For those of you who were worried by the fluff last chapter, you were right. More angst ahead! Enjoy the emotional turmoil our two favs are going through *smooches*
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rated: M
summary: In a world of underground fighting only the strong survive, abiding by the rules of kill or be killed. In the Ring, a feeble emotion like hope is all it takes to destroy you. And yet it exists– and those who hold onto it play a dangerous game. But once you enter into the Ring, it will never let you go.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Sucker Punch
an unexpected punch or blow
Lucy was dying.
She was certain of it. There was no other way she could have described the sheer agony of what she was experiencing. In truth she didn't know why she had even volunteered to the harebrained scheme Natsu and Gajeel had confronted her with. Exercising at the ass crack of dawn. What had she been thinking?
Nevermind Gajeel, who was practically built like a train and almost as unstoppable as a steel wall, but Natsu was just as bad. And he was jogging with a gunshot wound in his side. Sure it was a graze, but it was still an injury that would have had most people laying in bed and taking the well deserved time off. Of course Natsu wouldn't know the meaning of that with as much energy as he had.
And he had plenty to burn. Enough to power a small city, of that Lucy was positive.
There was no way she could keep up with them, she couldn't even try. And Lucy had the sinking suspicion those two were going easy on her. This had been a terrible idea. With as far as Lucy lagged behind them, she could hardly see Natsu's pink hair, even though he would never leave her too far behind. Without fail, he would stop and wait for her, as if believing she would have died from heatstroke somewhere in a ditch if left unsupervised.
Her greatest moment of shame had come about two thirds through their "easy morning routine": her leg had cramped, and with a wail, she had started to pathetically hop along behind them, scared to lose them altogether and end up in a ditch. Dead, probably.
But of course her cries of agony had not went ignored - even worse. Gajeel and Natsu had taken a good look at her, then at one another, and then had opted to use her as a training weight.
And so they'd continued for another half an hour, with Lucy being exchanged from back to back, dying of shame, until finally they'd let her down onto her own feet again. Ten minutes later Lucy had begged to be picked up again - but to no avail this time. The last agonizing kilometres before the finish line she'd thought her lungs might just burst.
And now, with her face pressed against the wonderfully cool tiles of Gajeel's kitchen floor, she still had not regained her strength. Her low groans went ignored, and she was certain once or twice one of them simply stepped over her.
The shower turned on and off, and on and off again, and Lucy still lay on the ground. The burning in her legs was slowly beginning to subside. She would simply take up permanent residency on these tiles, even pay rent if need be. No one could make her get up.
Moments later, she realized no one had to make her get up.
She yelped as strong arms lifted her up, steadying her around her waist and the hollow of her knees, and she had just enough presence of mind to fling her arms around Natsu's neck.
"You back with the living yet?" he asked, grinning down at her slyly, to which she just huffed and rested her red head on his shoulder, and out of his sight. The tiles had helped, but not enough: her skin was still heated.
She gurgled in response, getting the strange floating sensation she was being carried somewhere. Her fingers curled into the back of Natsu's scarf, which was clean and wrapped snugly around his throat. It made a perfect handhold, and it seemed he didn't mind, which was good because she had no intention of letting go.
She felt dampness against her skin, realizing it must have come from Natsu since he had just gotten out of the shower himself.
"No, leave me to die on the tiles, it is the only way," Lucy whined, causing him to snort in laughter.
She felt air displace as Natsu pushed a door open, leading way to a hot and humid room. The bathroom. Lucy whimpered as Natsu carried her over to where a bath had been drawn out.
"Come on Lucy, we've got a nice hot bath for you," he wheedled. "Doesn't that sound nice?"
"No." Her stubborn refusal to budge from the tiles had been shifted to him, and her arms locked firmer around his neck. Tight enough to make him choke a little.
But he showed no mercy.
She felt his hold loosen, gasping when he pulled away completely. Her feet plopped to the ground at the same time her arms pulled even tighter in reflex, and the next instant she found herself hugging him close to her body as she stood in front of him. He cackled quietly, and she pulled her head back to look at him with as much offense she could muster.
"You dropped me!" she accused him, and his devious grin just grew.
"Maybe it's because you smell so bad," he retorted without batting an eyelash, and Lucy's face drained of all colour. She was about to pull back, but Natsu's hands came up to land on her forearms, where he held her close.
