A/N: Here's chapter eighteen. For those still hanging in there. Thank you. I really appreciated it. Thank you for you reviews and follows. A bit of a warning for the upcoming chapters. I wanted Red in swimming shorts. To make that happen they had to go swimming. I never established the time of year this fic is taking place. When I decided on the swimming it needed to be summer or almost summer. In this chapter Lizzie needs to open up or Red will walk away. I hope you will enjoy this chapter.

Chapter eighteen

It had been a week since she'd last seen Red. It felt like the progress they'd made was wiped away again. For every two steps forward it seemed like they moved ten steps back. It frustrated her. It also scared her. Was it a sign that their relationship could never work out? That for some reason they were better off apart? Of course she was part to blame. Once again she'd closed off from him. Red had called her the first day after their date, telling her he wouldn't be able to see her. He'd even asked her a couple of times if she would be okay. That if she needed him he would be there for as long as he could. But, like always, she'd declined. It was something she regretted now. Half way through the week she'd considered calling him and asking him to come over, but she hadn't. In a way she felt too proud or was it just too stubborn?

Now it was Saturday and the day Abby and Red were coming over to spend the day. They were going to go swimming. The entire week the weather had been great so the water would be warm enough. Abby had been looking forward to it every day as she had told her so on the phone. But Lizzie was nervous. It would be the first time since a week that she was going to see Red and she knew he was going to be cross with her. It would once again be a strained greeting and once again she felt unsure of herself and them. Maybe that doubt was also a sign?

There was a knock on the back door before she heard Abby's excited voice. This caused Jethro to bark loudly. He was clearly just as excited. She opened the door and Abby greeted her enthusiastically.

"Miss Lizzie! I missed you." Abby threw herself into Lizzie's arm.

Jethro wagged his tail and barked at Red who greeted him with a pat on the head. After Lizzie put Abby down, Abby hugged Jethro.

"Hello, Lizzie." Red greeted her. He caught her eyes before she quickly looked away. He wasn't happy with her. Apparently their talk hadn't helped or something else was going on. He was mad at his own situation and inability to spend time with her this week. Clearly his absence had caused problems. "Abby, can you stay inside for a moment with Jethro while I talk to Lizzie?"

"Okay, uncle Ray." Abby hopped into the kitchen to make her way to the living room. Jethro followed her in a slower pace.

Red grabbed Lizzie's hand and guided her onto the porch. With his next move he surprised her, but also himself. He cradled her face in his hands, closed the distance between them and pushed his lips against hers. There was nothing gentle or sweet about their first kiss. She was so surprised by his kiss that she didn't even react. It was nothing like she'd imagined. She hadn't expected him to be this rough with her. Clearly he was frustrated with her. His hands had moved to her waist, holding her tight. She put her hands on his chest and pushed him away. She watched him catch his breath and noticed his dark pupils. She waited patiently for him to calm down.

Red watched her reaction to his kiss. He hadn't planned it. Whenever he thought about their first kiss, and he'd done so many times, it was never this rough. He bowed his head and calmed his breath. He was ashamed by his behaviour. Lizzie made him act on impulse and he wasn't used to that. He was a man who planned everything, always looking at the bigger picture. Lizzie was unpredictable in a way and that affected him. "I apologize, Lizzie. This is not how I wanted our first kiss to be." He ran his hand over his head. He needed to calm down. "What is it that you want, Lizzie?" He asked, tilting his head.

"What do you mean?"

He felt his frustration close to the surface. He didn't want her to run away and he was certain that if he let his frustration surface she would. "I don't' know how to get through to you. I'm not sure you even want me to." He paused to watch her eyes widen. "Do you want me to go, Lizzie?" His voice was cold and distant. He did so to protect himself. In his opinion he'd had his heart on his sleeve, but Lizzie's heart was still surrounded by thick walls. He seriously questioned if he would ever be able to make his way through to them. He took her hesitance as a sign to go. He looked past her to the door and thought about Abby. She'd been looking forward to this day the entire week, asking him every day if they were really going to go swimming with Lizzie.

He cast his eyes downward. He wasn't going to be the only one to fight the good fight. "I'll go get Abby and we'll be out of here." He stepped past her and just as he was about to step out of reach, her hand gripped his arm.

"Don't go." She whispered.

They were standing with their backs towards each other. This moment was crucial to their future. She let her hand slide down his arm to his hand to entwine her fingers with his. She pulled slightly on it, hoping to get him to close the distance between them again.

He relented and turned back to stand in front of her. He watched how her other hand was raised mid air. The hesitance that gesture showed how she felt. But this was now all up to her. She needed to push through this. A decision was made because her hand was no longer mid air, it was now on his chest.

"I know I'm not good at this." She cast her eyes downward. For now it was easier to talk to him without looking at him. "I'm trying so hard to be strong. Not just for me, but for you too."

"Why for me?"

"Because I don't want to be a burden."

"Why do you think you're not strong?"

"I know I'm not strong. I feel I'm not strong."

Finally they were making a little bit of progress. "What do you need to feel strong again?" He asked.

She took a deep breath. "You."

"Then why won't you let me in?" He took the hand she had on his chest in his. Softly he pulled her a little bit closer.

She shifted from one foot to the other. "Because what if you leave again?"

"There's nowhere else I want to be. I'm not going anywhere."

"How can you be so sure? How can I be sure that whatever happened that made you disappear the first time, won't happen again?"

Now he understood her. This was the core of the problem. She had no assurance that he wasn't going to disappear again. "Do you think I would come back into your life if I even had the slightest clue that I would have to disappear again? Stepping out of your life hurt me too. But I did so to ensure your safety. As soon as I knew the threat was eliminated I started to find my way back into your life. That threat is gone now." He paused for a moment. "If you want me, I am here to stay. But you keep pushing me away. The only threat we are dealing with now is your rejection to us being together."

TBC...