CH 3
We know what we are, but not what we may Be
In the weeks that passed their initial meeting on the Citadel they had become great friends. Shepard brought Garrus along on almost every mission since they met. She was fond of the jokingly cocky nature she managed to squeeze out of him. He had a willing eagerness to follow her into any type of situation. Falling back to her right, always watching her 6. After that first night, she felt a shift in him. Her telling Garrus to trust her, turned it into reality and she felt safer knowing he was there keeping the enemies at bay. It wasn't that she couldn't handle herself, it was just nice to not have to worry so much. It was nice to have a friend.
During their mission to Luna, Earth's moon- Garrus could tell that this mission was different for Shepard. Spending as much time with her has he did, had let him in on most of her tells. They were ever so slight, it seemed that no one else knew them…but he did. He had studied her. It was in his nature to study, like a predator stalking its pray. Garrus had memorized her scent and the way her blood had a specific stark metallic smell.
Garrus learned how when she'd arch her scarred brow one way it meant she was extremely pissed. If she raised the other, it meant she was happy. He perfected those subtle differences. He knew that when she bit her lip so slightly it meant she was deep in thought. That when she would pinch the bridge of her nose and look down, she wasn't actually irritated but trying not to laugh. He learned the rhythmic thumping of her heartbeat and the face she wore for Udina or other politicians. That straight respectful, but forceful smile. Not genuine, but just real enough that they bought it every time.
How could humans smile with their mouth but not their eyes?
That straight smile was nothing like the one she gave him during a firefight or when he turned to greet her on one of her visits to Engineering. The one she gave him was real, he was sure of it. Garrus found himself on several occasions getting lost while watching her lips move as she spoke…
All these little things he had learned, yet he wasn't sure what he was seeing now. In the moments before the shuttle down to Earth's moon, he watched her at the window. Shepard stood overlooking the big blue planet. Was she sad? The pearly shade of her skin illuminated by the light below lit up the freckles splattered on her nose. Those big emerald eyes looked longingly at the planet, lost in thought. Those eyes that were usually filled with strength and determination were replaced by a new pair of heavy ones.
Garrus checked her stats on his visor and aside from her elevated pulse she seemed normal. He hadn't seen that look on her face before though and he felt a knot building in his stomach. The woman he had studied was full of countless talents, abilities and considerable strength. It was strange to see her this way. What had she been thinking about while gazing at the white and blue swirls below?
During one of their late night chats Garrus learned about Shepard's N7 training, they even talked about the battle on Elysium. He discovered some of her skills she trained for; the fighting, hacking and endurance training. Even her fluency in multiple native Earth languages. But there were other skills that just came to her naturally. They were instinctual.
"You can't learn this level of charm, wit, or coordination, Vakarian." She had said once as she shot a husk between the eyes not breaking eye contact with him. He was enamored.
Shepard was right, you couldn't learn that. What she had was something else entirely. Shepard was magnetic. She sent anyone close enough to get caught in her orbit spinning hopelessly with admiration and longing. Even knowing this, she wasn't one to take it lightly or abused it. She was simply herself, she was simply Jane Shepard. Garrus often wondered if her strength was something she trained for or if it was instinctual.
Garrus decided to stop watching her and instead strolled up and nudging her lightly with a shoulder. Pulled from her thoughts Jane snapped back to reality. The previous look of sadness had all but vanished and was replaced with a smile extending to her eyes. He knew that smile all too well, it was real.
"Don't fall asleep over here, we have a rogue VI to deal with and I'd rather not have to leave you behind." Garrus teased looking out of the window with her.
"Ha! I'd like to see you try, Vakarian." Shepard spat back returning the nudge.
Shepard's thoughts lingered on all the life down on that blue planet below. She had only been to Earth once, when she went to the Alliance Headquarters during her initiation ceremony. There was something about it that made her sad today. It reminded her too much of home. Without the distraction of the geth and husks she was really able to feel the weight of what that meant. Her mind wandering to her parents, remembering when she had them. To a life before mission after mission and dealing with suspicions from her human crew on her choice in company.
Whatever she had been thinking about had all but vanished and she was there on the ship again. Shepard looked over at the broad shouldered turian beside her. Garrus was still wearing that blue C-Sec armor, sporting that same old sniper on his back. Shepard really didn't know a lot about Garrus' past, but there was something about their relationship that told her it didn't matter. Fighting with him at her side, had given them a certain bond. It was unspoken and it was strong. She may not have known his whole history, but she knew a different part of him.
Once they were down on Luna and had destroyed the cannons blocking their destination, they entered the bunker and were greeted by assault drones. After several of the drones were dealt with they destroyed 6 power conduits, and retreated to the exit. This repeated with increasing difficulty another two times until they finally disabled the rogue VI.
"Are all these damn shields really necessary?" Shepard asked sarcastically unloading a clip into the bright blue barrier that blocked them at every doorway.
"Was it's plan to just bore us until we gave up and left?" Shepard laughed allowing her gun to cooldown.
"Well, you were trying to kill it, Shepard." Garrus voice with a soft purr over the com, and she felt a slight chill any time he spoke.