"W-well that's only because you two put me through hell!" she whined. "I didn't ask for this!"
"That's true," he said, grin still ever-present on his face. "I did."
Her mouth dropped open as she stared up at him. He was the cause for all her misery!
And now he just shrugged, nonchalantly. "I just thought it'd be more fun with you. And, well… it was."
His eyes twinkled as he leaned in closer, taunting her with his smirk.
Her breath caught in her throat. This was too close.
It was hard for her to support herself with wobbly legs, but she found herself unable to move from her position pressed against Natsu for entirely different reasons. Her mouth opened and closed, wordless in whatever thoughts she tried to conjure.
Just when she thought everything would tilt on its side, her heart jumping into her throat, Natsu's hand pressed against the curve of her back. It was warm, almost blisteringly hot even against her already flushed skin, and she felt it through the thin material of her shirt like a brand.
Breath catching in the back of her throat she found herself locking eyes with Natsu. His were so focused, so green. Affection tinted them, along with something that had her nerves prickling like little bolts of electricity were dancing in her veins. His gaze was hooded, his smirk sly, and only growing with each passing second.
"You used me as a kettle ball," Lucy managed to gasp out, far too quiet for her liking.
There was a brush against the side of her face, Natsu's spare hand tracing his fingers across her cheekbone in small circles.
"That's also true," he allowed, but it seemed like he was no longer interested in following the thread of their conversation. In fact, Lucy was all but losing it herself. Natsu was close, the heat from his body pressing against her cheeks and the tickle of his bangs gliding against the ridge of her nose.
An ache bloomed in her chest, a desperation pressing into her heart that was reflecting back at her. She could see it in his eyes.
She opened her mouth to say something, anything, that would anchor her back to reality, but before she could get as much as a sound out, Natsu dipped his head.
His lips brushed against hers, and he swallowed her small gasp as he sealed her mouth with his. All thought and reason left her, the only things existing in her mind the feeling of his chapped lips moving against hers, the way the fingers on her cheek tightened their hold and he slightly tilted his head.
It was a hungry kiss, but at the same time soft and careful, as if he was scared of demanding too much. The intensity of her feelings was not something Lucy had fully expected. She felt lightheaded, her hands seeking more support as they tangled in his hair. He made the faintest sound when she tugged, his mouth opening slightly, and she gently nipped on his bottom lip before pulling away, eyes fluttering open.
His expression sent a shivering jolt down her spine, a rush of heat moving through her limbs which almost made her squirm in his grasp. She licked her lips, the motion attracting him, and his thumb dragged along her cheek as he pressed forward again.
Eagerness fluttered in her to stop herself from melting into his chest, her fingers gripped onto his hair and shoulders with increasing urgency. Why hadn't they done this before? She couldn't help but wonder what she had been thinking.
His mouth moved against hers, cautious, but growing with confidence the longer it lasted. He was good at this. Expert even. Almost unbidden, the reason she had held off sprang to her mind, and she remembered.
Lucy pulled away with a gasp, her arms sliding down from around his neck and her heels slapping against the bathroom floor. Hands against his biceps, she pushed some distance between them, enough to make Natsu blink in confusion.
"Lucy?" Natsu asked, his voice thick in ways that made her stomach warm pleasantly. "What's the matter?"
Her hands dropped to her sides, her eyes flicking to the ground in shame before moving back up.
"Natsu…" she almost whispered, afraid what she was going to say might come out the wrong way. "I'm not sure if we should be doing this."
She watched as his face clouded over with confusion and incomprehension, and then fell.
"Oh," he started, and then paused. A number of emotions washed over his face, his jaw clenching and unclenching. "But, Lucy…"
He looked awfully helpless all of a sudden, brows furrowed as he tried to make sense of her actions.
"Look, Natsu," Lucy pleaded, "I think I just - I need a moment. Can we talk about this after I take my bath?"
Slowly, seeing the desperation in her eyes, he nodded. "Okay," he conceded, voice low and deflated, and her chest ached terribly as he looked away and ran his hand through his hair. Lucy bit her lip.
She felt just as lost as him, but with the chaos raging in her chest it was impossible for her to think straight. She needed time to think, thoroughly and unhurriedly. He cast her another glance, door in hand, and the hope and uncertainty in his eyes made her want to want to run over and take him into her arms, to kiss him again and melt away both their troubles.
But she couldn't.
