Crazy trouble with love part 4
Female Gilgamesh and Shirou
Series: Fate Stay
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Shirou ran as he tried to escape from a massive hulk of a man and a white haired girl claiming to be his sister.
"RAAAA!"
"Onii-chan! Come back I just want to hurt you!"
"AHHHH!" He screamed while running away only to trip and land near a snake's den as said common garter snake slithered out and bit him. "EYWOOO!"
Blood oozed from the wound as it started to drop on some snake skin that was close to the den.
Shirou hissed and grabbed the wound while hearing the man getting closer. 'Shit! I need to get out of-'
"RAAAA!" The man yelled while Shirou saw him about to raise his massive stone block at him.
"Stop Berserker! Not yet!"
"Raaa." he growled lowering his weapon.
Shirou gulped while the snakeskin slowly glowed red. "W-What's going on?!"
"Isn't it obvious? You're part of a dangerous game onii-chan." smiled the girl.
"W-Who are you?!"
"Illyasviel von Einzbern, your onee-chan." She smiled. "And I'm here to either kill you or make you my servant."
He looked at her in fear and confusion while the snakeskin glowed brighter.
The skin then glowed bright red before causing a massive bright yellow light to shine and illuminate the entire area.
"What's going on?!" cried Illya covering her eyes while the man let out a roar and got in front of her.
The light increased before a figure stepped out.
"Are you my master?"
Shirou covered his eyes but saw though the edge of his hand a woman of about twenty seven with long gold hair that reached to her butt, red eyes, gold ingots on her ears, wearing a necklace of gold, gold armor that covered her entire body, several red lines that covered her neck and down towards her the lower portions of her body, a small butt and a high E cup chest. Her face was that of a person of power and might incarnated. 'What the….where did she come from?'
She looked at Shirou with a frown. "Hello? Earth to master?"
He shook his head while seeing the man behind her growl and raise up his weapon. "Look out!"
She sighed before several massive chains appeared out of nowhere and wrapped around the behemoth. "Filthy mongrel, can't you see we're talking here?"
"RA!"
"Who are you?" frowned Illya. "Are you a servant?"
She frowned at that. "Foolish girl, don't you know of the greatest king of all time? The one that is 2/3rds deity? The one that found immorality and the one that all hero's come from?" She then saw the girls shocked expression and grinned. "Yes, now you know of the great Gilgamesh, king of Uruk and the king of heros."
"N-Nani?!" she spoke in shock. 'How did onii-chan summon HER!'
'Huh? What...am I dreaming?!' Shirou thought before the girl turned to him.
"I ask again, are you my master…mmm." She looked him over and chuckled. "Interesting, a mage that looks like a demigod. What a treasure."
He shook his head. "What? Master?"
She sighed. "Yes, you're my master. I hope." she then looked at the hulking man. "Shall I send this brute packing?"
"Wait, do you mean fight?"
"What else? Talking and having a conversation?"
He looked at the man and girl. "Um, maybe if that's an option yeah."
She groaned. "Look, if you want things done try and have an iron fist. Especially with peasants."
"Who you calling a peasant?" frowned Illya. "Hercules, fight her!"
"RA!" He roared before trying to break the chains and failing.
"Ha! No being with divine might can get out of Enkidu!" She laughed before taking out a sword from a yellow portal before rushing at the man.
"Stop!" called out Shirou.
She turned and frowned before cutting the man's throat. "What now?"
He went wide eyed seeing the man let out a gurgle, but was even more shocked when he saw it start healing. "W….What the hell's going on around here?!"
"We're at war." She sighed. "One that I'm not interested in." she then summoned a large spear and stabbed the man in the eye and right into the brain.
"Stop it!" yelled Shirou.
"..." she rolled her eyes before taking the spear away and walked towards Shirou. "You might be my master but I'm a king. I deserve respect."
"King? I don't even know where you came from or what's the deal with this servant/master thing!" he cried out. 'I hope I'm not dreaming this up.'