Williams just sat back and listened as the two continued their never ending banter. Ashley didn't like when the Commander zoned out on the turian. She thought it was distracting. She of course would never mention it, she knew better. That didn't stop Ashley from watched them though, walking side by side; their conversation was so fluid and effortless. Part of her was a little jealous that they were so close. Not because she wanted to be close to Shepard, but because she didn't have that kind of connection with anyone on the Normandy.
Ashley didn't say a word the entire shuttle ride back to the ship. She retreated quickly to her post down in Engineering. Busying herself with work she thought about the last time she saw her squad on Eden Prime… The last time she had a relationship like the one she saw anytime she joined them on a mission. She felt remorse and guilt building… Before she could get too lost in her survivors guilt, Ashley noticed Shepard enter with Garrus.
Part of what annoyed her so much about him was the fact he was turian, she knew that. She couldn't help it given her family's history at Shanxi. He wasn't a bad guy, but she still didn't trust him. It wasn't even that she didn't trust Garrus, she just didn't trust aliens. Ashley watched as the two parted, and seeing Jane walking straight towards her; she stiffened and saluted.
"Commander."
"Don't be silly, Chief. Cut the formalities, okay?" A soft smile spread over Shepard's face. "How are you, Williams? Do you have a moment to talk?"
"Yes, Commander… Actually, there was something I wanted to discuss with you if I may… off the record." Ashley looked apprehensive. A nod from Shepard let her know she could speak freely.
"I know things run differently on board the Normandy, ma'am. But uh… I'm concerned about the aliens. Wrex and Vakarian… Should we really be letting them have free roam of the ship? And that Quarian is down by the drive core. It's just that…. this is the most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy. I just don't know if we should be letting them snoop around it."
The look on Shepard face let Ashley know that she has struck a nerve. Shepard held her gaze and remained neutral with her tone. Being sure not to speak too loudly, although they all knew that the 'aliens' could hear their conversation loud and clear.
"What makes you say this? You don't trust my judgement in allies?" Shepard asked crossing her arms and leaning into a heel.
"No, it's just… I don't know if we can consider the Council races allies. And even if they were, I don't think we should count on them staying allies. If their backs are against the wall… they will abandon us." Ashley added.
"Thats quite the pessimistic view of the universe, Williams." Shepard let out as she tucked a stray red strand behind her ear.
"A pessimist is what an optimist calls a realist… Look, if you're out with your dog and a bear attacks… And the only chance of your survival was to sick your dog on it and run, you'd do it. No matter how much you love your dog… it's not human." Ashley saw the look in Shepard's eyes and continued cautiously.
"It's not racism… not really…. members of their own species will always be more important to them."
"Enough, Williams!" Shouted Shepard watching William's mouth shut. Shepard wasn't caring about volume anymore, and she heard a shift in attention around them.
"The Normandy could never have been made if not for the turians and humans joining together. This is a multi lateral mission and you are completely out of line. Do you make a habit of questioning your superiors with xenophobic remarks, Williams?" When Shepard saw Ashley's face change to one of horror and protest, Shepard raised a hand silencing her.
"Call it what you will. But I need you to keep it together and stop making enemies out of friends." Shepard let out a deep breath collecting herself.
"Listen, I understand you're concerned, but you have nothing to worry about. I wouldn't risk any of your lives by endangering you anymore than usual" Shepard added with a hand on Ashley's shoulder and a smile.
"It wont be a problem Commander… You say jump I say how high. You say kiss a turian… I ask what cheek." Ashley tried her best at levity.
"I don't think kissing turians will be necessary, Chief." Shepard let out a laugh removing her hand, shifting it to a hip.
"You never know Commander." Ashley smiled and Shepard caught her eyes moving over to the left where Garrus stood next to the Mako, no doubt calibrating the guns.
Shepard followed her gaze and looked at the turian typing away, and she wondered if Garrus had heard that part of the conversation. What did Ashley mean by that anyway…
Over the last few weeks it was no longer a secret that Kaidan had developed full fledged feelings for Jane. Garrus would have known even if he couldn't smell it on him. Hell, it was extremely obvious to everyone on board. You'd think she was oblivious by the way she treated the biotic's attempts at wooing though. Shepard wasn't rude, no, Jane could never be rude to a friend. But she wasn't giving him any indication that she was interested in him either. Maybe thats what made him like her more. She did her best to be his friend, and in doing so he seemed to grow more infatuated.
Weeks had passed since the identity of Saren's accomplice had been released to them, but they only just now got a lead that went anywhere. It was finally time to head to Noveria, and Kaidan was a good choice to accompany Shepard and Garrus. Noveria was cold, snowing, and full of ice. Garrus didn't like it one bit. "Turians hate the cold. They hate it, Shepard." With a slight growl in his words, she couldn't help but smile to herself when he wasn't looking. Her crush was getting just a little ridiculous…
After an afternoon of back and forth's, running errands for favors they finally attained a docking key. They set out in the Mako towards Peak 15 and hopefully right to Benezia.
The conversation was weak, and their usual banter didn't proceed as normal. There was a heavy awkwardness hanging in the Mako around them. No doubt Kaidan's doing, and Garrus found himself becoming increasingly angry at the human. What was it about the biotic that rubbed him the wrong way besides the obvious reasons? It had taken a lot of effort on Garrus' part not to go off on Kaidan on several occasions, and it was clear Kaidan wasn't a big fan of Garrus either.
