A/N: Thanks for those who are stilling hanging in there and enjoying this fic. Also despite TPTB ruining our ship these last few days I will go down with this ship! I hope you enjoy. And remember this is AU.
Chapter nine
After quite a long walk, Red and Lizzie arrived at a secluded picnic spot. They had a nice view over the valley here. Red laid the plaid blanket he'd brought down in the shadow. He took out sandwiches and drinks and placed them on the blanket. He watched how Lizzie took care of Jethro, giving him water and a treat. Being the gentleman that he was, he waited for her to sit down first, before he also sat down. There were several small sandwiches to choose from and for drinks there was orange juice. The whole day so far, it seemed so domestic, so unlike them. Jethro, after finishing his treat and drinking some water, walked over to Red and Lizzie. He thanked Lizzie by licking her arm before he walked over to Red to lay down beside him. Lizzie smiled at that. Clearly Jethro and Red had become close friends, though he was still very protective of her. Actually, both were
"I still don't know what to do with this, Red." Lizzie said after finishing their lunch. She avoided looking at him by keeping her eyes on the scenery. "You tell me that we'll find our way again, that I'm your future. I'm not sure that's true."
Red looked at her. She was sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms around them. He kept silent. She needed to tell him what she felt and he needed to hear it. But he feared her words because he knew it could break their already fragile connection.
"It is obvious you are preoccupied. I don't expect to be your priority. I don't think I even want that." She put her chin on her knees. "I don't even know what I want. I know what my heart wants, but that doesn't mean it's right for me." She took a deep breath. "It's strange. These last few days I've felt better than I have the entire year. I can't deny that you're the reason. But I can't be depended of you. I simply can't. The first time around I didn't know any better. I only found out when you died how much I needed you. After that I fell apart. I can't go through that again. I'm not strong enough." Her voice wavered. She wanted to stay strong. She didn't want to cry in front of him anymore. He'd seen her cry more than enough. "So I have a choice to make. Let you in with the chance that you're going to leave again, knowing I won't survive that. Or do I stop this, whatever this is and continue with my life without you?" It was a choice she had to make and one that had been bothering her for a few days now. She hadn't been able to make any decision at all yet. Mostly because deep down she knew she didn't want to make a decision yet. But it had to happen and for both of them it was better for it to be sooner than later.
"How long had you been watching me before you decided to make yourself known?" She asked after a long pause. She hadn't expected him nor given him any time to respond to her words. She stretched her legs again and leaned back on her hands.
"Why do you think I was watching you?"
"I'm no fool, Red. Besides, I know you. You've been watching me. How long?" Lizzie asked again.
"Three months." He admitted.
Lizzie didn't say anything but shook her head. Three months. Three whole months he'd been watching her. Three month without making his presence known. "Three months Red? Three whole months?" She raised her voice which immediately made Jethro stand up and walk over to her. "And what, you decided it was fun to watch me suffer? You enjoyed that?" Standing up, Lizzie walked away from their spot. "Why even make your presence known? For your own enjoyment? Let Lizzie suffer some more? See what she does?" By now she was yelling. Any self control that she had was gone. Anger had taken over.
"That's not true, Lizzie and you know it." Red was up on his feet too, but kept his distance.
"Do I?" She turned towards him. "I don't know anything! You've been watching me for three month. Why? I don't know. You staged your own death. Why? I don't know. And it is obvious you have somewhere else to be every damn day you visit me. Why? I don't know! So don't tell me that I do." She was on a roll now. "Isn't this exactly what you want? You have all the power. You're in control and we are all mere puppets in whatever you have planned." She tried to calm down and control her voice. "Don't tell me I know, Red. Even if I thought I knew you, we're strangers again after a year. So much has happened to both of us." She looked at him. There was a certain despair in her eyes. "You know what I need. I'll never ask for it, you know that too. I don't know if we can fight the good fight." She ended in a soft voice.
TBC...