A/N: Hi guys! Good to be updating again. Here we are with chapter 15, hope you all enjoy!
Chapter XV: Promised Land
The lost dreamsare buried in my sleep for him
And this was the ecstasy of a love forgotten
And I'm thrown in the gunfire of empty bullets
And my blood is all I see
As you steal my soul from me
Hello there diary, I hope you're doing ok...
Today was ok but Axel is still gone. It's been a long time, we even got two new members here while he's been away. First was a man who was tall and had pink hair, then we got another girl! But she's kinda mean so we don't talk much... I've made tons of wishes, like wishing for Axel to come back. I did that one a few times, but it's different without Axel. I've had plenty of time to spend with Rex which makes him happy and I've been reading with Zexion to help pass the time, I hope he doesn't mind. It's not the same as Axel though, he just makes me the happiest for some reason. I wonder who makes Axel the happiest? I hope it's me...
Xirena dropped her pen to the side, startling Sunny.
"S-Sorry Sunny..." Xirena responded, picking up her pen again.
Xirena looked down at the short entry, specifically at the last four words she wrote. They left her uneasy and thus suddenly she was scribbling them out until they were no longer legible. Red faced, she quickly scrawled 'I hope he tells me sometime' instead. Xirena sighed heavily, throwing down her pen again as she slumped back in her chair. Her hands rested on her stomach, which she patted on in random rhythm as she stared forward.
Sunny's ears suddenly perked up and she snorted quietly, her attention grabbed by Xirena's door. Zee looked to Sunny, then to her door with a confused look.
"Is something there?" Xirena asked, rising from her chair of poor posture.
Something certainly was there when she opened up the door, someone... err a Nobody rather. A tall, familiar red head stood there with his fist in the air ready to knock at her door.
"Sunny spoiled it, didn't she?" He asked flatly.
"Axel!" Xirena shouted gleefully, jumping into him.
Axel grabbed her enthusiastically, able to easily lift her in the air for a brief moment. Somehow, the physicality came much more fluid to him this time.
"I missed you so much!" Xirena continued, with her feet back on the ground "I got stuff to ask you and stuff to tell you and stuff!"
"Why am I not surprised?" Axel laughed, stepping inside and nudging the door closed behind him with his foot, "Lemme hear it!"
"Well there's two new members here now, but I don't know them very well and one of them has a hard name to pronounce." Xirena began, starting softly.
"Ah, you mean Marluxia and Larxene." Axel spoke, stroking his chin, "I saw them briefly on my way back. Marluxia I can't get a read on but that Larxene is a bit stand-offish, yeah?"
"Yeah, she's not very nice to me..." Zee lamented.
"Ah well, don't worry about that too much. Not everyone gets along y'know." Axel assured her, patting her head as he did so.
"Oh ok."
"What else is new?" He asked, but then quickly cut back in, "Err, mind if I sit? It's been a long mission."
"Oh, not at all! Sunny, make room for Axel please?" Xirena commanded, politely.
Sunny wasn't exactly happy about it, but she was too respectful of her parent to disobey. Reluctantly, the pig got up and moved from the center of the bed to the edge, giving Axel some room to sit.
"Thanks." Said Axel as he sat down, "Alright then, back to business!"
Axel felt confident, not expecting anything deep like the love talk, and for that he was a fool. Never underestimate Xirena.
"Well I had this really weird thing happen to me one night," The girl began, "I was writing in my diary about missing you and feeling bad when all of a sudden water started coming out of my eyes!"
Axel's eye twitched and silence fell. Nope, he wasn't ready for that bomb to be dropped, but he had to recover from the fallout quickly as Xirena had that painfully expectant look on her face.
"L-Let's backtrack..." He started, "We Nobodies aren't supposed to feel anything, it's in the job description, so what you're telling me right now is a big deal, got it memorized?"
"Oh ok... but why?" Xirena asked.