Maybe it was Kaidan's polar differences from himself that drove him so crazy. Could it have been the fact that the Lieutenant would rather die than break a direct order, no matter how bad it may be? He would make a great turian though… But even so, Garrus would never trust that Kaidan could protect Shepard. He found himself more on edge, more protective anytime Kaidan would accompany them. He knew that If Shepard told Kaidan to go, to leave her to die during one of these missions- that he would do it. Garrus would break a hundred orders if it meant that Shepard would make it out alive. Sometimes, you have to make a decision. And Garrus knew that Kaidan would never have what it takes to make the right one.
Garrus had heard Shepard say that Kaidan's blood ran Alliance blue. Part of what he hated was that brown-nosing boy scout quality, or the judgmental whine in Kaidan's voice. Of all the reasons he could think of though: there was nothing that bothered him more than Kaidan's ability to make Shepard feel as though she had to be someone else when he was with them. Garrus knew it wasn't just the professionalism- she was herself with the rest of the crew. No, he knew better.
"So, boys. We ready to find ourselves a Matriarch?" Shepard smiled at Garrus as they finally reached their destination making their way into the building. Greeted by a new enemy; large bug like creature, Kaidan let out a puzzled sigh.
"Rachni… How-this isn't possible." Kaidan exclaimed, bewilderment filling his voice.
"Hell if I know, Lieutenant." Shepard replied swiftly as they crept forward.
After hacking into the system's core, they began work on reactivating the landlines and other dauntless missions as instructed by the VI.
"This is turning out to be a much longer mission that I thought." Shepard sighed over her shoulder while they walked the halls.
"Ready for some fun? Why don't you figure out this crazy long code to activate me in the first place, just so I can send you around repairing the place for the next 4 hours." Shepard faked an accent, she was pretty terrible at it.
"Reconnect the landline. Oh, while you're at it go ahead and kill some 'extinct' aliens while you're at it." She even used air quotes.
"Oh! And don't forget to repair the reactor…While you're down there can you deal with all this contamination bullshit too please? You don't want to? Oh, well that's too bad because you have to or you can't leave." Shepard's voice trailed off in her normal tone, the sarcasm leaving her voice.
"You'd think someone didn't want us getting out there with all this trouble." She ran a gloved hand through her hair and Garrus watched her enjoying her complaints maybe a little too much. The affectionate gaze the two shared wasn't lost to Kaidan. He watched them, feeling his ears growing warm and his stomach sinking.
They can't be serious.
Kaidan examined their playful chatting and body language. Almost as if they could feel his eyes on them Shepard went to speak. Luckily they reached their destination, just in the nick of time. Shepard didn't know what the look Kaidan was giving her meant but she knew she didn't like it. It was obvious to her that they didn't get along, but she didn't really understand why. And honestly, Shepard didn't have time to care. She couldn't deal with this kind of thing right now.
Shepard opened the door hoping she'd finally see Benezia just standing there. Maybe if they were really lucky she'd just kill them all so she never have to talk to them about any of it. Kidding. Mostly. But alas, they were met with more redundant tasks.
'Help us cure a disease we created please' followed by an assassination attempt from one of Benezia's spies ranked high on Shepard's list of favorite moments on Noveria. At least that last one let them know they were on the right track. It's not that Shepard minded helping these people, in fact helping people was just about the only thing Shepard knew she loved. But it didn't make the distraction easier. Jane knew she had to get to Benezia and she couldn't help but feel impatience as more obstacles fell in front of them.
Eventually the team made it to their main target, Matriarch Benezia. Shepard didn't know where to start but she needed answers. To no ones surprise Benezia didn't feel like talking and instead sent an electric white-purple ball of energy at them. They spread out narrowly dodging the orb and just like that Garrus and Shepard jumped into their usual positions. He had her 6, and she wasn't worried. Kaidan found himself distracted by the elegance and ease of their transition. They didn't speak through the com but they were still communicating.
Did she bring me here just to make me watch… this.
Before Kaidan could indulge his thoughts any further, he was interrupted by Benezia's back up. Alternating units of biotic asari and geth took their turns wearing Shepard and her squad down. After what seemed like a never ending fight Benezia appeared to finally be growing weak. She lunged over cradling her head. Shepard took this as an opportunity and ran up to the woman and lunged. In one swift motion Benezia stood up with full force as a biotic shockwave pulsed around her, extending through the entire room; filling it with bright sparks of electricity.
Shepard went flying backwards slamming into a crate breaking it upon impact. Benezia fell shaking her head as Garrus and Kaidan rushed to Shepard side. Before they could help her up Shepard was already standing. If she had been hurt she did a great job of hiding it. She stormed up to Benezia, grabbed her by the neck pushing her into the large glass crate behind her. Shepard felt the thump of the asari's head when it made contact with the glass, followed by the light shriek vibrating in her palm.
"Listen to me! This isn't over. Saren is unstoppable…. My mind… It's not my own." Benezia's eyes filled with tears, she began shaking her head profusely. "It is filled with his light… you… you must listen to me." Benezia was pleading now, grabbing Shepard by either side of her shoulders, giving her a soft shake. Something was different.
