Hammerman, Part 1
Is the Order a Rabbit? belongs to Manga Time Kirara, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure belongs to Hirohiko Araki. If I did, we'd be turning Giorno into a girl by now.
Wait, don't hear that.
This chapter is named after MC Hammer, more specifically his fucking awful cartoon, Hammerman. Watch Nostalgia Critic's review of the show to know what the fuck I'm talking about.
I'm so thirsty for this chapter since if you read one of my other fics, you know this fucker. I never put him in any other fic but I neeeeeeed him to show back up because he's amazing.
Did you guys know there is a fanmade game called the 7th Crusader which has different insert protagonists you can play as for Stardust Crusaders except depending on what you do will affect the story is so maaaany ways to the point it isn't the original story. You can permanently get characters killed, visit a Sanctuary where ghosts are, new characters who are extremely important to the story, characters who should be in previous or future parts showed up with new powers like Speedwagon using the [Ripple] and Kars being found thanks to a hint by Alessi. Even Kira is an Easter Egg and Pucci's effects are still happing. Play it for yourself, the hardest bosses are Araki and the game's creator herself.
I am so fucking in love with Breath of the Wild. Holy shit, I'm playing it and it's amazing already.
To Speedwagon: I did the exact same thing with the manga.
If you like this fic, review, follow and fav because HAMMER, HAMMERMAN! HAMMER, HAMMERMAN!
STORY IS NOW!
"Cocoa, I think I'm in love with you." Joren confessed to the girl in their bedroom. Cocoa looked stunned in response to his declaration. "I don't know when or how but...I fell in love with you."
The girl remained silent as he went on his knees, holding her.
"J-JoJo-kun..." She was at a lost for words to see her friend admit his feeling. "I-I..."
"But we can't be together, at least for now." He added, standing up. "We can't focus on my love life and stopping Tsumugu at the same time. Working I can handle but trying to love you while I'm hunting down a deranged man is harder."
"But-" The boy grabbed the girl before plating his lips onto hers again much to her surprise. "Mmm?"
Joren let go from the kissing afterward, looking into her eyes.
"If we live when this is all over, I'll ask you out for one date."
"D-Date?!" Her face began glowing red.
"You didn't blush when you kissed me?" He scoffed. "Either way, I'll protect you and everyone, okay?"
Cocoa bit her lip before she nodded. "So...does that mean you'll stop being overprotective?"
"Pfft, no." He replied. "I want to keep you alive for our future date so I have take care of you. I need to sleep with you."
After realizing what he said, the boy's face began turning red also. "I-I mean on the bed, n-not the sex! Shit, I meant we both stay on the same bed."
"Oh, alright." She agreed. "B-But...if you want to-"
"I don't want a child for me to worry about also." Even though his inner beast wanted to do nothing but make love to her, his mind said no to such a terrible idea.
Especially since he kissed Sharo first.
"O-Okay." Oddly enough, she sounded disappointed with his lack of sexual desire. "Sorry I asked."
"No biggie. It's likely what every girl of the opposite sex wants to do with me." His eyes than darted to her body. "Was that your first kiss?"
"Does family count?"
"No."
"Then yeah." She nodded. "It was."
"Oh, sorry for taking it." He apologized. "Even if you didn't love me, would you still have kissed me?"
"To make you feel better, yeah." Cocoa plopped on her better. "Hope nobody saw that-"
Her eyes then darted to the door to see it was partially open. In the hallway's darkness was one widened eye looking through the door.
"JoJo-kun!" She pointed at the door. "Someone's spying!"
"What? ARA!" He pulled to door open, the person who was there was Chino of all people with a shocked expression.
"Chino-chan?!" Cocoa went by Joren's side. "What are you doing?"
She looked at them before blinking and began looking around in the most fake confusion ever made.
"I-I was just wondering where you and JoJo-san were so we can talk about my training!" She lied to them. "I-I didn't see anything!"
"Chino-chan..." Cocoa started. "Were you spying on us?"
"N-No-yes." The albino confessed. "JoJo-un was screaming so I went here and s-saw you...t-two..."
"Making out?" Joren finished.
"Please forgive me, Cocoa-san!" Chino went on her knees and bowed. "I should have left when I saw that but I didn't!"