"What 'happened' to you was that you started crying." Axel explained, "Crying is something people do when they're affected by strong emotions, sadness being the most common reason. So you're telling me you felt so sad that you cried?"
"Um, yeah that sounds right. I was definitely super sad because I missed you so... that makes sense, right?"
"No, Zee, no... not at all... because we're Nobodies. Nobodies don't cry, it's just a fact."
"But I did!" Xirena insisted, followed by a supportive grunt from Sunny, who Axel then turned to.
"So, you witnessed it?" He asked the pig. Sunny nodded several times to drive the point home, "Well... who am I to deny it then?" Axel added with a sigh.
"Is this a bad thing?" Xirena said, now beginning to grow worried.
"No, not bad but just confusing." Axel quickly corrected.
"Oh ok, if you say so." Xirena replied, "I thought I might have been sick or something."
"Hah, no Zee, not sick." Axel laughed. He waved to her invitingly, beckoning her to come sit with him.
"Good..." Zee said as she sat down across from him on the fluffy bed.
Axel noticed some curious body language about Xirena. She wouldn't meet his gaze and averted it any time he tried to match up their eyes and she looked more 'closed off' than usual. This set off alarms in his head that there was more to talk about, and it had to be on the same level or even worse than talking about crying to make her act so sheepish. Axel's stomach twisted, hotly anticipating in good and bad ways what could possibly come next.
"On the day you left," Xirena began softly, "Uncle Xiggy and I went to a place I never went before. I think he called it Halloween town."
"Oh." Axel responded, "I imagine you didn't like it much?"
Xirena shook her head from side to side rapidly, her hair flailing wildly and free.
"It wasn't bad until we found the stones." She continued.
"...Stones?"
"They stuck out of the ground and came in different sizes but the shapes were more or less the same. They said stuff on them, not all the same... but all of them DID say one same thing."
"What's that?" Axel pressed.
He tried not to sound too pushy, but he was concerned. Xirena hesitated, looking off to the side again and sucking on her bottom lip nervously. Her body tensed up as she prepared to say the 'words.'
"R.I.P." She finally answered.
She saw graves... Thought Axel, feeling a bit dumb for not realizing it sooner with the clues she had dropped.
"I bet you're wondering what that stands for then." He said, and Xirena nodded, "Well, R.I.P. stands for 'rest in peace'... people who die, we wish for them to rest in peace. The stones you saw were gravestones for people that had died, they mark where someone was buried."
"Die...?" Xirena's voice quivered, "What... What does it mean to... die?"
Was this easier or harder than talking about crying? Axel wasn't sure yet, but he wasn't excited about this. Talking about love was much more pleasant in comparison...
"It's when someone stops being alive. People, animals... they get old, too old and too tired to keep going. Everyone comes with an expiration date." Axel bluntly explained, "You can do different things with the body, but most opt to be buried, and that's what the gravestone is for. It's a memorial to their life."
"Do we... die?"
This was one Axel didn't have a real answer for. Even he, someone with high level information in the Organization, wasn't entirely sure what happens if a Nobody is killed. All he knew for sure is they didn't age and die of natural causes, but in theory they could be killed, though there were no documented cases of a high level Nobody being killed, the fact that lower level ones like Dusks could be... it would only make sense that it was true across all Nobodies.
"That's a tough one, Zee." Axel sighed, hanging his head, "We don't get older like humans do, and don't die from being too old and tired. You, me and the rest of the Organization, we don't get older. We're frozen in time. But if someone came and stabbed me with a sword or something, I'd die. But that's bad, killing is bad."
"But where do people go when they die?" Xirena asked with urgency.
"That's a question I don't think anybody can answer." Axel answered truthfully, "People believe a lot of different things about what happens after death. It's doubly impossible to say what'll happen to us if we got killed."
Xirena went quiet, her eyes darting back and forth in a distressed manner, which usually meant she was working her brain harder than she usually did. Her pink lips parted with no speech to follow, just a breath of fear.
"So, if we got hearts again," She said, "Does that mean we'll die like normal people do?"
