Butterflies

"Me? I'm nobody. I'm not skilled like Uchiha-san. I am not passionate like Haruno-san. I am not smart like Nara-san. I'm not as strong as Chouji-san. I'm not as collected as Aburame-san. Or as pretty as Yamanaka-san. I'm not as confident as Inuzuka-san. If anything, I'm like Hyuuga-san, socially awkward. Oh wait, no, she's just shy. The socially awkward one is me." OC! Team 7 remix!

Chapter 83 – You've got to be kidding me…

8-8

Sitting comfortably on one of the couches in the Four Clans' office in the Civilian District, I gaze at the Fire Daimyo. I open my mouth, trying to form the words I need to tell him in how many pieces I wish I could cut him right now. Something stops me. Not anything silly like logic, or reasoning, or rationality. No. It's laughter.

I'm laughing at his offer so hard that I think I'm going to pass out.

"So… let me get this straight…" I begin, trying to so hard to talk and breathe through the laughter still escaping me. "You want me to marry your son?"

"Yes." He isn't very happy with me right now.

"And you think… telling a Namiki who to marry… is a good idea?" The laughter is slowing, but the tears in my eyes aren't. Kami-sama, I haven't laughed this hard since Kashi-nii and Momochi-san decided to sing a song at one of our concerts – they were both too drunk to realise it was a bad idea.

"I am not 'telling', Namiki-san. I am asking. My son needs a strong willed woman to help him lead our country when it's time for me to step down." He explains carefully. I can tell just by how his four guards tense that they expect me to lash out. And really, I'm tempted to. If this weren't so kami-damned funny!

It takes me almost ten minutes to cool down enough to talk normally. "Look, I'd like to say I'm flattered, but I'm not. Being married to a daimyo is the worst punishment I can think of. I hate politics. I don't have the patience for people in the best of times. And to make matters worse, I'm not going to play second strings to a man I see as weaker than myself. And no, your clan's political power doesn't make you stronger than me, just better connected far wealthier. I'm a kunoichi, for Kami's sake."

"And that isn't even taking into account that I am the head of my clan. That would mean relocating my clan to the capital. Then there's our ties to the other clans to consider. No. Just no. I'm not going to abandon my den, my territory or my pack because of an offer that wasn't all that tempting to begin with." I shoot him down. Hard.

"… A simple 'no' would have sufficed."

"No." Happy now?

"… I see." He's about to start acting up, isn't he. He's about to start acting a fool, probably going to try to order me around just to lick his ego's wounds. "Would you consider joining the Twelve Guardian Ninjas then?"

"No." That's two. Want to go for the third?

"… Have I don't something to upset you, Namiki-san?" He asks.

"No. If I were upset, your guards would be crawling around on the ceiling. I'm not subtle." I explain seriously.

"Then why don't you even consider my offers?"

"Because I know the answer. Why would I give you false hope when I know now what I would tell you after six months of thinking about it?" I break it down for him. "Look, you claim to know how Namikis are. This is how we are. We don't abandon our pack. We don't abandon our den. We don't abandon our territory. Your offers all include abandoning them. There's nothing to think about."

"Alright. What if I gave you missions to take over other countries?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because there's no honour in that. I defended myself in the Land of This. I defended my pack. The country falling is collateral damage." This guy just doesn't get it, does he.

"Alright, what about sending you on missions to investigate sus-"

"No. I have enough going on and adding missions where you fully expect me to get into situations that would lead to me overthrowing other countries for your gain is not going to happen." He seems to be growing more and more impatient with me. "Look, you said you understand how Namikis are, but you show no understanding. You ask for things that go against my moral code. You ask for things for your gain and nothing mutually beneficial. That's complete crap. If you're looking for a puppet, you are barking up the wrong tree."

"What if I were to-"

I fix him with a glare that freezes him in place. I'm not leaking killing intent, or anything like that. I'm just glaring so hard he might catch on fire any second. "If your words turn out to be a threat to anyone or anything I hold dear… then let me assure you I would be the worst enemy you ever make."

