CH 2
I Say there is no Darkness but Ignorance
"You don't need him. I found the Quarian." The krogan stared down his nose at Shepard after a nod behind him towards the door. Shepard didn't have long to think, a sharp breath released from Shepard's mouth and she bit her lip analyzing the situation. What choice did she really have? Fist was dead, and this krogan was their only hope at finding the quarian.
"The quarian is dead if we don't go now, Commander." Garrus found him self almost yelling to break her thought process.
Shepard pointed to the door, anger still covering her porcelain freckled face. The krogan immediately began running the way they had entered moments before, scattered around them were the bodies of Fist's men from their fight moments ago. They had overstayed their welcome and reinforcements had entered the club. Guns blazing the four of them pushed their way through the onslaught of thugs making their way to the quarian.
Finally the Krogan yelled "In here!" They were sure to be running out of time.
They all piled through a narrow door and into a back alleyway in the Wards. Surrounded by a mix of Shadow Broker mercs, a lone quarian stood rather defenselessly. Shepard's crew entered with just enough time to see the her slap away the hand of the figure standing in front of her. In that instant guns were drawn and yet another blood bath commenced. Shepard found herself reloading and used this moment to take a look at her new team and to evaluate the unforeseen arrival of the krogan… friend or foe?
Shepard began watching Garrus next. He had such determination in his eyes and an unchecked ferocity. She saw how he lined up his shots with precision and focus. She even noticed a slight twitch in his mandibles every time a shot hit is primary target.
Moments passed and she focused on an armored figure making its way towards her. Garrus. She stood quickly, before he could offer a hand. With a nod and a wipe at her armor she walked up to the quarian. Shepard extended a hand and she shook it after a moment of apprehension.
"Shepard." Jane nodded. "Are you okay?"
Shepard couldn't see much beyond the quarians glowing eyes through the fog of her purple mask. She had met a few Quarians but really didn't think there was ever a trick to reading them given their masks. She tried her best to focus instead on body language and tone.
"I can handle myself." The small voice echoed through her mask with an accent.
"Not that I am complaining… Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. Why are you here?"
Shepard shifted her weight and let out a breathless smile.
"Straight to the point, I like it. We're here because we heard you had some information we could use-" Before she could finish Tali interjected.
"Yes… Well, I think it's best to discuss this elsewhere." Another nod and smile later and Shepard lead the way to the Human Embassy office.
Inside stood two men Garrus had never seen before but he could tell by the look of Shepard's expression just before they entered that she did know them. Immediately he understood why she held that look of distain and annoyance. Garrus even noticed Ashley wincing a bit anytime Udina spoke. Ashley didn't seem as in control of her emotions as Shepard's was.
"What am I supposed to do with you? An all out gun fight in the Wards… An assault on Chora's Den… These accusations against Saren. Eden Prime… And what? You bring me…. Who are you? What are you up to, Shepard?" He turned accusingly toward the quarian with a smugness that radiated off him like steam.
This annoyed Garrus terribly, he could feel his heat rising. Garrus had an impulsive nature that he would often indulge whenever this itch came scratching. He never was a good turian. A good turian obeys a bad order. Garrus always had trouble with that one… This was something his father had always reminded him. Garrus didn't know how to keep his emotions out of it, and he didn't have many limits. Especially if those limits meant he couldn't do his job. He knew just how volatile he could be, and that being held down by rules and regulations only made his thirst stronger.
Don't. He reminded himself. Not even 2 hours ago you let this human scold you, lets not make a habit of this.
"Your day just got a whole lot better, Udina. Tali here has information linking Saren to the geth. Irrefutable evidence." Shepard replied her voice even, and strong.
"During my Pilgrimage I found something… suspicious. The geth haven't ventured far from the Veil since they drove my people into exile, so I was intrigued by the transmission. After tracking the geth to an uncharted world, I was able to disable and remove a memory core from one… Most of it was destroyed but I was able to find something." Tali pulled out her omni-tool and in a bright orange glow a recording began to play.
