Voices

Jak fought hard not to pace. He knew it would not help matters. The waiting room in the hospital that the Initiative had secured the services of was comfortably appointed, but it didn't have anything to take his mind from what was happening. Not even the amazing view of the Vancouver skyline was easing his worry.

Lara was in surgery and there was nothing Jak could do but wait.

"Jak." Korri spoke up from where she sat in a comfortable chair near one wall, her focus on something she was tinkering with. "Lara is okay. She is going to be okay."

"I know." Jak slumped a bit and shook his head. "But after Christie… I am worried, Korri."

"You have a right to it." Korri said with a nod. "I know you now, inside and out. It feels...different from anything else I have known, but it is good. What happened to Christie wasn't your fault. Blame Cerberus if you are going to blame anyone."

"In my head, I know that." Jak replied, finally sitting in one of the chairs. "My heart? Seeing her on Terra Nova was a shock and a half. Being told she was a clone and not the real one? Worse."

"Undoing what Cerberus did to her will take time, Jak." Korri said with a shrug. "But they promised. You heard Illia."

"I did." Jak had to smile at that memory. Illia detested Cerberus. It was hard to say what part of that was the asari and what part was the rachni queen she served. Then again, racist human terrorists were not generally on anyone's friend list. The rachni were the kindest, most even tempered beings Jak had ever met, and he totally understood their feelings for the human splinter group.

Christie was a mess. She truly thought she was Christie Susandottor, former Alliance Warrant Officer and master gunner. Christie had died on Terra Nova and Cerberus had taken her body to make a copy of her. For what reason, Jak did not know. Maybe just to do it. The scientists employed by that organization put the mad into mad science a lot more than anyone should. It broke Jak's heart to see her, to hear her ask when she could go home. Her family still lived, a mother, father and brother. But they had mourned her and moved on. What was worse? Cerberus had implanted control devices into Christie's brain along with traditional brainwashing. She wasn't her own person anymore. The rachni had removed the devices carefully, but the brainwashing would be slow to fade even with rachni tending her. Jak couldn't just drop the woman off somewhere. She was dead to her family and the Alliance. If she suddenly surfaced, the best she could hope for was a long stint in an Alliance prison for impersonating an Alliance officer. The worst? Incarceration in an asylum like Jak had been in.

"She will get better, Jak." Korri had a frown in her voice as she fiddled with the piece of tech she was working on. "She may not be the same person, but she will be better."

"I know." Jak stared at the wall and his voice was soft. "But it hurts."

"If it didn't hurt, you wouldn't be who you are." Korri finished whatever she was doing and rose to stand beside him. "The things you did as an Alliance pilot, the things that were done to you… You had every right to go totally, incurably insane." She laid a hand on his arm. "Jak..."

"Hiding things from you doesn't work." Jak said with a small smile. Korri shook her head. "Korri..."

"I am not interested, Jak." Korri said with a shrug. "Not now, maybe not ever. I can sympathize with Lara wanting a child. But such a life is not for me."

"I said the same thing, Korri." Jak laid a hand on hers. "She doesn't like the idea of waiting, but we should sleep through most of that. By the time we wake in Andromeda, things should have stabilized a bit."

"You know they won't be happy." Korri muttered. "Keeping this secret is needed, but will be a hell of a shock to a lot of people."

"Ya think?" Jak snickered as she made a disgusted noise. "Korri, have you given Perrin'Shiya's idea any thought?"

"A bit." Korri admitted. "I mean, all my life, I wanted to go on Pilgrimage. To prove I was an adult. To show all of the ones who hurt me that they were wrong. That I was an adult and not a traitor."

"You were never a traitor, Korri." Jak pulled her into a gentle embrace. She sighed as she relaxed.

"I might have been, once. If I had thought of it or had the means to do it." Korri admitted. "I lashed out at everyone around me. I didn't understand why I was so angry all the time. Even when people were kind to me, I was awful to them. I know now it was the programming, that whoever did it to me wanted me isolated. Alone."

"Yeah." Jak sighed deeply as Korri hugged him. "And now you are not." He said fondly. "The songs help."

"They do." Korri admitted as she laid her helmeted head on his shoulder. "And that brings up what I want to give the quarian people." Jak looked at her and Korri gave herself a shake. "I am not part of the quarian people. I don't think I ever was. Elan'Shiya tried, but I… I was too broken."

"You are quarian, Korri." Jak held her at arms length and then slowly touched Korri in the middle of her chest. "Here. In humans, we say the heart, the core of our being is here, behind the sternum. It isn't. What we are is not focused in any physical place. Not even the neurons in our brains can be said to house all of who and what we are. You are quarian, Korri." Korri shook her head but Jak did not release her. "You can run from what you are. You can deny what you are. But in the end, you are who you are." He hugged her as she gave a tiny sob. "My sister of the mind. It doesn't matter of you have a different skin than I do. You are my sister."

"Well, you are crazy." Korri said with a laugh. She did hug him again. "You don't need to stay, Jak." He just looked at her and she made a sound of worry. "Jak..."

