A/N: Thank you for the reviews and thanks to all the follows. Also many thanks to my beta Sarah. Time to introduce Red.
Chapter two
From a distance he watched her walk over the beach with her new companion. He'd been watching her for a while now. When he'd first seen her after so many months away his breath had caught in his throat. She was still as beautiful as he remembered.
Sometimes he found himself reaching out to touch her like he used to; his hand on the small of her back, their hands brushing when they walked side by side. Knowing they were near each other again seemed to settle the disquiet in his body and soul. He wondered what it would feel like to be near her again, to look into her beautiful eyes again, to feel her presence again. There would be a peace within him again and his heart would finally start to heal.
It had been hard leaving her behind, but it was necessary. His adversary had gotten too close and had threatened the people closest to him. So he'd faked his own death. He had grieved for her like a lover lost, when in truth they had never gotten to that point. In the beginning he hadn't been able to keep an eye on her because he had to make sure nobody knew he was still alive. The isolation he'd lived in had gotten to him more than he'd expected. In these last few years he'd apparently gotten more used to those few companions around him than he'd realized.
For the first time he'd felt alone. And in those moments of loneliness, he longed the most for Lizzie. He wondered what she would be doing, sometimes even wondered if she thought of him. His need to protect her was strong, stronger than before and the fact that he couldn't, made him feel like a failure. Failing Lizzie was something he never thought possible; but he had.
He was afraid of how she was going to respond to his presence. From what he'd seen of her so far she was still going through a tough time. Though ever since she'd gotten the dog she seemed to be doing a bit better, but she looked thin, too thin and it worried him. She wasn't taking care of herself. It took all of his willpower to not step up and take care of her, but he knew he couldn't, he had to tread carefully. He wondered if he was the sole reason for Lizzie's current state. Maybe he was giving his presence in her life too much credit. Maybe he did so because he didn't like to think that faking his death hadn't meant anything to her.
In those lonely nights in isolation he'd dreamed of her. She always needed him in his dreams and she always disappeared just as he reached her. It was at that point that he would wake with his breath caught in his throat and always feeling that slight panic of not knowing what had happened to her.
After he knew his enemies were sure of his demise, he'd carefully started looking for her again. She hadn't been difficult to find. He'd been surprised she'd left the FBI. He thought she'd maybe joined a BAU team, because she was an excellent profiler, but she'd left it all behind. He remembered the house Lizzie was living in at the moment. He'd visited Sam there once when Lizzie had only just joined the FBI. Sam had shared his worries with him and he'd assured his friend he would keep her safe. He hadn't kept his promise to Sam; he'd brought danger into her life. He'd failed Sam, himself and most importantly he'd failed Lizzie. He'd failed the most important person in his life. He relived that pain and guilt every day. It made him feel insecure. A feeling that was somewhat unfamiliar to him. It had even made him question his search for her. She was probably better off without him. Surely she didn't want to remember all that had happened at the post office, didn't want to remember the problems he'd brought into her life. He also wanted her to be happy and he knew she'd be happier without him. She deserved a husband who loved her and made her happy. She deserved a family. She deserved everything she could ever wish for. He wanted it all for Lizzie, but what it came down to for him, was the simple fact that he didn't want to live without her. He needed to be with her. If that meant dealing with her rejection of him, then he would, but at least he wouldn't live in what ifs, maybes and might-have-beens.
Just after he'd realized he needed Lizzie in his life, Angela had reached out to him. She needed him and he'd promised Angela also that he would be there for her when she needed him. As luck would have it, Angela lived in the same town where Lizzie was now living. He could help Angela out and keep an eye on Lizzie.
In a couple of days it would be the one-year mark of his staged death. He didn't quite know yet if he should watch her from a distance to see how she would handle that day, or if he should make his presence known to her before that. Lizzie always had the ability to surprise him, but having been without her for almost a year made her unpredictable to him. He realized that no matter how carefully he planned his next move, she would still surprise him. It was best to make his presence known to her.
He watched how the Great Dane ran up to her and almost ran her over. He could hear her joyful laughter, which caused him to smile and it warmed his heart. He wanted to join her on the beach and hold her in his arms and tell her he was never going to leave her again. He shook his head. She made him feel things he didn't think he would feel again. She made his body ache. She made him realize that his life was more beautiful with her in it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. That old saying was certainly true for him; he wanted her and he needed her.
TBC...