The room suddenly got heavy and felt darker as the familiar deep flanging of Saren's voice boomed from her device. A chill ran down Shepard's spine but she held her composure, not letting the chill escape her body.
"Eden Prime was a major victory. The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit." A stir of voices and gasps released from the group and finally Anderson spoke before Udina could. Ashley covered her mouth with her hand lightly in attempts to cover her surprise of the transmission.
"That's Saren! Here is our proof, the Council cannot deny this." Anderson shook his head in disbelief.
"What's all this about a Conduit? What do we know about this?" Shepard asked aloud knowing very well no now knew anything.
"Maybe it's… It could be some kind of weapon?" Anderson asked.
He was dressed in Alliance blues and Garrus noticed that Shepard had referred to him as Captain when they entered the room just before. He had also seen that Shepard didn't have the same distaste when interacting with Anderson as she did with the other human, Udina.
"Wait." Tali interjected. "There is more… Saren. He wasn't working alone." She pressed play and a woman's smooth and mysterious voice boomed after Saren's.
"And one step closer to the return of the Reapers." Tali closed the Omni-Tool and another sigh of questioning released the lips of the humans.
Garrus found this odd. He had never never been in a meeting like this… where he was the only turian. He had been to countless meetings at C-Sec, but there weren't many humans… and the stigma of humans still ran deep. The animosity between their races wasn't exactly a secret- it was still pretty strong. Turian customs and regulations were so… different. Garrus noticed that there was a clear line of who was in charge amongst the Alliance officials, but it didn't seem to matter. He'd noted several occasions where humans spoke over each other and even seemed to talk down their noses from time to time.
"What are the Reapers? Are they some new alien species?" Shepard found herself asking stepping back onto the ball of her foot, hand on her hip. Her other hand rested on her chin, brow furrowed deep in thought. It was amazing how expressive human eyebrows could be.
"A myth. The Reapers were a hyper advanced machine race that existed 50,000 years ago. They hunted the Protheans into total extinction and then they vanished… At least that's what the geth believe. I've heard stories… But it's all just that. Stories." Tali ended her voice grew skeptical.
"It all makes sense now…" Shepard broke through the exasperated chatter amongst the humans her voice filling with urgency.
Garrus still watched her. Observing. Seeing everything. Shepard looked up feeling his gaze. She locked eyes with him for a second, and felt her stomach flutter. Everything in him told him to look away, but he couldn't. She kept his gaze and started speaking.
"This is what my dreams have been about... the…" Shepard looked to Udina."The vision on Eden Prime the beacon gave me. It's about the Protheans. It's about the Reapers."
There was enough evidence for Anderson to call another Council meeting. Just like that they were all headed to the Citadel Tower to show the Council how naive they all were. After presenting their new findings, the Council could no longer deny that Saren had been responsible for Nihlus' death. These weren't accusations any longer and they would be forced to act.
Shepard and her team had done what they could, but by now Saren had for sure ran. The Council had basically let him go. Saren had officially gone rogue. The Council had admitted they'd been wrong about Saren. However, getting them to agree that the Reapers were real and that Saren's main goal was to usurer civilization straight into total annihilation was another thing completely.
The Council could believe he was using the myth of the Reapers to rally geth troops for some other unspeakable task. But surly not to bring about the end of the world. The only useful information the Council provided was the identity of the woman's voice speaking to Saren. She was a well established asari Matriarch by the name of Benezia. She was their first clue in tracking Saren's movements and plans.
Garrus watched Shepard as she carefully chose her words and the ways her body moved when she spoke. The more he thought about it the more he realized he may have known the humans that came through C-Sec, but he didn't know the one in front of him. He watched her as she remained calm under pressure, only pressing as far as she knew she could. He could hear the urgency in her voice as she pleaded for them to listen to her warnings.
The Reapers were real…They were coming. They had to believe her. He watched when they dismissed her claims and told her to drop it. The Council would assist in the search for Saren, but she was to focus on him and not the myological Reapers. Garrus hadn't been on Eden Prime with her. He didn't see the beacon, or what it did to her. Seeing it or not, he knew one thing; that he believed her.