"You know Cerberus will try again." Jak said with a growl. "They simply cannot allow people to snub them like I did. Their primary weapon is fear and if people stop fearing, or worse, start laughing?" He shook his head. '"Until Lara is mobile again, I am not moving."

"I want to learn how to protect her and myself." Korri retreated a few steps and Jak let her go. "I never learned how to shoot." Jak just looked at her and her posture turned resigned. "Yes, I know why. I can even agree, somewhat. Giving me a loaded weapon was a bad idea before. But Jak..." Her mind opened up to him and he had to smile at the tinges of worry mixed with anticipation. "I want to help. You and Lara are so brave and I am a burden."

"You are not a burden!" Jak exclaimed as he took two rushing steps to hug Korri again. "Never say that. If anything, we share the burdens. I am nuts enough for all three of us. Lara is physically weaker than both of us. It doesn't matter. We are all that we have, the three of us. We share the loads." Korri was crying softly as Jak's mind enveloped hers gently, soothing away her pain and fear. "If you want to learn to shoot, you can. But you need to understand completely how awful the worry of that can be. Carrying a lethal weapon is not a right or a privilege. It is a massive weight of responsibility that you carry everywhere." He tapped the pistol on his hip meaningfully. "For many, violence is either their lives or something they see on holo vids. Either way, they do not take it seriously."

"I do not understand." Korri said after a moment. "I mean, you use weapons and you are a good man."

"I try to be." Jak stared at the wall again, but his eyes were far away. "I wasn't always. Violence was my life for the first few years of it. We laughed, partied and did not take it seriously. Then I learned what discipline meant and while I do use violence when I must, I never do it lightly." He opened a dark corner of his mind to hers and she gasped. "Yes. That is why I do not want you to do it."

"You… enjoy it?" Korri said weakly.

"Not the killing, per say." Jak let her retreat. He didn't really like that part of himself much. "But pitting myself against foes who test me? Of testing myself and surviving things that others could not? Yes. I enjoy that. I do not feel a rush in battle as some I have known did, but I do feel more alive when people are firing at me than any other time."

"That is insane." Korri said weakly. Then she realized what she had said and chuckled. Jak smiled too.

"Yes, it is." Jak agreed. "One reason the Alliance spends so much time training its Special Forces is that once we are trained, we are some of the scariest beings imaginable. We are trained to do the job, whether it is get information or neutralize a threat. We do it." He paused and grimaced. "They do it." He corrected himself grimly. "I am not Alliance now. Thing is, you need to understand and I do not know if I have the words, so..."

He reached for her hands and she let him take them. She was trembling a bit as he opened his mind to hers again. She resisted a little, fear coloring her mind, but he did not intrude, simply laid all he was bare to her. The good, the bad, the ugly and the horrific. Korri gasped and then she was crying.

What soldiers do it needed, Korri. Jak sent silently. But that doesn't make it right. We are trained to kill. To use wits and weapons as often as needed to defeat the enemy whoever or whatever they may be. But in the end, what we do is not civilized or polite or right. It is wrong, what we do.

But it is needed. Korri's mind firmed up with his and her acceptance brought a smile to his face. There are so many in this galaxy who will simply take what they have not earned. There have to be those who stand between those who cannot or will not fight and those who would harm them or civilization will never flourish. But the cost… Jak…

"I chose the life, Korri." Jak said aloud. "There are parts I wish I could forget, but in the end? I chose it. I decided I wanted to join the Alliance. I decided to go Special Forces. I decided to take flight training." He gave her a squeeze and released her hands. "I take pride in my accomplishments. I have no regrets for enemies I have slain. It was them or me and I chose me. But each life I took does haunt me to this day."

"The bridge." Korri said softly, not releasing his hands. Jak nodded. "That wasn't your fault."

"I know that." Jak shook his head. "Thing is, Korri, every action has a reaction. Basic physics and basic emotions. If you want to learn how to shoot, then you can. Neither Lara nor I will stop you. But you need to know the costs associated with pulling a trigger and ending a life. Or worse, not ending one."

"Not?" Korri queried and then made a noise of dismay. "Oh. That."

"Yeah." Jak sighed heavily. "A weapon doesn't have to kill to destroy a life, Korri. Lara is living proof of that. She will never be who she was before she was shot. She is who she is now and we will not leave her."

"No." Korri replied as she stared at the floor. "We won't. I do want to learn to shoot. But we can't here obviously."

"Not hardly." Jak laughed a little. "But the main thing that you have to learn is not something that can be taught. You have to know it deep inside yourself. How to use a weapon is fairly easy. I can teach you that. When to? That is not nearly as easy." Korri's eyes had widened under her helmet and then she nodded slowly.

"Yeah." The quarian sat down heavily. "I can see that. I know the statistics. Accidental injury and death by firearm is a huge problem for medial personnel everywhere. Just the thought of hurting you or Lara makes me sick."

"Many weapons only have one use, Korri." Jak said sadly. "A hammer or knife can be used for many things, but a firearm?" He snickered a little "Can't cook with a gun, but that hasn't stopped people from trying."