"Saren still whispers in my mind… I can fight his compulsions. But… the indoctrination is strong." Benezia breathed out heavily as Shepard loosened her grip letting the asari go.
"Are… Are you saying he brainwashed you?" Shepard took a small step back noticing her crew at either side of her. Garrus with his riffle aimed perfectly on Benezia and Kaidan with his arm glowing ready to release a biotic blast in a moments notice.
"People… are not themselves around Saren. You come to idolize him. Worship him… They key is his flagship, Sovereign. It is a dreadnought of incredible size and extraordinary power… Thoughts echo strangely within Sovereign. It's rooms… They are built at unsettling angles. The longer you are there— the more Saren's will becomes your will. You sit at his feet and smile as his words pour into you…" Benezia's voice was eerie, raising the hair on the back of Shepard's neck.
"It was subtle… at first. I thought I was strong enough to resist him. But I too, became a willing slave, eager to serve him. He sent me here to find where the Mu Relay is located… It has been lost for thousands of years…"
"Wait, how do you just lose a relay?" Kaidan asked behind Shepard, as Benezia continued.
"Two thousand years ago the Rachni inhabited that region of our galaxy. They discovered the relay… The Rachni have an ability to share memories across generations. Queens inherit the knowledge of their mothers… I wasn't gentle when I took the location from her mind." Benezia gestured to the large bug like alien trapped behind her.
"Why is Saren looking for this relay?" Shepard asked crossing her arms, keeping her brow and voice strong.
"He believes the Mu Relay will lead him to the Conduit. I… I would tell you more if I could. But I was merely a tool— and Saren did not share his counsel with me." She shook her head and placed her hand over her eyes.
"Benezia, you can still make this right. Give me the information. We can stop him." Shepard had such strength in her voice, it was believable and warm. Benezia stepped forward handing them an OSD.
"I transcribed the data to this… Please take it. He already has the coordinates, I transmitted them before you arrived. I don't know anything else… You have to stop… me… I-I can't— his teeth are at my ear… fingers on my spine…" Benezia gasped heaving over as if in pain.
A shuffle behind Shepard let her know that her team was getting ready for something, anything.
"You should—you… should…" Benezia rose again releasing biotic orbs from her fingertips, sending them flying backwards.
Quickly stumbling to their feet, with weapons retracted they began to fight. Kaidan sent out waves of blue light and Garrus lined up his shots. They fought tirelessly and with each empty clip, Benezia grew weaker and weaker until she had nothing left. Shepard took this as an opportunity to charge at her and punched her square in the jaw, sending the Matriarch falling backwards. She seemed to snap out of her trance again. After a moment she began speaking.
"Shepard… you must… stop him. It's too late for me… He is still in my mind. I will never… be myself… again" She let out a cough, looking to Shepard for a moment before getting lost in the distance.
"No… light. They always said there would be…a…" And Benezia was gone. Shepard stood over the Matriarch watching as the light slipped from her eyes. Watching someone die was never easy.
"Shepard…" A soft purr over her right side came, accompanied by a heavy hand that rested on her shoulder. She placed her left hand on top of it for a second and then walked forward to examine the Queen in front of her.
The Rachni Queen was enormous. And unlike her kin she was a dark purple. She had many white glowing eyes and long thin bug like legs. On top of her slender tall body, she had a single tentacle with a spore on the end. The spore shot at the window near Shepard's face, sending her stumbling backward. Shepard turned noticing she had bumped into something. She had collided with a dead asari, only the asari didn't look so dead considering she was swaying lightly towards the spore on the glass.
"What the- " Shepard gasped grabbing her gun, pointing it back and forth between the Queen and the dead asari.
A sinister voice echoed all around them. It seemed to have been coming from every dead body in the room. All their different tones, and voices mixing as one. Geth and asari alike.
"This one. Serves as our voice. We cannot sing. Not in these low spaces. Your musics are colorless." The voices said in eerie unison.
Shepard looked with confused eyes to her companions and back towards the asari standing in front of her. "I'm… not sure I understand."
"Your way of communicating is strange. Flat. It does not color the air. When we speak, one moves all. We are the mother. We sing for those left behind. The children you thought silenced. We are Rachni." The voices answered.
"How are you speaking through her? How is this possible?" Shepard stepped to the other side of the asari and peered into the cage over the Queen.
"Our kind sing through touchings and thought. We pluck the strings, and the other understands. She is weak to urging. She has colors we have no names for, but she is ending. Her music is bittersweet. It is beautiful. The children we birth here were stolen from us… before they could learn to sing, they are lost to silence. End their suffering. They cannot be saved. They can only cause harm as they are." The voiced joined in unison as they finished.
"I don't understand…" Shepard gave with a shake of her head looking back at Garrus, then to the queen. "Why are your children killing people?" Shepard shifted her weight looking back towards the standing asari.
"These needle-men. They stole our eggs from us. They sought to turn our children into beasts of war. Claws with no songs of their own… Our elders are comfortable with silence. Children know only fear if no one sings to them… Fear has shattered their lines."
Kaiden let out a breath and spoke "Well, it makes sense. You can't expect to leave a baby alone until he's 16 and expect him to be sane."