The meeting ended unceremoniously with Shepard being named a Council Spectre. She couldn't help but think about how much trouble Spectres have been causing her. Now she could cause herself a few problems with the added bonus of not having to pay for the consequences. Well, at least not legally, she'd have to live with herself afterwards though.
Being a Spectre was a free pass to do whatever the fuck you wanted. You only answered to the Council, and had authority just about everywhere. Lucky though for Jane, she rarely had to go down the kind of path that made her question who she was. It still scared her from time to time to imagine what it would take to truly send her spiraling.
Shepard could charm the pants off of anyone and could sell your own house back to you, all the while making you feel like you're the one getting the deal. It was easier to turn the charm on when she had actual proof to back up her allegations. Yes, she proved that Saren had gone rogue. But she couldn't back up anything else she was claiming. Not yet. Shepard knew just how crazy this all sounded. She knew that saying she had visions from the past was insane and if not for Anderson she would never have mentioned it in the first place. Maybe they'd take her more seriously if they didn't think she was hallucinating or just having nightmares.
Was she? This headache was getting a little unbearable and on more than one occasion she wondered if any of this was real. Some nights when she'd drink just a little too much, or would be just the right amount of sleep deprived during a long mission; she would ask herself if she was just off in a coma somewhere. Hooked up to some life support machine on Mindoir after the attack, only half living… stuck in a dream world with all of her wild adventures. A bullet to the shoulder, the crackle of her shield dropping or a gun barrel to the face quickly grounded her and reminded her that wasn't true though.
When it came time to part ways with Garrus they said their goodbyes and parted. Shepard watch as he walked with the same pride and confidence from earlier in the day. What she couldn't see was the regret building in his face with each step he took away from her. Garrus had done his job. He may have been blocked by Pallin, but ultimately his investigation paid off. They had proved that Saren was in fact a dirty piece of shit. Corrupted. Rotten… and no where to be found. The perfect combination of things to send Garrus over the edge in a fit of vigilante justice.
Garrus was so lost in thought by the annoyance of Saren's escape that he didn't even hear the Shepard calling after him. After a quick jog, a light hand on his shoulder and a wave of her fingers; Shepard had successfully stopped Garrus. Hand still waving in front of the turian she spoke.
"Hello? Uh, Officer Vakarian? Anyone home in there?" It was obviously playful but he was taken back by her approaching him again so soon after their goodbyes.
"I- uh, Yes, Commander Shepard. Excuse me, I was lost in thought."
So formal. She thought. What's it gonna take to get a smile out of this one? Do… Turians smile? Crossing her arms and stepping back onto her right heel she let out a small smirk. "Uh huh."
After another second she continued. "You did great back there." Relaxing a little he nodded and rubbed the side of his neck in an elegant stretch.
"Thank you, Commander." Short and sweet.
Shepard wondered if he was always like this, but something told her he wasn't. She watched him as he stretched ending the fluid motion with his gloved hand on either side of his mandibles. He was lightly rubbing them in long strokes, similar to the way a human would stroke his beard. Shepard realized she was staring again… and that she should stop because staring was likely universally found as rude. Before Garrus had the chance to notice her eyes she shifted them to his armor. Inspecting the sleek blue design of his C-Sec uniform, her head signaled to his back towards his sniper.
"You're a wicked shot, Mr. Vakarian." And there it was.
He smiled. It wasn't quite like anything she'd seen before. Even though she had interacted with lots of turians during her time in the Alliance, she never really spent this much time with one. The flicker of his mandible, the shift of plates on his face, and the ease his blue eyes took let her know she succeeded. It was pretty endearing, and she found herself drawn to him more.
"Well, I can't take all the credit. You did set them up for me." The smooth flanging of his voice let her know he was relaxing, just a bit.
"I could sure use a shot like you onboard the Normandy, Officer. If you're interested, we're leaving first thing in the morning." With a short smile she put her hand out and he shook it again still having not replied to her offer.
