The last time someone went out of their way to help me was my boyfriend, Owen, without knowing exactly what I was.
The only reason I'm in Los Angeles is on the vein hope that Owen somehow managed to make it here as well. Like me, he can't be out in the sunlight.
Try as I might to keep low, I always succumb to my primal hunger needs. And it's agonising when it does take hold. The other side of me just ferociously takes over when all I want to do is exist peacefully without taking another life.
For 200 years, I have had to shoulder this, burden, this curse. This demon inside of me that thirsts for the blood of the living.
I thought I would be forever alone. Until, 22 years ago, in Los Alamos, New Mexico. I met a young boy who was going through his own isolation and loneliness issues. He was being tormented by a group of bullies at his local school all because they could. That's just so wrong.
Some many decades had gone by without feeling the sense of warmth, or the need for a friend who saw me for me, as a person. Not this creature that would take over by the very sight of blood.
Owen's love gave me a reason to feel human again. Even though I'm not human. This young boy showed me what it was like to have fun, re-experience joy and someone, I could feel a connection with.
After what happened in the swimming pool with the heinous tormentors that were his bullies, I made short work of them after leaving Town and then returning knowing that he would need my help.
While I did not care for the slaughter I caused for those 4 boys, at the same time, they were trying to drown someone that I loved and cared for. And based upon what Owen had told me, along with the scar on his cheek, karma was long overdue for these animals.
I say, animals, because real human beings would never in good conscience prey upon an innocent being who had committed no wrong or foul act towards them.
We fled New Mexico that same evening as there was, no, way, we would ever be separated again.
After the isolation and years of loneliness, I had found someone that I cared for and wanted to protect. It's funny how someone's love can make you change your routine of not letting people in, when they let you in.
And then there's, MJ.
A, Knight, as he described himself. He has tremendous courage and spirit for someone that only discovered the existence of my kind tonight. And I'm amazed at how trusting he was of letting me in to this, safe house, underneath the streets.
But he read me well. I don't want to feed on any more innocents. And this A-positive blood is just so filling. Which is good, because that'll fill me up less before I need to satisfy my needs again.
He said he wanted to help me because I wanted to be saved.
I keep coming back to the repeat and more important question that I have been asking myself this evening.
Why is he helping me?
I can't help but think that something traumatic must have happened to him for him to dedicate himself to a life of rescuing others from harm. Or themselves?
For a man, to willingly put himself in the line of fire, to save someone he doesn't even know nor possibly care about. He is quite prepared to fight for those when they don't even have a hope or friend, and yet there he appears.
Like as if he appears from a mist and offers a guiding hand to salvation.
I remember someone telling me whether they believed in the existence of angels among us.
Someone so, selfless. So brave. So thoughtful. And they have no regard for their physical well-being. As long as the person they're helping is safe. That's all that matters to them.
Could my new friend, be such a person? Could this, Knight, be an angel?
I noticed that one computer in the lab was unattended. I had used the internet a few times so I had an "understanding" of how it worked. But I mainly went looking for digital puzzles to solve as I like to challenge myself.
I still go back to my rubix cube that Owen gave to me when were in Los Alamos whenever I'm done with them as I still find it fun to this day.
I sat at the desk and looked for a browser. Couldn't help notice that they didn't have Internet explorer. Even as someone like me who only used the net as and when I could, even I knew that means was less than useful.
I saw a browser called, google chrome. The layout seemed simple and clean enough as it loaded up.
Everyone seems to use google these days for searches and research. I tapped the name, M-J-KNIGHT, into the search and it came back with a list of various results belonging to that name.
It appears he's a very popular figure as many searches have popped up of his cases for the organisation he works for.
Looks like he touched a lot of peoples' lives from what I'm seeing.
I looked at the 3rd result that read "English cadet dedicates graduation to lost love".
I clicked the link and it forwarded to a local newspaper report from 2 years ago with a 22 year old MJ, solemnly holding his graduation plaque without a smile on a low head.
What could possibly make a graduation such a sad experience for him? From what I know from passers-by, a graduation should be a joyous occasion.
It read: "4 graduates received their honours of completing their Foundation academy training. 3 were elated and dancing the night away. All expect – 1.
22 year old, MJ Knight, was seen receiving his plaque but to no smile. When asked why he showed no emotion. He simply replied 'until I save the life of another. Then this award will be meaningless. Mara Hayfield, gave her life to spare mine. This plaque will honour her memory'.
after looking for the name of, Mara Hayfield, one story from Chicago from August 19, 2005, where Mr. Knight was meeting his then girlfriend, Ms. Hayfield, at the waterfront restaurant, The windy Inn, where during a commotion in an armed robber running through the area, Mara had positioned herself between him and the robber as a stray bullet hit her, keeping MJ safe and she died minutes afterwards.
What makes this story even more tragic is that Mara had no idea that MJ was going to propose to her that night and she died never knowing what a wonderful gesture her potential fiancée would have given her.
We can only hope that Mr. Knight succeeds in his vow in this tenure with the Foundation for Law & Government. "
I covered my hands over my mouth in shock and sadness as my heart sank to a seemingly bottomless sea of despair and pain after reading the tragedy he must have felt and the heart-breaking torment he must have lived since then.
How could anyone carry this much soul-crushing agony with them and still function as human with the kind and warm heart that he has shown me so far?
Tonight, when we were trying to suss each other out, he seemed to have genuine belief in something positive that could come from this arrangement. How could he convey that kind of ethic and keep this pain hidden from the surface?
I clicked off the link with no desire to read the tribute stories that his fellow graduates had paid to him that day as I would only have slipped into a more tearful state.
Some people think as a vampire I would be emotionless and have no soul. Quite the contrary. Before Owen, I had lived every single day in pessimism, and a dark loneliness. Longing for a loving soul to reach out and embrace me. To re-assure me that this is all but a bad dream and that I had nothing to fear.