Shepard looked to Garrus again wanting his opinion, but he didn't give it. She bit her lower lip and looked back at the queen. Silence. After a moment she walked in front of the asari and spoke.
"If… you're sure they can't be saved. I will do it."
"It is lamentable." The raspy whispers of the voices circling them. "But necessary. Do what you must. Before you deal with our children… we stand before you. What will you sing? Will you release us? Are we to…. Fade away once more?" The voices asked with urgency, filling with desperation.
Shepard stepped back from the glass tank rubbing her forehead. It seemed she had finally just gotten rid of the last headache and here came another one. What could she do here… She could release the Rachni Queen or she could kill her. Before her she spoke with the Queen she wouldn't have had to ask, but after their talk Shepard had a hard time deciding what was right.
Ultimately it was her kind hearted nature what decided to give the Queen the benefit of the doubt. She sent the Rachni on her way before heading down to the Hot Labs to destroy the base filled with her broken children.
The shuttle back to the Normandy was tense. Garrus offered no opinion on her actions, it wasn't like having it would have done anything to sway her really. Once her mind was made up, it was set. There as no changing that, and maybe that's why he didn't say anything. Maybe he saw that she already had the answer in her eyes when she looked to him for opinion.
How had he gotten so good at reading this human?
It had only been a couple days since they left Noveria, but they had no leads on the Mu Relay. All the confidence from defeating one of Saren's indoctrinated slaves had all but seeped away at the realization that they had no idea where to start. It felt like they were back at square one. Yeah, they had some information, but what good is information if you don't know what it's good for?
In the days to follow, they went on several routine missions. All of which lead them no where. Shepard looked at as a good way to build relationships among the team. She needed them all to be strong and trust each other. She knew how dangerous a mission could be with two people that didn't care for each other… Two people like Kaidan and Garrus.
Shepard sat in her cabin, staring at a half built model ship on her desk, shaking her leg restlessly. Her exasperated sighs annoying her more and more with each inhale and exhale. Not having anything new to go on drove her crazy. Shepard wasn't the impulsive type, but restlessness did help to pull out her anxiety. Two knocks at the door, and she yelled.
"It's open!" The mechanical humming of the door revealed Garrus standing in his casual attire.
His arms were tucked behind his back as he ducked his head stepping into the room. Garrus held himself very stiffly having been the first time he entered her living space she understood his body language. As she sat up, he felt a breeze of her scent engulf him. Lavender. Shepard.
"Garrus." A smile crept across her lips as she said his name. Running a finger through her hair she straightened it on either side, pulling her legs to sit crisscross facing him. "Please. Sit." Shepard gestured to the chair across from her next to her desk. After a brief hesitation he nodded and complied.
"Are you alright? Not that I mind late night visits from my favorite turian." Her laugh was soft and he felt himself relax a little into his surroundings.
Her favorite turian.
Garrus noticed she had a stack of books next to her bed, and data pads scattered literally on every surface of the room. Her armor was stacked in a pile, not in her locker in the Mess Hall. Shepard's room wasn't messy, but it wasn't clean either. She seemed to have her own form of organization going though and he enjoyed looking at her model ships. A clearing of her throat brought him back to her and he finally spoke.
"Excuse me, Shepard. I know this isn't exactly how things are done. You definitely don't go to your Commanding Officers quarters in the middle of the night on a turian vessel…" Garrus found himself wondering if his coming off weird… had he been making a mistake? No doubt human military had protocols on these kinds of things, but some how he ended at her door anyway.
"Nah, I mean. Sure, they have their rules." Shepard emphasized at him with a smile. "But this is my ship, and I have an open door policy." She shifted her arms back leaning on them.
Shepard sat in N7 issued sweatpants and a black tank top. He noticed all the scars she had on her arms, and chest. All the bruises and marks. Her thin collarbones lining her chest elegantly. He wondered how she was still functioning after all the beatings he had seen her take. She seemed so fragile to him at times like this. Sitting there, relaxing. Her red hair hung to one side and she dipped her head into her palm that sit propped by her knee.
"You just gonna stare at me all night?" Her eyes were warm, not mocking and he leaned forward in his seat.
Garrus rested his elbows on either knee pulling his long taloned hands across his fringe and down his neck, pausing to rub it a moment. Shepard watched, as he did this. She began feeling nervous, what was this about?
"Oh, I don't know, maybe. The scenery isn't bad." He purred back to her and she felt a shudder run through her.
Flirting was just part of their friendship, part of their dynamic. They had chemistry. The kind of chemistry that made what they had effortless and made him easy to be around. Half the time she didn't even realize how flirty she was with him until she had already spat out some clever remark. The crush was harmless…
It didn't matter though, because their flirting was going no where. Even if he was human, their flirting would go no where. She was Commander of this ship. She had a very important job, and she really couldn't afford an inter species scandal right now. That didn't stop her from thinking about it from time to time though.
"When I was at C-Sec… there was this case. It was a bit… disturbing. I was tasked with tracking black market trade… It was all relatively harmless. But during the course of my investigation, I noticed…" He stopped noticing Shepard uncrossing her legs. She sat them down in front of her mimicking his positioning, looking intently in his eyes.
"What was so weird about it?" She asked.