Axel frowned.
"I really don't know Zee. We're not even sure how getting our hearts back works at this point. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful with this topic."
"We kill Heartless, right?" She started up again with fervor, crawling towards Axel, "If killing is bad, w-why is it ok to kill Heartless?"
"Err..." Axel quacked, "Heartless are monster's that kill people, Zee. It's tricky. Heartless are bad, scary monsters who cause trouble."
"So killing people is bad?"
"Yes." He answered firmly, "Killing people is bad."
Xirena sat back and exhaled heavily, then buried her face in her hands and made odd whimpering noises. Axel feared she may be crying again and had to swoop in with his white knight savior behavior.
"Oh but come on, Zee! Let's talk about other things!" Axel insisted, "Something happier! Living in dread is no way to live."
"Happier?" She asked, peeking out from between her fingers, "Well..."
"Well?"
"You granted another one of my wishes. I had wished to know what happened to me the night when I cried and you explained it to me!"
"Well that's, what now... 3 wishes granted? Food, a kiss and explaining crying. I must be a Genie or something!"
Xirena dropped her hands from her face, tilted her head to the side and pursed her lips at him. She clearly didn't know what a Genie was, so Axel brushed passed it and moved on. He casually leaned against the wall the bed was pushed up against... He was just so happy to be home, sitting with the girl he he had a deep fondness for, talking as they do and just getting back to the norm. He remembered his trip to the other Castle with nothing but bitterness, which lead him to say something rather... stupid.
"Y'know it'd be great to get outta here one day... Just run away and never come back here. Live our own lives." He said, and IMMEDIATELY regretted it, "Scratch that! No! Forget I said that! I never said any of that!"
"Oh ok... but why?"
"Well, abandoning the Organization is a bad thing to do," Axel explained, "You're marked as a traitor and would be punished. Most likely by being destroyed... which is basically being killed."
"So being a 'traitor' must be a very bad thing then, right?" Zee questioned.
"Very, very bad for us." He said with grim assurance, "I really don't know why I said that..."
So much for talking about happier things. The conversation sure shifted from sad, to happy to morose again real fast, and Axel had no-one to blame but himself for that.
"But!" She started, again in a tizzy, "What if I get lost one day and can't find my way home? Will they call me a traitor and destroy me?!"
Axel lunged forward and grabbed the near-hysterical Zee by her shoulders in a firm yet gentle way.
"I'll make damn sure that doesn't happen. Wherever you go, I'll find you, and I'll always be there to bring you back." He said sternly and sincere, "I promise you that."
"R-Really?" Zee stammered. Axel nodded.
"And you remember what a promise is, right?" He teased.
"It means you're gonna do exactly what you say you will, no matter what!" Xirena proudly replied.
Axel chuckled and gave her a pat on the head, as he was prone to do. It did make him quite pleased that she remembered how he'd defined it for her. It was only just then that the fatigue of the Castle Oblivion mission hit Axel, and it hit him like a speeding mack truck.
"Say, Axel..." Xirena began cautiously.
Axel's round ears perked up at the sound of her beckoning tone.
"Wanna dance again?" She asked, more boldly.
Axel let out a soft, yet exhausted, chuckle. He was right ready to turn her down because of how tired he was – but one look back at her, back at those blazing red eyes, immediately inspired a change.
"Well..." He said, "A little one before bed couldn't hurt, right?"
"And then we'll do our wishes!" Xirena said, planning everything out step by step, not that it needed to be by any means.
Xirena was practical enough not to drag them down all the way to the Void of Reverie, but to just make use of the boombox in her room. They just had to make sure to keep it as quiet as possible and try not to run into the various pieces of furniture... and Sunny, who chose to stay on the bed as it seemed like the safest place to be. Axel watched on as Xirena fiddled with the machine and looked through several discs before deciding on one to pop in. A few button presses later and music filled the room...
We, we don't have to worry bout nothing
Cuz we got the fire and it's burning one hell of a somethin'...