She frowned before grabbing his hair. "You're so close to having your head decapitated."
He winced while trying to stay firm. "Just tell me what's going on."
The servant groaned before using her chains to grab the girl and drag her over. "You can tell him peasant."
"I'm not a peasant!"
"Don't care. You're a peasant in my eyes girl."
She glared at him before turning to Shirou. "It's like this…"
(Two hours later)
"And that's what this is all about."
"Zzzzzz."
"Zzzzzz."
"Zzzzzzz."
Her eye twitched. "Hey! Wake up!"
"Huh?" Shirou yawned. "Oh sorry about that."
She frowned as Gilgamesh yawned and stretched.
"That was a good nap."
"Did any of you even hear that?"
"Yes. But he fell asleep after the concepts of magic was explained. And to be frank, it was boring."
She growled at Shirou. "We're in a war and you're part of it now!"
"But why me? I'm not doing anything like getting a cup."
"A grail and it's a wish granter."
"Still, I never wanted to get involved in something like this. Isn't there a way to just call a surrender?"
"Unless you can kill all six servants and masters."
"...I refuse to do that!" he declared while holding the wound. "I'm not a killer!"
"But-"
"Peasant." Gilgamesh interrupted. "While I have no qualms of killing anyone that dares attack me. I believe master's word is similar to a king, a lousy one but a king nonetheless."
She groaned. "Fine, try to act neutral, but there are others who won't hesitate to come after you."
"Which is why I'm keeping you." Gilgamesh smirked. "As a servant that is."
"What? That's not happening." she growled. "Come on Hercules, we're leaving."
"Ra." He growled before trying to get out of the chains.
"One problem, you're trapped like rats." she smirked. "And I can easily chop off your heads if you prefer."
"You won't do that!" Shirou yelled. "None of us are going to harm each other, do you understand?"
"..." she sighed before pinching her nose. "You're an annoying master, but kind of like my as a child." 'Which I can't even recall anymore.'
"Um, thanks?" 'I think.'
She then started to walk off while dragging the two behind her. "Shall we head out master?"
(Sometime later)
"This is your home?"
"Yes."
"It's too ordinary." She shrugged. "But not that bad given other places you could have stayed at."
"I'm not rich." he sweatdropped. "And I really think you should just let them go."
She turned to the two people in chains. "Maybe, but perhaps I'll keep them as servants instead. Especially the girl."
"We don't need any servants, and this is just keeping them prisoner."
"A king has to be firm." She sighed. "Especially with the ones that tried to kill you master."
"Ra!"
"Oh be quiet mongrel!" She yelled as Shirou frowned at that.
"Gilgamesh, let them go, now."
She rolled her eyes while NOT doing it as she walked towards Illya. "Look here. If I let you go will you attack me and master or will you do the right thing and run away like dogs?"
"We're not dogs or peasants, but we will leave." frowned Illya.
"Good answer." She said letting them go. "But if I see you two again I'll make sure both of you are vulture food." she summoned a small dagger for extra effect.
Illya turned with a huff while Hercules followed her out.
"What a peasant." She muttered while putting the dagger away. "So what shall be done now master?"
"About what? This war?"
"No not that." She waved off. "I mean about a home cooked meal fit for a king."
"Oh but could you….um can you change into something else?"
"Are you trying to make me? Me, the king of heros, strip like a common whore?" She frowned while raising her eyebrow.
"No no no no!" he blushed with his hands up. "I just figured with all that armor, it might get a little stuffy inside."
She rolled her eyes before a portal appeared and some clothes popped out. "Fine, I'll get out of this armor, but only because I'm also getting hot." she then started to take her clothes off in front of him.
"Wait!" he blushed looking away. "Maybe you should do that somewhere else."
"Nonsense." She said while taking the armor off and started putting some black panties and a black bra on. "A king is above such things like embarrassment. And no one would dare point that out on pain of castration."
