Sorry I havnt updated in awhile, chrismas break has been crazy...
Chapter 49
Forgetting
I liked this state of mind. When I'm like this I can forget the pain. Forget what I did. Forget the monster I am. But unfortunately, I cannot stay like this forever, and the universe is too cruel to let me die. But I accept waking up as the punishment I deserve, in fact, I deserve more of a punishment than that.
Even so, I wasn't willing to give up this emptiness without a fight. I struggled with the oncoming reality, but I knew it was unavoidable.
I didn't know how long it had been since I had last thought. I found that thinking was actually unfamiliar to me. At least this was like riding a bike. I sort of wish it wasn't though, that I would forget how to think. Oh well, I can't dwell on the things I can't have.
'Nova? Oh, Nova you're awake!' I heard Shadow exclaimed mentally. I was surprised she was relieved. I had a feeling like she should hate me for something, but I couldn't remember why.
'Yea, I'm 'wake.' I responded as she spread the news to the others.
"Nova!" Nudge squealed, coming up from behind and jumping onto my back.
"Get off! I'm gunna fall over!" I cried, pushing her off.
"Sorry, I'm just so excited to see that you're awake!"
Gazzy walked over and sat down on a rock and looked down. I could tell he was mad at me for something, but what?
Shadow walked through the tree's carrying something small and furry. It took me a sec to realize it was a koala bear.
"This is Aditi." Shadow introduced, handing her to me.
Total was following Shadow slowly, "I was in the middle of a nap." he complained.
I felt like I was forgetting something important, but I couldn't figure out what.
'You don't remember?' Shadow asked wearily.
'No, why?' I cautioned.
Shadow sighed and took Aditi from me and sat me on the ground. She handed the joey to Gazzy and neeled down in front of me. She placed her hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye's. "I don't know how I'm gunna break this too you, so I'm just gunna tell it to you strait. You have to promise me you will keep it calm though Nova., and please try not to go into your mourning stage again please. Promise?"
"Promise, I think…"
"No, no 'I think's' you have to promise."
"I promise."
"Good." she sighed, giving me a half smile. "Nova, Star. Is. Dead. You Killed. Her."
I stared at her for a minute, uncomprehending. Then it all came back to me. Everything. The place between land and sleep, the fight, the accident… I gasped in horror at what I had done.
'It's okay Nova, breath!' Shadow thought franticly.
I took a deep breath as Shadow pulled me into a hug. We stayed like this for awhile. Me crying into her shoulder as she soothed me.
(chapter 49)
Please reveiw! I love getting reveiws, even bad ones!