Because it wouldn't be right.
For the longest time, Natsu had serviced clients. She couldn't help the thought that even though she wasn't paying him for his time anymore, in a way she would still be taking advantage of him.
And not only that, Lucy had the sinking suspicion that Natsu wouldn't understand the intimacy required for a relationship. Or even what one was. All of those things which society played a role in shaping had all been deprived from him.
Lucy wasn't sure what she wanted, so she was even less convinced Natsu knew what he wanted.
Still, sinking into the hot bath was precisely what her aching body needed. She leaned back to relax and to consider her options. There, stretched out in Gajeel's tub, she was able to take control of her own fraying, emotional state.
As much as she would have loved to pursue something with Natsu, it wasn't the right time for him. He hadn't been out of the hospital for long, or out of the ring either. It could be he kissed Lucy simply because he'd latched onto her with that one track mind of his, because she was there.
He had more options available to him than just Lucy, and he deserved a chance to explore them.
They would remain friends. There would be no crossing that grey line again. It was honestly for the best. So, satisfied with her final decision, Lucy relaxed her sore body, unknowing to the mess she had tangled in Natsu's head.
The man himself was staring at a single white candle, lit on Gajeel's…. Table would be too generous of a word. It was nothing more than a fold out poker table.
Natsu for his part could not understand the mixed signals he was getting. One minute she was hot, the next she was cold. He wasn't sure what was holding her back, but he didn't know what was going on.
Idly, his fingers plucked at the flame dancing on the wick in front of him. The trick was to touch light and quick to prevent burns - the fact that his skin had seemed to thicken after so many years helped too. Seeing the fire flicker in front of him had always soothed him, even if it was in the Ring.
Practicing fire swallowing and touching it had been part of his training even though it was never relevant in the Ring. Igneel had always been able to control the heat way better than Natsu.
It had been so long since Natsu had seen anything like it.
Sadness tinged Natsu at the directions his thoughts took, combining it with the conflicting confusion he already felt. Before he could absolve himself of those feelings though, he picked up the sounds of water draining through the pipes.
Natsu's hands flattened against the table, and he straightened his back as he waited impatiently for Lucy to emerge
She could take the world's record for longest amount of time soaking in a bathtub.
An agonizing fifteen minutes later, Lucy emerged in a pair of leggings and a crop top that had Natsu struggling to keep his eyes riveted to her face.
Her long hair hung around her shoulders in clumpy locks, the edges curling slightly. He felt a flutter of warmth rest in his chest at the pout in her lips and her dishevelled appearance.
She worked a towel through her hair.
Barefoot, skin glistening, and makeup free, she looked radiant. Just as beautiful as she had in her long, slinky dresses - though she did look much more comfortable. Radiant and rumpled; in other words, a perfect mess.
Her hands stilled when she spotted him staring, mouth parting as if she were about to say something.
But, then Lucy looked away...and stalked right past him into the kitchen.
Natsu felt his back tense as he watched her go, confusion twisting his face. He'd caught the flash of guilt in her eyes. And he didn't understand.
Had he done something wrong?
He didn't remember - in fact, he recalled only laughter and happiness and fun. They'd even kissed. It had been the most perfect moment of his life… Her sweet lips warm on his, finally, after fantasizing for far too long. In that brief second where they'd been connected, he'd felt that same weightlessness.
His whole body had sung.
"Can we talk about this after I take my bath?"
Natsu frowned.
Maybe...maybe it hadn't been the same for her.
Something in his chest clenched terribly, an unpleasant shiver running along his spine and refusing to leave his stomach. What if she didn't feel the same things for him as he felt for her?
Whatever it was he felt. He wasn't quite sure. But oh, it felt good.
He watched as she filled herself a glass of water, and couldn't help but feel she was buying time. Avoiding him. The knot in his stomach tightened.
The sinking feeling that he wouldn't like what she was about to tell him - sooner or later - festered inside him, becoming a certainty.
So when she came back at last, sitting down beside him (he noticed how she kept her distance, and how the usually so carefree atmosphere was full of tension, making her act awkward), he already had went into a state of self-depreciation.
She hadn't liked it.
But her eyes… he'd been so sure her eyes, and her entire reaction, had told a different story. Why did she regret it all of a sudden? Something had happened, right before she'd pushed him away…
Lucy took a sip of her water before carefully placing it down on the wobbly little table.