He blushed before Gilgamesh finished as she wore a white undershirt with a black jacket with white stripes on the sides with a short skirt that reached to her upper hips and black shoes. "Um, quick question. I heard about that stuff on you earlier, but...aren't you suppose to be a man?"
She shrugged. "History is strange. If a man is really a woman it is recorded. Same with a woman being a man. It's all in perspective."
"And you're really part god?"
"It's 2/3rds divine. I'm not a simple demigod like the brute. I'm closer to those gods then anything you know about master."
"Oh…."
"Now lets enter this hut and have a feast fit for a king such as I!"
He sighed before letting them in as she looked around the insides with him going to the kitchen.
"One question."
"What?"
"Why do you have a woman sleeping on the floor with no clothes on?"
"What are you talking about?"
"There's this woman with a bottle of something in her hands." She said while kicking her. "And she's out cold."
Shirou walked out and blushed seeing Taiga being the woman. "T-Taiga-nee?"
"Nee? What are you talking about and you know this woman master?"
He moved over and tried shaking her.
"Mmm….so much….rice…" she groaned while drooling a little.
"Taiga-nee, wake up."
She groaned while moving a little. "Shirou-kun...you're so….cute cooking food…."
"Let me master." Gilgamesh said before picking her up and slapped her face hard. "WAKE UP YOU MONGREL!"
"OW! WHAT THE FUCK?!" she cried waking up in confusion. "Ow! Who the hell are you?!"
"Taiga-nee." Shirou sighed. "What happened?"
She turned and frowned. "I was in a great dream until this girl woke me up!"
"Yet you were naked as day and master was worried."
"...Shirou-kun. Have you been getting into THAT kind of crowd?"
"What kind of crowd?"
"You know. The one with the leather and whips."
He blushed and shook his head. "No! Not at all!"
"Then why the master stuff?"
Gilgamesh groaned before explaining everything in a few sentences.
"War? Now I know you're messing with me."
"If I'm 'messing with you' I wouldn't do this." She said while taking a sword out of her yellow portal.
Taiga jumped and fell on her ass. "What the?!"
"You're slow." She groaned before putting the sword away. "Master, are you sure you know this broad?"
"Yes and she's not a broad."
She rolled her eyes before looking at Taiga. "Put some clothes on, you're unfit for serving me."
"Serve you?" she frowned.
"Yes, you are his servant right?"
"Hell no! I'm his caretaker!"
"...so like a mother right?"
"No, like a sister."
"Huh, so the girl I just let go before was lying?" She mused. "Guess I have to rip her tongue out later."
"No you don't." spoke Shirou. "If I'm your master, that means you have to listen to me, right?"
"Normally yes, but I have a higher Independent skill. Meaning I'll follow you on my own accord." She said while walking away. "I'll be sleeping in thou room for the night. Call me when the feast is done."
"Shirou-kun are you sure you should be letting her tell you what to do?" whispered Taiga.
"I don't know myself, plus she did save me so I'm kind of grateful."
"But she's got a huge stick up her ass. Maybe we can knock her out and drive her far away into the country and she'll get lost."
"If that happened isn't that considered….kidnapping?"
"No, it's getting rid of a pest." she smirked.
"...have you been watching cop shows again?"
"Maybe. Which reminds me, we need to make sure her fingerprints aren't around when we do it."
Shirou sighed as Gilgamesh sat behind a corner and heard everything.
"We'll see about that." She muttered with a smirk.
(Later)
"Zzzzz." She 'snored' while the two 'siblings' carefully dropped her in a field some miles away.
"Are you sure the sake will keep her snoozing?"
"Trust me, if it'll drop me, it'll knock her out just as easy."
Shirou sweatdropped. "Um maybe we shouldn't do this?"
"Don't be such a chicken." she sighed. "Do you wanna have a spoiled brat living with you?"
"I don't think she's spoiled, just a product of her times." He said while Gilgamesh heard it. "Plus she might have some good traits, like being kind?"