As if a switch is hit, I perk up, happy and joyous, singing my next words to him. "You were saying?"

"I think it wise we reconvene another time. This meeting will obvious bear nothing fruitful." Senju-san offers, her smile a bit strained.

"No need. I've heard enough." I say, smiling sweetly. "Please leave." Trying to control a Namiki. Psh.

8-8

"Meeting went well?" Kashi-nii asks, finding me in a random training ground… somewhere in the village. I have too much pent up anger to train at home. I think I would end up breaking the house by accident.

Earth release jutsus aren't helping me burn off the anger, so I use fire instead. Yeah, I'm using FIRE RELEASE JUTSUS! I'm THAT kind of pissed!

Instead of answering, I focus using the Fire Release: Flamethrower again. Watching imperfect copies of me –mud clones– writhing in agony as they're engulfed in a controlled stream of liquid fire… Kami-sama, that just feels so good right now!

"That bad, huh."

"Worse. And no, I don't want to talk about it."

"Hnn? How about a spar then?" He offers.

I grin. Now we're talking! "All out?"

"If you can handle it." He shrugs, not caring.

"How about we go all out for me? I…I need that so bad." He nods. Agreeing with me, agreeing with the offer, I don't care.

CLAP!

I clap as hard as I can, making thirty Sound Balls and pelt them at him in one go. While he's busy figuring that out, I grab my shinobue and immediately start playing. I make sure to only breathe in through my nose to better track what's going on around me. And I place myself in a Mime's Barrier, hovering well about the training ground.

The unfair advantage of being me? All my primary skills –the ones I can do quickly, efficiently– are geared towards defence in one way or another. Sound Barrier, straight up defence. Sound Ball, mostly offence, but you'd be amazed how quickly that offence becomes a defence when the enemy is dodging so much they can't think up a strategy. Divine Hands, a defence because I can use my jutsus kenjutsu skills through them and simply stay out of danger's way. Devouring Shackles… well, what's better than having no enemy that can move – best defence money can buy! And Siren's Call, if they can't break out of the genjutsu completely, there's no need for a defence.

Well… then there's Sound Release: Scalpel. That's not in any way defensive. So most. Most of my primary skills are defensive.

But what's more interesting, is what I started testing a theory. I can do everything with my Divine Hands that I can with my regular hands. So why not handsigns for more complex jutsu, right? Yeah, no. That fell flat on its face, but! I can use my shadow crows for that!

But I'm here in a barrier, and they won't be able to get out to be effective. So… nope.

In this set up, sound release is my only viable option.

It is really therapeutic to see Kashi-nii dodging time and time again though. He tries substituting a few dozen times, but I just track him down and continue the onslaught; playing my flute and replacing each Sound Ball that he destroys.

Eventually it gets old though. It's fun, but repetitive. So I stow my flute and drop out of the Mime's Barrier and join the fray. He still has to watch out for the Sound balls, trying to… they can tear through trees? That's interesting to know.

What about a rocks? I stomp the ground and send an Earth Flow Spear up to impale Kashi-nii. He dodges of course, but I the Sound Balls nearly overwhelm him and he has to substitute again. Three of the Sound Balls tear through the spike of hardened earth, like a knife through butter. Good to know.

Eventually that gets old too, though. So I ask him to switch to taijutsu. I even let my other jutsus fizzle! I'm that much in need of something to keep me occupied and on my toes.

It's just a shame I know that I'm giving up my every advantage. My taijutsu is GOOD! But… against Kashi-nii? That's like pitting Ino against Lee and rooting for Ino. It won't work. Ever.

Still, Kashi-nii's the type of sparring partner that doesn't stop until you're better than when you started. Just a lot more bruised and maybe some cracked ribs – hairline fractures sometimes too.

