Rest

Jak stared at the alien form and then he felt the world around him start to spin.

He was suddenly lying on the bed next to Lara with no recollection of how he had arrived there. He stared up at Illia incuriously as she retreated a bit from him, her eyes worried.

"You need more sleep. We pushed you too hard, too fast.." Illia's tone was fairly normal, if overlaid with songs that Jak could barely hear. "AF-43765 and I are here, Jak. You need to sleep now. You are safe. Let go, Jak."

"I..." Jak fought as waves of lethargy swept through him. "I need..." He wasn't sure what he was asking, why or how.

"Good night, Jak." Illia had a hypo in hand now and she was pressing it to his arm. Something was over his nose and mouth now and it smelled… good.

Jak was still protesting as he sank into oblivion.

Jak was running. He wasn't sure where or why. But he was fleeing something. Half seen images pulled at him. He was…

He jerked as he was suddenly in the cockpit of a Mantis gunship again. He stared out at a familiar landscape. Terra Nova. The planet on which his team had died. The slaver ship that he had disabled looming in the distance. He tried to reach for the controls, maybe if he did something different… His hands wouldn't move.

"No..." Jak begged. "No. Not this again..."

"Hey Walrus." A familiar calm voice sounded from behind him and he spun his head. There she was. Warrant Officer Christi Susansdottor, call sign 'Zap', sat in her control sat right behind his, but… she wasn't wearing her flightsuit and helmet. She wore a dress uniform, which made no sense in the cockpit. Then again, she was dead, so none of this made any sense whatsoever. "You are a mess, boss."

"Duh." Jak managed even as he stared into the crew bay and other figures gave him thumbs up signs. Six of them. "Zap, I..."

"You gotta let me go, Boss." Christi smiled at him and blew a bubble. She never went anywhere without a stick of bubble gum. Her instructors in Basic had been driven crazy by her ability to carry bubble gum places that she wasn't supposed to. Her superiors in the fleet had just given up. It never got in the way of her work. Ever. Jak had simply dealt with it. She had been the best Weapons Control Officer in the fleet. A few annoying idiosyncrasies could be excused. "Everyone is worried 'bout you. You done good, you know that?"

"I got you killed, Christi." Jak muttered as he sank back into his chair. "Everyone else was dead and I got you killed."

"We chose to divert to the colony, Boss. We chose to try and stop them. We didn't have to, those were not our orders, not our mission. We chose to." Christi blew another bubble and smiled at Jak's expression. "Always outnumbered, mostly outgunned, never outclassed, that was us. Spec Ops team Tau Four."

"Yeah." Jak said weakly. "That was us. Christi… I..."

"You gotta let us go, Jak." Christi made a face. "This is killing you slow. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't the team's fault. It was the slaver's fault. They paid."

"Yeah. They paid." Jak slumped. "But Lara..."

"Boss, do you blame your pistol for what the you do with it?" Christi asked quietly. Jak shook his head. "Well, she had about as much free will as your pistol does."

"How do you know that?" Jak fought to break free of the lethargy that held him, but it wasn't possible. "You were dead before we hit. Christi… I..." He was crying now.

"Yeah." Christi sighed deeply and blew out another bubble. "I was. I am. This is a dream. They don't have to make sense." Why was she suddenly wearing a bikini and nothing else? She smirked at his expression. "See?" She was back in her uniform.

"Zap? You are crazy." Jak muttered.

"Coming from you, that is a compliment, Walrus." Christi said with a smile as she blew another bubble. Her expression clouded. "This isn't real. This is your friends trying to help you. You have some weird friends." She complained.

"No joke." Jak sighed. "Christi, I can't let you go. If I forget? Who will remember?"

"The colonists will." Christi replied evenly as she blew another bubble. "The Alliance will. Hell, the slavers will." Her face turned evil. "They still fear your name. Our names. They still wonder when the Mantis with the tusks is going to appear over the horizon to ruin their day and their lives. 'The Walrus From Hell' and the demons it carried." She smirked. "We made a hell of a mess, didn't we?"

"What we were best at." Jak said weakly.

"Second best." Christi blew out another bubble. Jak glared at her and she laughed. "Is that still bothering you?"

"You got me drunk!" Jak said sharply. "You got me so drunk I didn't know which way was up. I woke up with you beside me with no clothes on! If the Captain had walked in right then…"

"Why do you think he didn't?" Christi laughed harder as Jak stared at her. "Jak. Jak." She shook her head. "Why do you think no one barged into the crew lounge while we were drinking?"

"What the hell did you do, Christi?" Jak demanded. "I was drunk, yeah, but..."

"Nothing." Christi said with a smile. Jak stared at her. "After what we saw on Tiptree, we needed the release and you needed it more than me. But… We didn't. Oh, I took off your clothes and mine, threw them around. The look on your face was priceless when you woke up."

"We… We didn't..." Jak sputtered.

"Nope." Christi blew another bubble.

"You bitch." Jak stared at his weapons officer and then he slumped as a slow smile crept across his face. "All that time, you had me worried about contraceptives and regulations and we didn't?"