"I noticed an increase in the trade of body parts. Organs mostly." His voice let out with a slight flanging. He saw her eyes react to the strange conversation and continued. "We usually get a few of those…" He had added since she seemed genuinely shocked. "- but not the numbers I was seeing. We weren't sure if there was a new black market lab, or if some freak was harvesting organs from citizens."
"Wait…" Shepard leaned back tucking a few unchecked strands of red behind her ear. "You've seen this before? On the citadel?"
"Every so often… It's not as bad as it sounds…" Garrus continued to tell her about a geneticist he had come into contact with.
This doctor had been responsible for using his subjects as test tubes. Using cloning technology to grow, then harvest and regrow organs inside his 'employees'. Apparently Dr. Saleon paid them a small percentage assuming the organs were good. Garrus could see the anger and disgust building in Shepard's face as he explained how the doctor had never been caught. She was beginning to understand his distaste for rules. Garrus explained how he tried going after him, only to have C-Sec headquarters countermanded his order.
Dr. Saleon was on a ship full of hostages, and the council didn't want to risk the civilian lives. She wondered if his father had allowed him to join Spectre training, would she even be looking at the same turian? She didn't think so given his disregard for lives if it meant he got his target.
Shepard could see that Garrus had a darkness in him; one that remained caged due to the rules and regulations he hated so much. If only he could realize those rules were the only thing that kept him from crossing a line. And boy did he walk dangerously close to it… A line he wouldn't be able to come back over. Shepard was reminded of a conversation they'd had when he joined the crew all those weeks ago - "It doesn't matter how you do it as long as you get it done."
"Garrus… It's not worth the risk." She shook her head feeling a hint of regret in her stomach. Shepard had hoped she had been reaching him, but maybe she hadn't been after all. Maybe he still was that ruthless turian that didn't care how many lives were at stake.
"All they had to do was disable it, and stop him from running… Maybe the hostages die… maybe they don't. But at least we stop the bastard responsible for it all." Garrus raised his voice an octave, his flanging sounded more like a low growl rumbling in his chest.
His mandibles were held tight. Shepard reached her hand out and touched the side of his face, pulling his attention to hers. Pulling him back from the anger that crept through him. Pulling him from his bloodlust.
"If you don't care about the fate of those hostages… Then you're no better than he is." She held his gaze a moment longer not removing her hand. "I know that it's not easy. It never gets easier to watch someone walk away that should be paying for what they did. But… It does matter how you do it. The ends don't always justify the means." Shepard's voice was almost pleading, hoping that this would stay with him.
Jane didn't want him look in the mirror one day and not recognize the person looking back. Her lips rolled into a small smile as she removed her hand placing it in her lap, lacing her fingers together. He had been surprised that she touched him, but the second she removed her hand he missed it. There was a cold spot where her hand had been and he didn't like how it felt.
"Yeah… Maybe you're right. It doesn't make it any easier though… but… I see your point." Garrus leaned back into the chair rubbing his neck again. "I just wish I could have stopped him. That's all."
"Hey," Shepard grabbed his attention, locking their eyes. She could see he was feeling defeated. "We will get him. You have my word." She nodded and they slipped away into another long night of conversation.
The morning that followed came too fast and she woke sprawled across the bottom of her bed. She looked around and saw Garrus leaning back sleeping heavily in the chair across from her. That could not have been comfortable… What time was it…
The two both jumped at Joker speaking over the intercom. Hardly having any time to assess the situation, or the fact that he had slept in her room that night it was straight to business.
"Commander, we have Anderson on the line. He has some information, some Prothean expert or whatever. Oh, and she was related to Benezia or something… Yeah, have fun with that." Joker closed the line, as the two of them started their day.
Liara T'Soni was definitely an expert. She had spent the last 50 years of her life studying Prothean technology and culture. More specifically, their extinction. Her dossier made her the perfect new recruit so Shepard set a course to find her. The dig site she was located on was Prothean, and Shepard found herself hopeful on what Dr. T'Soni could tell them about the Conduit. About the Proteans. Maybe even about the Reapers- Hell, anything.
They had found the Liara suspended in a rather suspicious energy field. The team broke her out using a massive laser mining drill. Trying to leave the dig site was a bit more difficult though, and they were faced against a mob of krogan mercenaries. Saren's mercenaries. They were after the doctor and were't about to let Shepard walk without a fight.
"Why can't anything ever be easy?" Shepard breathed over the com her voice rung with annoyance.
They really didn't have the time for this, the mining laser may have seemed like a good idea at the time, but it was proving to be a mistake. They felt the ruins around them shake and pulse. The dig site wasn't going to hold much longer. Shepard looked around and saw her squad in various positions around her, struggling to remain calm. To keep their footing while pieces of rubble fell around them.
"Shepard, we have to get out of here!" Garrus yelled in the coms. "The whole place is going down."
Shepard got up and unloaded her clip into the remaining mercs scattered between her and Liara. In one swift motion she ran to her, grabbed her by the arm they started running towards the exit. All around them the ruins quaked, rubble narrowly missing them during their escape. Vision blurred from vertigo.
Shepard was always the last one out of a mission, she would only leave if she knew everyone else was safe. And this time was no different. Their escape was just up the runway, but she stood back; yelling and ushering her squad up and through the vault exit.