"Or she could have no traits at all." deadpanned Taiga as they set her down. "Now let's get out of here."
"I still don't know." He muttered while walking away with Taiga. "I mean what if she gets hurt?"
"If she's as strong as you said then she can fight off anyone. Besides we're not that far from the nearest town so if she's careful she can find her way back and maybe then she'll have wised up and matured enough not to act all high and mighty."
Shirou sighed as they walked far away from the spot where the girl was dropped.
Gilgamesh 'snored' before opening one eye and smirked as she got up. "Mature? I'm more mature than you think." she muttered.
(Back at home)
"I'm so tired." Shirou yawned as they walked through the door.
"Oh don't be like that Shirou-kun." Taiga yawned before smelling cooked ham. "Did you cook something before we left?"
"No, did you?"
She shook her head no as they tiptoed to the kitchen before going wide eyed seeing Gilgamesh making a ham sandwich using the frying pan for the bread and the oven for the ham.
"Let's see, first add some basil." she said to herself. "Then maybe add some goat milk? Mmm, might work."
"W-What are you doing here?!"
She turned and saw their shocked faces. "Making you two some food, what else would I be doing?"
"Y-You...you were asleep!"
"Yes, but I woke up." she smiled. "And I figured making the two of you some food would be the MATURE thing, know what I mean?"
Taiga went wide eyed as Shirou was so confused at HOW she came back so quickly.
"So take a seat and I'll be your guest for tonight."
The two walked out while Taiga was surprised at being tricked so easily.
Gilgamesh smirked before the oven dinged before she took the ham out and placed it on the table while she grabbed some plates as she placed the goats milk on the grilled bread. She then cut the ham into two slices, one much bigger then normal and another being way too small, as she put the bread on the plates and finished meal off by giving Shirou the biggest sandwich and Taiga the smallest. "Enjoy master, master's sister."
They took the sandwiches and hesitantly took a bite from them.
"Well? How is it?"
"Really good." spoke Shirou.
"Thanks, I guess using giant boar was a good idea." She smiled. "So I heard you think I was a kind person master?"
He gulped and nodded. 'She really did hear all that.'
"That's good." She said while sitting down. "It's a good thing to call a king kind. Especially when said king is a girl."
"If you're so kind why did you give me less?!"
She turned to Taiga. "Because you already ate, plus you don't need an elephant's diet."
Taiga growled at her while Shirou sweatdropped.
"But master here deserves only the best." She grinned. "And a meal made by me is the only meal worthy of praise."
"Wasn't that good." muttered Taiga in annoyance.
"Then why did you eat it all?" Shirou asked while pointing to the empty plate.
"Shirou-kun!"
"Mmm, Shirou-kun." Gilgamesh mused. "Has a nice ring to it."
"Oh don't tell me you're gonna start calling him that now."
"Maybe." She grinned. "After all, he finds me a kind king, not a spoiled brat."
"One question." Shirou asked. "How did you get back so quickly?"
"Simple I used Vimana to fly me back here."
"...huh?"
She sighed before picking him and Taiga up and walked out of the house where a huge ship with green wings in the shape of feathers, with a gold exterior and a red crystal cockpit was currently landing. "That's Vimana."
"..."
"..."
"What? Never saw a ship that can travel faster than light before?"
"I've never seen something like that anywhere." spoke Shirou.
"Because it came from Indian legends, all the heros of the past's weapons and noble phantasms are mine to use." She smirked. "And anything not in my treasury I shall obtain and use for what I see fit."
"..."
"But what does it run on?"
"Mercury." Gilgamesh smirked. "But if you want a sneak peak I suggest bowing before me, maybe groveling a little."
"Not happening."
"How about you master?" She asked Shirou. "Want to test the Throne of the Heaven-soaring King?"
"Um, maybe later." he waved off.
She sighed before letting them go as the ship disappeared into a portal. "Fine, but I think it's going to be morning in a few minutes."
And on cue the sun rose in the eastern sky.