A weak and tremulous voice sounded and Jak froze. Korri stiffened as well.

Jak? Lara sounded barely awake. I think I am done.

Lara? Jak inquired. Are you okay?

I don't know. Lara sounded sick and Jak stiffened. They are moving me, but… Jak! I don't recognize the halls! This is not the surgery wing!

"Korri!" Jak snapped, moving towards the door. Korri pulled up her omni-tool even as Jak drew his Predator. But what was just outside the door when it opened had him freezing in place.

The woman in N7 armor did not have a weapon in hand. She didn't need one. Her mask proclaimed what she was even if her upraised hand with its swirl of blue-black energy around it hadn't. An Alliance Special Forces biotic. He had no chance. At the moment? He couldn't have cared less.

"BACK!" Jak shouted, moving between Korri and the unknown. His pistol was up and aimed, for all the good it would do against a biotic and-

"STOP!" The commanding voice was familiar and Jak stiffened even further as Admiral Steven Hackett stepped into view, hand up. "Captain! Stand down! Now. Jak is a civilian now and he is protecting his family. He will die to protect them. Back off, Captain. That is an order! Jak! This is not a kidnapping! We are here to help!"

"Where are you taking Lara?" Jak snapped, not moving from in front of Korri or lowering his weapon. Cerberus was well known for sneaky tricks. Impersonating Hackett would be hard, but maybe feasible..

"Two of the hospital orderlies were found dead in their homes an hour ago." Hackett said quietly as he stepped to the still menacing N7. "We think Cerberus sent in a pair of agents to grab Lara. Maybe you too. Her room was not secure. We are moving her to a secure room. You two as well. I hoped to be here before you realized. Jak, please." Hackett begged. "We are not enemies."

He stepped between the N7 and Jak despite the woman's growl of annoyance. Jak sighed a little and looked at the N7.

"Guard?" She nodded a little. "My condolences. He always did have more bravery than sense." What had to be a snicker came from the mask as Hackett crossed his arms and glared at Jak. "Sorry, Admiral. I am not your subordinate anymore. I don't have to be polite when you do dumb stuff."

"Oh?" Hackett demanded, but his eyes were twinkling. "You were polite? Is that what you called it?" He asked, incredulous.

"I was always polite." Jak said with a shrug as he lowered his pistol. If this was a trick, he was screwed.

"You threatened to tie me to the seat once, as I recall." Hackett said with a growl that was totally fake. Both the N7 and Korri stared at Jak who shrugged.

"You wanted to fly into a hot combat zone to look and see the real situation on the ground, as I recall." Jak said with a growl of his own. "Even a Kodiak wouldn't have been able to take the rockets they were tossing around, let alone the shuttles we had at the time. To this day I wonder if you have a death wish."

"He does." The voice from the N7 was cool, but also very amused as the energy around her hand vanished. Hackett spun to glare at her and she shrugged. "Sir, you do need to delegate these things. Cerberus would love a shot at you."

"Good luck with that." Jak said sourly. "Man is smart, but has the sense of a plant about some things."

"Don't start, Lieutenant." Admiral Hackett said with a grow. "Come on. Your girl is awake?" Jak just looked at him and Hackett raised empty hands. "We are keeping an eye on you, Jak. Until you leave. Can you blame us?"

"What do you want?" Jak demanded. Lara? He sent, but there was no reply. Lara, are you there?

They are blocking my coms. Korri said, worried. Either they are or Cerberus is. I cannot get through to Initiative security.

Oh shit. Jak took a deep breath and stepped back. He looked at the N7 who had tensed. "So it comes to this. Who do I trust? Someone is blocking our coms. You?"

The sudden non-expression on Hackett's face was all the proof Jak needed. But it hurt. It hurt so bad to be betrayed by this man of all the ones he had known. It stood to reason that the Alliance would want to know how Lara and Jak could do what they did. But he couldn't tell them and they couldn't duplicate it. Cerberus likely wasn't even here. Hackett knew how Jak felt about them. A perfect set up. He couldn't shoot Hackett and the admiral knew that. He couldn't escape with an N7 right there, even if she hadn't been a biotic... so...

"You are the best poker player I ever met, Admiral Hackett." Jak said quietly. He could feel Korri's matching shock, and sudden realization mixed with horror at this. She knew betrayal by people she had trusted. Jak did not lower his weapon any further, but he did press a button on the side. The N7 was suddenly in front of Hackett as the weapon started beeping. "But this isn't a game."

"Jak!" Hackett paled. "Don't, son!"

"You are very good, Admiral. But there are limits."

Jak held the weapon totally wrong as he curled it close to his body. As long as his finger held the button, the weapon would heat but not overheat. When he released it? Ouch. Even if the N7 could grasp it, she couldn't get it clear before the thermal system overloaded and melted. His overclocked pistol's power pack would then detonate. The blast wouldn't be much but it would be enough to kill him in his civvies. Korri moved to stand bedside him, her own body masking the pistol from the biotic. She too would die, either from the blast or from the neural trauma.

He didn't want that, but he wanted to be a slave again less.

"You just passed them."