"Go, go, go, go!"
"Everyones out, come on, Shepard!" Garrus yelled grabbing an arm pulling her behind him.
There was urgency in his voice- worry. The two of them ran up the vault, following the light at the end of the tunnel. Growls echoing as the site disintegrated behind them, the roaring surrounding them. She felt the hot familiar burn in her muscles. The two of them slipped out of the vault door with only seconds to spare. They were thrown from the force, tumbling down the ramp they landed in a pile on top of each other.
Shepard lay below him, they were both panting from the exertion. His eyes were intense; what was that look- fear? She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She still lay still under him admiring his tattoos and the crystal color of his eyes. She felt his warm, rushed breath on her neck and cheek, they were breathing in unison. Feeling him on her made her weak and nervous.
"Are you okay, Shepard?" Garrus asked softly looking down at her.
The deep red of her hair draped around her head in light waves. Small cuts decorated her chin and forehead. Dirt smudges and small specks of sweat dotted her hairline. Shepard swallowed, feeling a dip in her stomach when he raised a gloved hand to tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
"I'm fine. How about you, big guy? You seem mighty comfortable." She smiled up at him, catching her breath finally. It just occurred to Garrus that he was still on top of her. He had just touched her face.
What the hell am I doing?
In that moment though, he couldn't help himself. Garrus had taken it as a duty to serve and protect her… His job wasn't just to find Saren, or stop the Reapers and geth. He also had to protect Shepard. He knew how important she was. How important she would be in the years to come. Shepard was more important than any of them.
But why did you touch her? Why are you STILL touching her…
"I'd always heard humans were squishy, I just had no idea how squishy they were." Garrus purred close to her ear still not moving off of her.
Shepard swallowed down the feeling of desire, nudging him in the side with her hand rolling him off of her. Garrus lay with his back on the ground looking up at her affectionately. She turned with one arm on the ground for support and pointed down at him.
"HEY. I am NOT squishy." Shepard laughed as she stood dusting off her armor.
Shepard let out a delicate hand and his mandibles fluttered lightly taking it allowing her to help him stand. For a second they both forgot where they were, and that they had just barely escaped with Liara in one piece. Wrex and Dr. T'Soni had been awkwardly standing pretending not to notice. Shepard took this as an opportunity to call the Normandy for extraction. When they got back to the ship however, Shepard realized she had to tell their new friend she had indirectly killed her mother just a couple weeks earlier. Insert heavy stomach. Insert guilt.
Referring to Benezia simply as Liara's mother seemed dubious though. She wasn't just a mother anymore, she had been indoctrinated. A slave to Saren to the point of no return. Shepard knew that and so did Benezia. Even knowing that Shepard didn't physically kill Benezia, she still felt responsible. Shepard had taken away Liara's mother and there was nothing that she could do to fix it. Realizing that Liara probably didn't even know about her mothers death yet given her location and situation, made her feel worse. Shepard would tell her… But, not yet.
Shepard let their new recruit settle in before calling a meeting, and while she sat waiting for the crew to assemble she couldn't help thinking about Garrus back on Therum. The way he looked at her in that moment. His eyes were so different… There was something primal about it. She had never been scared of Garrus even though she knew how dangerous and strong turians were. Even though she knew Garrus would never hurt her, she couldn't help but wonder if he'd have hurt someone for her.
Shepard snapped out of her daydream when Ashley began to speak. When she scanned the room, she noticed her crew had already been sitting in their normal spots. How long had she been standing there in silence thinking about… whatever that was back on Therum?
"Right." Shepard turned with a nod as Ashley sat in her usual seat.
Shepard began by explaining who Liara was, and how she could help. An awkward silence rose when they realized who Liara had been related to, but no one spoke. To Shepard's surprise and disappointment Liara couldn't provide any information about the Conduit. Even with her extensive knowledge in Proteans, she couldn't provide them with anything they didn't already know. Liara's demeanor changed though when she found out Shepard had come into direct contact with a Prothean beacon. Her eyes lit up like she had just been given a present.
For some reason the look she gave Shepard annoyed Garrus, and he felt an itch under his plates. He held his mandibles close to his face, watching the asari stand to meet Shepard where she stood.
"I… may be able to help, Commander." Liara said, eyes wide stepping closer to Shepard. "The asari, we have a unique ability to join minds with other species. I can join your consciousness with mine… maybe we can make some sense of your beacon." Liara urgently offered.
Shepard looked around at her squad thinking about the proposal. She had never 'joined' with anyone before, but the idea freaked her out. She knew what the asari commonly used this… talent for. It was no secret that the asari were popular consorts due to this unique ability. It could be used to help them though, and Shepard was willing to try anything to stop Saren.
Shepard nodded and closed the gap between them. The room was silent, and Liara placed her hands on Shepard's shoulders. Leaning closer she touched their foreheads together and whispered for Shepard to close her eyes. Everyone watched intently as Shepard complied. In a flash Liara's eyes went black and two words slipped from her lips "Embrace eternity."