"Tsk, tsk." She waved her finger around [MENACINGLY]. "I'll only forgive you if you call me Onii-chan from now on and not tell anybody we kissed, is that right Chino-chan?"
Joren was just looking at the girl and just thought how diabolical she was for forcing Chino to do this. The albino was shaking by this point.
"A-Alright, C-Cocoa-oneechan?" Chino nearly puked in her mouth for saying that. "I won't tell anyone about this."
"Good! Goodnight Chino-chan!"
"G-Goodnight, JoJo-san, goodnight C-Cocoa-oneeeeeeeeeechaaaaaaaan." She then closed the door. Joren just looked at Cocoa with a bewildered face.
"What was tha-"
Suddenly Cocoa kissed his cheek which effectively silenced. Wow, there was so much kissing lately.
"Don't worry about it, Chino-chan's finally calling me onii-chan! Woo!" She plopped on the bed. "This is a V for victory!"
She then plopped on the bed with Vs formed with her fingers. The boy could only think of those hentai images with those Vs on their fingers.
God, hopefully Cocoa didn't have images of her doing that.
*wink wink*
"Alright..." He trailed off, actually questioning himself how did everything lead up to this? "Tomorrow, I'll get my Wii U from Josuke and then we'll go out."
"We?" Her pupils were then replaced with stars. "Does that mean we're going together tomorrow?!"
"Yeah, don't make this sound like we're married or anything!" He told her. "We gotta find clues to where Tsumugu is, I need help-"
She suddenly leaped onto him and hugged him.
"THAAAANK YOOOOOUUUUU!"
"G-Get off me! I'm going to fa-"
They did.
It was an especially...awkward night for them. He had slept next to her (not WITH her, mind you) on the same bed and they could not sleep. The boy wanted to protect her, not be in the most compromising position if someone besides Chino woke them up. Good thing he locked the door.
But that wouldn't stop them, would it?
"Wow, I've never been this uncomfortable in my entire life."
"Me too." Cocoa agreed, she turned to him. "Wanna talk?"
"It's the middle of the night-"
"C'mon! Can we talk about our feelings like friends do?"
"What female friends do, I'm a man."
"A pretty looking man."
"You're impossible." He placed his nightcap back into his eyes. "After everything, I just want a good sleep to-what are you doing?"
The girl was hugging him as they laid down. He could feel her surprisingly decent chest press against his own. He wasn't a stranger to this feeling as she hugged him a lot...
But there was a slight problem right now.
"Cocoa."
"Hmm?" She lifted his nightcap for his eyes to stare at her. "What is it?"
"Why aren't you wearing anything underneath your pajamas?"
"You're supposed to have those in your pajamas?"
At this point, Joren wanted to wonder protecting his love is all it is cracked up to be.
"Hey, Takahiro." Joren went downstairs with Cocoa beside him. The man was sweeping by the counter. "Need any help for today?"
"Nope." The man replied. "Since everyone was busy since the fiasco a few days ago, the only people who come here is to drink. I can handle it."
"Hey, don't forget I'm here." The rabbit came in, sighing. "I wish Chino-chan could at least be nearby."
"By the way, where is Chino-chan?" Cocoa asked, looking around. "She's always the one who wakes me up."
"She went to Rize-chan and Chiya-chan to train. I don't know why but she seemed to be in an awful hurry. Do you two know why?" Tippy asked them. "She ran out faster than a cheetah."
"Er...I don't know." The boy lied, it was likely Chino wanted to run out before Cocoa would bug her with onii-chan again. "If we aren't working, me and Cocoa are going to find clues to Tsumugu's whereabouts."
"Sure, let that bastard know what's coming to him." Takahiro told them. "Just be careful, I mean extra careful."
"Don't worry Takahiro-san! JoJo-kun's going to look after me really hard, right?" Cocoa tugged at him with an adorable look. He groaned in response.
"Okay, don't give me that look. If me and Cocoa aren't back by the end of the day, try finding us.
"Understand, be careful." And with that, the two left the Rabbit House. They looked at the empty street.
"Time to find Tsumugu-san and kick his butt! Right, Jo-"
"Wii U, remember?" He reminded. "I need that, I got good games."
"...okay."
They arrived in the hotel Josuke was staying at, it was a nice little place but resembled more of a motel than anything. The two walked down to the number where Josuke stayed at.