"Commander." He nodded and after a second too long their hands parted and she turned jogging back to Ashley, Anderson and the krogan.
Ashley still managed to look uneasy, being surrounded by aliens clearly wasn't how she imagined spending her day. Garrus regarded his temporary crew and watched as Shepard talked to the krogan. She looked stern throughout the next few minutes but ended with a nod and the group of them walking away heading towards the docking bay. But not before she locked eyes with him once more.
Shepard's mind trailed as she escorted her two new crew members, Tali and Wrex to the Normandy. They spoke with Joker for awhile and as usual he was a smart ass. After showing them around and introducing them to the rest of the crew she returned to the crew's quarters. Sitting there in the quiet lasted about 5 seconds until she started fidgeting with her omni-tool. After another minute she huffed and threw herself up from the bed. Shepard had decided she was going to go back to the Citadel and pick up some models to work on. Hell, she's gonna need something to do during all the long boring hours while searching for Saren. As she opened the door she saw Kaidan standing. Obviously surprised that she had opened the door he scratched the back of his head and looked down.
"Lieutenant." She said in her strong yet feminine voice. "Do you need something?"
"Commander. No, I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. I know you mentioned having a bit of a headache so I thought I could offer some advice. My implants give me some pretty bad migraines…" He trailed off.
"Sure. What does Dr. Alainko prescribe?" She said with a smile and leaned into her hip.
Kaidan shook a bottle of aspirin at her with a smile handing them over. Not releasing the bottle when she grabbed it, she noticed the lingering and decided she had to move quick. He was fairly charming, but she couldn't afford getting wrapped up in another stress fueled rendezvous. Something told her that Kaidan wasn't the type to sleep around, that getting involved with him would be more work and commitment that she'd want.
"Ah yes, good old fashioned aspirin. Thank you, Lieutenant." After tucking a stray strand of red behind her ear she continued. "Was there something else?" Shepard still stood in the middle of the doorway, she noticed how intently he was watching her.
"About the new crew members… I didn't see the turian. Was he going to be joining us?" Kaidan questioned, when she didn't reply he added "It seems like Tali and Wrex are adjusting. Tali is down in the drive core and I think Wrex said something about being hungry…" Shepard let out a soft laugh at his update and nodded forward towards her destination.
"Officer Vakarian has been made aware of the situation and has been notified on our departure. It is up to him whether or not he decides to join us. Will that be all, Lieutenant?" Shepard ended with a forced smile.
Kaidan was persistent she had to admit. He had those sad puppy dog eyes, and he was kind of cute. It was clear he was interested in her. She wondered if it was actually her he was attracted to or perhaps the power she held. Shepard decided he probably felt some kind of attachment to her because of what they had gone through down on Eden Prime.
Kaidan felt a connection to her. It was hard even for himself to tell what his motives were. Shepard had pushed him out of the way… Maybe even saved him. For that he was thankful, but he felt responsible for letting her take the brunt of it. If he hadn't been so close to the beacon, none of this would have happened. Maybe he even felt a little jealous cause now she was the first human Spectre…
After a second Kaidan swallowed and shook his head "No, Ma'am. I will be down in the Mess Hall if you need me. Congratulations by the way. First human Spectre. Quite the accomplishment." His voice was light and soft as he tried hiding his disappointment.
"Yeah well, It's not like I have anyones shoes to fill. BUT, if I fuck up I get blamed for proving the galaxy right… humans shouldn't be given a chance. We're already a joke to most species out here, and what little respect we do have will be destroyed if I fail…" Realizing the tone she had taken, she straightened up and added "But I don't intend on messing this up, LT."
Luckily Kaidan noticed her shifting her weight impatiently and with that he smiled, turned and left. She couldn't help but let out a sign of relief as she started to approach the Normandy's airlock. She really just wanted to be alone. Stepping outside she made her way to the elevator and when the doors opened she saw Anderson standing.
"Anderson." Shepard's voice was that of surprise, with a nod Anderson stepped out gesturing her to join him overlooking the Normandy.