Abby: Oh, my, Gosh! *saddened* what, did, he, do? To deserve this?
At least I now know that there is someone else in this world that knows the pain of loneliness.
KITT: *on screen* I ask myself that same question every day, Abby.
I was surprised to hear that car's voice coming through the monitor, yet at the same time somewhat irritated that he had been listening in.
Abby: *frowned* you know it's not polite to listen in on people?
KITT: do you think he'd appreciate you looking through his past, like that?
He had me cornered on that point.
Abby: Touché.
KITT: Like you, Abby, I wonder how he carries around that pain and still manages to smile.
Abby: in the 200 years I've lived, KITT, I have, NEVER, heard anything this, tragic.
KITT: Then you're not going to like how this story gets worse.
This was something I was not ready to hear after learning the painful and emotional weight MJ had been dragging with him for the last half decade.
Abby: How could that event be possibly any worse than it already was?
There was an elongated pause. The car knew something that I didn't, and that scared me. What could have made that tragic even any worse not knowing that he was going to propose to her on that sad night?
KITT: She died on her Birthday. If you check Mara's obituary, it will state that she was born August 19, 1985. Died August 19, 2005.
I did as directed and searched for Mara Hayfield's obituary. And there it was, sure enough. Mara Hayfield Born 8.19.1985 died 8.19.2005.
Tears streamed from my eyes as I quelled up with emotion at the sheer sorrow that must have been coursing through MJ's being at the time of that murder.
Abby: Does he ever talk about it?
KITT paused again.
I guess he kept it to himself, a lot.
KITT: he gets very quiet around the time of her Birthday each year. Which I can't blame him for. I try to help as best possible. MJ is that person that if he doesn't want to discuss it, you won't get it out of him.
I used to be like that. Years before meeting Owen. I would make a point of being very withdrawn and distant. I had hurt so many people that I didn't want him to be hurt.
But his love made me see that I could be human and have real feelings again. Feelings I thought had long been forgotten, of which I would never experience again.
Abby: Has he ever reacted to questions of it?
KITT: I tried politely easing into the subject, but he made the point of changing it very, firmly. It's not uncommon for some people to hold back how they feel over it. It's their way of dealing with the pain. How's the blood?
I think he wanted to change the subject as well. The thought of his partner in pain was obviously something he was effected by even though he wasn't present for that tragedy.
Abby: *nods slightly* good. It's taking the edge of things. A good thing, too. This one's actually quite filling.
KITT: I'm amazed that your kind even exist.
Abby: Believe me, it wasn't something I wanted to accept when I got turned. But over time I just learnt to accept it. When all other scenarios are eliminated, the impossible becomes possible.
KITT: very sound reasoning.
My thoughts returned to MJ. What must he be going through, even when he's sleeping? Is he reliving that same nightmare again and again?
I kept coming back to what he said tonight:" I think you want to be saved."
Abby: KITT,
I paused, thinking very cautiously about my next words.
Abby: Is MJ looking to be saved?
KITT: What do you mean?
Abby: well…someone who is dedicating their life to the prevention of potential loss must feel like they have committed a heinous wrong in order to feel this way. So I ask again, is MJ trying to save himself?
There was a very, long, pause. He was obviously trying to weigh everything up.
KITT: I never thought about. Though, he, himself has never done anything to warrant the need to seek redemption at the same time, your logic does make sense. It's like he's holding, himself, responsible for what happened.
That statement had a lack of sense to me. Why would someone as, he, hold himself accountable and penalise himself on a daily basis for which the fault was far from his? It was almost as if he had convinced himself that he had committed the act and was punishing his mentality as pennants.
Abby: But how, could, he? From the report read, it happened so quickly. Mara probably had, seconds, to get between the two of them.
That is the ultimate act of love when someone is willing to sacrifice themselves to save another.
KITT: to someone as passionate and fast-stead as MJ…it would take something, or someone very special to convince him otherwise. I'm afraid until he accepts that it wasn't his fault…he'll carry around that pain like a convicted man looking to correct his fatal mistake.
A single tear flowed from my eye. And my heart sank even further to such a depth that I didn't think I could feel such sadness for someone else.
How could he condemn himself like this? A man who seemed to love life with such a welcoming heart felt that he was destined for self-inflicted punishment that he had willing accepted from that fateful night in Chicago.
It was near 6 am by the time in the right hand corner of the monitor and I was feeling the weight of tired, fatigue and the sun rise. Even though I was below ground I can always tell when one of my few weaknesses is making itself, present.
Sadly we creatures of the night need our sleep as well, just not in the same sense as mortal beings do.
Abby: *yawn and stretch* well. I'm going to hit the hay.
KITT: good night, Abby.
Abby: Good night, KITT. And KITT?
KITT: Yes?
Abby: not a word to MJ. I don't want to give him a reason to mistrust me after he's taken me in like this.
I felt this was important. It was extremely rare when I earned the trust of another and since MJ was putting his life in my hands just by letting me in this place, I could not betray it after catering to my needs without the need for human fatality.
KITT: you are indeed very thoughtful of his feelings. As far as I'm concerned. The search on google, never, happened.
I offered a smile. Confident that I had not betrayed my new friend's trust. Considering he would require my help tonight.
Abby: You're alright, KITT. I can see why MJ and you are friends.
KITT: I'd do anything for him.
Abby: I'm sure he's grateful of that. Anyway, good night.
I got up and carried my tired body over to my quarters that was nearest the bathroom. Before entering, I looked to the room that MJ was sleeping in next door to mine and couldn't help wonder what he must be experiencing all alone in his sleep.
Sleep. One of the few places in our existence where we are, truly…alone.