"Room 1999?" The boy frowned. "Why number your rooms with the 1900s?" He held a note with his hand since his brother likely won't be home and planned to stick it on the door if nobody answered.
"Knock knock!" Cocoa tapped her hand on the door. "Josuke-san, are you there?"
No response.
"Welp, he ain't here." Joren took out the note. "Hope cleaning services don't yank this off-"
The door suddenly opened, revealing someone they did not expect.
"Yo dawgs!"
"B-Bon?!" They stammered out, startled by his appearance. "W-What the-"
"Yo, didn't I tell ya'll yesterday? I'd lay here for a bit while I'll help ya'll stop bro Tsumugu." Bon reminded them. "So, whatcha want from me?"
"You know, I wonder if you're an alien because that dialect is making you sound incomprehensible."
"Is it because I'm half-Mexican or-"
"I'm not racist." The boy immediately denied. "I want my Wii U back."
"Oh sure! C'mon in, bros." the two went inside as Bon closed the door. Cocoa looked bewildered at Tsumugu and saw there were several cans of sunscreen on the counter which nearly made her laugh but didn't wish to mention it.
"Why did Josuke-san let you in?"
"I bugged him and compliments his retro hairstyle! He liked me for saying that so he let me in as long as I don't make a mess." He presented them the loving room which was surprisingly well kept except for the table filled with food. "I still have to sleep on the sofa."
"Cocoa, talk to him, I'm going to find my Wii U." He then went to Josuke's room. The girl plopped on the sofa and Bon just stood by her.
"Sooooooooo...this is awkward" She stated to obvious. "I never thought that an enemy would become our friend so easily."
"Aw, you called me your bro, bro?"
"Yeah, bro bro bro bro." She said some Engrish to him. "I've been meaning to ask you, do you know anybody else who works for Tsumugu-san? After JoJo-kun gets his Wii and bring it back home we're going to find Tsumugu-san."
Bon suddenly gulped. "Girl, even though I forgot their names and what they look like, there was something scary about them."
"Something...scary...?"
"Yeah, those bros have this scary aura that makes me piss myself!" He flipped his hands into the air. "There was this little girl with them, and she was scaaaaaaryyy! She said she'll make everyone a living nightmare, yeesh!"
"D-Did you see Tsumugu-san?" Cocoa was getting a bit terrified. "H-How many are you there?"
"Oh, a lot. Bro Tsumugu said he has enough money to pay their expenses of a year, so I bet he attracted a lot. I don't remember how many people were there but bro Tsumugu has more than enough!"
She gulped, Joren came back holding a large bag that looked somewhat heavy from the way he held it.
"Let's go?"
"And Bon-san said that there is a lot of [Enemy Stand] users!" Cocoa finished her warning as they walked out of the Rabbit House. They dropped the Wii U at their room to install later (good thing Joren was able to bring a TV there).
"No shit." The boy looked at his hands, he had to lift that thing around for a bit and it hurt. "Of course there's gonna be a lot."
"Sorry..." She looked down but Joren patted her back. "Eh?"
"Don't sweat about it." He told her. "Where should we begin investigating? I'm actually asking you that since I don't have the foggiest clue."
Her eyes lit up until she had the most terrifying smile that graced on her face. "Ooh! I know where!"
Suddenly she grasped his arm and began pulling him to the direction she wished to go. He could only groan in response but he still damn loved her.
"Wow, I just realized how much I hate the outdoors." Joren said out loud as Cocoa walked beside him. She suddenly hit him in the back. "Ow! Why'd you do that?"
"What's wrong with the outdoors?!" She questioned him. "It's perfectly fine!"
"The sun's making me crispier than KFC, the air smells like sweaty rabbit poo, the leaves are falling and the potential bugs going on my skin." He then raised a finger. "I. Fucking. Hate. ANTS-"
"JoJo-kun? Cocoa-chan?" They turned to see Sharo wearing different clothes by a stand (not that [Stand]), apparently being the worker there. The two jumped a bit, surprised at her presence. They went towards her with confused looks.
"Okay, what the hell are you wearing?" The boy asked her and Sharo laughed sheepishly.
"Wow, you have more than one job?" Cocoa asked Sharo. "I didn't know you have diverse interest!"