"Sir?" Shepard asked with a brow lowered in concern feeling the shift in atmosphere.
"You're a council Spectre now, Shepard. The first human ever to be offered this opportunity… Only, that's not the entire truth." Anderson was admiring the Normandy as he spoke. "I should have told you sooner… 20 years ago Saren and I were on a mission. He was accompanying me, watching me if you will— the way Nihlus did for you on your mission to Eden Prime."
"I had no idea." Only that wasn't the truth, she did have a little bit of an idea. During her chat with Harkin he had mentioned it. Shepard had just assumed he was some drunk running his mouth trying to stir up drama among friends, but clearly he was telling the truth.
"Most people don't. That just goes to shows you how much the Council can hide from you. How powerful they are. It shows you just how powerful a man like Saren can be. Even 20 years ago he hated humans, and made sure not to see one alongside him as a Spectre." Anderson dropped his head and let out a long sigh. "I knew he couldn't be trusted and I'm still paying the price." Shepard put a hand on his shoulder, searching for the words to say.
"Anderson. You can't blame yourself for this. Whatever happened between you two was 20 years ago… it doesn't mater now. The Council knows who he is. That's what's important." She gave him a reassuring smile and he quickly straightened.
"I suppose you're right, Shepard." He turned to face her and began again, this time his voice was stronger. "Anyway, that's not why I'm here. I came to give you some good news for a change. You need a ship, and I've got one. Things are changing, and I'll be stepping down as captain of the Normandy. I want you to have her."
Shepard didn't even know what to say at first, she was shocked. The last couple days had been moving way too quickly, she barely had time to process any of it.
"Sir-" But before she could protest he was already shutting her down as if he could read her mind.
"Now, you listen to me, Shepard. No one made me do this. This is the right time. You and I both know it." Anderson's voice was strong, he meant his words.
"Thank you, Anderson. I won't let you down. We'll get this bastard." They both knew that was the truth.
Shepard was a star military example. The pride and joy of the Alliance. She was awarded the Star of Terra for organizing a retaliation against Batarian slavers on Elysium very early in her career… She was a model soldier and a perfect example of what humans needed in this galaxy. She was the ideal candidate for Council Spectre, and Anderson knew she wouldn't disappoint.
Shepard would be the one to find Saren.
Anderson boarded the Normandy to tend to the the ship one last time and inform crew members of the change in command. Shepard started to realize the weight of her new position during her long ride down to C-Sec. She knew then that she was the spokesperson for all humans. The first human Spectre. Shepard was about to embark on a journey that was full of unknowns and infinite possibilities.
Shepard thought about her conversation with Joker before they landed on Eden Prime. He had told her this mission was going to be big. Bigger than any of them thought… in that moment she felt it. Heavy and thick around her she felt it. Something big was coming.
Shepard found herself back on the ship a few hours later. Her ship, she reminded herself. Weird. This all felt so weird. So much can change in just a few days. One thing that didn't change however was the headache she had since Eden Prime. It wasn't as bad as it had been, but it was still there reminding her of its presence. Reminding her of the husks, reminding her of the beacon. Of Saren, the geth and the Reapers. Lugging her boxes of model ships to her usual quarters she realized all of her things had been moved. For a split second she forgot she had been promoted and wondered if this was some kind of prank the crew was pulling.
As if on queue, her new XO entered the room and explained the situation. She was now the Normandy's Commanding Officer. The 'Captain' of the Normandy for all intents and purposes. Shepard scrunched her nose turning around, following Presley down the hall to her new living space. After a brief chat about the new crew members she scanned her new room. Tossing her models on the desk she took in her surroundings.
