to reason.
His father is the one to cut him off, "insurance has it covered, it'll be fine."
"The fact I was driving illegally? That had to at least caused you problems right?" He desperately tries to convey, anything to justify his rather dark thoughts.
Both parents look towards each other uneasily, "well… you can't obtain a license legally until you're twenty-one and we had to pay a few fines, but nothing major. Why're you so caught up on all of this?"
Seeing their sincerity Hikigaya struggles to cope with his thoughts and feelings before he couldn't take it anymore, "I'm sorry." He quietly says.
Both his parents look towards him in question, "sorry for what, son? You have nothing to be sorry for."
He just shakes his head as silent tears stream down his face, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
All members present didn't know what had brought this on, but comforted him nonetheless. He had felt so guilty, all of his fears and anxieties were eating away at him for hours to the point where he couldn't take it anymore. He was sorry for car, for making his parents worry, for the financial strain this must've caused.
But most of all: he was sorry for almost killing himself.
Oh, were you expecting something a bit more lighthearted?
I know I should be working on my other stories, which I am(kind of), so, sorry about that.
If you haven't read the summary this an attempt at a slice of life fic, so there really isn't an overarching plot, per se, but just going through the lives of the cast; the eventual club is probably the main plot device. It is true that this is based off my highschool experiences, I guess I could go over what's a parallel to my world and what's dramatized/fictional.
Currently my life is... stressful to say the least, so in turn I write how I feel; I'm sure those who've been with me since the beginning now this. I just couldn't get into the lovey-dovey mood of Divulging Memories, nor the humorous or serious mood of Princes at the moment. As you can see I've been uploading a lot lately and that's because... well I'm falling back into my old habits of locking myself in my room and writing as an escape; pretty pathetic, huh? Anyways... that was probably a bit too personal for everyone's taste, but... whatever.
Distinction between Fact and Fiction
1.) I drove illegally to high school as well, some of these were real fears of mine. I did get into a car accident, but it was nothing near as severe as this one. Also never got to the point of suicidal thoughts.
2.) I, apparently, had talked someone out of killing themselves during my school years; I guess this is a homage to her and... how you really have to find the reasons to live for if you are experiencing anything similar. I know I joke about it 'killing myself' in some of my A/N's and I guess those are in bad taste, but being so close to it, you get a sense of... dark humor from it, I guess. Honestly humor is how I cope with things anyways. Suicide is a serious topic, and I apologize if I offended anyone in past stories. Please seek help if you are ever contemplating suicide.
3.) Yuigahama's home life is a homage to... the one mentioned above.
4.) Yuigahama and Hikigaya are a parallel to myself and a friend of mine. I will not be writing a parallel to my life, nor will I influence their characters based on their real-life counterparts. I have just taken inspiration to make them seem more... human, or at the very least, more relatable.
I feel this may be a bit too personal for some people's taste so I can stop these if you'd like.
Anyways, thank you if you actually read all of this; I'll be back to my usual self when... I sort some things out.
Until next time,
-Ausko