"Natsu, I'm sorry," she said in a rush that left him staring.
His heart clenched down as he watched her avert her eyes down to the hem of her shirt. Her fingers twisted with the threads, as if trying to distract herself from the words Natsu could sense were going to hurt.
"We should have never done that." Lucy swallowed, finally meeting Natsu's eyes. He hardly even registered the fact, his mouth falling open and brows knitting together. "Kiss, I mean."
Yeah, he figured. What he didn't get was why; he thought her interest in him was genuine. But Lucy was biting her bottom lip, not providing any more information than what she had already given.
He felt like there was sandpaper rubbing against the tissue of his heart.
"I don't understand," Natsu mumbled. It was impossible to keep the hurt from her rejection from his voice, but he stayed put next to her. "I thought we - "
What had he thought? Natsu's emotions were in flux.
"Was it bad?" Natsu asked instead as he scrambled to understand this complicated woman.
He wondered if perhaps his performance was at fault. If that was the case, he could learn what she liked. Natsu liked to think of the skills he was good at; fighting and fucking were two of them. Perhaps the only ones. And he'd always felt self-confident, proud even at times, of what he could achieve with his body, one way or the other. But the thought that maybe she didn't like it made him feel self conscious and shy.
His heart felt tight with a multitude of emotions he was powerless to bring a voice to. But he felt a maddening burn in his chest that made him crave answers.
"What?" Lucy's cheeks burned a pretty shade of pink. Her tongue peeked out from between full lips, swiping along her mouth in a distracting pass.
Natsu's eyes followed the motion like a cat until she spoke again.
"No, no!" she rushed out at once. "The kiss was fine! It was… great."
That only made him frown deeper, Lucy's words conflicting her actions. "Then why-?"
She shook her head and lifted her hand up to stop him mid-sentence, missing the flair of irritation in his eyes over being cut off.
"Natsu," she said gently.
He forced his impatience for straightforward answers under control.
"The timing just isn't right. You need to meet new people before you rush into anything. You haven't been out for very long either, what you need right now is a friend, not a lover."
"A friend," Natsu repeated, his voice drawing out dead-panned. Now he was really confused.
He thought Lucy was already his friend. Why would kissing her change that? His lack of understanding made him feel so frustratingly stupid, and Natsu raked a hand through his hair. His fingers scratched at the short, even hair at the back of his head. The simple way she explained it told him the answer should have been obvious.
It wasn't.
"I thought we were friends already." Natsu's voice was tinged with a hint of plea. He met her warm eyes, trying to find the answer that was so elusive.
Her hand came to twist around his wrist. Lucy's eyes were widening, as if she were afraid he would draw away. A silly thought, because where would he go?
"We are, Natsu." Lucy's voice seemed desperate to have him believe that. And he did without question. That didn't put his mind at ease, especially when she continued, "But friends don't normally kiss one another."
"What difference does it make?" Natsu asked. Pulling his hand away from her, his frustration boiled over. He didn't see why it was a big deal or overly complicated. They had both enjoyed it, or at least Natsu had. "It's just a dumb kiss! They don't mean anything and I've had tons of them before with strangers!"
Lucy fell quiet at that, but her expression grew very sad. Natsu felt his heart freeze in his chest.
Suddenly he felt cold.
He couldn't see it, but he had the uncanny feeling like he had just stepped on a landmine. The very one Lucy could see, that he was blind to.
Lucy reached out again, and this time he didn't pull away. She squeezed his hand, her face pale with knowledge she kept from him. Numbly, his fingers curled around hers in an automatic response.
"They are supposed to mean something, Natsu," Lucy said in a quiet voice.
She swallowed, nodding to herself and standing up from the table. She picked up her glass and dropped it into the sink. Natsu watched her move, her words unsettling him.
It was such a plain sentence, but Natsu felt like Lucy's words were weighed down by things she wasn't ready to share with him.
Even now, what was she trying to protect him from?
"Lucy…?"
She shook her head, a curtain of blond hair sliding over her shoulder and down her back. The way she chewed her bottom lip was distracting, and Natsu wondered if that was a nervous habit of hers.
She seemed to do it a lot when she was hiding something.
"I should probably go."
Looks like Natsu is having some trouble adjusting to normal life... And Lucy is struggling with doubts of her own!
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Next time! Chapter 23: Break!