"Nope." Christi blew yet another bubble.

"Who else was in on it?" Jak asked after a moment.

"Everyone." Christi smirked as his face burned. "We all loved watching you squirm. From the Captain on down. You knew. Deep down, you knew we hadn't or this wouldn't hurt you so much. But your stiff necked pride kept you from asking. I would have told you if you had asked." She frowned. "I would have."

"Yeah." Jak blew out a deep breath. "Pride goeth, huh?"

"Pilots need to be confident, Jak." Christi said quietly. "You had that in the cockpit. Anywhere else, you just shut down. Oh, you played the asshole fighter jock pretty well on occasion, but most of the time you just shut down and no one could get in."

"I tried, Christi." Jak said weakly.

"No, you didn't." His dead weapon's officer said sharply. Then she made a face and blew another bubble. "Look at me, being all serious. Geez, what have you done to yourself, Boss?"

"Quite a bit, actually." Jak turned to stare out the cockpit canopy. "It wasn't Lara's fault. I would do the same again. Innocents were in danger, I had to act. Come hell or high water, I had to act." He said slowly, but firmly.

"There is the Walrus I knew." Christi smiled as he glared at her. "With all due respect, sir: Get off your ass."

"What?" Jak asked, confused by this sudden change.

"I am your memories given form by your friends, Boss." Christi said in a tone that Jak remembered well. The 'something is gonna get hurt' tone. "How long are you gonna hurt that girl?"

"Christi, I..." Jak tried, but she was having none of it.

"One. She is not a kid." Christi's tone was one step removed from savage. "Two. She loves you. Three. You need her. You and she are linked, Boss. Linked on a level that any human can only dream of. You are not human anymore, Jak. Stop thinking human. Get off your ass, man." She blew another bubble. "Do I need to get the Sarge up here to talk to you?" She smirked as Jak froze. "I can."

"You would." Jak shivered slightly. Sergeant First Class Diana Princeson had been a no nonsense, hard as nails career NCO. Only people with a death wish got in her way. He had seen her more than once rip an errant officer apart verbally, while maintaining a perfectly respectful tone. He had also seen her rip an enemy apart with her bare hands once. It had been memorable. What she could do with a knife was unspeakable.

"Damn right I would,:" Christi said sharply. She smiled at Jak and blew out another bubble. "What the hell are you worried about? It isn't like you are gonna… hurt..." She paused and stared at Jak. He could not meet her eyes. "Oh no. No… No!" Her tone was somewhere between sick and awed. "You…" Her tone turned wicked. "No! Jak!"

"Zap, don't." Jak pleaded.

"You never did." Christi sounded dumbstruck now. "How the hell did you manage that? I know what they do in Basic. Everyone goes through class 134. Everyone."

Alliance Basic training was comprehensive in many ways. Sex had been used to distract soldiers since time immemorial. So, the Alliance took sex ed to a whole new level. Classes and practical exams included.

"Told them I was gay and when the guy came in, we talked." Jak said in a monotone. "Nothing more. Wasn't ready and he knew it. There was a form. I filled it out. We… I..." He broke off, very embarrassed.

"Holy shit, boss." For once, Christi sounded subdued. "And when I tricked you..."

"I didn't remember." Jak said weakly. "I didn't know. If I had or not. I… I had to..."

"Fu-" Christi broke off what she was going to say and wilted a little. "Shit, boss. I didn't know. I am sorry."

"That isn't on you." Jak bowed his head. "That is on me. I couldn't open up. Not then. I… just couldn't."

"Why not?" Christi's tone was suddenly soft and kind.

"I SAW IT EVERY DAY ON THE STREETS, CHRISTI!" Jak screamed. "I COULDN'T DO THAT TO A GIRL! I SAW IT HAPPEN TO FRIENDS AND STRANGERS! I WON'T! NOT ME!" He clamped his mouth shut and there was utter silence in wherever he was.

"Jak." That wasn't Christi's voice, but he would not look up. He wouldn't. Her hand touched his cheek and stroked it. "Oh Jak."

He couldn't speak as Lara embraced him.

"I didn't understand." Lara said sadly. "I thought it was me. My age. My pain. What I did to you. I never thought it was you. I am sorry." She hugged him.

"Lara, no." Jak pleaded.

"Jak. Enough." Lara's tone in this odd place, wherever it was, turned stern. "You have your specialty, I have mine." She just held him gently as he cried. "Do you trust me?"

"I..." Jak slumped in her arms. "Yes." Lara gave him a squeeze and he relaxed a little. "I don't know what to do. I..."

"I do." Lara had a smile in her voice now. "We are getting the room ready. We don't need or want an audience for this. The rachni helped. Illia helped. The geth helped. But none of us understood, Jak."

"Rachni." Jak said weakly. "Hard to believe. And not hostile."

"Yeah." Lara shivered and his arms came up to hold her. She wasn't wearing anything. "I talked with them a bit while we were waiting for you to wake. A corporation called Binary Helix found an ancient wreck from the Rachni War. On it, they found an viable egg."

"And they didn't announce that." Jak said slowly. "Oh don't tell me..." He groaned.