The room wasn't much bigger than the space she shared with the other female crew members- but this one was private. Not that she cared, Jane had been an only child, and always wished she had a sibling. On the Normandy she felt like she had a home again. She wasn't particularly close with any of the crew, but just having a space she knew she could always come back to was good enough. It was weird for her to imagine the girl she had been on Mindoir… If that girl could see her now…
Shepard wasn't ready to call the space hers yet though. She decided she didn't want to deal with the fact that these had been Anderson's living quarters only hours before. Would she ever get used to this? Would this ever feel normal? Shepard felt as though she was stepping on Anderson's toes. Stealing his ship from right under him. She paced in the room, and the more she thought about it; the more she knew he was right.
Anderson was getting too old to run around and live the life of a Spectre. He really shouldn't be the Captain on a ship where he wasn't needed and wouldn't be calling the shots. He definitely didn't lack the skill or determination, but that wasn't what mattered. The Council needed someone like Shepard.
The Mess Hall was empty and Shepard was glad Kaidan wasn't there waiting for a late night chat. She picked at some levo-amino friendly food and made herself some chamomile tea. As she was turning to leave, mug in hand she heard the clearing of a throat, echoing like a growl. She stopped feeling her stomach flutter at the purr.
Garrus.
Slowly she turned looking at the blue eyed turian that stood in front of her. Neither of them said a thing, but after a second Shepard thought it best she break the ice considering she did in fact invite him to join them.
"Officer Vakarian." Her smile was soft and honest. She was holding her mug tightly to her chest, feeling slightly nervous.
One of the perks of being one of the galaxy's predatory species was that the turians had extremely adept senses. They could see, hear, smell and taste better. Turians were natural predators. Strong, fast and extremely determined. It was easy to sometimes forget that they could be so dangerous, and in that moment she felt vulnerable.
Those senses were on high alert around Shepard. Garrus wasn't sure what it was about her, but he noticed everything. The pale ivory shade of her skin, and the little brown markings dotting it. The smell of whatever she held in her cup, the soft thudding of her toe tapping the floor. Another deep breath in and he could smell her too; her skin and her hair… Lavender.
That scent he did know. His sister had always been obsessed with botany, particularly those outside of Palaven. Garrus found himself wondering how such soft humans were able to fight they way they did. How could she fight the way she had back a Chora's Den? She looked much smaller out of her gear. Garrus noticed her shoulders and collarbones, they were spattered lightly with the same markings that dripped across her delicate nose and arms. His eyes traced her neck down to each slender finger.
Why did they have so many?
Garrus had seen many humans in less clothing than she was in at work, but he never noticed them. Not really. Not like he was noticing Shepard. Feeling his examination made her more anxious, what could he be thinking while looking at her that way?
"You made it." Looking back at the clock with a smile and it read 1202.
"Yeah. I hope it's alright. I know it's late but, I didn't want to risk missing you—or, the departure, I mean." Garrus purred with a flick of his mandible and shifted his feet.
"I did invite you, remember?" Shepard laughed lightly, relaxing a bit. "It is pretty late though, Vakarian."
Garrus regarded her carefully taking note of her vitals that streamed in a small line along the inside of his tactical visor. Trying to push back the smell of her skin. Slight raise in heartbeat. Vitals look okay. Her face still managing that soft yet stern look.
"Should I just leave now then?" Garrus teased, his deep voice cooing. Another smile and she took a sip of her tea peering at him over the top of her mug. Was it the drink or Garrus making her insides warm…
"I know, I just couldn't sleep. Figured now was as good a time as any- So, I heard this is your ship now. You make becoming a Spectre look so easy. My father would hate you." Garrus joked sitting his stuff down and walking closer to her. In one solid motion he stood next to her leaning on the counter besides her. She couldn't help but laugh at his confession, and feel that same flutter from before.
"And yes. My ship. Anderson thought it would be for the best given my… promotion. Plus with all the traveling we're about to be doing it really does make the most sense." Was she justifying what had happened to Garrus or herself? She hoped he was as bad at reading humans as she was at reading turians.
My ship. It was her ship, she knew that. Knowing something and being okay with it are two different things however. It felt awkward. Even after the discussion she just had with herself.
"I'm honored to be on your ship, Commander." Garrus said looking down at her stern and militant.