There was a flash, the room spun out into darkness and the visions from the beacon on Eden Prime echoed around her and through her. Thumping, screeching, taring… Flashes of battle. Death. Pleading. Destruction. Bright and dull at the same time and none of it made any sense. She didn't feel like a person, she didn't know where she was. Shepard was in the beacon. She was the beacon. With a loud fluttering that sounded like a flock of birds engulfing her about to take her away- she slid back to reality. She was back on her ship. She was Shepard.
A gross thickness like the first time she touched the beacon ran through her veins and under her skin. With each breath she took, it swam deeper into her body; leaving her empty. Shepard and Liara both lost their balance slightly. Garrus rushed to stand behind Shepard, at her 6 he watched as she rubbed her head steadying herself.
"Did… did it work? Did you see anything?" Shepard asked gathering her strength standing tall and straight.
Liara's eyes were wide and she held Shepard's gaze for a moment before speaking.
"I… wow." Liara was shaking her head in disbelief.
"All of this time… All of my research… I never imagined." She paused and looked back at the Commander. "I'm sorry… The images were so vivd. I could never have imagined the experience would be so… intense. Shepard… You are remarkably strong willed. What you've seen, and been through. It would have destroyed a lesser mind." Liara ended still gazing admiringly at Shepard.
"Did you… see anything?" Shepard asked with urgency trying to shake off the sickly feeling that ran under her skin in waves.
Pushing back the chills that ran through her body she crossed her arms, and leaned into her hip. She could feel Garrus standing behind her, and the eyes of her crew watching curiously. Knowing he was there made her feel a little better.
"The beacon on Eden Prime… It must have been severely damaged, Commander. There are large pieces missing from the vision. The transfer… it was incomplete. I'm sorry I cannot provide any new information… But you were right- the Protheans were wiped out by a race of sentient machines, The Reapers. There is an obvious connection between them, the Prothean extinction and the Conduit. I am sorry, but I didn't see anything that would help us locate it." Liara looked down shaking her head in disappointment- this was the first time she removed her gaze from Shepard since their joining.
"I was able to interpret the data that remained in tact however. There wasn't much… something was missing. Not broken… but missing." She thought for a moment and continued.
"Saren must have that missing information. He must have found another beacon… if we can find the missing data I can-I..ca- woah!" Liara's voice was weak as she nearly collapsed.
"I am sorry… the joining… It can be quite exhausting. I should lie down for a moment." Liara replied and after Shepard dismissed the crew she wondered if that was what happened to her as well… Was that why she felt so strange afterwards?
No, it couldn't be. Shepard could feel that this was something else. It didn't come from Liara or the asari mind joining. This was deeper. This was something that was already there, but had been pushed to the side. This was the feeling the vision gave her after she first came into contact with the beacon. Had it been the effects of the beacon itself? Was it the information? The way it transferred into her brain like some kind of file? Before her thoughts could get too far a familiar taloned hand rested on her left shoulder bring her back to reality.
Shepard was back on the Normandy. She was Shepard. Turning to him she smiled. Garrus could tell it was real, but it still felt off. He wasn't sure what he saw, but he knew she needed someone. Removing his hand he nudged her with his shoulder and spoke
"So, how did that feel? I've heard some stories about the asari joining…" Garrus was insinuating with his tone.
His dark smooth purring reverberating close to her. She felt a warm sensation replace the itchy one from before. Shepard could smell the dirt still clinging to him, and noticed the small cuts specked with blue blood that had all but dried. Neither of them had changed or washed up since they returned to the Normandy.
"Well, at least now I can mark 'have mind sex with a complete stranger while my whole crew watches' off of my bucket list. " She laughed and leaned over the railing in front of her.
Shepard ran her fingers through her hair, and felt just how messy she had gotten from the dig site. When Garrus looked at her questioningly she continued.
"It's like a list of things you want to do before you die. You know, having to explain it sorta ruins my joke though."
"I'm sure it wasn't very good anyway, Shepard." Garrus had a softness to his voice when he spoke. "You know, you really should shower. You smell terrible." He cooed and she watched as his mandibles twitched with amusement.
Garrus leaned back, ran a hand over his fringe and down his neck. Shepard had watched him do this simple task many times before; and this time like all others she did so admiringly. Garrus really was a good man. He was a little misguided by vengeance, and sometimes let his hatred for injustice cloud his judgement; but he meant well. He had a good heart and she saw that. He just needed a little guidance. They had become such close friends, it was hard to imagine this journey being manageable without him.
"Ha, ha, Vakarian. You don't smell so great either, ya know? Now watch it or I'll have to write you up. Or beat you up. One of the two." She joked pointing a finger at him.
"Oh, no. Not the infamous finger point. I must really be in trouble. You still haven't made due on your last threat. I'm beginning to think you don't have it in you, Commander."
"Don't you test me, I will ground you. And take away your toys. Have fun calibrating nothing. And for the record, I still intend on kicking your ass." She spat back playfully and turned back to him lowering her finger.
Garrus was standing rather close to her as he often did, shifting his weight effortlessly. She wondered how he moved so gracefully with his height and broad shoulders. He gave her a challenging look and scoffed lightly shaking his head.
"You win this time, Shepard. But only because my riffle really needs some work after the day we've had. The sights are completely off…" He trailed off.
Noticing she was staring, she signaled to the door and they both exited the room.
Deep in effortless conversation.