"What! Aw come on." groaned Taiga.
"What is wrong?" She asked.
"I have class to teach in one hour!"
"You're a teacher? But you're a glutton."
"That doesn't change how my job life is!" She yelled while running back into the house.
"..."
"..."
"Can I join you master Shirou-kun?"
"Huh?"
"Can I join you at this school?"
"That might not work, you're not a student or teacher."
"..." she frowned before pulling out a degree in history by a guy named Nero. "I am now."
"That's not gonna work."
She sighed before grabbing a whip. "Then I'm going as a tutor."
KARIP!
"Bad idea!" he cried out with a pale expression. 'That'll scar them for life.'
"Why? I'm a good teacher." She frowned. "Plus I'm great at this."
"But you might kill someone!"
"..." she put the whip away before sighing. "Look, just give me a chance, that's all I'm asking you master Shirou-kun."
"But it's not that easy. The school board needs to look over any forms on you, your reason for attending, and even then it takes weeks."
Gilgamesh frowned before sighing. "Fine, then I guess I can't keep you from getting killed by someone with a servant then. And I'll be returning to the grail before you know it."
"Don't worry, if something happens I'll come back home, happy?"
She nodded while getting other ideas.
(A while later)
-School-
Shirou sighed while resting on his desk in his history class, only to realize that the teacher was out with a cold and for some reason smallpoxs. 'That's weird.'
The door opened as he saw….Gilgamesh with glasses on walking in before taking out a ruler and hit the board.
"Attention class! Your teacher will be out indefinitely so I, miss Gila Meshia, will be your new history teacher. So I expect great results from all you mongrels!"
The class was confused while Shirou went wide eyed.
"Oh and call me king." She smirked before getting the lesson started.
(Much later!)
'I can't believe she actually did that.' Shirou thought while eating some lunch. 'But how did she even get a teachers degree?'
"Shirou-kun." Spoke Gilgamesh while walking over. "Have room for one more?"
"Sure." he replied without thinking. "You probably would have sat down anyway, right?"
"You know me well." She grinned. "So how was your classes?"
"Good except for the fact Shinji was kicked out a window."
"He called me fat. What person would do that?"
"Well you don't know him so….I can't fault you for that."
She nodded before looking him over. "You know, I think you're a fine student."
"Well thanks, but question? Did….you have something to do with our teacher?"
"Nope, apparently she was sick with it and asked her sister, who asked the mailman, who again asked the milkman and then me to do the job."
'...that's a lot of coincidence.'
'Good thing I had that jar of smallpox in my collection.' "Anyway, I recommend you to ask your teacher about today's work."
"How come?"
"Because I gave you a take home quiz on Sumer." She frowned. "Really, did you forget about my lesson already?"
"Well it was hard considering you kept swinging that ruler around." he deadpanned.
She groaned before seeing a girl with black pigtails walking by. "Why hello Rin-chan. How's everything?"
"Oh, hello sensei." she greeted formally.
"Let me guess, still drawing in class?"
She blushed.
"I take that as a yes. But seriously, what compelled you to draw symbols all over the place?" She asked while discreetly giving Shirou a heads up on her being a master.
"I...I was just daydreaming. They came to me in a dream."
"Huh, so it wasn't porn!" She said while yelling out the last part. "Especially with the girls with horse cocks-"
"SENSEI!" she blushed before running off.
Gilgamesh laughed at that before looking at Shirou. "What?"
"That was rude and uncalled for."
She rolled her eyes at that.
"I'm serious, why'd you try and embarrass her like that?"
"Because she's a master." She frowned. "And where a master is, a servant is close by."
"Wait, Rin-san? A master?" he blinked surprised. "How can you tell?"
"Simple, she was making mage symbols in her notebook. Very crude but effective."
"But anyone could make up symbols, what if they really were fake?"
"If they were then." She pulled out a notebook with a few odd symbols. "Why did I find a command seal for Lancer in here?"
"Lancer?"