"T-That's right!" The blonde lied. "My bosses said that since everyone's going outside after what happened a few days ago, they put me to work."
Joren currently wished she wore that maid outfit. It fuels more than one fetish he had.
"This is...a crepe stand?" He noted, licking his lips. "I ate only one in my time here. I need more."
Sharo's eyes widened when she saw his wallet come out.
"I wanna buy two since Cocoa won't stop-"
"ON IT!" The blonde began making the crepe, he winced at the speed of her reaction was.
"So, Sharo-chan? Why aren't you helping Rize-chan and Chiya-chan train Chino-chan?" Cocoa asked her as she made the crepes.
"Well...I'm not like you guys, having a [Stand] to use!" She replied with a hint of shame. "Plus, I need money since the maid cafe I work at is closed until tomorrow!"
"Alright. Don't get your panties in a twist." The boy didn't mean to make her feel bad about herself and now he felt a bit guilty. "We're here tracking Tsumugu. Cocoa here believes he's going to take a nice stroll on the park today and he's going to do show up."
Sharo turned to Cocoa with narrowed eyes. "You know, Tsumugu-san could just walk somewhere besides here, right?"
"I-I didn't think of that."
This was wrong.
Joren felt the urge to confess he and Cocoa kissed to the blonde. He couldn't just stay silent about what happened last night. He felt a dick for doing kissing another girl just some time after kissing Sharo.
"Here you go!" Sharo held two crepes. "Pay up!"
"Oh, alright." The boy handed her the money and Cocoa grabbed two crepes. "Thanks, these look good."
"Wow, you're a good cook Sharo-chan!" Cocoa admired the food. "Do you wanna work at the Rabbit House even for a little bit?"
"Er...I'm kinda busy with my other jobs. Thanks for the offer." The blonde secretly did wish that she worked there also but with all the time she lacks and that Joren was there made it a bit awkward.
"Aw, that's too bad...welp, can't anything about it! C'mon JoJo-kun! We have some investigation to do!" She handed him his crepe and walked away. "Bye!"
"B-Bye!" She waved as they walked off and ate. Joren felt the glorious taste of European food in his mouth. Sure he had tasted some crepe before but after for so long without one it felt glorious on his tongue.
"This taste amazing!" Cocoa chewed on her. "Wouldn't you say JoJo-"
He finished his crepe already.
"...kun?"
"Sorry, my appetite for [Nutella] makes me an animal." He apologized, wiping his lips that still had some delicious fake chocolate on them. "I think we should sit down somewhere before we investigate. I don't want you choking on fancy pancakes while we're walking.
Cocoa nodded in agreement and they found a bench to sit on (the boy inspected it to see if there was anything like bird poop on it). They plopped their butts on it as they watched the scenery around them until Cocoa was done with her food.
"Hey Cocoa."
"Hmm?"
"This is a date, isn't it?" This made the girl nearly choke. "Kinda obvious, us walking around. Sharo had a point, Tsumugu could take a stroll anywhere else!"
"Okay, okay! You got me, this is a date I set up for us!" She admitted, raising her hands in the air. "Hey, at least we got good food while we were here!"
"Cocoa...I-I can't date you while Tsumugu's on the run!"
"Why not?" She gave a cute look at him. "Either that or we become friends with benefits!"
His mind stopped for a bit after hearing that.
"Friends with what?"
"You know, when you are friends...and you-"
"Let me stop you right there." Joren raised a finger. "I am not having sex with you."
"S-Sex?!" Cocoa stammered out and her face began becoming red. "W-Why do you think I want to do...that with you?! I-I-I didn't say anything about that."
"That what friends with benefits mean. Friends who have a casual sexual relationship."
"THAT'S WHAT THAT MEANT?!" She slapped herself. "I-I thought it meant that they're friends who have to share things like money or the bed or something! N-Not doing sex!"
"Excuse me." A young woman wearing a blue dress and having ash-blonde hair suddenly came up to them, interrupting their conversation. "Do you know where this cafe is?" She held a flyer of the cafe in mention.
Cocoa felt relief they will not press the conversation any further.
"Alright, ma'am. Let me see-" Joren looked at it and it was Fluer de Lapin, the place Sharo worked at and it still used the 'totally not suggestive' flyer. "Oh."