Garrus stood nearly a foot taller than Shepard. She looked so small by comparison… He wondered again how she was so strong. Shepard realized just how close they actually were to each other so she nudged him with her elbow playfully in attempts to lighten the mood. Garrus held his mandibles tight, relaxing just a bit at her touch.
"Vakarian, please. I know you're used to the way the turian military runs things. You're used to being very… let's go with, stoic and formal. But that's not how I do things. I want us to form a relationship—become friends. Learn from each other. We can't do that if you don't trust me. I want you to be able to follow my orders because you believe them. Not just because I'm telling you what to do… And I know, from what I've heard you're a big fan of rules… Garrus there is only one rule you need to pay attention to while working with me. Trust me." Her eyes turned serious, and her pulse was calm and steady.
"Trust my abilities. Trust my decisions…Trust me. And like I said earlier, lighten up. So, two rules I guess." She smiled taking a sip of tea. "A chain is only as strong as it's weakest link."
"I've actually heard this one before." Garrus told her when she started to explain.
"But don't get too comfortable. I'm still your boss and I could kick your ass if I wanted to." Shepard dipped her head at him assuredly almost like a bow. He didn't even try to hold back his laugh.
"You really think a human could take on a turian?" He shook his head and began to relax more. Garrus didn't need to acknowledge what she had said before, they both knew he understood.
"Is that a challenge, Vakarian?" Shepard shifted turning to face him now. "We're gonna settle this some other time… I have tea to drink. But I'll be dealing with you later, big guy."
Garrus laughed again, mocking being scared. And just like that the formalities drifted away. They spent the next couple hours chatting about Garrus' time at C-Sec. How he always felt restricted. Tied down. He couldn't help people because rules were always getting in the way. Shepard found herself thinking back again to her brief and at the time seemingly meaningless conversation with Harkin.
'He's a hothead who still thinks he can change the world.'
Actually for being a C-Sec officer it became abundantly clear that Garrus didn't really have much consideration for the law at all. Garrus was ruthless, and idealistic. A dangerous combination. For a second she found herself wondering if he had only agreed to join her because he thought that would mean a free pass to handle things how he saw fit. After all, he had openly admitted several times already how bound he felt by the web a rules that surrounded him. Part of her knew that what she was thinking was true, but she could also sense that he really just wanted to do the right thing. He really just wanted to help her. To stop Saren. To make a difference.
"Vakarian, you will have freedom here on my ship. But you need to understand something." Shepard's face stiffened and her eyes glowed with that same intensity he saw when they met in the Med Clinic earlier.
"Innocent lives are at stake; turians, humans, salarians… all life is at stake if what I think is coming is. If Saren succeeds…" She paused looking at the limp lifeless bag in her empty mug.
"This mission won't be easy. There will be casualties. I won't insult you by pretending you don't understand what that means. This will not be a simple bag em and tag em mission. I need to know that when I bring you out there, you will swallow this… 'Do whatever it takes no matter the cost' attitude. I will not risk innocent lives in the process to get the job done, there is always a better way." Shepard looked back up into his eyes, he hadn't backed away and his mandibles held close to his face. "You have to take my lead. You have to trust that I know what I'm doing."
Garrus was a little taken back by her words. Earlier she had told him to trust her, but this was different. Now she seemed to be throwing his previous actions back at him. Had she been referring to their encounter with Dr. Michel? Or had someone said something to her… Did someone tell her how reckless he could be? Whatever her sources, she did have a point. Garrus knew he had the tendency to act first and then think.
"We will catch him, Garrus. There is no where that Saren can run that we won't find him. And you don't have to compromise who you are along the way." She hadn't realized it but her had was resting firmly just above his elbow.
Garrus just looked down at the hand on his arm and had no idea what to say. He was unsure of himself in that moment but the look they shared reassure him. She lifted her hand and immediately he wish she hadn't. He watched as she rinsed the mug she'd been holding for hours. She flashed him a farewell smile and a lazy two finger salute then slipped away. Leaving him in the Mess Hall with his things and a deep sense of wanting to be better.