"Yeah." Lara was sad now. "They wanted to make weapons out of the rachni. It backfired badly, got a bunch of people killed. Shepherd actually got involved."

"Shepherd?" Jak mused. "Wow, that woman is everywhere."

"Jealous?" Lara teased Jak gently.

"Maybe a bit." Jak admitted. "Lara… I... I can't."

"Jak, you are physically capable." Lara said quietly. "All that is holding you up is your psychological trauma. Some of which you did yourself. Why didn't you tell me?" She begged as she hugged him again. "I could have helped. I understand. Jak. I was… I hadn't..."She swallowed hard. "Not until the slaver doc. But I got better. They… They used me, but I got better."

"Oh Lara." Jak held her as she shivered. "You were hurting. I mean, the first time I saw you, in the facility, you were a half starved wreck. Wait..." He paused. "Why were you starved?"

"I um..." Lara tensed, but then relaxed. "I stole Zumin's backup shuttle. It had water aplently for one person, but it only had dextro food aboard. I couldn't eat any of it." Jak looked at her and her face was closed. "I tried a little bit of it one day and it made me violently ill. It was a long flight to Arcturus."

"You flew with no food from the Veil to Arcturus in a shuttle?" Jak demanded, horrified. "Lara!"

"It was only a couple of weeks. I slept a lot, all right?" Lara said sharply and then slumped. "Yeah, it was dumb, but I had no idea where else to go. When the Alliance interrogated me, I told them that I stole the shuttle from slavers who had stolen it from somewhere else. I think they believed me."

"You can be pretty convincing." Jak said with a chuckle. "But if your first experience was..." He trailed off as she glared at him. "Lara." He groaned.

"Who is the medic here?" Lara asked with just a hint of ice in her tone. Jak just looked at her and she winced. "I am not over it. But I talked with a lot of therapists on the way to the facility where you were. I had to fake a serious case or they would have shuffled me off to a lesser facility. It wasn't easy and I am still not sure I fooled them all. Illia muddled my trail nicely but… I did leave tracks. I have problems. This is not one of them." She hugged him again. "Jak, we both need this. You more than me, it seems."

"The images. Christi… I..." Jak looked away from Lara and he was not surprised to find that what he had been sitting in was gone. Now, he and Lara sat on a featureless green plain.

"You needed to hear that. It was all your subconscious. You needed to get past it yourself. You did." Lara snuggled close to Jak. He was very careful where he put his hands and she smiled at him. "So careful, are we?"

"Lara, please." Jak pleaded.

"No." Lara said softly as she guided his hands elsewhere. "You have your skills, I have mine. You need help, Jak. You need to let yourself heal as much as you can. We cannot stay with the geth. I was nodding off. Did they tell you about the Reapers?"

"Yes." Jak said quietly. "Boggles the mind."

"Yeah." Lara guided Jak's hands and when he would have snatched them away, she held them tight. "No, no. Let Momma Lara guide you, boy."

"I think you are going a little overboard wit this, Lara." Jak frowned as Lara shook her head. "I mean, this is what Cerberus wanted. That cannot be good."

"They wanted scans of what I can do." Lara's face held trepidation now. "I don't know what they got, but I knocked a bunch of them out and the geth dropped more than a few surprises when they hit the ship."

"And hurt yourself in the process." Jak slumped a little and then jerked as Lara tickled him. "Hey!"

"What they did is on them, Jak." Lara smiled as he batted at her hands. "I wouldn't want to do it again, and I certainly do not want to hurt you again but for you?" She kissed his jaw gently. 'I would do that and more."

"Do you have any idea what they wanted?" Jak pressed. "I cannot have simply been scanning you and me."

"They thought I was deaf as well as mute." Lara said with a grunt. "But they were not stupid either. I didn't hear anything about what they wanted. I know what I wanted thought." She looked away, but tears were falling now.

"Lara." Jak said weakly.

"You were gone and I had nothing left from you." Lara sounded devastated now. 'Only my memories and those were faulty with the shock of the disconnect. It was wrong of me to press you as hard as I did, but I wanted something more. Something tangible."

"Lara." Jak held her as she cried softly.

"Was it so wrong for me to want a child of your body?" Lara demanded angrily through her tears. "I know you don't love me, but..." She wilted, her sudden flash of anger vanishing as swiftly as it had appeared. "Was it so wrong?"

"I do not love you that way, Lara." Jak tried to push her away, but it did no good.. "I do not know if I can, as messed up as I am."

"I know." Lara snuggled closer to him. "Maybe we can find a way. We can worry about that later. Right now, we need to focus on you. Getting you relaxed will help with your healing. And yes, I will use protection."

"Lara..." Jak groaned.

The world shifted an Jak was back on the bed. The room was empty now. The chairs were pushed against one wall and the wall that had shown the rachni was blank again. Jak tensed as Lara's hands found the seams of his clothing.

"Lara." Jak begged.

No words now. Lara's non-verbal communication came through loud and clear. As did her emotions, a mix of anticipation and other things. You need this.

Of my own free will, I am offering.

With that, she slid out of her own clothing like a greased eel.