"A servant class, like I'm an Archer." She said. "There are seven including Berserker. Each one unique and dangerous."
"Really?"
"But enough about that, is this proof enough for you Shirou-kun?"
"Well, maybe. I mean I'm still stunned at all this from yesterday."
"Give it time." She said while putting her hand on his shoulder. "And I know you'll be a good king."
"I thought you said I was a lousy one?"
"I did, but maybe I'm judging you harshly." She smiled. "You're a nice boy." 'And a little cute.'
"Um….thanks?"
She smiled before getting up. "Well I have another class so I better get going. Oh and you've been here for two hours so...yeah Mister Doug is eating for you in his already later math class."
"What?!"
"Yeah you might want to get going now." She chuckled while walking away.
He rushed to finish and ran to class. 'I can't believe her!'
(Back home)
"I'm home!" Called out Shirou while walking into the house.
"'Bout time." spoke Gilgamesh sitting at the table. "I was waiting for you to give me a foot massage."
Taiga groaned from her side of the table.
"What's wrong with Taiga-nee?"
"She's in the mood for coffee whatever that stuff is."
"Ugh….coffee with...sake…"
"I don't think that's a good idea." sweatdropped the boy.
"Mmm!" She pouted. "But I want it!"
"Want me to knock her out Shirou-kun?"
"No."
She sighed before taking a large bottle of sake out of a portal and gave it to Taiga. "Here. For you."
"Ah! Thank you!"
"Just don't drink all of it at once." she warned before seeing Taiga start guzzling it.
After two seconds she grinned before starting to streak. "YAHOO!"
"...you have an odd sister Shirou-kun."
"Yes but she's a nice person."
"Yeah nice." She rolled her eyes. "And I'm a peasant with a obsession with red hair."
"If you say so." he joked.
Gilgamesh rolled her eyes before punching Shirou's shoulder lightly. "Yeah yeah Shirou-kun."
"Ow!"
"And now kiss!" Taiga grinned before pushing their heads together and made them kiss each other's lips. "Smoochi smoochi!"
Their eyes widened in shock while quickly pulling away with Gilgamesh growling and tackling Taiga.
"You little bitch!"
"Ha ha! I love you too!"
"I'm going to make you into a chair!"
"Oh you ha ha ha ha!" she laughed while Gilgamesh picked her up and carried her outside.
"Just don't hurt her too much!"
"I won't Shirou-kun!"
"I hear wedding bells!"
"I'll give you bells you bitch!"
"Ha ha ha!" she laughed as Gilgamesh tossed her out and shut the door.
"There." She said while dusting her hands. "The fresh air will sober her up."
"Wow...you didn't hurt her."
"Why would I? She is drunk and drunks are only dangerous when they stab people with daggers."
"You looked mad enough to….you know."
"Kill her? Shirou-kun I might act like a tyrant but I'm above all that. Besides, having everyone seeing her hairy snatch is punishment enough." she laughed.
Shirou blushed as Gilgamesh walked over and sat down next to him.
"Look, I get she did...that. But maybe we should try working up before we start acting like a married couple Shirou-kun?"
"Say what?" he blushed brighter.
"You heard me." She said while getting closer. "Let's just start out as friends before trying anything. And no I'm not comparing you to Enkidu, your different yet unique."
"Um...thank you?"
"Anytime. But I think it's time to cook again." She said getting up. "How about we try cooking together? Your kings treat."
"Wow, I think that's rather selfless of you." he joked.
"Oh shut up." She chuckled while punching his gut lightly.
"Ow." he winced. "You might wanna hold back on those punches."
"I did." She rolled her eyes. "You just are weak. Which is fine but oh well, it's not that bad. Especially you." she muttered the last part.
'I just don't get her.' He thought while Gilgamesh walked away with her hips shaking a lot. He blushed while looking away.
'I'll get him soon.' She thought with a smirk. 'After all, he is my greatest treasure and I have to keep him well looked after~'