"Is this a naughty sort of cafe? I've been meaning to visit." The woman asked them and the look on their faces were priceless.
"I-It isn't a naughty cafe! Our friend works there!" Cocoa said to her and the woman sighed in...disappointment?!
"Do they at least wear maid outfits with zettai ryouiki and short skirts?" The boy nodded. "Oh phew, I thought I wouldn't get anything out of there. Do you mind me if I sit here? I've been walking all day looking for that cafe?"
"Actually I-"
"Thank you." Cocoa moved beside Joren as the woman sat next to her. The woman smiled at them before taking out a notebook of sorts with a pen.
"Cocoa...she seems awfully suspicious." He whispered to the girl as the woman was busy writing whatever in that book. "Is she an [Enemy Stand] user?"
"I dunno." She replied in a whisper as well. "We have to keep an eye out just in ca-"
"Ah, young love!" The woman suddenly said out loud, startling them. "It's never tiring to see two young people spending time with each other."
Joren and Cocoa had bewildered looks, staring at the woman before looking at each other.
"You mean...us?" The boy wanted to clarify and to his horror the woman nodded. "WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE-"
"Such a nice couple you two make." She then sighed. "I wish I could still have a chance at love but I'm too busy with my work..."
"I MAY HAVE KISSED JOJO-KUN BUT I DEFINITELY AIN'T HIS GIRLFRIEND!" Cocoa proclaimed proudly. The boy merely shrank away in shame. "Oh...did I say that?"
"Oh my! It seems like this is a bit of a complicated relationship!" The woman out her hand over her mouth in a surprised manner. "Perfect!"
"...eh?" At this rate, they were too tired of being loss for words. If that was even possible.
"I've been trying to get ideas for the book I'm writing, Fluff Knows No Bounds!" She told them. "I don't know how to make a good romance with a girl-turned-rabbit to a bustier girl however but you two might help give me ideas. This boy looks pretty enough to look like a girl if you give him a wig and a dress but I don't know about the rabbit part..."
"I feel slightly offended." Joren replied but then noticed she was an author. "You're an author?"
"Yes, one of my book even turned into a movie. The Barista Who Became a Rabbit."
"Wait...you mean THAT book?!" Cocoa yelled out in shock. "M-My sister loves that book!"
"Really? How nice of her." The author set her pen down. "What's your name?"
"My name is Hoto Cocoa! This guy over here is Joren Joestar, a foreigner from America!" Cocoa introduced the Joestar. "But we call him JoJo-kun."
"A foreigner in this small town? That's not a sight you see everyday here besides all the property damage that happened awhile ago. " She then held out her hand. "My name is Aoyama Blue Mountain or Blue Mountain Aoyama in the American way of name placement."
"Um...hello." He shook her hand. "Blue Mountain?"
"Yes, that's my first name."
"Doesn't Aoyama mean the same thing?" He pointed out. "Is that even your first name-"
"Shush." The author planted the book over his lips with a serious look on her face. "Just call me Aoyama-san or something."
"Okay..." He backed off seeing how terrifying the woman was.
"Aoyama-san, do you need a couple for your book? Me and JoJo-kun could pretend to be a coup-"
"NOPE!" He asserted again. "Sorry about this Aoyama-san but me and Cocoa have to leave to do some stuff. If you want cute girls with nice thighs, there's a crepe stand over there with one with greaaaat thighs."
"Really?" She turned the direction Joren was pointing at. "Well, I thank you for your help Cocoa-chan but I must go and look at some thighs. I'll be back at the park here tomorrow and I might sign a copy of The Barista Who Became a Rabbit for your sister the next time we meet."
"T-Thank you, Aoyama-san!"
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" The three stopped before looking at the direction where the voice came from. There was a teenage boy with slightly tan skin and brown hair wearing a suit and had oddly wore golden gauntlets on his arms. He was quite handsome and had this bishie sparkle to him.
"Hello ladies! Oh wait, one of you is a man. Nice clothes you have, better than your last clothes." The boy noted Joren's attire. "God, I'm finally back. XMinerCobra is a lazy ass for not putting me anywhere else!"
"Is this one of your friends?" Aoyama asked the two who shook their heads.
"Nah, nah, nah." The new character denied. "I'm Yuuta! The bastard the author ditched! Not you, another one!"