We trade blows – or more accurately, he attacks and I try to counterattack, which almost never works out in my favour. Punches, kicks, knees, elbows… I think I need to look out for his head-butts though. No matter how hard I push myself, how far beyond me limits I reach, how absolutely insanely I drive myself to instantly reach new heights –the only times he'll compliment me after spar, by the way– he just never loses focus.

He redirects my punches, sidesteps my knees and kicks, completely avoids my elbows and just flicks my head-butts. He's… frustratingly good!

I don't have the time to talk –I need to focus on my breathing because I'm once again pushing myself so hard that Lee would be fired up watching us– but my mind and my body seem to work on different frequencies. I think I should do something nice for Satsuma, since he's basically losing sleep to tend to Tsuren for me.

I duck under a kick that would probably hospitalize me, trying to kick out his supporting leg from under him. He can't even see me, but he sees it coming. So he jumps over my kick and uses the momentum to offer me a backhanded fist to the skull.

I wonder if Sakiko and Hoshie really get along, or if they're just pretending to so I'll feel less worried. I mean, Hoshie finally has her big sister, but now has to share. And Sakiko has had to share me for a while, but used to be my only little sister. Something to look into.

I knee his fist, but Kashi-nii doesn't seem to notice. The force behind his seemingly simple attack is enough to counter my counterattack and still send my speeding towards that holey spike of mine. I substitute, not wanting to find out if there's enough force to send me through the spike, but I don't wait for him to find me. Instead I take the fight straight to him, using my training with Momochi-san to make no sounds at all – even I can't hear my own heartbeat now – I use the sound that should make to power the Offsetting Sound, because I know he's sneaky enough to try place a genjutsu on me, even though it's taijutsu only.

Yasu-nee should be about ten weeks along now, shouldn't she? I haven't scanned the baby in nearly two weeks. Shame on me! I'll see how mother-to-be and her little cutie are doing after I rest up. After all, I don't doubt I'll need a few days to recover from this. Kashi-nii is NOT a gentle sparring partner after all. If you want gentle, bow out before it even starts!

Not surprisingly, Kashi-nii still avoids my kick to his kidneys. I know I almost had it though, because he didn't have the chance to counterattack that time! Instead, he just ducks and lets my kick fly over him. I try to grab him with enough chakra to ensure he can't get away from me, but he sees that coming too and avoids my grab.

Stupid fast people are stupid!

Sniff.

He's behind me already? I'm not interested in finding out what he's planning, so I substitute. Just in time to see him kick the log I leave behind so hard it snaps in two. Oh? So you like it rough, do you? I body flicker behind him, but don't 'unflicker' like I'm supposed to. The thing about the body flicker is that the jutsu makes you move so fast that you can't actually see what's going on around you. So you need to quickly assess the new situation you're in before you body flicker again, or whatever you're planning; which is why most people don't use it in a combat situation. So, instead of slowing down enough to be able to attack and move normally, I offer that chakra enhanced momentum into a single punch; I make sure I reinforce my muscles, bones and other important tissues –skin, blood vessels, nerves… blah, blah, blah– so I don't break myself with the attack should I get lucky.

Not surprisingly, he substitutes. My fist tears right through the log. Literally. Right through it. I actually have to use Sound Release: Scalpel to get my arm out of it.

A low whistle tells me Kashi-nii is impressed. "That could have killed me."

"If it misses, it doesn't matter."

"True. You calm down a bit?"

"… Yes?"

"Good. I wanted to talk to you."

"Crap."

"Don't worry, I'm prepared to pay for the chocolate spree." I really don't like the sound of that. "You guys should head back to the den. I'll bring her home in one piece." Physically maybe.

8-8

I know I'm not going to like what he has to say. Not because he's got a look, or there's any kind of tension, or anything like that. No. It's because he takes me to an upscale restaurant, the kind that makes their chocolaty deserts themselves, to stand out from the rabble.

When he announces we have a reservation for two, under Hatake, I know I'm right. He planned. Planned good. Planned way ahead. I'm not going to like this.

We're immediately shown in, to a secluded booth away from the crowd. Kashi-nii only asks for the desert menus, and orders a pot of jasmine tea – a middle ground, seeing as it's neither of our favourite, but it's one we agree on.

Looking over the menu, I see an entire SECTION with chocolaty desserts. "If you promise to hear me out until the very end, I won't complain if you order every single dessert on the menu." I'm liking this less and less.

I won't hear the end of it until I hear every word anyway. Even if I can avoid him, Yasu-nee is… doggedly determined when she wants something done. "Deal."

"Alright." He nods. "One of everything that has a significant amount of chocolate. Bring them out in waves of two or three, depending on how big they are."

"A-as you wish." She really doesn't know what to make of us right now. Still, that's a HUGE order. As soon as she's gone, he pulls down his mask. Yeah. I'm liking this less and less every time.

"I think you and Chouji need to get engaged." My blood pressure skyrockets instantly. "People are going to keep propositioning you until you do. And frankly we both know the daimyo only walked away because you placed your pack above your desire to break him in half."

I bide my time. I promised to hear him out to the end. I don't like breaking promises.

"There are other reasons for this as well, but that's the biggest one. However, I think you should consider the implications of not taking my advice. This is just one daimyo. There will be more. Some more influential, some less. Some more patient, some less. Some will not take you declining as gracefully as this one did. In fact, the heaviest bounty on my head is from a lady daimyo I gracefully turned down ten years ago. She's since married and has a son. And she still wants my head on a platter." He continues. I frown thoughtfully, going over that.

The waitress comes with the tea and two elegant teacups. Kashi-nii's mask is up long before she even gets close. Once she's gone, so is the mask.

"If you are engaged, they make a fool of themselves by propositioning you. And no one can blame you for the fallout." I bite my tongue, forcefully reminding myself not to interrupt him. I'm sure he notices. "I know you don't care, but the fact remains that others will. Wars have been declared over pretty faces that turned a daimyo down. Petty, yes, but these are people that don't fight in the wars themselves. They just give the order and thousands of people die for a stupid reason. Please try to remember that they are often taught from infancy that their people owe them as much, simply because Kami-sama allowed them to be born into such a position. Some even take it one step further and declare themselves gods. These are not the most logical of people, Imouto-chan."

"In fact, even being engaged sometimes isn't enough for the less tactful of them. Some of them will be dumb enough to put bounties on Chouji just to say that you are no longer engaged. Think you'll come running to them for comfort. But, that allows Konoha to strike back. Should you be legally single, there's nothing Konoha or the Land of Fire can do for you."

"Now, keep in mind that by talking to you about this, I'm not only risking you getting upset with me. I risk Yoshino, Shikaku, Satsuma and Miwako getting just as upset."

The waitress comes back with the first three desserts. Not surprisingly, Kashi-nii's mask is up before she notices it was down to begin with. The second she turns to leave, the mask is back down again.

I idly grab my spoon and dig in, going over his words, his reasons, his logic. I don't find fault in any of it.

"There's more going on that you are aware of. The daimyo has heard rumours that at least six lesser daimyos have already sent messengers with marriage proposals. Six. And those are just the lesser daimyos. How long before the other Great Nations' leaders want you for themselves? After all, your heritage is no less coveted than the Hatakes. Coupled with your looks? Your moral fibre? Your skills? People will go to war to make you theirs. That's why I wear my mask. To avoid the crap you're now going through."

"And furthermore, that's why the Fire daimyo is pushing for you to move to the capital. So he can protect you. He was practically raised by your grandmother, and wishes to repay her through you. That's why he wanted Asuma to be his guard, because Asuma would know who to talk to, should he fail to convince you. He knows that you will not be as patient with other daimyos as you are with him, simply because he registers as the alpha of your territory. He does understand, he does appreciate how Namikis are and think and act. However, you are not giving him any easy option to work with. Other than him moving to Konoha, there's literally nothing he can do now. And that isn't an option he can live with."