"Oh shit, this might be the [Enemy Stand] user." Joren whispered to Cocoa who nodded in response. They brought out [Earth Angel] and [ACT2] and aimed at the teen.
"Well aren't you an odd one? Sorry but I have to leave, good luck with your new friend Cocoa-chan and JoJo-kun!" Aoyama began leaving them to go peek up Sharo's skirt. Once she was a sizable distance from them, the two jumped out of the bench and prepared to fight him.
"Are you one of Tsumugu's?" Joren demanded and other male. "Are you?!"
Yuuta simply laughed at him. "Wow, you're getting so worked up over this. I thought you'd relax a bit after kissing Cocoa."
"Y-You know about that?" Cocoa stammered in embarrassment. "You spied on us?"
"Well, not exactly spying..." Yuuta trailed off. "Let's say I have this 'divine perception' that makes me see everything. At that same night, Sharo practiced kissing on her pillow, Rize had a bad poop, Chiya pretended to be even more Japanese than usual. See? Now you two don't have something be ashamed as much."
"Is that your [Stand] ability?" Joren questioned him but Yuuta shrugged.
"Nope. I got a [Stand] but it doesn't do any of those." He then took out a marshmallow from Jesus knows where and ate it. "It does other things."
"So you are one of Tsumugu-san's [Stand] users!" Cocoa exclaimed.
"Oh yeah, duh. Look at how cheap my introductory was." Yuuta confirmed. "I'm not actually doing it for money, hell I don't ever need money. Like...ever. I just the thrill of fucking people up."
"Well, this 'thrill' is going to end!" Joren aimed [Earth Angel] at him. "Get ready for missiles, bub!"
"Oh yeah, I've prepared for that." Suddenly Yuuta summoned his [Stand] which looked like a roly poly (a pill millipede) that was entirely silver except the edges which were dark red rust. The [Stand] was as large as a plate on the suited boy's hands. "Ew, why is this thing called [Hammerman]? I know XMinerCobra has to name these [Stands] after 19something songs but [Hammerman]? Thanks a lot MC Hammer, you made this a stupid name!"
"[EARTH ANGEL]!" Joren's [Stand] shot out missiles at Yuuta, all of them flying towards him like a maniac.
"Shut up you brownie bishie." Somehow this Yuuta character broke the rules of [Stands] itself (only [Stands] can damage each other) by sparing one hand of slap every missile away from himself and forcing them to explode out of range.
"THE FUCK?!"
"Try to stop me now bitches!" To their shock, he quickly turned to the direction where Aoyama went and held his [Stand] like a football. "HIKE!"
"[ACT2]!" Cocoa shot her nails at the boy who then already threw [Hammerman] straight at a disconcerted woman who still walked away casually as the large bug for a [Stand] was prepared for impact.
TO BE CONTINUED
[Stand] Name: [Earth Angel]
[Stand] User: Joren Caesar Joestar
Destructive Power- A
Speed- C
Range- A
Durability- D
Precision- B
Development Potential- C
Abilities- [Earth Angel] is able to shoot finger-missiles from its hands, being able to telepathically able to move themselves in any direction that, once in contact with anything will make the missile explode, even if the missiles are still on the palm. The missiles aren't destroyed however, they are merely flung dead onto the ground momentarily before being able to move again. However the main ability of [Earth Angel] is that the finger-missiles emit a sonar, directed to the user's brain for any living thing in a 25 meter radius but it fazes his mind if he attempts to use the sonar which is highly dangerous during battle. It can also glide whilst carrying its user and the missiles can be rode on as long as the rider magnetically attach to it without triggering the missiles' explosion.
[Stand] Name: [Hammerman]
[Stand] User: Yuuta
Destructive Power- N/A
Speed- E
Range- A
Durability- A
Precision- E
Development Potential- E
Abilities- ?
Yuuta's busy complaining how I'm a lazy ass but doesn't after I told him I'm playing Breath of the Wild. Even he sees that I got a good excuse. I wonder what happened if BotW was the first Zelda game released. It's hilarious if some kid with an NES just bought this Zelda game that came with some controllers with joysticks, put the cartridge in and it's BotW in HD and he'll just faint from how glorious it is.
If you like this fic, please review, follow, and fav and I'll see ya'll next time.
TO BE CONTINUED