I sigh, pushing up my glasses to pinch the bride of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. Kami-sama, things can never EVER be simple when I'm involved. Ever.

It's like there's some kami out there that reads the scripts of fate, and every time she sees Namiki Aya, she giggles and scribbles some more crap I need to go through. It just isn't right!

"Go ahead and gobble down. I've said my piece."

Good… because I need the chocolate now.

8-8

Laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling. It's three in the morning, but sleep won't come.

We had a party. I drank six bottles of sake for my nerves. It didn't help. And I didn't pass out. And I'm still awake. And sleep still just won't come.

I…

I hate this so much.

I hate not knowing what to do. I hate how people that don't even know you feel they have the Kami-given right to make decisions for you. I hate how women and girls are little more than ornaments. I hate how people seem to believe that the world is theirs for the taking. I hate… I hate all of this. I hate it so much…

I even hate how tears won't come. Usually, if I'm upset like I am, tears come, I cry it out. After that, I either feel better, or at least fall asleep. Neither seems like an option now.

I… I need to figure this out. I need to find answers. I need to understand what to do. Because… This… this can't be my life. I was supposed to live a simple life. Carefully hidden behind my Anbu mask. I was supposed to save allies, kill enemies. Simple, straightforward. A bit boring, but hey, we can't have it all.

And now? Now… Now I need to figure out how to sort through this mess. Overthrow one little country and suddenly the world knows your name! I'll bet they can't even point out the Land of This on a Map! Heck, I was there and I can't!

Kami-sama! How stupid is this! Almost work myself into a grave every day for years, training harder and harder every day, and what am I known for? My looks. Wow. That's impressive. Why did I train then? Why did I study then? Why did I bother? I could have just sat on my behind and giggled at a passing daimyo. Insta-riches!

Completely crap! Complete and utter crap!

You know what! I'm done with their stupid crap. I'm done trying to figure them out. I'm done with stupid idiots that can't even notice half my worth.

I get up, and grab for my glasses, feeling Tsu stir instantly. She looks right at me, her eyes unfocused. I guess it's more like her nose is pointing at me, then. "Go back to sleep. I'm just going to the bathroom." She's starts snoring before her head even hits the pillow.

I leave my room, walk down the hall, silent as the grave, and down the stairs. I'm still in my pyjamas, but I don't care. I… I need this. I need this so bad right now.

To the front room, I quietly creep, where I slip into my slippers. I slip out of and around the house, through the little archway to the Yuki compound. I'm grateful I can track by scent, because I've never actually been inside their home.

I activate my night vision jutsu –silly name, really– and quietly enter the house, making sure to take off my slippers and stow them neatly. I sniff, searching for the one person that can make this day suck less. Up the stairs, I follow his scent. Into a seemingly random room.

He's here. Alone. I study him, how his chest rises and falls rhythmically. How his light snores seem to tease my ears. How his scent is so interwoven into the room, even though he's only been sleeping here for… a few weeks? I don't even know anymore. I'm tired, but sleep just won't come.

"Chouji." I call him, my voice soft to not startle anyone – but to let them identify me anyway.

"Hnn, uh… huh… Aya? What…?"

"Shh." I shush him, pulling up the covers and crawling in with him. It takes a moment, but I feel his familiar warmth seeping into me… I sigh, grateful. "Go back to sleep." I say.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong."

"I will, in the morning." I promise, yawning. Funny. I stare at my ceiling for hours, nothing. In his arms for a minute, can't keep my eyes open.

Well… things could be worse.

8-8

End Chapter 83

8-8

A/N: The sad part is, even though I'm being slightly dramatic about it, wars have started over pretty faces. Even in a world where there are now two female Kages... things like this, daimyos believing they have the right to claim any bride for themselves or their sons, is common. Heck, guys on the street believe themselves entitled to any pretty face they see. 'Might makes right' is all too often a justification, and woman are perceived as 'weak' by definition.

So let's see what Aya... or perhaps I should say... what Chouji has to say about this.